Chapter 13
Well, well, look what the cat dragged in.” Abbey pounced the minute Lucy walked through the door. “It’s pretty late. Did you get detention? Did Teacher need to spank you?”
“Shhh,” Lucy whispered harshly. “For goodness sake, Abbey.”
Abbey chuckled, waving the comment off. “The girls aren’t here. Rob took them to Dundrum for shopping and lunch. Now, get in the kitchen and tell me everything.”
Abbey’s eyes were bright as she pulled Lucy impatiently toward the kitchen.
Lucy set her purse on the island and fiddled with the strap. “What’s to tell?”
“What do you mean? Everything.” Abbey looked her up and down. “Let’s start with that silly grin you’re trying to hide.”
Abbey leaned on the opposite side of the kitchen island, not taking her eyes off Lucy, who continued staring at her purse.
“What do you want to know,” she said quietly.
Abbey dipped her head and frowned. “Oh, will you stop acting so modest? I want to know everything. Let’s start with how long you stayed after I left. I imagine it wasn’t long at all.”
Lucy glanced up. “You’re wrong about that. And actually, we didn’t leave together. We kind of–connected on the LUAS.”
Abbey straightened. “I’ve got chills.”
Lucy smiled at her sister’s enthusiasm and recounted her stroll along Grafton Street, followed by the steamy LUAS ride.
Abbey’s jaw practically hit the counter at the tale. “Oh, dang. That is so hot.” She pretended to fan her face.
Lucy leaned in. “I was so turned on. I thought for sure he was going to do me right there in the tram, and I was all for it.”
Abbey punched the air. “Yes, yes, yes! This is what I need to hear: all the hot and juicy details.”
A cheesy grin crossed Lucy’s face. She lifted her eyes toward the ceiling as if coaxing the memory back. “It was so good. He took me places, Abbs. I promise you; I have never had sex like that before.”
“How many times? And don’t you dare tell me I’m being too personal? One? Three?” Abbey thrust her hips back and forth.
“You are so immature.” Lucy shook her head but held up her palm proudly and mouthed five.
“Five!” Abbey shouted, her mouth a gape. “You’re a minx!”
Lucy held up her hands, acting coy. “What can I say, when it’s good, it’s good. We couldn’t get enough of each other.”
“That’s a lot of sex.”
“I’ll definitely be sore for a few days,” Lucy giggled. “Worth it.”
Abbey made a face. “You dog.”
“That man does things to me.” Lucy sounded wistful. Her expression turned serious. “Do you think it’s my age? I read we hit our peak in our thirties; something about losing our inhibitions because we’re more secure in ourselves.”
“Oh, forget all that mumbo jumbo,” Abbey chortled. “You like him. You are head over heels for this guy, and that’s what makes the sex so great.”
Lucy grimaced. “I hardly know him. We just have this magnetic chemistry. It’s all about the lust and nothing to do with feelings.”
“Oh, please. You obviously have feelings; you can’t keep your hands off each other.”
Lucy shook her head. “It’s just sex, Abbey. I’m telling you, it’s possible to connect with someone on a purely physical level and nothing more. Simply because we’re compatible in bed doesn’t mean we’ll make good life partners.”
Abbey furrowed her brows, skeptical.
“Do you remember Norbert?”
“Norbert? Your weird friend in high school?” Abbey scrunched up her nose. “I remember that guy. What was his first name again?”
Lucy pursed her lips. “Ummm, Tony. Tony Norbert.”
Abbey nodded. “Oh yeah, he used to get picked on a lot.”
“So did I.” Lucy rolled her eyes. “Anyway, I lost my virginity to him.”
Abbey jumped back in shock. “What? No! He was––I mean, no offense, but––“
Lucy released an embarrassed laugh. “Yeah, I know; he was strange.”
“Strange is not the word I would use.”
Lucy lifted her shoulder. “Ok, so he wasn’t great looking, and his personality was a bit––stale. But, in his defense, that man gave me my first orgasm.”
“Ew!” Abbey stuck out her tongue, feigning a gag.
“I know, I know.” Lucy shook her head. “I wouldn’t have believed it either.”
Abbey’s eyes suddenly grew wide. “Is that why he came over so often? I thought you were studying.”
“Studying human anatomy.” Lucy cracked up at her joke. “The first few times he came over was to study. Then, after one particular grueling study session for finals, he asked if he could kiss me. Neither of us had ever kissed anyone before; we figured it would take the pressure off if we just got it over with. Surprisingly, he was an excellent kisser. Well, not the first kiss; it was pretty sloppy and awkward. But, we tried again, and it was good.”
“Oh my goodness! Lucy Saunders, I don’t know you at all.” Abbey placed a hand on her chest. “This all happened at our house? How did I not notice?”
Lucy shrugged. “You were out with your friends, and Mom was either at work or passed out. It wasn’t difficult. Anyway, making out soon turned into sex. I know it sounds a little ridiculous, but we had the opportunity to experiment, and we went for it. There was no pressure, and because we were friends, without feelings, it was easy to explore a little.”
Abbey mimed an explosion coming from her head. “Mind blown. This is not a revelation I expected this morning.”
“Anyway, the point of this– revelation, as you call it, is that good sex doesn’t equal good relationships. Outside the bedroom, Norbert and I had no chemistry. We were both outcasts and became friends because no one else could stand us. There was no physical attraction between us.”
Abbey pursed her lips. “Are you sure about that? I believe you felt nothing toward him, but I always thought he was smitten with you.”
Lucy looked surprised. “Really? If he did, he never said anything.”
“Why would he?” Abbey asked. “And risk ruining a good thing, like sex with the girl of his dreams.”
Lucy scowled. “I don’t think he felt that way.”
“You didn’t see what I saw.” Abbey raised her shoulders. “How long did your little experiment go on?”
Lucy thought for a minute. “Maybe a year.”
“A year!” Abbey gasped. “Geesh, Lucy, he must have felt like the luckiest guy in the world. Why did you stop? And let me guess, it was you who put a stop to things, right?”
Lucy nodded. “Actually, we made the decision together. We learned all we could, and things started getting stale.”
Abbey chuckled. “Wow, did you tell him you were bored? Geesh, Lucy, you must have broken that poor boy’s heart.”
“It wasn’t like that,” Lucy protested. “He agreed with me.”
“So it was your decision,” Abbey said, pointing a finger accusingly. “You flat out told him he was boring. What other choice did he have but to agree? It was the only way to walk away with his head held high.”
“He didn’t seem that bothered,” Lucy muttered, pangs of guilt clutching her chest. “I don’t think it was like that. A few months later, he was dating someone, and I met Jeremy.”
“And the sex was never good again.” Abbey could hardly get the words out before bursting into laughter.
“You aren’t wrong.” Lucy lifted her brows. “It was never quite as good as it had been with Norbert. But Jeremy and I had chemistry and a strong attraction to each other. That made it––“
“Tolerable,” Abbey blurted out.
“You really don’t like Jeremy,” Lucy said, not the least bit surprised.
“Not even the slightest. He was a snake, and he stole you from me.”
“He also brought us back together, eventually,” Lucy said. “And he gave me Kaylee.”
Abbey moved toward the fridge, opening the door and retrieving a water bottle. “Ok, so you had great sex with Norbert but no attraction. Then, with Jeremy, the attraction was there, but the sex was so-so.”
Lucy nodded in agreement.
“Water?”
“Sure.”
Abbey removed a second water bottle and carried both over to the island, placing one in front of Lucy.
“Now, you have great chemistry with Aidan and great sex. I don’t see the problem here.” Abbey twisted the top off her water and took a sip. “He sounds like the perfect match.”
Lucy nodded, turning the water bottle in her hands. “While both statements are true, I hardly know Aidan. He could be a horrible partner. I thought Jeremy was amazing at first.”
Abbey sighed, lifting her eyes. “For goodness sake, Lucy, are you going to compare every man to Jeremy for the rest of your life? I’m sorry he turned out to be such a loser, but––“
Lucy slammed her water bottle down, startling Abbey into silence. “This is not about Jeremy!” She inhaled deeply, forcing herself to calm down. Softly, she said, “It’s about me.”
Abbey calmly took another sip of water. “Everyone is afraid of getting hurt.”
“There’s much more at stake here.” Lucy absently picked at the wrapper on the bottle. “Aidan is my daughter’s teacher; I’m afraid of Kaylee getting hurt.”
They stayed in silence for several minutes. Lucy continued to pick at the label, leaving tiny scraps of paper on the countertop.
“None of this matters,” Lucy finally said quietly. “Neither of us are looking for a relationship.”
Abbey furrowed her brows. “He said that?”
“He practically laughed in my face when I said I wasn’t ready for anything serious.” Lucy brushed the scraps into a little pile, refusing to meet her sister’s gaze. “I felt stupid for even mentioning it, but I didn’t want to lead him on. At the end of the day, it was just great sex, two consenting adults blowing off some steam.”
“I don’t believe that for a minute,” Abbey said. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
“Lust and desire; that’s what you saw.” Lucy feigned a smile. “Anyway, he offered me a friends-with-benefits situation.”
“Norbert 2.0?” Abbey teased. “I think that sounds like a horrible idea.”
“I thought you loved my sexcapades?”
“Oh, I do,” Abbey agreed. “But I also like happy endings. That idea sounds like a fast train to hurt feelings and a broken heart.”
“We’ve laid our cards on the table,” Lucy said. “As you said, it would be like the Norbert experience.”
Abbey scowled. “Except, you’re Norbert in this situation.”
Lucy’s mouth fell open.
“Not in the weird, unattractive way,” Abbey quickly corrected. “In the other way.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Come on, Lucy, you can lie to yourself all you want.” Abbey’s tone was condescending. “But not me. You obviously don’t want to be just friends with this guy.”
“I don’t want a relationship with him either,” Lucy objected, irritation bubbling within her.
Abbey ran a hand over her face. “Okay. Let the record show, that I think a casual sex situation is a bad idea. You should either jump in with both feet or walk away completely; any other option will end badly.”
“Noted.” Lucy yawned and rubbed her eyes, exhausted from this conversation. “I’m tired. I’m going to nap before the girls come home.”
Annoyed and frustrated, she grabbed the water bottle roughly from the counter. Abbey’s eyes bore into her back as she headed up the stairs. She could no longer take Abbey’s opinions and judgments, even if they weren’t entirely off base. A casual affair with Aidan was probably a bad idea, especially since their attraction was so strong. But it couldn’t last; even the most intense fires die out eventually.
Shutting the door to the small room she shared with Kaylee, Lucy set her purse on the dresser and collapsed onto the bed. This whole Aidan ordeal was too much drama. It should have ended after one night; instead, she felt like a teenager, conflicted and frustrated by a stupid boy. Of course, life was easier at that age, back when lust, desire, and stolen glances across the room were everything a girl believed she needed to find true happiness.
Perhaps Lucy’s problem had been that despite watching her parents’ roller coaster ride relationship, she had na?vely clung to the hope that lasting love was possible. While teenage Lucy believed in love, adult Lucy lost her faith long ago.
She was only seventeen when she met a rebellious twenty-one-year-old named Jeremy. Their meeting had been random, a simple case of being in the right place at the right time. Fate, or so she had once believed.
Lucy took a part-time job at the local gas station in addition to working at the diner. Her mother lost her job, and someone needed to pay the bills. Things with Norbert had ended, leaving Lucy desperate for a connection aside from her moody thirteen-year-old sister and alcoholic mother. She found that with Sherry, her nineteen-year-old co-worker. Sherry was the polar opposite of Lucy, with her spiky purple hair, heavy eyeliner, netted tights, lacy gloves, and clunky black combat boots.
Sherry and her friends sneaked into the local drive-in movie theater most weekends. No one drove or had a car, but they crawled through a hole in the fence and gathered on the hill behind the parked cars. Although they could watch the movie, without a car’s speaker system, they couldn’t hear anything.
None of that mattered because no one came to watch the movie. What they came for were the trucks full of teenage boys. They rolled in, parked in front of the hill, and blasted their speakers for all the girls to hear. Each truck bed held a mattress along with blankets and pillows. The boys would invite the girls to climb in the back and join them for movie-watching, or so they liked to call it.
Sherry was always the first to hop in a truck, eager to share snacks and flirt with the boy who gave her the most attention. Things always started innocent, but after ten minutes, Sherry and her friends were making out with the boys, complete with heavy petting and dry humping. Often the dry humping led to real humping, and no one was hiding much under those thin blankets.
Lucy cringed at the thought of making out with random teenage boys every week. She knew how good sex could be and had no desire to be awkwardly dry-humped or fondled by inexperienced boys. She was not interested in doing it in the back of a truck, with everyone pretending not to watch.
In the beginning, before she knew what was expected of her, she climbed in with everyone else. As soon as they began partnering up, she returned to sitting on the hillside, pretending to be fascinated by the movie. Although she didn’t often have fun, anything was better than being at home.
Everything changed when she met Jeremy.
From the moment he climbed out of his truck, flicking a cigarette from his fingers like a scene from a movie, she was hooked. Something about him caught her attention; she couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. For a brief moment, their gazes locked. His eyes ran the length of her, licking his lips while he lingered on her breasts. She should have felt disgusted, but instead, her body reacted, disappointed when he turned back to his friends.
Behind her, the giggling group of girls were already piling into the bed of his truck. Finding her target early, Sherry climbed right onto the lap of a boy. Lucy felt she would be alone again tonight as everyone paired up.
Without glancing at the group, she plopped down in the grass and searched for the cute driver. He was strolling off toward the concession stand, and she felt restless, anticipating his return.
Nearly giving up hope he would come back, she turned her attention to her fingers, picking at some dead skin along the nails. A shadow crossed above her. Surprise widened her eyes when she realized the mystery boy standing over her. Without uttering a word, he handed her a red and white striped bag of popcorn, winking before strutting back to the truck.
Somehow, Sherry had witnessed the exchange while tonguing her boy toy. “Go talk to him, idiot.”
The other girls join the chant. “Talk. To. Him.”
All eyes were on her. Deep down, she had that adolescent need to be accepted by the older girls, and wanted to impress them. With a deep sigh, Lucy made a show of rolling her eyes as if the entire ordeal was beneath her and stood, wiping dirt and grass off her butt.
He sat behind the steering wheel, his elbow resting in the open window. A cocky smile curved his lips as he stared out the windshield, tapping his fingers against the outside car door.
Lucy cleared her throat. “May I have a sip of your coke?”
“Cock!” The boy sitting in the passenger seat thought he was being clever with his play on words. “You can sip his cock, anytime.”
Red crept up her neck; mortified, she turned away.
“Shut up, Carl!” The driver’s door opened behind her; a hand encircled her arm. “Ignore that putz. I’ll share my coke if you come and sit with me.”
Lucy’s heart thundered in her chest. Looking to the girls for reassurance, she was disappointed to find they had lost all interest and were back to making out. A knot formed in her stomach as logic and reason kicked into overdrive. Why was she trying so hard to impress these girls? They were nothing but playthings for those boys who would toss them out with the garbage in the morning. As harsh as that sounded, it was the reality of these weekend outings and the reason Lucy never wanted to partake. No matter how attractive this boy was, she wasn’t in the market for a random hookup in his truck.
Nervously, she looked from the boy to the passenger seat, where Carl still chuckled at his pathetic joke.
“No thanks,” she muttered.
He released her arm and held up his hands in surrender. “I’ll be on my best behavior, I swear. I won’t even touch you.” He leaned into the car. “Carl, get out!”
Carl stopped laughing and looked insulted. The boy gave him a stern look and a grumbling Carl moved to the back of the truck.
“M’lady.” He waved his hand toward the passenger side.
Lucy slid onto the seat, rubbing her sweaty hands on her jeans.
“I’m Jeremy.”
“Lucy,” she replied quietly.
“Lucy. I like that.”
In those early days, Jeremy was always a perfect gentleman. That night, he almost kept his promise. At least halfway through the movie, the first touch was by accident. They both reached for the soda; their fingers grazed, and their eyes met. He smiled, intertwining his fingers with hers and holding onto them until the night ended.
For the next several weekends, she met him at the drive-in. Jeremy was careful. Eagar, to keep up his gentlemanly fa?ade, he never pushed for too much. Their first kiss was gentle, not the clumsy and sloppy kiss of desperation, but sweet and patient. She felt protected and safe with him.
He asked her questions about her life, and she did the same. One night, she surprised herself by confessing what a disappointment her mother was and how much she resented her father for never showing an interest in her life. Jeremy was a good listener, and he responded with all the encouraging words she needed to hear. He held her while she cried, gently kissing away her tears.
By the third week, he confessed his love for her.
“Lucy, from that first second I saw you, I was beyond smitten,” he murmured in her ear. “You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. How did I get so lucky? Why did you choose a troll like me? I love you so much. All I want is to be with you.”
He never pushed or pressured, and he said all the things a woman wants to hear. Like a spider weaving its web while sweet-talking the fly, Lucy allowed Jeremy to create a false sense of security around her.
After a month, she gave herself to him.
They left the drive-in theater for the first time, parking in a secluded area beside the lake. Lucy had thought he was the most romantic man in the world. The truck bed was filled with blankets and pillows; they snuggled under the stars. Moonlight danced across the lake, creating the perfect backdrop.
As he whispered words of endearment, they made love for the first time. Again, he was slow and gentle; nothing was frenzied or rushed that night. Although it wasn’t her first time, her body shook and trembled with each touch. Her nerves were on end, and she worried he wouldn’t be satisfied when they finished. When he called her name at his climax, all her fears vanished.
They stayed together all night, wrapped in a blanket and each other, the stars blazing above them. At that moment, Jeremy was perfect. He devised a plan for them: a future full of adventure, travel, and conquering the world side-by-side.
In reality, Jeremy was a master manipulator, and Lucy the perfect victim. She was a broken girl longing for someone to save her. Jeremy saw her as an opportunity to create his ideal partner, one who would bend to his every whim and one he could train to please him in every way. He was a narcissist, and she was a puppet on a string.
There are moments when choices are made, each leading to separate outcomes. If Lucy’s mom weren’t the alcoholic, depressed shell of a human she turned out to be, then Lucy wouldn’t have needed that job at the gas station. Without that job, she would never have met Sherry and, in turn, never would have met Jeremy that fateful night. Likewise, if her father hadn’t been such a deadbeat, Lucy wouldn’t have desperately needed male attention or been drawn to a bad boy. If only– if only– if only.
On the flip side, without Jeremy, there would be no Kaylee. And without Kaylee, Lucy’s life would feel empty. Kaylee was the sunshine in the storm of her life: the angel who rescued a broken woman. And Kaylee deserved a better life than the one Lucy had.
Even though she finally broke away from Jeremy, her heart was still healing. And hadn’t it been Abbey who suggested the best way to mend a broken heart was with sex? Or something like that. So, why wasn’t casual sex with Aidan the perfect arrangement? Neither wanted a relationship or commitment, so what could go wrong?
He sent her hormones into overdrive, and it was embarrassing how turned on she got merely in his presence. Put those things together, and they were bound to have astronomical sex. Their chemistry was the driving force behind the unstoppable need to get naked, so what was the big deal? Friends with benefits sounded like a win-win situation for everyone involved.
Lucy didn’t want a relationship; she was far from ready to give anyone her heart. But Aidan had been upfront and honest, revealing he wasn’t looking for any of those things. If they could continue being honest with each other, then maybe it could work.
She pulled a pillow over her face, screaming into it. Why was this so complicated? A casual relationship is supposed to be easy, fun, and fancy-free, not a constant back and forth like a game of tug-of-war between her head and her heart. Simply because she didn’t want a relationship didn’t mean she wasn’t a woman with needs. Needs Aidan was a pro at fulfilling. Was she willing to give up great sex simply because things might get awkward?
The body wanted what the body wanted, and her body definitely wanted Aidan. Screw it all. He promised Kaylee wouldn’t be affected by their arrangement, and she wouldn’t need to know anyway. What she decided to do with her personal time was nobody’s business. Her only concern now would be, when things ended, could both walk away satisfied with their hearts still intact.