Intercept My Heart

Chapter 22

A couple of weeks later

I sat in the dark room, with a bottle of liquor in my hands. Lately, this became my go to whenever things weren’t going right in my life. All week, I had been feeling off, but I wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t until I received a flower delivery that I realized why things had been so off for me. The anniversary of my little girl’s death was today, and my emotions were all over the place. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that six years had passed since she went to Heaven.

I usually tried to stay busy on this day because I hated feeling so weak and defeated. I still remembered the last day like it was yesterday, and I didn’t think I’d ever be the same.

“Daddy, let me go with you.” Milani pouted with her little lip poked out. She climbed into my lap so she could get me to agree.

“We already talked about this. You have dance practice , and Daddy has football practice. Your mama is going to take you to practice, and when we get home, it’s pizza and movie night,” I reasoned. Normally, I would give her whatever she wanted, but coach requested we be at practice an hour early, and it conflicted with her practice time.

“I don’t want to ride with Mommy; I want to go with you.” Milani whined with her little arms folded. She was a daddy’s girl, through and through, and it made a nigga’s heart soft.

“Why are you acting like that? Why don’t you want to ride with mommy?” I chuckled at her rolling her eyes. She might have been my shadow, but she got all her attitude from Harper.

“She’s mean , and she never lets me listen to the music I want to listen to. Plus, she’s always on her phone, and she drinks out of her special cup but won’t let me have any.” I shook my head because she was telling the truth. All Harper liked to do was gossip, and she never cared about who was around. I didn’t understand how her friends continued to tell her their business because she couldn’t keep a secret to save her life.

“I’m sorry, baby. Don’t you have those headphones I got you?” I had a little TV in the back of my truck so she could watch her shows when she rode with me. The headphones were so I wouldn’t have to hear the same shows on repeat.

“I can take them from your car?” She perked up at the mention of her headphones. I laughed because she had to be desperate to have a way to tune her mother out.

“I’ll tell you what. If you hurry up and put your shoes on, I’ll help you connect your headphones with your tablet so you can watch all of your shows while you’re gone, okay?”

“Deal!” She squealed with her pinky out to seal the deal. I hooked my finger with hers and then kissed it. A huge grin flashed across her face, making my heart swell. When I first found out I was gonna be a father, I didn’t know what to expect, but Milani came in and took over my world. Nothing in this world mattered more to me than her, and I made sure she knew it every single day.

“Come on, Lani. I have a nail appointment that I can’t be late for! Hurry your ass up!” Harper yelled. I didn’t play about my baby girl, and she knew that.

“Aye, who the fuck are you yelling at?” I shouted as Harper stepped into the room. Her eyes widened in surprise.

“Oh, hey, baby. I thought you left for practice already.” Her tone changed instantly, pissing me off even more.

“How many times do I have to tell you to stop cussing at her? She’s six. You know that, right?” Milani rested her head on my chest while I talked to her mother.

“I-I’m sorry. I’m in a hurry, and she likes to play around when it’s time to go. I need to make sure she gets to practice on time so I can get to the nail shop. I’ve timed it out perfectly, and I can’t afford to be late,” Harper expressed.

“Fuck your nails. Either you’re gonna talk to my baby with some respect, or I’m gonna talk to you disrespectfully.”

“You’re always taking her side. No matter what it is, you always run to her rescue. I’m her mama. I’m allowed to correct and discipline her,” Harper complained. This was an ongoing argument in our household. From the moment we brought Milani home, Harper was in constant competition with her.

“And I’m her mothafuckin daddy. I won’t let anyone talk to her crazy, including you. Go put your shoes on, pretty girl. I’m gonna go get your stuff.” Kissing her on the top of her head, I watched as she climbed off my lap and raced out of the room.

“She’ll never respect me if you’re always saving her. In your eyes, she’s a perfect princess who can do nothing wrong, but that’s not true. She’s a spoiled brat who only likes to listen to you.” I ignored Harper as I finished getting dressed. Grabbing my keys off the dresser, I headed toward the door.

After we all got ready, I helped my princess inside the car and kissed all over her face.

“Daddy, your beard tickles!” Milani squealed.

“Okay, I’m done. I’ve got to get to practice, but I’ll see you soon. I love you, princess.”

“How much?” she asked.

“Hmm, let me think.” I stroked my chin as if I was in deep thought.

“Daddy!”

“I love you past the sun, and the moon.”

“What about the stars? Do you love me past the stars too?” Her innocent eyes peered up at me.

“I love you past the stars and every planet. My love for you is infinite.”

“What does infament mean, Daddy?” I chuckled, hearing her attempt to say the word.

“It means forever. My love for you will never end. You’ll have my heart forever and always.”

“I love you infament too!” I’d never been a weak man, but Milani brought out another side of me. She tapped into a portion of my heart that had been closed off since Sunny and me broke up. Her existence gave me a new purpose and motivation in life.

“See you later, Lani Bug.”

“See you later, Daddy! I love you!” Shutting the door, I never imagined that it would be my last time hearing her sweet voice. No more early morning wakeups with her climbing on my back; no more chocolate chip pancakes or playing dressup. My world ended the day she was taken from me.

“Sir, you can’t go back there!” a nurse yelled, but I ignored her as I pushed through the doors of the emergency room. The hospital called me to inform me of an accident that happened, and I sped straight to the hospital to see about my baby.

“Sir!”

“Someone stop him!” I didn’t even know what the big deal was. If Harper and my daughter were here, I had every right to be here. They gave me the run around because Harper and me weren’t married. Then, when I asked what room Milani was in, they acted like they couldn’t speak. I called Coach Monarch and he gave me Harper’s room number, so I decided to see what was going on. My baby girl was probably afraid, and these people were trying to keep me from her.

When I rounded the corner, I saw Mrs. Monarch crying while a few women comforted her. No one would give me an update on their condition, so I assumed Harper must not have been doing well.

As I walked closer to the group, coach stepped out of a room. When our eyes locked, he gave me a weird look. It made me nervous because I could tell by the way his shoulders were slumped in defeat that it wasn’t good.

“What happened? All they told me over the phone was there was an accident.” He stood there as if he was trying to figure out the right words to say.

“Umm, I’m not sure of all of the details. From my understanding, Harper collided with an SUV at the intersection. It’s unclear who was at fault or what took place. All we know is the collision caused a lot of damage.”

“Did she have to have surgery or something? How are they doing?” His face dropped at the mention of their condition, which raised a red flag. Coach had always been a straight shooter, and I hated when people beat around the bush. It didn’t make the news any easier to digest.

“Come on, Coach. Tell me what’s going on,” I urged, growing frustrated by his hesitation.

“Harper suffered a neck injury, a few broken ribs, and a broken arm. They are saying that she should make a full recovery, but she may need physical therapy.”

“That’s great news, then. Now, where is my princess? Did they have her in the children’s wing or something? She’s probably scared out of her mind right now.” I couldn’t imagine how afraid my baby was. The only thing on my mind was holding her in my arms to make sure that she knew everything was okay.

“Umm, no, she isn’t in the children’s wing. Maybe we should wait for the doctor to come back so they can explain things.” His response pissed me off because if he knew what was going on, why wouldn’t he tell me himself?

“Have you seen her yet? Did they explain what her injuries were? When can I see her?” My anxiety increased the more I stood here talking to him because I could tell he was holding something back from me.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Mrs. Monarch greeted me with tear-stained cheeks and a reddened nose. A part of me wondered why none of them were sitting with Milani instead of being in this stuffy ass waiting room. The idea of my baby girl being somewhere scared and alone sent me into a panic.

“It’s good to see you, Mrs. Monarch. Have you guys gotten any kind of updates on Milani , or do I need to flag down one of the nurses? I’m really anxious to see my baby.” Mrs. Monarch’s head whipped over to her husband. They had a discussion with their eyes before she turned back to me with pity in hers. She glanced back at coach again before a fresh set of tears streamed down her face.

“We don’t know how to tell you this, son. Milani is gone.” Her voice cracked, followed by her sobs. Coach pulled her into his side as he gave me the same look as she did. His light-skinned complexion turned red as he stared at me with sympathy.

“I-I don’t understand. Did they transfer her to a different hospital or something? Where is she? What did the doctors say?” Someone needed to make sense of this before I spazzed out in this bitch.

“Son, we’re really sorry. The doctors told us that she was DOA, and they took her body straight to the morgue. From what they could tell us, she went instantly, so there was no suffering. I-I’m sorry, Dinero.” My head shook in disbelief because there was no way they were telling me what I thought they were. My baby couldn’t possibly be dead; I was with her hours ago.

“Naw. Naw, they must have made a mistake. Where the fuck is my daughter?” I shouted, taking a few steps back as my head began to spin. What they were telling me didn’t make any sense. There was no way my daughter could be dead. I promised her pizza and movies tonight. We had plans. No. No. I couldn’t accept no shit like this.

“Where is my fucking daughter? Where is Milani?” I roared, bumping into a nurse who had been standing behind me. Coach held his wife as the two of them cried. What the fuck were they crying about? Somebody needed to fix this shit because they made a mistake.

“We’re sorry, sir, but if you don’t calm down, we’re gonna have to call security to escort you out of here.” A man in a white lab coat approached me. I raised my hands in surrender.

“I’m not here to cause any problems. My little girl was brought in here, and I need to know where she is. I don’t understand why nobody will tell me what’s going on. I just want to see my baby girl.”

My voice cracked, and I knew I was on the verge of breaking down. All I wanted was to see my baby, and everybody kept looking at me as if there was something wrong with me. My request was simple; they were the ones making things difficult.

“Mr. Sutton, we are truly sorry for your loss. These things are never easy, and you are in the hearts and prayers of our staff. However, your outbursts are becoming a distraction to the hospital. I think it would be best if you left. Arrangements have already been made for your daughter to be transported to the funeral home tomorrow morning. I’m sure they would be more than happy to allow you some time with her.” The doctor’s words sucked the air out of me. Funeral home? Those words didn’t even sound right in the same sentence as my baby. She was six. No way could this be the end. She still had so much more life to live.

“No. No! I want to see her! Y’all are not hearing me. You keep telling me that she’s dead, but it’s not true! It’s not true! Get the fuck off me!” A pair of hands gripped my arms, and I immediately began fighting him off.

“Call the police!”

“No, please don’t. He lost his child, for Christ’s sake. Can’t you give him a sedative to calm him down or something? Sending him to jail after the hell he’s already been through is cruel.”

“He’s being disruptive.”

“Wouldn’t you be the same way? Come on, have a heart, please. We’ve already lost our grandbaby. Our family has been through enough.”

“Dinero! Dinero! What the hell are you doing in here?” Harper’s screeching voice jolted me from my memory. Although I hated the sound of her nagging voice, I appreciated the distraction. The flashbacks from that dark time in my life still haunted me.

“What are you doing in here? I’ve been calling your name for the last ten minutes. I saw your car parked in the driveway, but you were nowhere to be found.”

“Where have you been?” I questioned. She told me she had an appointment with her brow and lash tech, but her brows looked as bald as they normally did. The scent of alcohol was strong, which meant she had already started drinking.

“Oh, umm. Latasha canceled on me at the last minute, so I booked a massage instead.” Harper always elevated her tone whenever she lied, and from the way she acted, I could tell something was off. I chalked it up to grief because I was sure she was feeling it as much as I was.

“Are you okay? You never come in this room.” The room she was referring to was my princess’s room. I normally made it a point to stay away from this room, but I wanted to be close to her today. I was shocked when I realized her things had been cleaned out. Outside of her bed and a few photos, all her toys were gone.

“Yeah. I wanted to sit and talk with my baby girl. When were you gonna tell me that you moved her things?” Harper normally told me about things she wanted to change around the house, but she never ran this by me. I believed a part of that was due to the fact that she knew how I would react.

“Umm, I figured it was time. My mom thought it would be a good idea to donate all of her toys to Toys for Tots. Most of them were barely played with, so at least some child out there will be able to enjoy them.”

“I get all of that, but you never mentioned it to me. Why is that?” Much like Sunny, I could pinpoint all of Harper’s signals when she was happy, sad, lying, or turned on. There was a clear indication that she was lying about something, and I wanted to understand what it was.

“You’re always so busy with your football stuff, so I figured I could take care of this on my own. No sense in both of us having to deal with it.” Her answer did nothing to settle the feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“I went to her gravesite this morning. When is the last time you’ve been there?”

“What is with all of these questions? Why are we even talking about this?”

“Do you know what today is?” I asked, staring her down. I was making her uncomfortable, and I could tell.

“It’s Thursday. Why? Are we scheduled for some type of event or something?” I chuckled, although nothing was funny about the situation. I’d given Harper so many passes because everyone grieved differently, but I found it odd that she could forget a date like this. Not only did we lose our child, but she also almost lost her own life. Most people could feel when they were approaching a specific anniversary of a traumatic event.

“Are you serious right now? You really don’t know what today is?” I pressed, thinking she had to be joking. However, the blank expression on her face told me otherwise.

“I don’t like playing the guessing game. If I missed something that’s important to you, then tell me. You’re not usually this difficult.”

“It isn’t about me. This day should mean something to you too.” I stared at her in disbelief. How could she forget something so important?

“It’s the anniversary of Milani’s death.”

“Oh.”

“Oh? Is that the best you could come up with? What the hell is wrong with you?” She flinched when I stood up, and it pissed me off even more. I needed to get out of here before I really exploded.

“Where are you going, Money? Come back here so we can talk.” Harper gripped my arm, and I jerked out of her hold before turning to face her.

“You know, I’ve tried to give you the benefit of the doubt for years because you seemed so detached from her death. I put up with your mood swings and drunk antics. I thought maybe it was due to the grief of losing our little girl, but I’m starting to think I was wrong. What mother could forget the worst day of their life? You’re always nagging about how I don’t show you affection or I’m emotionally unavailable, but you don’t even shed tears for the little girl who came from your womb. What kind of sense does that make?” The blank look on her face told me this conversation was a waste of my time.

“Dinero, this isn’t fair. I forgot. It was an oversight on my part, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I can’t help that I don’t grieve the way you do. You loved her, but sometimes I wonder if you would have grieved me the same way. It sounds ridiculous to think that way, but it feels like you wish it were me instead of her. I think about her all of the time, but I choose to keep my grief to myself because I feel guilty. I wish I could have died instead because maybe then I wouldn’t have to look at you on days like this and be reminded that you loved her more than you’ll ever love me.”

“You’re right. I blame you for her not being here. It isn’t right, but it’s the truth. I blame myself too. She wanted me to take her, but I was too busy. I’ll carry that guilt for the rest of my life. However, it’s no excuse for you to go around acting as if she never existed. You never talk about her, and you’ve gotten rid of all of her things. You’re so worried about who I love more that you can’t even grieve her the way you need to. I don’t even know what to say to that.” I walked away before I said something that I wouldn’t be able to take back.

“Money! Money, please don’t leave. We need to talk about this!”

“Why don’t you focus less on me and more on Milani? I’m sure she would appreciate it if you used this day to acknowledge her for once.” I slammed the door behind me as I got into my truck. I had no destination in mind, but I needed to be somewhere that brought me peace.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Sunny stared at me with concern in her eyes. I wasn’t quite sure what to say as she continued to search my face for answers.

“Come in.” She held her hand out for me to grab before leading me into the house. I followed behind her as she led me to the living room. I took a seat on the coach, but I stumbled a bit.

“Here, drink this.” Sunny handed me a bottle of water.

“Thanks.”

“I’m not one to judge, but I don’t like the fact that this is becoming a pattern for you,” she stressed, taking a moment to observe me. I could see her eyes analyzing me, and it made me uncomfortable.

“What is becoming a pattern?”

“When something in life becomes too much for you to handle, you run straight to the bottle. Alcohol won’t cure your problems; you know that, right?” she asked, with a serious look on her face.

“I never said it would. You’re acting like I’m an alcoholic, but I rarely drink throughout the year. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend that life hasn’t been throwing haymakers lately, because it’s been an adjustment.”

“Tell me what’s going on.” I sat there wondering if I wanted to open up to her, but I realized that there was a reason I ended up here.

“Today is the anniversary of my daughter’s death,” I revealed. Sunny’s eyes widened as she covered her mouth.

“Oh, wow. I’m so sorry to hear that. I can’t even imagine how much it must hurt.”

“Yeah. I’m usually okay, but I guess it hits harder as the years pass. All I can think about are all of the milestones she would have hit by now. My girl would be a preteen by now. She used to beg for a brother or sister when she was little. I can only imagine how excited she would be to know she has two brothers. I’m angry that she won’t get the opportunity to grow up. I won’t get to grill her first boyfriend, attend her graduations, or walk her down the aisle.” Parents weren’t supposed to bury their children. They were supposed to be able to watch them grow. This shit wasn’t fair, and I had nowhere to place my anger.

“I won’t say that I understand where you’re coming from, but I can certainly sympathize with the pain you feel. Forever is such a long time, but I’m sure she’s up there smiling proudly. Every little girl wants to know what it feels like to be a daddy’s girl, and you were able to give her that, even if it were a short amount of time. It may not do much to ease the pain in your heart, but you should feel proud. She went to Heaven knowing she was loved and wanted. You and I both know how important that is for a child.” Her words soothed me in a way I hadn’t expected. She was right. I got the chance to show my baby the kind of love she deserved.

“Thank you. I needed to hear that.”

“It’s no problem,” she assured me. She was nervous about something, but I wasn’t sure what it was.

“I feel like I haven’t talked to you much since the night of your birthday.”

“Yeah, things were so crazy that night. I loved every second of it, but it took me a few days to recover.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”

“Why did you do it?” Her pretty brown eyes were locked on mine as she waited for an answer.

“Because I wanted you to have a good time. The boys told me that you never do anything for yourself. I thought about all those years that you missed out on having a party and decided to do what I could to make you feel special.”

“I appreciate it, but you know you’re not obligated to do things for me. Yes, we have children together. However, I’m not your responsibility. As nice as the gesture was, I don’t need pity gifts. You had no way of knowing what happened to me, so you have no reason to feel guilty.” I was taken aback by her assumptions, and I sat there trying to think of the correct way to respond, but that politically correct bullshit went right out of the window.

“Baby girl, you’ve got me all the way fucked up. I can’t even believe you fixed your lips to say some shit like that. When have I ever operated out of pity? Everything I’ve ever done for you was because of my love for you. Nothing more and nothing less. You’re crazy as hell if you think I would drop that kind of money on your birthday because of guilt.” I huffed. My mind was blown, and she low-key killed my buzz.

“I wasn’t trying to offend you. I thought you were doing it because you felt bad, and I wanted you to know that you didn’t have to. I’m not insinuating that you have any reason to be guilty because all of that stuff is in the past.”

“You don’t get it, do you? Every single decision I’ve ever made concerning you has been out of love, and the fact that you’re still questioning that shit after all these years is crazy. Guilt isn’t the reason I take care of you or my sons. I do it because you’re my family, and it’s my job to make sure that you are happy and have everything you need. If you’re not happy and stress-free, that will negatively affect my kids. I don’t play about them, the same way I don’t play about their mama. Fuck outta here.”

“Okay, I’ve obviously hit a nerve. I’m sorry about that.”

“Your problem is that you’re so used to the people in your life not caring or considering you that you automatically assume that everyone has a motive when they do things for you. You’ve got to grow up and get out of that mindset, or you’ll mess up your blessings,” I warned as her shoulders dropped and her lip poked out.

“I’m sorry, Money. I wasn’t?—”

“And I’m tired of that bullshit too. I don’t know if you’re trying to be funny or you want to punish me, but that ain’t my fucking name.” This time, I got up from my seat and yanked her up from hers.

“My name is Dinero to you. Do you understand me? The world calls me Money because they don’t know me on a personal level. They don’t have access to the shit you have access to, and they can’t get to me the way you can. My friends call me that because they were in the streets with me. Every time you’ve ever called me, I’ve come through for you. Don’t you ever try to diminish who I am because you’re in your feelings. Don’t fucking test me, Sunny. I promise you won’t like the outcome. You got that?” My hands wrapped around her neck as we stood in front of each other. Her breathing was shallow, but it wasn’t out of fear. “I’m beginning to think you like testing me.”

“Maybe I do.”

“I can’t take it!” Sunny’s legs trembled after cumming for the third time.

“Yes, you can, mama. Let me get two more, and I promise I’ll let you rest,” I reasoned with her legs perched on my shoulders. This position allowed me to dig deeper than any other one. I wanted her to feel me in her fucking soul.

“Why are you fucking me like this?”

“I’m just tryna make you feel good, baby. You gon’ keep cummin’ for me, Sunny? Cum on this dick, baby. I’ve been missing your pretty ass for so fucking long.” I slowly pumped into her, enjoying the way her pussy curved to my length.

“Damn, that’s it, mamas. You’re doing so fucking good, taking this dick.” I groaned. It took everything in me not to cum prematurely, but I needed her too badly to waste a single second. Leaning down, I gripped her throat while her mouth hung open. Her eyes were rolling back, and the sight was so fucking sexy. Sunny’s moans mixed in with the music, sounding like background voices.

“Is this still my pussy, Sunny? Huh?” I questioned, pounding into her hard and deep.

“ Yes ! Oh gawd, yes. It’s always been yours.” She squealed. I was so gone off her that I wouldn’t have cared if she was lying or not. In my mind, she would always be mine, and no other man would be able to handle her body or heart the way I did.

“I’m about to cum!”

“Let me have it. Wet my shit up, Sunny baby.”

My strokes never let up, and I could feel my own nut rising. I never bothered to pull out. Instead, I allowed her muscles to milk me dry while holding her legs in my hands. Her juices soaked through the sheets as she lay here limp. I still hadn’t removed myself from her womb, and to be honest, I didn’t want to.

We had been fucking and making love for the last two hours with no breaks. The twins would be coming home soon, so we would have to wrap it up. However, Sunny had become my new addiction, and I couldn’t get enough of her. My dick got hard from the thought of her. Being in her presence only heightened my need for her. Since the night of her party, I had been waiting for another opportunity to make love to her. It had gotten so bad that I had been fucking Harper like crazy trying to get the same feeling that I got from Sunny. It never worked, which irritated me even more.

I might sound like an asshole, but Harper couldn’t get my dick hard the way Sunny could. She wasn’t freaky, so there weren’t many positions she was willing to try. Even when we fucked bitches together, she would let me fuck the other women in every position she never wanted to do while she sucked on their titties or rode their faces. With Sunny, the passion was out of this world. When it came to her, I felt selfish because I would never be okay with sharing her with anyone. She belonged to me and only me.

“We have to get cleaned up. The boys will be home soon, and I don’t want them to see you coming out of my room.”

“You’re making it sound like I’m some random ass nigga or something.” I frowned, then pulled my limp dick out of her.

“Well, no. However, I don’t want it to look bad either. They are building a relationship with you, but I don’t know how they would feel if they knew we were having sex.”

“Are we supposed to sneak around our kids? Make me understand how this works.”

“I don’t really know. To be honest, I haven’t given it much thought. We’re two adults who are enjoying each other’s company. It doesn’t need to get any more complicated than that.” Now, I was offended, even though I had no right to be, but it seemed like she was trying to brush me off like we were fuck buddies or some shit.

“I can see the look on your face, and before you get mad, hear me out. You’ve missed a lot of time with them that you are making up for. While I am their mother, they may feel slighted if they think something is going on between us. Besides, we don’t even know what this is, so it would be unwise to let them in on it. Moolah has forgiven you once, but if things go bad between us, he may not extend the same grace.” She made a good point about how protective he was over her. Still, I didn’t like hearing it.

“Come on. Let’s take a shower before they come.” I still needed to run outside and grab my bag, so I led her to the bathroom before heading out of the door. I dragged my hand down my beard once I got back inside because I had fucked up big time. My wedding was six months away, yet the only person on my mind was Sunny. She had reclaimed her spot in the deepest parts of my mind. What made it even more messed up was the fact that I didn’t want to change it. Being around her made me feel like this was the place I was supposed to be all along.

I wasn’t even torn about who I wanted because my heart fell right back into place with her. My problem was that I was in too deep. Harper had been planning this wedding since last year; how was I going to walk into our home and tell her that I couldn’t marry her anymore? And even if I did that, would Sunny even want to be with me? The way she spoke upstairs made me feel insecure about my place in her life. Maybe I was moving too fast and allowing my emotions to make decisions for me. I had no solid answers, but I needed to get to the bottom of things before I blew my fucking life up.