Chapter 37 #2
I continued on, barely keeping my voice steady.
“I thought once I had the clock, it’d be like last time—I’d just know what to do.
But this time I’m not sure. What if I go through all of this, find my way back to my people, and still feel empty inside?
I want to be brave and face this next hurdle head-on.
I want to leap off that page and into the next story without any fear. I’m just…not sure I can.”
“Being brave isn’t about being fearless, Harmony,” Xander said quietly.
“It’s about accepting that some things are scary and not letting that stop you.
You’re all tangled up inside right now. Anyone would be.
But that’s when you rely on your gifts, yeah?
Sit down with that opal in your hand and close your eyes—connect with the power inside you—the right path will make itself clear. I truly believe that.”
My eyes welled up, and his face blurred. “I’m going to miss you so much.”
“I’m going to miss you too, lass.” His green eyes darkened with pain, and he let out a soft hiss. “Both of you.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and bit back a groan. How selfish. Here I was, unloading on him about my problems when he was about to lose the woman he’d fallen head over heels for.
“Xander, I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you we’ll be back, but I don’t know how any of this works. I hope…maybe someday?—”
“Nope,” he cut in. “It’s alright. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. No matter what happens, I’ll never regret meeting her. Or you.”
The thought played in my mind on a loop long after I went to bed later that night. The list of people who felt that way was real fucking short these days. Moll and I seemed to be the harbingers of pain.
That’s what revolution was though, wasn’t it? Sacrifice for the greater good—The Speaker would’ve been proud. But if I was the catalyst, why did it feel like the people sacrificing the most were decidedly not me?
The soft snores of the children had me rolling to my side and peering down at the floor.
Molly had made them a bed from feather pillows she’d gathered from the empty crew cabins. She’d used extra blankets and clothes pins to make a fort around them, which even Tristan had agreed was sort of neat.
It was only when I hung my head over the side of my bunk that I realized Moll had left her bed at some point and hunkered down with them.
Caleb must’ve shifted during the night and his foot was firmly buried against her rib cage, but if she was bothered, it didn’t show.
In fact, she had the most peaceful smile on her face…
My stomach lurched as the word sacrifice floated to the forefront of my mind once again.
And I wept.
“Lower the anchor!” Hook called as the ship slowed to a stop.
It had been a long, restless night, and my eyes were on fire from lack of sleep. At least that was my excuse for the tears that flowed down my face unchecked.
Hook had run The Devil’s Gauntlet for the first time an hour earlier, in Tom’s honor.
After securing his trick-eye just above the crow’s nest so he could watch over the Jolly Roger in death, he’d buried his hook into the sail and slid down like a right fucking pirate, to the shouts and cheers of all.
But the bittersweet moment had faded fast as we approached the docks, and I swiped the tears from my eyes for Moll’s benefit as she stepped up beside me. “So tired. And this stupid pollen is only making it worse.”
“Yeah, same here.” She let out a loud sniffle and then smiled brightly as she turned away. “Let’s go, kiddos! The Captain says it’s alright if I walk you over to Garth’s house and get you settled in.”
Caleb, Cissy and Tristan trudged forward, and the wary expression on all three faces made my stomach hurt.
“You guys are going to be just fine. Hook has sent more than enough to ensure that you’re well cared for.”
Cissy’s eyes narrowed and she shot a glance up toward the captain, who manned the wheel. Although they knew the truth now, it was going to take some time for them to reconcile the villain Pan and Tink had painted him to be with the person who had saved them.
Moll must’ve sensed their reluctance because she continued on.
“I know you haven’t met him, but I can vouch for Garth, too.
He helped me and Harm when we needed a friend.
He’s a good, kind man.” She took Cissy’s hand, who took Caleb’s in kind, as she led them toward the plank that Xander was setting up to cross over to the dock.
“I also spoke to him, and while he doesn’t have any pets yet, he did say he would consider getting a kitten while you are all with him if you all agree to take care of it. What do you think of that?”
“And I can stop in from time to time as well and check in on you lot if you like,” Xander said as he finished the job and perched his hands on his hips with a smile. “Maybe bring you some gifts from my travels, ay?”
Cissy and Caleb shared a look and nodded, but Tristan didn’t acknowledge the first mate’s words. His chin had been buried against his chest since early that morning, one hand on Fetch, the other fisted into a ball at his side.
“I’ll be back in an hour or so,” Moll said as she set to lead the kids down the plankway.
I nodded. “Fetch can go for the walk with you all.” I stared at the falcon for a long, quiet moment, the thousands of memories we’d shared flitting through my mind in a dizzying rush, and I could’ve sworn he smiled.
I didn’t need to tell him what he had to do.
He already knew. Like my father had left Fetch for me, when I was most vulnerable, I would leave him here to protect my heart.
I sucked in a breath and then yanked Moll into a quick, hard hug before shoving her away so fast she nearly toppled over.
“Okay then…” she said with a low chuckle. “See you in a bit.”
It wasn’t until the four of them had made it halfway down the long pier that I waved a hand to Hook, who was awaiting my signal.
“Help me pull up the plank, Xander,” I muttered, my throat on fire as I bent low.
“What are you doing, lass?” he demanded, only to draw back like I’d punched him in the gut a moment later when the realization sank in.
“I’m being brave, what’s it look like I’m doing?” I sobbed, snot running down my face as I tugged to no avail. “Don’t make it harder on me than it has to be. Help me pull up the fucking plank!”
To his credit, he got straight to work, and we were on the move a few moments later.
“Harm…what the hell? Where are you guys going?” Molly called, tugging the kids to a stop on the side of the street.
“They’re taking me to The Edge.” I wanted to say more, but it was all I could manage.
“No.” She dropped Cissy’s hand and broke into a jog back onto the dock. “What about the rest of the story?”
“That’s my story. This is yours. You’re fine not being a rich man’s wife, Moll, but I refuse to be the reason you don’t get to be a mother.”
“Wait!” She was running alongside the dock to keep pace with the ship now, her cornflower blue eyes so wide, I could see them at a distance. “Please…don’t do this.”
But, unlike the last time I’d left her behind, I could see it in her face already. Mixed in with the same heavy grief that sat on my chest like an elephant;
Relief.
Hope.
Something that felt like the very first embers of joy.
And, for the first time in a story that had almost reached its end, it all finally clicked into place. This page right here was written exactly as it was meant to be.
“We’re still like eggs and bacon, me and you!” she sobbed as the dock ran out, and the wind caught our sails.
“We are.” I swiped at my eyes, desperate for one more clear look at her gorgeous face. “Amazing together, but still pretty good apart!”
“This won’t be the last you see of me, Harmony Marie Fallowell. Count on that!”
I breathed in the words and tucked them close to my heart. Truth or not, I had to believe them.
I was still staring off the starboard bow an hour later, long after I’d lost sight of her. Not for a single second did I question my decision, but my chest felt like an open wound that would never heal.
“She’s going to be great.”
I turned at the sound of Xander’s voice and found him a few yards away with a bottle of rum in hand. He held it out as he approached to lean on the railing beside me.
“And you best believe I’ll know it if she isn’t. She doesn’t have a Da to ask, so I might as well let you know now. I’ll be hoping to make her my bride, if she’ll have me.”
She would. I'd seen the way she looked at him, but it wasn't my place to say one way or the other.
"I hope you're thinking of switching careers, then. She doesn't need to spend her life waiting for James to come to her door with news that you've been sliced in two by some rival pirate gang or eaten by a sea monster."
That probably wasn't my place either, but it was Moll, and she was the only family I had.
I blinked back a fresh wash of tears as Xander took a healthy swig and then handed me the bottle.
"I did what I done to see it through with the Captain. Now that it's over, I plan to retire and buy myself a little farm with some sheep and chickens and a few mango trees. I'm hoping I can reach out to my daughter, Lorelei, and see if she will come visit."
I laid a hand on the whip coiled at my waist, proud that I only hesitated an instant. Xander's fingers closed over mine before I could tug the weapon free.
"Don't even think about it, lass. That's yours no matter what the letters etched on it say. I made it as a way to feel close to her when she was far away. Lorelei is a gentle little lamb with no need of a whip. If she comes to the farm, I'll make her something more fitting."
I blew out a sigh and took a long pull from the bottle. I already felt like I was leaving so many pieces of myself behind, it was a relief to not have to leave this, too.