Chapter 23
“These stuffed French toasts are so good!” Tamia moaned while taking another bite of her food. We were having a late brunch with a few other friends.
“They are the bomb. I’ve tried to get mine to look like this when I cook them at home, but they never taste remotely close. Maybe I need to go flirt with one of the cooks and see if he’ll give me the recipe,” Laiti said. We all laughed because she would really do it. Laiti was the biggest flirt, but when it came to actually dating, she would run for the hills.
“You’re crazy. Then, when you break that man’s heart, we’ll never be allowed back in here,” I jested. She and Tamia were worse than men when it came to dating. Neither of them trusted a soul.
“Yeah, you’re probably right about that. I have been known to break a few hearts, and I really like this place.”
“What are we doing, y’all? We’re all fine, smart, and successful, yet here we are in our thirties, and we’re still single. What are we doing wrong?” I questioned. The desire to be married had been looming over me since my birthday. It was like I came to the realization that I had everything I wanted except love.
“Well, I can’t speak for you, but Micah’s father did a number on me. I wasted six years in that relationship only for him to cheat on me and have a baby with another woman. Every time I think I’m ready for a new relationship, I remember how clueless I was when he played in my face. I never want to feel like that again,” Laiti admitted.
“Well, we’ve already had this discussion, and my stance hasn’t changed. These men aren’t looking for love; they want a domesticated version of their mother. I refuse to get into a relationship only to become someone’s servant. The last man I tried to take seriously wanted me to quit my job so I could be a human breeder, and I’m not okay with that. If I have to lose myself and the things that matter most to me in order for us to work, then I would rather be by myself.” I nodded, understanding exactly where she was coming from.
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m delusional, but I want the kind of love you see in the fairy tales. The boys are getting older, and pretty soon, they will be off to college and doing their own thing. I don’t want to be all alone in the house with no love life.”
“Well, the biggest issue is your baby daddy. You’re never going to find the love of your life when your coochie keeps finding its way in your baby daddy’s mouth or on his dick.” My jaw dropped, and I buried my face in my hands.
“Tamia!”
“Don’t Tamia me. How are you going to find a man if you’re letting him beat your walls loose every chance he gets? You won’t have any pussy left to give anyone else with the way you’ve been getting your back blown seven ways from Sunday. You keep saying the two of you are only co-parenting, but I wasn’t aware that fucking was in the best interest of the children.” I sat there while she read me for filth.
“I—”
“I bet you don’t have much to say, do you?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth, duh. When was the last time the two of you fucked?” I opened my mouth and then closed it right back. Dinero and I had been fucking like rabbits for months now. I felt like a teenager all over again with the way we’d been sneaking behind the kids’ backs. “Umm, this morning, after the boys went to school.” Laiti cracked up laughing while Tamia gave me a side eye.
“Exactly. This is my point. You’re talking about dating when we both know he isn’t going to let that happen. I want you to be honest with yourself about what you really want because it’s obvious. The two of you have been behaving like long-lost lovers since you swabbed my nephews, and it’s time for you to really sit down and have an honest conversation about what’s going on. If you don’t discuss what the two of you are doing, then you’re not only going to confuse the boys but yourself as well.”
“I know. I’m so conflicted about everything. It feels like everything is happening so fast. We went from not being in each other’s lives to seeing each other almost daily. Now, I’m fucking him on my lunch breaks and anywhere else we can find time. I’ve tried to cut him off so we don’t blur the lines. However, the minute I try to stand on business, my legs end up on his shoulders. The only reason I’ve avoided having the conversation is because I don’t know what I want,” I admitted, being honest with myself for the first time in a long time.
“I think you know exactly what you want, but you’re afraid to go after it. Everyone around the two of you can see the chemistry as clear as day, yet you’re trying to sit here acting like you don’t know what you feel. The love you had for that man is still as strong as it was back then, and the more time you spend with him, the more you start to remember how good things used to be between the two of you. There’s no need to pretend, because it’s natural. The two of you were split due to some unfortunate events, but you have unfinished business. Maybe you need to stop being a scary ho and talk to him.”
“And say what? I love him, and I want to be with him? Nothing about that sounds like a good idea right now. What about Cash and Moolah? How will they feel if we get back together?”
“What about them? They will still have both of their parents, whether the two of you end up together or not. I’m not saying you shouldn’t consider their feelings, but ultimately, you are grown. As long as you aren’t doing anything to put them in harm’s way, you are free to do what you want. Money seems like a good man, so it’s not like he would walk away from them if you two don’t work out.”
“I don’t like the fact that you’re right. I’m usually the one making the valid points.” I pouted with my arms folded across my chest.
“Yeah, you need to do better, love.”
“Things are going so well between Dinero and the twins. Everybody is so happy, and I don’t want to mess things up. A relationship could complicate things for us, and I’m trying to avoid that.”
“And your solution is to keep fucking him because that will somehow keep the confusion down?” Laiti interjected. Now it felt like the two of them were ganging up on me.
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this, but sex with him is addicting. One hit, and I’m ready to risk it all. To be fair, I’ve gone a very long time without being touched, so having a man who already knows my body and all my spots is a top-tier feeling. I’m not ready to give it up yet,” I reasoned.
“You are as bad as we are. You are using that man to fulfill your sexual needs without any strings attached.” Tamia called me out, and I had no rebuttal.
“If we’ve learned nothing else from those dating shows, it’s that as soon as you add emotions to the mix, men start acting weird. Right now, I’m at peace, and I don’t feel like rocking the boat if I don’t have to.” My phone chimed, indicating an incoming text. When I opened the message, I covered my mouth to hide the smile on my face.
Dinero:
I keep having flashbacks of you riding my dick. I have a few hours to spare before I have to head to the field. Are you free?
“Sis, you’ve got it bad. You’re over there cheesin’ like a damn fool, and there’s only one man who can bring that kind of smile out of you.
Dinero:
Tell your girls you have to leave. I need that pussy on my tongue, and I don’t want to wait.
My clit thumped, and my wetness seeped into my panties. He didn’t have to do too much convincing because I was ready for him too.
“Umm, what time are we supposed to go get our nails done?”
Tamia gave me another side-eye, but I tried my best to ignore her.
“Bitch, I know you’re lying. There is no way you think you’re about to leave our girls’ day pampering for some pickle. No, ma’am.”
“I forgot something at home, so I was going to run and grab it before we head to our next destination.” I lied right through my teeth.
“Rae, you’ve always been a shitty liar, and nothing has changed. That man has you open like windows at a car wash, and you’re drowning fast, bitch. You can’t even contain your excitement from a text message, but you want to act like you don’t want that man. Please go to hell,” Laiti fussed.
“Am I being too thirsty?”
“Yes. You need some damn water,” Tamia retorted.
I stuck my middle finger up before texting Dinero back to let him know I would have to see him later. I shoved my phone into my purse before he could respond.
“Okay, I’m good.” I picked my fork back up as they both laughed at me.
“Rae, when you see that man about a horse tonight, please make sure to have that talk with him.” I still wasn’t sold on the idea of confessing my feelings for Dinero. What if we weren’t on the same page? Then I’d be rejected by someone I had to deal with on a regular basis.
“Why are those bougie bitches staring at us?” My eyes followed the direction she was looking in. There were four women at a table, but two in particular kept stealing glances at us and whispering. One of them seemed familiar, but I couldn’t figure out where I knew her from. I wasn’t trying to get kicked out of this establishment, but I also didn’t allow people to disrespect me.
“I’m about to ask them what their problem is. You know I don’t care for all that indirect shit. If a bitch has a problem with me, then I need to know what it is so I can know what tone to use when I tell her to kiss my ass,” Tamia spat.
“Excuse me, plastic Barbie and the BBL brigade. Is there a reason you keep staring over here? I know we’re fine as fuck, but the only fish we eat is salmon,” Tamia yelled at the other table. They tried to act as if they hadn’t heard her at first, but neither of my friends had any kind of chill.
“Oh, they want to act hard of hearing. They must not want to make an appointment with their plastic surgeon to reattach their nose and lips. Blow-up doll bimbos,” Tamia spat. This time, the main woman stood up from her seat.
The moment she got close, I glanced over at Tamia. She was known to carry her pretty purple gun wherever we went, and I prayed today was the day she left it at home.
“You’re a bold bitch. I’ll give you that.” Laiti huffed.
“I’m not afraid of any of you low-budget project bitches. If you lay one finger on me, you’ll be locked up within a matter of minutes. My father and my man are two very powerful people in this city.” Prissy Patty rolled her neck as she crossed her arms.
“Do we know you? You seem to have a lot of animosity towards strangers. If you’ve got something to say, get it off your chest, love. They already look like they are about to bust at any moment,” I quipped. I could tell by her energy this interaction wasn’t going to go well.
“Oh, please. Don’t sit here and try to pretend like you don’t know who I am. My face should be embedded into your memory.” She smirked, but I was at a loss.
“I hate to burst your bubble, but I don’t have a clue who you are. Now, we would like to get back to our meal. Stop wasting our time with this nonsense.”
“One thing I hate is a desperate bitch who can’t get a man of her own, so she has to go after someone else’s.” My face twisted up because she was still talking in circles.
“Look, you have one minute to speak your peace before I take you up on that offer to call your daddy. I have bail money and a clean record, so I’m not worried. What the fuck do you want?” I began to think the lady was mentally disturbed.
“I know you only came back into Money’s life to ruin our wedding. He has never spoken about you before, and now, all of a sudden, you pop up out of the blue claiming to be the mother of some random ass children. You may have him fooled, but I see right through you.” Tamia, Laiti, and I all locked eyes before I focused my attention on her.
“What does he have to do with any of this?” I must have been having a blonde moment because I had no idea who she was. And then it clicked. The night I went to visit him at his apartment… She was the girl who was crying in his room. The reason I stormed out and broke up with him. What the hell was she doing here?
“The only reason why he’s fucking you is because he knows you are desperate for his attention. You aren’t special at all. I allow him to play with the sluts because I’m secure in my relationship, but don’t ever get it twisted. I’m where his heart is, and you popping up won’t change anything.
“I’ve been around women like you my entire life. My father gave my brothers numerous speeches about wrapping up so they wouldn’t end up with the baby mama from hell. Women like you come a dime a dozen, so I’m not worried one bit. My fiancé will not be taken advantage of, and I’m going to make sure of it. Enjoy whatever benefits you’re reaping now because once we tie the knot, you’re going to be right back in the projects looking for the next man to pin a baby on. You and those bastards better?—”
My chair fell backward as I leaped out of my seat. Before I knew it, I had socked that ho in her face. I went in for another hit, but someone interrupted.
“Aye, we’re not doing this here.” Two men separated us. I was pissed that I wasn’t able to get my hands on her the way I wanted to, but it was probably for the best. I had a lot of built-up anger inside of me, and her little frame wasn’t strong enough. Both groups of friends jumped up from their respective tables, but those bitches didn’t want any smoke with my girls.
“I hope you enjoy that jail cell, bitch!” she yelled with blood pouring from her mouth. I barely touched the girl, which further pissed me off. If I had it my way, her veneers would be on the ground too.
“I won’t be there long. Your man will be there to pick me up,” I boasted, even though I felt like a complete idiot on the inside. I hadn’t been in a fight since high school. I was too old for this.
“You wish. You’re just mad because I took him from you, and now you’re about to lose him all over again. I’m going to be his wife and the only woman who matters to him.”
“You don’t even believe that. We both know the reason you approached me. You knew all about me, yet, once again, he failed to mention you. You wouldn’t feel threatened by me if you were as important to him as you believe. We both know who his heart belongs to, and ring or not, it’ll never be you. I’m sure it eats you up at night, but let me explain something to you. I’ll never fight over a man, but behind my children, I’m with all the shits. Let this be your last warning because it’s clear that you are pathetic and delusional. If I ever find out you’ve mistreated my children in any way, your daddy is gonna have to pay for a whole new face because I’m beating the skin and bones off your ass.”
“Alright, that’s enough. The manager isn’t going to call the police as long as both parties leave immediately. It would be in your best interest to take this offer because if not, you’ll be spending the weekend in county because the magistrate doesn’t see anyone on the weekends,” a tall gentleman stated. He appeared to be a cook or something because he wore a logo on his apron.
“Come on, Rae. She isn’t worth it. You have way too much to lose, and all she has is a man who doesn’t even want her. She is already suffering,” Tamia interjected. I nodded, turning to grab my purse.
The delusional ho continued to yell as we walked out of the restaurant, but to be honest, she wasn’t the person I had beef with. Dinero was. In all this time that we’d been reconnected, he never once mentioned having a fiancée. Not only did I feel used, but I also felt betrayed. He had been fucking me like a single man, with no protection or concern for my well-being. I wanted to call him and cuss his ass out, but instead, I took this as my sign to fall back. If it wasn’t about our children, he could stay his ass away from me.