Chapter Eighteen
“I need another drink,” I announce, holding up the cup I emptied in record time. I think that makes four, but if I’m being honest, it might be five.
“Are you sure you want another already?” Maisie asks, she and Charlotte exchanging the same look they’ve basically shared all night.
“Aren’t you the same two people who’ve told me countless times that I need to cut loose and have fun? Well, that’s exactly what I’m doing.” I force a smile that feels anything but happy. A little drunk maybe, but definitely not happy.
“She kind of has us there.” Char smiles. “Ah, fuck it. Who am I to poop on a girl’s party?” She loops her arm through mine. “Another drink it is.”
“Thank you.” I tip my chin to her before my gaze darts back to Maisie. “What do you say?” I push out my bottom lip in a pout.
“I say go ahead. I want to say hi to a couple of friends if that’s okay.”
“Okey dokey.” I give her a toothy grin.
Truth be told, Maisie is acting a little weird tonight, and as much as I adore her, it’s kind of screwing with the vibe I’m trying really hard to obtain.
“I’ll catch back up with you in a few,” she tells us, disappearing into the sea of people crowding the living area of the house.
“Do you think she’s upset with me?” I ask Char once she’s out of earshot.
“Not at all. Why?” She uses our linked arms to guide me toward the kitchen on the other side of the house.
“She’s acting weird, though, right?”
“Maybe a little,” Charlotte quietly agrees.
“Wonder what’s up with her.”
“Hard to say.”
I can’t say for sure, but I feel like Char knows something she isn’t telling me.
“But it’s not something I did?” I ask again.
“If it were, you’d know it. Maisie isn’t exactly one to keep her mouth shut when something is bothering her.”
“Good point.” I slip my arm from hers as soon as we reach the kitchen. Grabbing a plastic cup, I pour myself another beer. Unfortunately, I’m not very good at working the keg yet and end up with foam spewing over the sides of my cup onto my hand.
“That’s the second time you’ve done that tonight.” Char laughs, shaking her head at me.
She has her auburn hair tied up in a messy bun, little tendrils falling around her face, and I’m taken with just how pretty she is. I mean, obviously, I already knew she was like a runway model. I have eyes. But seeing her so casual, with her hair up and her makeup light, it’s staggering how naturally beautiful she is. She could walk around fresh-faced without a drop of product and she’d still be the prettiest one in the room.
“I think this thing hates me.” I crinkle my nose, dumping the foam into the sink behind me before attempting to try again.
“Why don’t you let me.” Charlotte slips in beside me and takes my cup. I take a step back, trying to commit what she does to memory because she seems to get a perfect pour every time. “The trick is to tilt the cup and let the beer run down the side of it,” she tells me as if she knows exactly what I was just thinking.
“Show-off,” I grumble when she hands me back my cup, smiling as she pours a drink for herself.
“I’ve had a lot of practice. A friend of mine in high school used to throw epic parties, and his parents always supplied kegs. The only rule was you couldn’t leave unless you had a sober person to drive you or someone to pick you up.”
“Seriously? Someone’s parents bought a bunch of high school kids beer?” I gawk at her.
“It’s not as uncommon as you might think. Did you never go to parties when you were in high school?”
I shake my head.
“I’ve gone to like birthday parties and pool parties and stuff but never anything where people had free access to alcohol. That doesn’t mean people didn’t sneak it in, but it was never readily accessible.”
“You really have been so sheltered.” She knocks her hip gently into mine.
I open my mouth to disagree but then snap it closed when a couple of guys enter the kitchen. I vaguely recognize the first one, though I don’t think I’ve ever learned his name. And the other, well, I haven’t seen him since Kai nearly choked him out in front of a house full of people.
My stomach twists uncomfortably at the thought.
“Charlotte O’Malley!” The guy next to Owen throws his hands up, a smile stretching across his handsome face. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.” He moves toward us, pulling Char into a big hug, nearly causing her to spill her beer in the process.
I keep my eyes firmly on them, not wanting to look at Owen in the slightest, and no, it has nothing to do with the fact that he got a little handsy with me the last time I saw him, and everything to do with the fact that he probably hates my guts, and I’m not accustomed to people hating me, even if I should hate them right back, which, for the record, I don’t.
“Brock.” She smiles at him once he finally releases her. “I didn’t realize you were going to be here tonight.”
“I wasn’t, but this asshole convinced me.” He smacks Owen across the chest with the back of his hand, causing him to make an oomph sound.
“Didn’t take much convincing, if we’re honest.” Owen chuckles, rubbing the spot where Brock hit him.
As much as I tell myself not to, my gaze finds its way to his. His smile doesn’t falter as our eyes meet. If anything, it widens.
“Lyric.” He bows like one would envision an English gentleman doing a hundred years ago when he was courting a young lady, his eyes tracing the length of my body in one swift motion, reminding me that I’m currently wearing the tiniest black dress known to man.
When I asked Char if I could borrow a dress, she took the assignment very seriously. And while I will admit that I feel sexy, which is a rarity for me, I’m also acutely aware that if I move too far one way or the other, I’m liable to flash someone my naughty bits. How she’s able to wear this dress and not have her underwear showing the whole time is beyond me, given our height difference. Then again, I can’t say I’ve ever seen her wear it, so maybe that’s the reason.
“Owen.” I tip my head in hello.
“So, what are you ladies up to?” Brock interjects, his attention solely focused on Char, and really, who can blame him.
“You’re looking at it.” She gestures at nothing in particular.
“Well, in that case, you have to come with me. Nina’s here somewhere, and she’s going to be so excited to see you.”
“Nina’s here?” Char seems visibly excited by the news.
“Who’s Nina?” I ask, feeling a little out of the loop.
“She’s one of my high school friends. I haven’t seen her in months. She goes to school on the other side of the state. What’s she doing here?” The last part is aimed at Brock.
“She’s just in for the weekend for her sister’s baby shower tomorrow. I didn’t even know she was in town until I ran into her a little bit ago. Come on, let’s go find her.” He snags Charlotte’s free hand.
“Come on, Lyric. You’re going to absolutely love Nina.”
“Actually, I think I’m going to run to the bathroom really quick. Okay if I just catch up with you?”
She gives me a look like there isn’t a chance in hell she’s leaving me by myself.
“I’ll be fine,” I promise.
“I can stay with her,” Owen offers.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I don’t mind.” He turns to Brock. “You two go ahead. I’ll walk Lyric to the bathroom and we’ll find you right after.”
Char waits for my okay, which I quickly give her.
“Go ahead. We’re good here.”
“Okay. Don’t be long,” she tells me, her gaze swinging to Owen. “You better bring her back to me without a hair on her head out of place,” she warns.
“Scout’s honor.” He chuckles, holding up three fingers.
Satisfied with his response, she allows Brock to pull her from the room.
“You really don’t have to stay with me,” I tell Owen as soon as they’re gone.
“I don’t mind at all. I was actually hoping I’d run into you eventually. I think I owe you an apology.”
“Me? I’m pretty sure you were the one who almost died.” I take a drink of my beer, my throat suddenly parched.
“That might be a little over exaggerated, but yes, Kai definitely put me in my place, and he was right to do it. I never should have—”
“We’re all good,” I’m quick to cut him off.
“So, I don’t have to worry about your boyfriend trying to kill me anymore?”
“He’s not my boyfriend.” I hiss. “He’s not my anything anymore,” I speak past the thick knot that lumps in my throat, “and I do not want to talk about it, so please don’t ask.”
“I wasn’t going to.”
“Thank you.” I blow out a hard breath.
“Friends?” He extends his hand to me, a peace offering I happily accept.
“Friends,” I agree, wrapping my fingers around his in a quick shake.
“Now that we’ve got that out of the way.” He smiles, and I’m reminded once again why I found him so attractive in the beginning. He has an adorable charm that’s hard to ignore. “I believe you needed to use the facilities, correct?”
“Actually, I just said that to get Char to leave,” I admit, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. “She’s a bit overprotective of me. I get the feeling she doesn’t think I can take care of myself.”
“She’s a good friend to worry.”
“I know, but sometimes I wish she wouldn’t.” I take another drink. “Though now that I’m thinking about it, I probably should go to the bathroom.”
“Breaking the seal.” He grins, rocking back on his heels.
“I guess so.”
“I’ll walk with you.”
“You really don’t have to.”
“I promised Char I’d stay with you. What kind of man would I be if I just left you to fend for yourself just a few seconds later?”
“Fine.” I roll my eyes, stepping past him.
He follows me to the bathroom at the back of the house, where I have to wait a good ten minutes to get inside. I finish my drink while I wait, listening to Owen talk animatedly next to me. I’m convinced that man could carry on an hour-long conversation all by himself.
When I exit the bathroom a couple of minutes later, Owen is still in the same place I left him, waiting for me.
I nod a thanks, turning left to head back up into the main part of the house, scanning every room I pass for any sign of Maisie or Char.
“Do you see her anywhere?” I ask Owen as we reach the last room at the very front of the house.
“Shit.” Owen stops so abruptly that I end up running into the back of him.
“What is it?” I ask, gripping his shirt to keep myself upright, the collision nearly toppling me backward.
“So, um, I know you said you guys weren’t together and all, but what are the odds that he’s going to break my nose if he sees me with you?”
“Who?” The question is off my lips before realization dawns.
Owen quickly turns back toward me, confirming my assumption without a single word.
“Kai’s here?” I feel every ounce of color drain from my face in an instant.
I pull in a hard breath, my heart kicking against my ribs like someone has just stuck the organ with a shot of adrenaline.
Owen nods. “Should we...” He gestures to the hallway behind me.
“No.” I shake my head, the pump of alcohol in my veins fueling behavior I’d otherwise find unacceptable.
Stepping around Owen, my heart sputters when Kai comes into view, reminding me of how frustratingly beautiful he is and how devastatingly much I miss him. He’s just inside the front door, scanning the room like he’s looking for something... Or someone . I dare to hope, shaking off the thought as soon as it hits.
It takes less than a second for Kai to spot me, his eyes flaring as they collide with mine before honing in on the man standing behind me.
The anger that crinkles his forehead is enough to spur me on.
He doesn’t care about me, so he won’t care if I do this...
I spin on my heel so fast that I damn near end up face-planting into Owen’s chest.
Without a thought, I wrap my hand around the back of his neck, push up on my toes, and press my mouth to his. His lips part in an instant, the warmth of his tongue filling my mouth. And while it feels wrong on every level, I kiss him back with as much fervor as I can muster.
It’s not about who I’m kissing. It’s about why . And the why comes in the form of the brooding asshole behind me who showed me his heart and then snatched it away.
I want to hurt him.
I want to make him feel even a sliver of what he’s made me feel.
I want him to think that I’ve moved on, even if that couldn’t be further from the truth.
It doesn’t matter if this entire situation is my fault. Right now, I choose to blame him.
For letting me touch him.
For letting me know him.
For letting me love him.
For taking it all away by not feeling the same.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I hear Kai’s voice seconds before his hand closes around my forearm, jerking me back with so much force it feels like the action jars my brain.
And then he’s in front of me. Expression tight. Eyes wild.
“Excuse me.” I ignore the way his nearness makes me feel, holding onto my anger like a vice grip as I attempt to shake off his hold. “Let go of me,” I warn, my voice eerily low.
“You heard her,” Owen pipes in. “Let her go.”
Kai’s deathly glare splits to the man behind me.
“You have one second to leave or what happened last time will look like child’s play. I don’t give a fuck if I end up in jail. This floor will wear your fucking skull if you don’t walk away right the fuck now.”
My entire body vibrates from the intensity of his words.
I don’t have to look back to see if Owen listened. I know he did by the angry smile that tugs at Kai’s mouth as he no doubt scurries away.
“You.” His gaze drops back down to mine. “Outside. Now.”
He moves and I unwillingly move with him, his grip on my arm unshakable as he drags me from the house like a screaming toddler who needs to be taught a lesson.
I trip over the doorframe. Stumble down the front steps. And then nearly eat grass when he lets me go so abruptly that the momentum carries me forward.
“What. The. Fuck.” I spin, screaming right in his face.
“My thoughts exactly.” His nostrils flare as he leans in, not letting my words or my aggression keep him from invading my space. “What the fuck do you think you were doing in there?”
“What I was doing is none of your fucking business.” I don’t miss the way he cringes at my language. He doesn’t like when I cuss. He says it’s not me, and he’s right, it’s not. This knowledge only spurs me on more.
“You made it my business when you swallowed his fucking face in front of me,” he fires back.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you cared.” Angry tears prick the backs of my eyes. “Why are you even here?”
“Last time I checked, I’m entitled to come to a party.”
“Last time I checked, you hated parties, or was that just another lie?”
“I never lied to you!”
“Then why are you here?” I scream right back at him.
“Why the fuck do you think I’m here?” he yells back even louder.
“I wouldn’t know, considering when I pass you on campus, you don’t even have the decency to acknowledge me! You’ve come inside my body more times than I could possibly count. The least you could do is act like you know me!”
With every sentence, our voices grow louder.
“Maybe I thought it would be easier!”
“Easier for who? You!”
“Yes, for me. I thought it would be easier for me.”
“But that can’t be right because that would imply you actually give a shit.”
“I do give a shit. I give a fuck lot of shits, Lyric. Do you think I would have come here tonight if Maisie hadn’t told me you’d be here if I didn’t?”
I gasp at this little piece of information, but he doesn’t let me get a single word out before he continues.
“Do you think I’d be standing here right now if I didn’t? Do you think every pore in my body would be itching to go back in that house and fucking wipe the floor with that motherfucker if I didn’t?” He swings his arm back toward the house. “I care a fuck lot more than you seem to realize.”
“Your actions would say otherwise,” I challenge.
“Open your fucking eyes and actually look at me! Do you think this isn’t fucking killing me?”
My pulse spikes.
“You did this.” My voice softens. “I told you I loved you, and you let me walk away. You didn’t fight for me. Hell, you’ve done the opposite of fight for me.”
“I know.”
“And yet you expect me to believe you care?”
“I was doing what I thought was best for you.”
“What’s best for me...” I take a small step back, needing space to think, to breathe. “How is any of this what’s best for me?” I gesture around at nothing in particular. “I think you did what’s best for you.”
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I did. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m standing here now.”
“Yeah, after you’ve spent nearly two weeks acting like I don’t exist.”
“I’ve spent two weeks in misery. I couldn’t pretend you don’t exist if I tried.”
“Bullshit.”
“You don’t believe me? Ask Maisie. Ask Maisie how many times I’ve texted her over the last couple of weeks asking about you. Ask her what a fucking mess I was last weekend when I went to her brother’s place. Ask her why she came to my dorm earlier today to let me know you’d be here. Because she knows what you haven’t yet realized.”
“And what’s that?”
“That I love you.”
The world tilts sideways.
Every thought empties from my brain like someone hitting the delete button.
I go completely blank.
I open my mouth, close it, open it again, but nothing comes out.
I’m so stunned that I can’t even formulate words, my heart lodging in my throat, cutting off my ability to pull in the breath I so desperately need.
He steps closer. “I’m in love with you. Is that what you want to hear? That I’m so fucking in love with you that I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t focus on anything that isn’t you no matter how hard I try, and trust me, I’ve tried.”
His hands are on my face now, cupping it in a way that has a tear slipping past my lashes.
Kai swipes it away with his thumb.
“I fucked up. I know that. I didn’t react well when you told me how you felt, and I’m so fucking sorry for that, but I was scared. My whole fucking life, I’ve been afraid to let anyone in. So I distanced myself. Made it where I never got too close to someone. Built up walls that I thought were impenetrable until you knocked every single one of them down. I fell in love with you the first time I kissed you. I just refused to let myself believe it. The closer you got, the more I wanted. I lied to myself. Pretended like I had it all under control when in reality I was spiraling. And then you told me you loved me, and I couldn’t hide anymore. I panicked. Thought I could get over my feelings for you if I pushed you away. But all that did was make me want you more.”
“Kai... I...”
“Tell me I haven’t fucked this up. Tell me you still want this. That you still want me.” His voice is pleading now, chipping away at every single one of my defenses.
“I...” I want to say no. I want to hold onto my pride and anger like the lifeline that they are, but they slip right through my fingers just the same. “I still want you,” I finally admit, tears now blurring my vision as they streak down my cheeks freely. “How could I not?”
I feel like I’m in a dream. A dream I know I’m going to wake up from. A dream I’m desperate to hold onto for as long as sleep will let me.
“I love you.” He presses a kiss to my lips, and it feels like a defibrillator shocking my heart back to life.
“I love you.” I smile against his mouth, my arms finding their way around his neck seconds before my fingers find their favorite spot, tangling in the thick locks of his hair.
“Say it again.” His tongue slides against mine at the same time his arms slip around my waist, pulling my feet straight off the ground.
“I love you,” I say again. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
“I’ve spent my entire life avoiding those words. Now, I never want to hear anything else for as long as I live.” Another deep swipe of his tongue along mine. “Now tell me, Converse, go back inside and find a quiet room or go back to my place. Either way, I’m going to be buried inside of you in the next ten minutes.”
My breath catches.
“Your place.”
“Are you sure? I mean, I’ve seen you sprawled out on top of a desk and it was quite possibly the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” he grumbles in that deep way of his that has every pore in my body firing to life. “I’m sure someone has a desk in their bedroom.”
“Yeah, but at your place, you can have me for as long as you want, any way you want, without any disruptions.”
He pulls back just enough that I can see the flicker of desire in his eyes.
“Say less.” He kisses me again, another slow, deep pass of his tongue before my feet find the ground again.
Unfortunately, they don’t stay there long as Kai tips, tossing me over his shoulder before I can even think to try to stop him.
“Kai.” I laugh, now staring at his back.
“You’re mine now, Converse. Really mine.” His voice vibrates through me seconds before his hand gently slaps my backside. “I hope you’re ready.”
“Ready for what?” I smile into the soft fabric of his shirt.
“All the things I’ve spent the last two weeks thinking about doing to you.”
My stomach pings.
God, I’ve missed this feeling.
“Last chance to change your mind,” he says as he slowly lowers me to my feet once we’re across the street, where I now see his car is parked against the curb. “Once you get in this car, there’s no going back.”
I reach behind him and tug on the handle, smiling when the door pops open.
“Are we going to stand here all day, or are you going to take me home and have your way with me already?” I bat my lashes at him as I squeeze past him, quickly climbing into the car.
“Fuck, I love you,” he murmurs under his breath before he closes the door, sealing me inside.
If this really is a dream, nobody pinch me because I never want to wake up. Let me sleep in peaceful bliss for the rest of my life. If I wake up and have slept my entire life away, it will have been worth it.