Chapter 37
“ T hat should do it,” I murmured as I piled the last of the stones onto the makeshift tombs we’d created for Pan and Tink. Swiping my hands on my pants, I took a step back, surprised that the heaviness in my chest hadn’t lifted even a little.
A quick glance around told me I wasn’t the only one feeling it.
Cissy’s dirty face was streaked with the tracks of her tears, and even Tristan’s eyes were red. Caleb pressed his face into Cissy’s armpit, while Molly stood over them, her arms wrapped around all three like a mother hen.
“It’ll be okay,” she murmured gently. “I know it doesn’t feel that way right now, but it will. I’m so sorry you had to suffer this terrible thing.”
“I would’ve loved her anyway,” Cissy said, wiping her nose across her sleeve with a broken sob.
“If she asked me, I would’ve let her have my energies, too.
Nobody was as nice to me as she was…not even Mrs. Crandall at the orphanage, and she used to give me two puddings some days.
I know Tink hurt Caleb, but I think she didn’t want to do it. Do y-you?”
Her voice broke on a hiccup, and Molly tugged her closer, patting her hair gently.
“I think Tink and Peter had a lot of bad things happen to them when they were young. Things that weren’t their fault, just like you three did,” she said softly.
“And, for a time, they tried to move past it, but they couldn’t seem to do it.
So to answer your question, do I think either of them truly wanted to hurt any of you?
I don’t. But they had a choice to take a different path, and they did it anyway. That wasn’t fair of them.”
“I know! It was so bad. She made Caleb real sick, but…”
Cissy buried her face in her elbow, and I wanted to scoop her up in my arms like a baby. Instead, I hung back. Moll was doing a better job than I ever could at comforting them.
“You can still be sad that they’re gone. You can still miss her, and remember the things you loved about her while understanding that she did some very bad things.”
“Will we do bad things and hurt people when we get growed up?” Caleb whispered.
“Nope.” Moll shook her head and bent low to meet him at eye level.
“Because you, young sir, have the sweetest of hearts. All three of you,” she added as she straightened and met each of their gazes.
“Even after everything you’ve been through, you’re so amazing and kind.
You’re smart, and funny, and you care about each other, and watch each other’s backs.
I can’t wait to see…” she trailed off and cleared her throat, managing a smile.
“I just know you’re going to turn out to be amazing adults. ”
Fetch picked that moment to light onto my shoulder, catching my attention, which was a blessing. I couldn’t bear to listen to it anymore.
The plan was to bring the children back to stay with Garth, who would find them each a good home.
In the meantime, they’d have three square meals a day and a kind person looking after them.
It wasn’t the same as having a young mom and dad who could play with them every day and take them on adventures, but it was better than what most kids in The Hollow had, and that would have to be enough.
I let out a sigh and turned to see Hook standing at a distance with his back to me. Picking my way across the sand, I headed to join him.
“Are you alright?” I asked, laying a hand on his shoulder and trying not to flinch as he pulled away.
“Tinks memories,” he rasped. “They’re so twisted and sad and terrible.
She was a madwoman, but what she suffered on the way to that…
” he trailed off and pinched his eyes shut, “The things she did afterward? I’m not sure if I can bear the weight of it while staying sane myself.
She’s a part of me now. Hard to swallow, that. ”
I covered my mouth with my hand, willing myself not to be sick.
He let out a bitter laugh as his eyes opened and he stared at the burial site.
“And now the pair of them get a nice little funeral by the sea, mourned by these poor fucking kids who still care about them in spite of it all, while the countless boys they murdered are nothing but a pile of bones in a dark cave, mourned by no one. And this is the justice I spent half of my life fighting for?”
The pain rolled off him in waves, and I let out a steadying breath as I tried not to let them consume me.
“ We mourn them.”
“You didn’t even know them,” he shot back, his voice sharp as a whip crack.
“But I do. Through Tink’s eyes. Watching as they adored her, and did anything they could to win her affection, only to have her suck them dry at the bitter end while they pleaded…
She gave each of them a chance, you know, or at least that’s how she saw it.
Revealed her true form to them, in that boneyard of a cave.
And, the moment they screamed or ran, she'd suck out the rest of their life force, shaming them all the while for not knowing what unconditional love was. They died confused, afraid, and alone.”
“No.” I blinked back tears and shook my head. “They weren’t alone. They had each other. Just like Miguel and Sally had you.”
“Fat lot of good it did ‘em.” He scrubbed a hand over his jaw and shot me a bewildered look through bloodshot eyes. “This is all I’ve thought about for the last fifteen years—finding a way to avenge their deaths. Thinking that, if I could make Pan and Tink pay for what they did, maybe it would ease my own guilt for having been the one to get away. Now it’s done, and nothing’s changed.
They’re still gone, and this hole inside of me is still there, but blacker than ever, because now I see… I see it all.”
“You’re wrong.” I swallowed past the throbbing ache in my throat and leaned closer, wishing I could take even an ounce of his pain away. “What you did changes so many things. You saved those kids’ lives—Caleb’s, for certain. Look at him.” I tipped my chin toward Molly and the children.
James reluctantly followed my gaze.
“He’s so thin he can barely stand. Purple bags under his eyes, and his skin is almost see-through.
If you hadn’t done what you did, he would’ve been dead within days, and you know it.
Then it would’ve been Tristan’s turn.” At the sound of the boy’s name, Fetch perked up, turning his head.
“You want to go see your friend?” I asked the falcon, stroking his downy chest. “He’s over there. ”
Fetch didn’t need further prompting. He took flight toward Tristan, whose troubled face cleared the moment he saw the falcon coming.
“James, you saved an eternity of future Lost Boys, and the ones in that cave have finally been found. You did that,” I continued, taking him by the chin and tugging his face toward mine.
“Tonight, once we’ve got the kids to bed, let’s have a ceremony to honor the young lives lost. Maybe that will help?—”
“Nah.” He pulled away with a grim shake of his head, the sadness in his eyes fading to leave nothing but grim acceptance behind. “The only thing that’s going to help me right now is a bottle of rum. I’ll meet you all back on the ship.”
He pulled away and strode off without a backward glance.
I wanted to follow him, but I knew he needed time and space. Instead, I headed back over to Molly and the kids.
“We should probably go soon. It’s been a long day, and the kids should eat and get settled for a good night’s sleep.”
We started for the docks, but Cissy suddenly broke away and dashed back to where Pan and Tink were buried.
Pulling a throwing dagger from the pouch at her hip, she laid it gently on the stones.
Then, she pressed her fingers to her lips and touched the makeshift headstone before sprinting back to us.
“We can’t leave her without a weapon,” she said. “Just in case anybody tries to fuck with her.”
That got a grin out of me and Molly.
“Ooh,” Caleb gasped, eyes wide. “You’re not supposed to say that word!”
“Who’re you gonna tell? I don’t have a mom, so bully for you,” Cissy shot back, poking him in the ribs.
The gallows humor was familiar, and the children fell into an easy rhythm, teasing back and forth as Tristan murmured softly to Fetch, scratching the falcon’s head and neck.
Kids were so resilient, and these three were tougher than most. They’d be okay. But as I glanced at Molly, watching the children in turn, I couldn’t help wondering if she would be as resilient.
By the time we reached the ship and boarded, though, my thoughts had drifted. Molly took the kids to the galley for soup and bread while I went looking for Xander.
I’d done my best not to think about it until now, but once we dropped the kids off in town, our next stop was the edge, where Molly and I would once again leap into the abyss and turn the page. I was getting mighty sick of goodbyes, and I knew this time would be worse than the last.
I was passing by the card room when I nearly collided with Xander as he rounded the corner. He caught me by the shoulders to keep me from stumbling.
“Hey, ho there,” he said with a small smile. “Where’s the fire?”
“I need to talk to you,” I blurted, grateful to see his friendly face.
Moll had told him about the prophecy and pretty much everything else the night before when I’d gone to Hook’s room.
Knowing I didn’t have to lie or hide the truth from my mentor and friend anymore had lifted an anvil of guilt off my chest, making it just a little easier to breathe, although you wouldn’t know it now.
Now, it was like the weight of the world was back on me, and I could feel every single ounce of it.