Chapter 20
Nix
I can't believe I came in my freaking pants. Hearing the way she moaned and watching her ride out her blissful high was just too hot. I couldn't stop myself and very clearly lost control.
When she pushes her front door open, I slip off my shoes as my hands cover the wet spot on my crotch.
She graciously shows me toward the bathroom, and I smile politely before closing the door, all while feeling like I’m dying on the inside.
I've never been so embarrassed in my life, and I sing in front of thousands of people for a living.
I slide my pants off, bring them up to the sink, splash a tiny amount of water on the crotch, and scrub the fabric together.
They’re still going to be wet, but at least it won't be sticky. It’s as good as they're going to get.
My boxer briefs have seen better days, so I toss them in the trash before pulling my pants back up. I'll just go commando for now.
With one final sigh, I push open the door and walk down the small hallway to find my girl sitting on the couch doing something on her phone. She's probably texting her friend and telling her about how her date jizzed all over himself .
"Hey." She smiles, setting her phone down when she hears me. I don't know how to act, what to do, or what to say. Thankfully, she takes away some of the awkwardness when she pats the cushion next to her and says, "Come sit by me."
I stride across the room, trying to get out of my head as I occupy the seat. Glancing around, I get a good look at her home for the first time. It's kind of bare. I mean, there is a television, end tables, and a couch, but it lacks any kind of personal touch.
"Are you moving?" I blurt out before thinking.
She laughs. "Hopefully not. It does kind of look like that, doesn’t it? I never fully unpacked after I moved in. It just didn’t feel like my forever home."
I understand the feeling. Living on the road doesn't provide a formula for a homey experience. The apartment belongs to the band, but I’ve always had this ‘for now’ mindset around it.
"I had a really good time tonight. Thank you again for the flowers and the surprise spot on stage." A wicked grin spreads across her face. "And of course, thank you for the orgasm."
"What kind of flowers do you like? I wasn't sure, so I defaulted a bit on the roses."
She thinks for a moment before saying, "Tulips."
"Noted."
"Also, I know I kind of threw the whole amnesia thing at you earlier without fully explaining. Do you have any questions?"
That's not what I expect her to say, but she has this habit of saying things I don't expect. I’m getting the idea that she might have the same kind of insecurities I do when it comes to things that make us less than perfect, like my scars.
"I want as many of the details as you're willing to give." I leave it in her hands so the conversation doesn't make her uncomfortable.
"Okay, so the short version is I had a near-death experience two years ago and woke up in the hospital with no memory. I was pretty bruised up with some broken bones and spent a long time working with doctors to heal. I got some of my memory back, but not all of it, and then I sort of plateaued. I have retrograde amnesia, so my prognosis is up in the air. This only affects memories or information from before the incident that landed me in the hospital. I’m alive and healthy, but there’s a chance I’ll never get some of my past memories back. "
"You had a new one tonight?" I ask.
"I did. They've been happening a bit over the last month and a half. The first new one I had was what prompted me to pick up the guitar and sing a poem I wrote as a song."
"Whispered Words?"
"Yeah," she confirms. "I'm still missing a pretty big chunk of time. The flashes I've been seeing are so quick. It feels weird not knowing everything. It’s like I'm some kind of glass. I shattered, and managed to piece most of myself back together, but there are still shards that are missing."
"I'm sorry you have to suffer with that." I lean toward her, placing a hand on her leg for support. "I'm here anytime you need me. "
There's a glimmer of hope in her eyes, shrouded by doubt. It’s like she’s afraid to say something.
"Is everything okay?" I prompt.
She hesitates before asking, "What are we? I guess I know what we are, but are we exclusive?"
"I don't plan on being with anyone else. Do you?"
"Well, no. I just wasn't sure if we were on the same page." She rubs her hand along the back of her neck.
"Do you want to be my girlfriend, little sparrow?" I grin, finding it cute how nervous she is.
"It's about time you asked."
The teasing chuckle radiates from her. It’s playful, making me think this is a good time to talk to her about what I have to say. I know it’s been a long day, but it’s not exactly something that can continue to be put off.
"I have something to ask you."
"Okay." She waits patiently for me to continue.
Do it. Just rip off the band-aid. No need to sugarcoat it.
"We need a new opener for our tour. The last one... well, she isn't going to join us when we go back." I wait for her to put two and two together.
"Do you think you'll find one in time? How long do you have before the next show starts?'
"Six weeks," I say, cautiously.
"Wow. Yeah, that's quick, but I'm sure you guys will find someone. People will probably bust down doors for an opportunity like that. "
"What about you?" There it is, the question of the day.
"Me?" Her nose scrunches, and she raises a brow. "That's funny."
"I'm not kidding. Go on tour with us. Be our opener for the last leg."
"I'm nowhere near qualified to do something like that." She shakes her head.
"You are. Would you at least think about it?" I sincerely hope she will agree.
"Why me? I'm sure there are plenty of others you could ask."
"You're right, there are, but you deserve a shot."
"I can't sing on a stage in front of that many people," she tries saying, but she sang at Vector's Lounge tonight. She can do more than she believes she can.
"Can't or won't?"
"Fuck, Nix. What the hell? Weren't you telling me before that you were worried about people using you for your connections?"
"I did say that," I admit, unsure where she's going with this.
"Isn't this kind of the same thing? That's what everyone is going to think. Nix invites his new girlfriend on tour with him and has her open for his band. They're going to tear me apart."
I rub her leg, reassuringly. "This isn't like that.
I know you're not using me because I'm the one asking you.
And people will be just as captivated by your voice as I am when they hear it for themselves.
" I pause. "Think about it, that's all I'm asking.
If you decide it's not for you, I'll respect that.
It'll suck not being able to see you while we're out of town, but we will FaceTime every night if that's what it takes. "
"I'll think about it," she finally agrees.
"Thank you." I run my fingers along the side of her jaw, stopping at her chin to place a chaste kiss on her lips before saying, "I should get going. It's been a long day, and I think you should have some time alone to make your choice."
"Yeah, okay." She sounds a bit defeated.
"Can I see you tomorrow, girlfriend?" I offer, trying to lighten the mood.
"I would love that." She smiles, the light coming back to her eyes.
"Good, see you tomorrow," I say, before walking toward her front door.
I know I still have to tell her about the security I have watching her, but today has already been a lot.
I don't want to freak her out even more than I already have.
The security conversation can wait until tomorrow, when she will hopefully give her decision on whether or not she wants to tour with us. I really hope she agrees.