Chapter 21
Alara
A s soon as Nix left last night, my mind immediately started to spiral.
Shocking, right? Why, of all people, would he want me to go on tour with him?
I'm literally a nobody who has mediocre talent at best. Is he only asking me to do this because he doesn't want to go that long without seeing me?
Does he really think I'm capable of singing in front of thousands of people? Do I think I'm capable of doing that?
I’m going to have to talk to Rayne about this. She will be honest. That’s one thing I love about her. She never holds anything back. Although, I’m not entirely sure how she’s going to react when I tell her my new boyfriend is the drummer in a rock band.
Oh, there's that little tidbit too. Nix is officially my boyfriend.
We're exclusive, which means I'll be subjected to potential backlash. The public will make my business their own. Who knows how many weirdos will end up at my front door asking for some kind of scoop on our relationship? Will I have to move? If I go on tour with them, at least I’d be safe.
I pull out my phone to shoot my best friend a text.
Me: When can you come over? I need my bestie. My brain is doing that thing again.
Fuck, what am I doing?
My head falls, and I prop it up with my hand on my forehead. The first boyfriend I have had in I don't freaking know how long, because I don't remember part of my life, and he just HAS to be a damn celebrity. I'm surprised there aren't already people knocking on my door.
I need to try to channel some of these anxious feelings. Maybe writing another poem might help. At the very least, it will be nice to lose myself in something I enjoy for a little while.
I walk over to my desk, grab a pen and paper, and get right to it. The words come quickly, flowing from my mind as though they were trapped and waiting for release. Every line comes with relief, a weight lifting as clarity begins to seep back in.
Phantom
A star in the shadow,
drifting into the unknown
A passenger of the bold,
lost in unyielding thought
Will the end justify the beginning ?
Will the hurt be soothed by your name?
A speckle of confounding resolve,
built to outlast the mere memory.
A light burning through the phantom shade
with more hope than fear.
The start of a new beginning,
holding the weight of what once was.
I wait for a blissful end.
The end with you.
The words captivate me as I try to decipher each and every one of them. There's hope surrounded by pain. I try not to feel like I'm drowning, but in a way I am. Even my thoughts seem to be spinning in circles, hoping for a fresh start.
I don’t know how long I stare at the words, reading them repeatedly. This was supposed to help, but it might have made me doubt myself even more. A knock on my front door startles me. Is it the reporters?
"HEY!" a feminine voice I recognize shouts. "Let me in!"
I take a deep breath, calming myself, and make my way to the door. When I open it, Rayne is standing there with a bottle of tequila in one hand and a to-go bag in the other. I give her a quizzical glance.
"What?" She shrugs. "You sounded stressed. I figured tacos and tequila would be the perfect solution. "
"A woman who knows the cure to my woes." I laugh, grabbing the bottle from her. "I'll get the margs going."
"Ohhh, it's a tequila first kind of day?" She steps inside, shutting the door, and slips off her shoes.
"Definitely that kind of day. I haven't been able to get out of my head since last night," I say, rummaging through my cabinets to find everything I need.
"Are you good?" Rayne asks, not waiting for me to tell her on my own.
"Not really. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, and I could really use some advice."
I dump some salt onto a small plate, rub part of the lime I just cut over both of our glasses, and dip them in the salt. From there, I don't bother measuring. I pour equal parts tequila and triple sec into a shaker and squeeze some of the lime juice inside.
"Okay, so I'll have to schedule a nap for this afternoon with that much booze," she jokes.
I don't laugh. Instead, I stay focused further on making these damn margaritas so I can hopefully calm the hell down. Once I finish, the two of us migrate to the living room with drinks in hand. My feet stop only long enough for me to take a sip of the cool liquid.
"Would you sit your ass down? Your anxiety is giving me anxiety." Rayne points to the other side of the couch.
I reluctantly listen, bringing the margarita to my lips again and taking a big gulp .
"Nix asked me to be the opening act for his band," I blurt out, wasting no time.
"The guy you've been seeing?"
"Yes."
"I think you should do it. Why not? Have yourself a moment at a few dive bars and live life to the fullest." She shrugs. "Problem solved. I don't know why you were so stressed about it."
"It wouldn't be dive bars, Ray. It would be me on stage in front of thousands of people. He wants me to go on tour with them."
Her brows wrinkle together, clearly confused. "You're going to have to start from the beginning. What do you mean by tour? I think I might be missing a few pieces."
"Don't freak out." I lift a hand in a stop sort of motion. “The Nix I’ve been seeing might be the drummer of Nowhere Forever.”
She freaks out.
"Your boyfriend is NOT Nix mother fucking Peters!" she shouts, jumping off the couch and almost spilling her drink. Now she's the one pacing back and forth. "Alara, tell me you're not dating Nix Peters. Tell me my best friend hasn't been waiting to introduce her bestie to a freaking rock god."
"Umm. Sorry." I scrunch my face before chugging the rest of my drink.
"NO FUCKING WAY!"
Slowly, I nod as she brings one of her hands to her mouth. "I'm sorry, but did you also say that Nowhere Forever asked you to go on tour with them? Like they want you to be their opening act? I saw the articles about Olivia and Ender."
I sigh, shrugging my shoulders. "Well, the whole band didn't ask me, just Nix."
"Oh, no big deal then if it's just Nix." She walks over and playfully slaps the side of my head.
"Ow."
"I can't believe you didn't tell me he's the guy you've been playing tonsil hockey with." She downs the rest of her drink before walking over to grab my glass. "More margaritas are needed. Oh, and the tacos are getting cold."
"I'll get us plates. I'm still confused, though," I say, following her back to the kitchen to grab something to put the tacos on while she gets to work on the drinks. "What do you think I should do?"
She turns to look over her shoulder at me. "You're the only person who can make this decision. You know that."
"Wow, very helpful."
"Don't be sassy. I will say, this is the opportunity of a lifetime." She shrugs before setting my newly filled glass in front of me.
"I know. That's the only reason I didn't flat-out say no. But it seems too good to be true. He’s my boyfriend, and he wants me to go on tour with him. Don't you think it's fast?"
"Listen, you can't let fear stop you from living. Think about everything you've been through." She picks up one of her tacos and takes a bite. "And who cares if it's fast. Pacing doesn't matter as long as it feels right. "
Being with him does feel right. This is why I needed to talk to her. "Okay." I sigh.
"Okay?" she questions, eyes lighting up. "You're going to do it?"
"I mean, yeah. If things go wrong, I guess I can step away. The other person who was opening for them did that."
“Yessssss!” She giggles.
I grab my phone, unlock the screen, and scroll through my messages until I find his name.
Me: So, I've thought about it.
Nix: What's the verdict?
Me: I'll do it on one condition.
Nix: Name it.
Me: I can leave if I don't like it or feel uncomfortable.
Nix: Easy. Olivia left just fine.
Me: Perfect. Then I'm in.
Me: What are you up to?
Me: Shit, sorry. You're probably doing some kind of super-famous rockstar stuff.
Nix: Actually, I've been locked in my room pining over my girl.
I giggle, rolling my eyes, forgetting Rayne is sitting next to me. She reaches out and grabs my phone, making me yell, "Hey!"
"Oh my god. You two are so cute. He said you’d better get naked. He's coming over."
"No, he did not. Give me that." I snatch my phone back.
"Just let me reply. You'll thank me for it later."
"There is a zero percent chance of that happening. You’ll scare him away."
"Are you going to deny me the chance to talk to Nix Peters?" She pouts, pushing her bottom lip out so far that it's actually comical.
"I sure as shit am." I glare at her before walking into the other room.
She chases after me, trying to snag my phone again, so I run into the bathroom and lock myself inside.
"RUDE!" she yells as I press the call button on his name.
"Hey," he answers almost immediately.
"Hey, I can't talk long. Rayne is here and being a menace."
"Alara!" Rayne pounds on the door, screaming from the other side, making Nix laugh .
"Go away!" I huff.
"Are you talking to him? Is that your rockstar boyfriend!"
"Oh my god. I am so sorry," I say, wishing I had waited to call him after she left or something.
"It's fine. I take it you told her who I am and about the tour," he asks.
"I hope that's okay. I needed to talk to someone about the whole thing, and she knows me best. Shit. Was I not supposed to say something? Is that some kind of breach of contract or something?"
"Calm down, little sparrow." He chuckles.
"This is a big deal," I defend myself. "What happens now?"
"I'll set something up with the rest of the band for tomorrow morning if you're free. I'm ninety-nine percent sure they will love you. When they all agree how amazing you are, we will set up a meeting with our manager, have some paperwork drawn up, and go from there."
"Okay." I nod, trying to stay calm.
"You'll need six son–"
I cut him off. "SIX?"
"WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?" Rayne yells again, but I ignore her.
"Yes, six, and we will have to get you in the studio so you can record backtracks for them."
"What?" Oh god. Am I making the right choice?
"It's fine. I'll get everything taken care of for you. All you have to worry about is showing everyone how beautiful that voice is. "
I take a deep breath, hating that I kind of feel like I'm a burden. "It's too much."
"I promise it's fine. I'll come pick you up tomorrow. It's going to be quick to get it all done, but lucky for you, I can pull strings." He sounds happy, but I can't help but feel a pang of guilt.
"You don't have to."
"I know I don't, but I want to." He pauses. "For you."
There's something about the way he says those last two words that makes everything okay. "I'll see you tomorrow."
I end the call, and a few deep breaths later, I push the bathroom door open to see Rayne standing against the wall with her arms over her chest. I brush past her, not bothering to answer the question that I know is hot on her lips, because that margarita on the table is calling my name.
"Wha–"
"He's going to have me meet the rest of the band tomorrow."
"Ahhhhhhhhhh! My best friend is going on tour with Nowhere Forever!" She jumps up and down all over my house before wrapping her arms around my waist and lifting me a few inches off the ground. “I’d better get front row tickets!”
"It's not set in stone. The other guys have to agree, and then I'm sure there's a bunch of other steps with contracts."
She cocks her hip to the side and puts her hand on it. "How the hell could you not tell me that HE’S who you were seeing, you bitch."
"Listen, I love you, but you need to be cool. "
She leans in to hug me again. "I am cool and knew you loved me."
"Here's to hoping I don't make an ass out of myself," I say, lifting my drink in the air.
I have a feeling that's going to be easier said than done.