Chapter 43
Dash
I hover over Mila, my spine stiff and straight, like a hard shell trying to keep her safe and warm. I wish she would let me remain this way, clinging to her, protecting her so that she could curl inside and call me home. Even predators need shells to survive; unfortunately, some outgrow those defenses. I can ’ t let Mila think she can step outside my confines.
Her chest rises and falls gently as she sleeps. Her sketchbook lies open on the bedsheets, but no image is concrete—just gestural lines lost in chaos and confusion.
The words she spoke earlier echo in my mind like fleas trying to dig into my flesh so they can feast on me.
“ This war we have been fighting has grown old. I don ’ t know whose side I ’ m fighting on anymore, Dash. Mine or yours? I ’ m just a casualty of it. You win. I ’ m done.”
If I win, that means you ’ re stuck with me, little fox.
“ I ’ m sorry,” I whisper. I am.
She shouldn ’ t have seen me in that state. I just needed not to feel. Then she showed up, and I felt too much.
I spot my mother ’ s jewelry box on Mila’s end table. Of course, she would keep it there, out in the open, so she could love it just like she wants to cherish me.
Everything in my life is coming apart like the threads of a fine silk garment left outside to rot under the sun. Dad ’ s dead. Mila is finally giving up on me. Greg dared to call a meeting with me, where he strongly suggested we delay the wedding, which was planned to happen after Mila graduates. I found that stupid letter from my father. I feel the need to watch over Titan because of my dad ’ s warning, which means I can ’ t always have my eyes on Mila.
I ’ m fucked! I ’ m butter being scraped over hard burnt toast, slowly sinking into the porous bread. Soon, someone will gobble me up.
I need to stop it! I have to take some control back, starting with Mila. No, I won ’ t confess my love to Mila. I have her right where I need her. Repulsed by me. I deserve it.I ’ ll make sure she is safe, and then I ’ ll try to find out who is targeting my cousin.
I pull out the syringe from my pocket and flick off the plastic top. I'm going to take all of Greg ’ s power away. Contractually, the contract is almost fulfilled. We are just waiting for graduation. One little detail I don ’ t care about. If Greg can suggest delaying it, I can surely ignore a small detail about the date. Fuck him!
I press the needle to her exposed thigh. “ I should apologize, little fox, but I ’ m not sorry. This will make you forever mine.”
Poke!
Her eyes snap open. “ Shh,” I whisper as I bend down and kiss the small prick on her skin.
“ Dash?” She pushes up, ruffling the sheets.
“ Sleep.” I push off her bed and stand. “ I ’ m not here to save you.”
She gulps loudly.
How can one swallow signify so much? Shame, sorrow, anguish, defeat, the worse is acceptance.
We are back to the pattern she mentioned—no touching, only protecting and destroying all at the same time. We are chaos, just like her scribbles and lines that riddle her sketchbook.
She wants respect. To hear me cry as I show her the depths of my soul.
This was my definition of it.
I’m about to show the world she is mine; a King doesn’t have to listen to anyone, not even Greg Michelson! He needs us , not the other way around! Then, soon after the wedding, I will find a decoy, proving to the world that Mila is nothing but a contract.
“ What are you doing?”
I abandon the shadows and surge forward again, cupping her cheeks, looking her in the eye as night cloaks the tiny details of her face. “ I ’ m going to keep you safe, little fox.”
“ There will always be a target on my back, Dash. You know who my father is.”
“ I know. This, though, will make it smaller.”
“ You ’ re so worried about an enemy killing me when you ’ ve been doing it slowly. Who will save me from you?” Her words slowly began to slur as the medicine chokes and squeezes them from her tongue.
Sleep, my heart. “ Only you can save yourself from me, little fox.”
Just keep hating me. Trust me, eventually, hate will feel as warm and comforting as love. Soon, there will be no difference.