Chapter 42
Mila
“ This is a bad idea.”
“ That ’ s how the best adventures start.” Nova gleams, her grey eyes lighting up like icicles under a full moon.
“ I can ’ t believe you talked me into this.” I look back at my father ’ s guards, who are more excited about the sight ahead than watching me. Before they know it, Nova and I slip far away, the crowd disguising us from their view.
“ You ’ re easily manipulated.” Nova shrugs.She means that as an insult. I know it ’ s true. Nova plants seeds all the time, watering them, trying to make me grow.
It had been weeks since Dash shoved that small jewelry box into my chest, and then he vanished from school in his typical fashion. I didn ’ t know if he ’ d be gone for days or years. Then Nova heard that the Kings were back in town and had been fighting at Damnation, their stupid fight club. So here we are, pushing through the crowd to get closer to the cage. Nova has a thirst for sweaty men, breaking rules, and, of course, Titan. I know she misses him, but she ’ ll never admit it.
A shoulder shoves into us, almost making Nova and me fall like dominos, but Nova ’ s sturdy combat boots steady her. I reach out and grab at her sleeve and edge closer to her as she shoves the cheering man away.
Nova grimaces at the man ’ s sweat now on her hands as she grabs a bottle of hand sanitizer and pours out the entire container onto her hands.
I still can ’ t crack her. She ’ s strong and confident to the point of self-destruction, but then she has these moments where her eyes turn vacant as if a ghost is grabbing hold of her memories, trying to make her do the right thing. Nova wins in the end. Whatever good conscience she has, she ignores, like tonight when she dragged me to this club.
“ Are you sure we should be here? I don ’ t see many girls.” I wrinkle my nose at the nasty smell of male sweat and body fluids.
“ Mila,” Nova exhales as she flips her long black hair off her shoulders, “ doesn ’ t it turn you on to see men fight?”
“ Not really. I ’ m more worried about them getting hurt.” I ’ ve seen death too many times now. This reminds me of The Cleansing, only worse. The men tonight chose to fight.
Dash chose to do this. No one was forcing him. He could have come to my room and slept on the floor; he could have come to my waiting arms. He picked this over my love.
This is his nature. I can ’ t change the beast; he always slinks back to his environment.
The roars of the crowd sync with my beating heart and now-shattering dream. Dash is winning. Again. I tried to trick him, manipulate our fucked up love into something that could last forever, something I could bear.
I can ’ t bear this.
Dash ’ s muscles flex, and sweat glistens like morning dew drops all over his skin. He looks magnificent, like a lion in the wild, but then I watch that mighty creature rip into his prey, bloodying his golden fur and staining his teeth. The fantasy fades into a tragedy.
Dash ’ s opponent ’ s head snaps to the side, eyes roll back, but somehow, he remains standing. He looks more like a dead body swaying on a rope. Dash isn ’ t going to stop. “ Oh, my god!” I cry as my hands grab onto the metal cage blocking me. It shakes and rattles my bones in a violent current as all the other men who are hungry for blood shake the fencing.
Dash ’ s muscles flex like a Cheshire cat, grinning at the victory that is his. I have never seen him like this: flesh, scars, sweat, blood, dead eyes fighting with no purpose. He ’ s not killing to save me or himself. The Cleansing was different; we were teens, and he was forced to do it.
I always told myself he was forced. Compelled to push me away publically because he wanted to keep me safe, ordered to be a killer to keep his families company at the top.
I think it ’ s a lie swaying in the wind like the cape of a superhero—blinding me while concealing the hero ’ s true intentions. After all, heroes kill too. Deep down, they ’ re more like villains than we want to believe. They just hide behind their costumes, tricking us into thinking their actions are justified to save us. But he ’ s a liar who craves flesh and blood. He wasn't forced; he was persuaded and did so willingly.
“ Dash!” I call out his name, but the greedy roars steal my words, ensuring they never reach his ears.
I still love him, even in this beastly form. I will always be the girl who loves monsters, who tries to save them and rehabilitate them. I ’ ll endure the cuts and claw marks they leave on my heart.
I see my future as a pattern that I don’t like.
I would change for him, but he would not change for me. I would give up everything for him. I did! I had a ticket to freedom, and I chose him when we were in high school.
His opponent drops with a loud thump, and then he ’ s dragged away, but it doesn ’ t end. Another man enters the ring, and Dash starts again.
This is bloodlust. “ Dash! Stop!” I scream with all my might.
His lifeless eyes snap to me with a sharp bite; the air thickens with a metallic sour scent. Screams and shoves shake us, but our eyes remain chained to one another. He's tracking my falling tears, and mine track the blood that drips from his small cuts.
The man next to me almost topples me. Dash snaps and rushes toward the door, but it ’ s too late. It ’ s not that I saw his true nature—it ’ s that he embraced it and thrived in its haze.
Why couldn ’ t he love me as publically as he fought?
I turn and run through the crowd. I know he will catch me. Once again, I ’ m running without a plan. But one day, I will have a plan, and I will escape my fate.
I'm ready to turn my back on my heart in order to save my mind.
◆◆◆
The car thunders, rubber burns as we speed away, leaving Nova and Titan behind. I glance over my shoulder, watching Titan push Nova inside his waiting car.
I ran right into an alley where drunken men were waiting. If it wasn ’ t for Nova, who chased after me and then fought off the men before Dash arrived, things could be different. They could have…no, I don ’ t think that.
“ Are you okay?” Damian asks as he merges the car onto the highway towards Empire University.
“ He ’ s talking to you!” Dash snaps as he holds tight to the seat in front of him as if he doesn't trust his own hands to roam free.
“ No.” I fail to swallow. My throat is too thick.
“ Why?” I whisper to Dash. Damian ’ s swift lane change makes Dash slide back further from me in the seat.
“ I could ask you the same.”
I lean against the window and close my eyes. I don ’ t feel my heart beating anymore. I ’ m back to feeling numb. “ It wasn ’ t Nova ’ s fault.”
“ So she wasn ’ t the one who dragged you to the club!” Dash ’ s rage is so thick it stifles the SUV.
“ I walked beside her on my own two feet.” I open my eyes and look at him. His gaze scares me for the first time. He knows it.
“ I ’ m not terrified of what I saw, Dash. I know you have killed.” He looks ahead like he ’ s a bulletproof jacket, and my words can ’ t puncture his skin. “ I ’ m petrified of what you chose to do. You picked bloodlust over me.”
“ Dash is trying to cope.” Damian mutters. He ’ s always trying to be the bandaid over wounds that bleed too heavily.
“ Enough with the excuses, Damian. Dash knew what he was doing. He ’ s always known. In high school, he offered me freedom attached to a hook. I bit it, and he snared me. I ’ ve given him everything.” My voice cracks. Dash flinches. Good, he still feels. “ My patience, my body, and my heart.”
“ Stop,” Dash hisses through clenched teeth.
I don ’ t care if Damian hears this. “ Dash has given me nothing but regrets!”
“ Mila,” Damian whispers, a plea that I ignore now.
I look at Dash, narrowing my eyes, but he just repels my glare. “ I am no more than a whore that wets your dick!”
“ That ’ s not true!” He screams, finally looking into my eyes, seeing my shattered soul. He shakes, unable to cry. Damian slows the car, ready to pull over, his eyes on Dash, unsure what he will do.
“ You ’ re pissed off. You ’ ll ignore me, but eventually, you ’ ll come to my dorm room and convince me to let you fuck me. And I ’ ll give in because you know my love for you has no limits. We ’ re a predictable pattern, Dash. Damian knows it. Everyone does, and that makes it easy for you to hurt me because, you know, in the end, I ’ ll be back in your bed.”
We drive for a half hour before Dash speaks. “ You shouldn ’ t have seen that.” his voice is low and remorseful.
“ The truth.” I grab my seatbelt and hold it tight. “ I don ’ t care that you fight or kill. I care that you crave it over my love. That you seek it out instead of coming to me. I ’ ll always be waiting for you. You know that, and it makes me pathetic.”
His teeth gnash. “ You don ’ t understand.”
“ Because you won ’ t tell me!” I scream.
“ It ’ s better that way.” His head snaps to me.
“ Better to watch me suffer.”
“ Better to watch you living from a distance than standing at the foot of your grave!” His cry tears through the air, full of pain and agony.
I jerk back as his true fear slaps me in the face. His eyes? They burn like a sour note, as if my hands had squeezed them like a lemon, twisting and pulling everything he had to offer to the point of pain. His peel is ripped open, and now he ’ s just shredded. One single tear falls free—one last drop of his truth. He ’ s sealing himself back up.
I want to reach out and catch it, but I slide my fingers under my thighs. I can ’ t keep rebuilding Dash because each time I do, I take something from myself. Now, I ’ m the one crumbling as he rises.
I look ahead, meeting Damian ’ s eyes in the rearview mirror. My glance comes too late. He knows Dash and I are out of luck. It ’ s a futile chase.
“ This war we have been fighting has grown old. I don ’ t know whose side I ’ m fighting on anymore, Dash. Mine or yours? I ’ m just a casualty of it. You win. I ’ m done.”