Chapter 14
November passed in a blur. Lucy was living a double life; one she displayed to her family, and the other she hid from everyone. At work, she took on large corporate accounts and spent her days tackling their complicated issues. Her evenings were spent with Kaylee, helping with homework, or simply enjoying quality time together. The nights belonged to Aidan. As much as she hated the lying and sneaking around, she loved that those wee hours belonged to only them.
During the day, she mainly worked from home, wanting to be present when Kaylee returned from school. After dinner, homework, and sending Kaylee to bed, Lucy headed to the office, claiming to work on things she couldn’t do from home. It turned into the perfect cover.
Deciding to take Aidan up on his friends-with-benefits offer, Lucy had to figure out clever ways to meet without getting caught. Abbey would never understand this arrangement, and Lucy was too old and stubborn for more lectures. One evening, her boss asked her to come into the office after hours; he needed her to set up and train the small overnight crew they had recently hired. This request led to her visiting the office several times a week to liaise on various projects and monitor accounts. What Abbey didn’t know was that Lucy could, and did, accomplish those extra tasks online. Her office quickly became code for Aidan’s place. As far as Lucy could tell, Abbey bought the story hook, line, and sinker.
Rob, whom Abbey playfully called Big Foot because his sightings were rare these days, had taken a work promotion. He was now the Senior Consultant for their company, and his job consisted of traveling several times a week. For Lucy, his absence helped sell her story. In fact, the one time Abbey questioned Lucy, who was running to the office for another late night, Rob quickly pointed out that their company ran 24/7 and had customers worldwide.
“Our midnight is someone else’s morning,” he chastised.
The lying and running around were exhausting. Lucy was burning the candle at both ends, and she was physically tired due to lack of sleep and emotionally drained from the fa?ade. She was unsure how long she could carry on this way. Although she spent several nights with Aidan, their time together was limited. Fueled mainly by their desire for each other, the visit consisted of frenzied love-making before Lucy rushed home to catch a few hours of sleep.
“I think you killed them.” Abbey touched Lucy’s shoulder.
Lucy jumped and chuckled with embarrassment, switching off the electric mixer she used to mash potatoes in a large bowl.
“Drifted off there for a minute,” she muttered.
“You’ve been doing that a lot lately,” Abbey said, returning to the stuffing she was mixing. “You’ve been working so much this month. I hope you’re getting some major overtime for all that. You work all day and then go into the office at night; it’s a bit mad. Last night, I heard you come in at three in the morning. They can’t expect this to carry on much longer.”
Abbey didn’t wait for Lucy to respond. Setting aside the stuffing, she moved toward the oven. “I hope you know you aren’t fooling me at all.” She opened the oven door and checked the thermometer on the turkey cooking inside. “I know exactly what you’re doing.”
Lucy froze. “You do?”
“This is about–.” She looked around the kitchen, making sure they were alone before continuing in a whisper. “Aidan.”
Lucy’s face felt hot; luckily, her back was to Abbey, making it easy to hide the red burning her cheeks.
With trembling hands, Lucy scooped butter into her mashed potatoes.
“What?” Her voice sounded squeaky.
Abbey shut the oven, wiping her hands on the towel tucked into her apron. “You’re practically killing yourself with work in order to keep your mind off him. You think if you work until you drop with exhaustion, your thoughts won’t revolve around him.”
Lucy closed her eyes in relief, releasing a small puff of air. Thinking fast, even though her brain felt like mush, she jumped onto Abbey’s train of thought.
“So what if I am? It seems to be working. I wasn’t even thinking about him until you mentioned his name.”
“Have mercy!” Abbey lifted her eyes to the ceiling. “Is it really worth all this trouble? Why not just date him already? You sure do a lot of pining for someone who doesn’t want a relationship.”
Lucy rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t want a relationship either. I can’t change that.” She sighed heavily. “Anyway, I’m nearly done with this project. I should only need to go in for a few more nights. Including tonight.”
Abbey whirled around, looking aghast. “But it’s Thanksgiving!”
Lucy went back to overmixing her potatoes. “It’s not Thanksgiving in Ireland.”
Abbey gasped, placing a hand on her chest, feigning insult. “How dare you! It’s Thanksgiving in this house. The turkey is just about perfect. We’ve got stuffing, rolls, gravy, pumpkin pie.” She eyed the bowl in front of Lucy. “And extremely mashed potatoes.”
“I’m making green bean casserole, too,” Lucy said, setting the mashed potatoes aside. “Mom used to make it every Thanksgiving. It seemed to be the one thing she loved to cook. Not that it’s difficult, but Mom cooking at all was nothing short of a miracle.” Lucy placed her palms together in mock prayer, lifting her eyes to the ceiling. “How lucky we were to have a mom for one day.”
Abbey pursed her lips together.
“What? Am I wrong?”
Abbey bit her lower lip. “Mom was different after you left.”
Lucy frowned as she dumped a can of green beans into a casserole dish, using a spatula to spread them evenly.
Abbey held a wet washcloth and began wiping the countertop. “It wasn’t immediate; things were pretty bleak right after you left,” she said quietly. “When Dad died, she changed.”
“The spell broke.” Lucy shrugged with no emotion in her tone. “She finally came out of her trance; that’s great for you, Abbey.”
Grabbing a can of creamy chicken soup, Lucy popped the top and poured the clumpy contents over the beans.
“Ewww,” Abbey scrunched her nose as she watched the soup ooze across the beans.
“It looks gross but tastes so good.” Lucy began shredding the block of cheddar cheese over the dish. “I never should have left.”
“You needed to go.” Abbey finished wiping the countertop and sat on the bar stool where Lucy usually sat. “You deserved a life of your own. I understand now how much you gave up to make sure we had food. And how hard you tried to shield me from the reality of horrible parents. You raised me, Lucy, not Mom. I honestly wasn’t shocked you left; only shocked you left without me.”
Lucy concentrated on grating cheese, feeling her stomach drop. “I didn’t want to leave you. Jeremy wouldn’t let you come. I had to make a choice. I chose wrong; I never should have left you.”
“I was angry for a long time.” Abbey picked at a dark stain on the countertop. “But, I was a spoiled brat. It didn’t take long to see how damaged and useless Mom was. I mean, for the first time in my life, I was on my own; no one was around to take care of me. I never realized how much you did for me, for us. For those first months after you left, I was constantly late for school, starving, and had no clean clothes. I was so mad that you left me in that situation. But it forced me to grow up, and I understood why you had to go. We were both kids, but only I got to experience a childhood.”
“We were dealt a horrible deck.” Lucy set the cheese grater down and looked across the counter. “I should have taught you more instead of shielding you. I took on everything so you could have the childhood I couldn’t. I hated Mom, and I had to get away. My childhood was stolen because she let Dad destroy her over and over. All she had to do was walk away, slam the door in his face, and we would have had a completely different life.”
Abbey straightened in her chair. “Is that what you’re so afraid of? A man consuming you to the point you abandon everything else?”
Lucy dropped her gaze, staring into the messy, chunky casserole. “I don’t want to be like mom–again.” Her voice came out in a whisper. “I was her. It took me far too long to realize it. I finally walked away from Jeremy because he was slowly destroying me. I was becoming exactly like Mom and hated myself for it.”
Understanding filled Abbey’s eyes. “I get it now. Aidan doesn’t want a relationship, and you aren’t willing to settle for casual sex.”
Lucy felt a lump form in her throat.
Abbey pushed off the chair and carried the washcloth back to the sink. “I’m so glad you figured that out.”
A knot tightened in Lucy’s stomach. “This has nothing to do with Aidan. I don’t want to talk about him right now.”
Abbey smiled. “Oh, yes, let’s keep strolling down memory lane; it’s such a happy place.”
Lucy laughed and slid the casserole into the oven under the browning turkey. “Look, whatever bad choices I made in life, they led me here. Those choices gave me Kaylee and brought you and me together. I’m happy to be in this moment with you.”
Abbey’s eyes glistened. “And that’s Thanksgiving, folks.”
They both laughed.
“Thanksgiving was always my favorite holiday as a kid,” Lucy said. “Now, Christmas is, but back in the day, I loved Thanksgiving. We got our mom back for the day. Of course, like Cinderella, once the clock struck midnight, she turned back into a drunk pumpkin, and we didn’t see her for the rest of the weekend.”
Abbey chuckled. “I don’t think that’s how the fairy tale goes.” She clapped her hands together. “Let’s make some new traditions. No more talk of our wounded childhood. The Saunders sisters are back together, and it’s high time we make everything right.”
“Here, here.” Lucy grabbed the glass of water next to her.
Abbey held up her glass. “Henceforth, I declare Thanksgiving the day of new beginnings.”
“On this day, we won’t talk about the past, only the future,” Lucy added.
“Sláinte,” Abbey stated, pressing her glass forward.
“Sláinte,” Lucy repeated, slower to hit all the correct syllables.
They clinked glasses and celebrated the small victory.
Abbey’s phone buzzed on the counter. A frown crossed her face as she read the text.
“Everything okay?” Lucy asked, watching the smile fade from her sister’s face.
“Rob.” Abbey lifted the phone, twisting it back and forth. “He has to work late. He says I should start without him.”
“Oh, no. He knew you had a whole feast planned, right?”
Abbey waved it off. “He knows, but you know how it is, working late and all that. At least you make time for Kaylee. I wish Rob would hit the office after we’re all in bed like you do.”
Guilt washed over her. She wasn’t leaving the house to work. Lucy gasped, a horrible thought crossing her mind. No! Rob would never do that to Abbey.
Abbey pulled the turkey from the oven and set it on the counter to cool. Lucy took a minute to take her phone and sneak into the living room to text Rob.
Are you sure you can’t make it? Abbey really wants you here. We’ve been cooking all day. It would mean the world to her.
Her phone pinged in response.
Feel awful. Newman project. They want everything done yesterday. Conners is riding my arse hard.
Lucy sighed, both in relief and understanding. The Newman project was extensive and a top priority; every employee knew about it, even if they weren’t on the team. It involved a complete office overhaul and needed all hands on deck to ensure the Newman company stayed up and running the entire time. Rob was undoubtedly up to his neck at present. At least, she knew her initial thought was out the window; his excuse was valid.
Sucks. If you can sneak away, even for an hour or two. I’m sure Abbey would thank you.
She added a winking emoji at the end.
I’ll do my best.
Lucy knew that was a giant ‘no.’ Rob would not be joining them tonight. She returned to the kitchen and observed Abbey seamlessly slicing into the turkey.
“You’re a real pro at that,” she commented.
Kaylee and Lola entered the room.
“It smells good in here,” Lola commented.
“Oh wow, this is a proper Thanksgiving feast.” Kaylee sounded impressed.
“I try to bring a little bit of America to Ireland,” Abbey replied. “Can you girls help with plates, silverware, and cups, please? Oh, and I bought some sparkling grape juice to try. Hopefully, it’s close to the stuff you’re used to.”
“Is Dad coming?” Lola asked, setting a stack of plates next to the food.
Abbey ignored the comment, turning her back to Lola and fiddling with the cork on a wine bottle.
“He’s working late, but he said he’ll try,” Lucy answered for her sister. “Dish up while it’s hot; I’m starving.”
Abbey sent her sister a thankful glance and poured a generous amount of wine into her glass. The girls filled their plates to overflowing, slowly walking toward the table to avoid spilling. Abbey continued rushing around, pulling glasses from the cupboard, opening the sparkling grape juice, and balancing everything in her hands.
“I’ve got this,” Lucy said, taking the drink and glasses from her sister’s hands. “Get some food, and sit down.”
Abbey offered a weak smile, and Lucy could tell her sister was trying to cover the fact that Rob’s absence hurt her feelings.
Once everyone was seated at the table, Kaylee jumped straight into Christmas. “Can we put up a tree over the weekend?”
Lucy glanced up from her plate. “It’s always been our tradition to decorate the day after Thanksgiving. While everyone else is out fighting the Black Friday shopping crowds, we’re dancing and decorating to Christmas music.”
Abbey stared at her dinner plate, pushing the food around with a fork. “Sure, we have a fake tree and ornaments in the attic. Rob can bring them down– if he ever comes home again.”
Lucy caught the last comment, even though Abbey had mumbled it under her breath. Lola and Kaylee were oblivious to the resentful tone in Abbey’s voice.
“We still have school tomorrow,” Lola pointed out. “I know you have the full weekend off for Thanksgiving in the States, but it isn’t a thing here.”
“Oh, that’s right.” Lucy turned her attention to the girls. “It probably isn’t utter chaos here either. We should go shopping after school and see what deals we can find.”
Kaylee’s eyes lit up. “Yes! I bet everything is decorated. I’d love to see the lights and everything Christmasy.”
“We have to go to the city center, then,” Lola said.
“Oh, I didn’t even tell you how amazing the shops are on Grafton Street,” Lucy jumped in. “You have to see the Brown and Thomas window; you will love it, Kaylee.”
“Sounds great,” Abbey mumbled. She continued pushing food around her plate, hardly eating.
No one but Lucy seemed to notice Abbey’s silence. Instead, the girls devised a weekend plan, which led to all things Christmas. Lucy and the girls shared their favorite Christmas songs, what movies were on their must-watch list, and wondered if it would snow this year.
Finally, Lucy pushed back from the table, her stomach full. “That was delicious.”
“I’m so full.” Kaylee rubbed her belly.
“Me too,” Lola agreed.
“Take your plates to the sink, please,” Lucy said. “Go finish your homework. We’ll clean up and meet back here for some pumpkin pie.”
“I don’t know if I can do homework on a full stomach,” Kaylee whined.
Lucy playfully swatted her backside. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Now, go.”
Kaylee squealed as she bounced out of Lucy’s reach. Giggling, the girls hurried up the stairs to Lola’s room, knowing they had no intention of touching their homework.
A warm smile crossed Lucy’s lips as she carried her plate toward the sink. Kaylee was happy here and overjoyed to have Lola back in her life. It was all Lucy had wanted: her daughter to have a real childhood.
She headed back toward the table, noticing Abbey continued to sit, staring at her plate still full of food.
“He really did want to be here,” Lucy said softly. “We have a huge, demanding client right now.”
“I know,” Abbey murmured. “We always do Thanksgiving together; this is the first time he wasn’t here. He knows how important this holiday is to me.”
Lucy moved toward the counter, pulling plastic containers from the drawers. “He would have been here if there wasn’t some sort of emergency.”
“I know!” Abbey slammed her fist on the table, her fork bouncing off the plate. “I know all that, Lucy. I know he’s working to provide for us. I know he would be here if he could. I know. I know. I know!”
Lucy froze mid-scoop, mashed potatoes plopping off the spoon back into the bowl. She had hit a nerve.
“I’m sorry.” Abbey pushed back from the table, taking a deep breath. “I’m irritated. I know Rob works hard. It just feels like he never prioritizes his family; he never puts us first. I’m not asking for all his time, but he knew how important this dinner was to me. I wish he could have taken an hour or two away.”
Abbey forcefully shoved her chair in, snatching her plate off the table rough enough to send a bread roll flying across the room. She placed the plate on the counter next to the leftovers.
“I’m angry, and it feels like I’m not allowed to be angry. Then, I feel guilty for having emotions at all. Rob only adds to my guilt; he makes me feel ungrateful.” Abbey sighed, running fingers through her hair. “It seems my feelings don’t matter. And, I had hoped you, of all people, would at the very least acknowledge and justify my feelings. I need someone to tell me it’s okay to be angry, disappointed, and let down. I can feel all those things and still appreciate how hard someone works. ”
Lucy moved around the counter, wrapping her arms around her sister. “Oh, Abbey, of course, you’re allowed to feel those things. You’re right; he should be here. He should be making time for you and Lola.”
“Thank you,” Abbey whispered, moving from the embrace. “Sometimes I feel like you’re constantly defending Rob; it’s like you aren’t on my side.”
Lucy nodded. “I’m a peacekeeper by nature. And I understand how busy he is.” She smacked her head with her palm. “Look at me; there I go again, making excuses for a grown man. I’m sorry; you are one hundred percent correct. Family should always come first.”
Abbey smiled weakly, exhaustion reflected in her eyes. In silence, they packed up the leftovers and cleaned the dishes.
“I need to lie down for a bit,” Abbey finally said. “Meet back here in thirty? I’ll be ready for pie, wine, and loads of whining.”
“Sounds great,” Lucy said. “I’m going to call work; tell them I’m taking the night off.”
Abbey waved her hand. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I know, but I want to spend this evening with my family. Plus, you can’t be expected to drink that entire bottle of wine alone. Solidarity, sister!”
Abbey let out a genuine laugh. “Thank you.”
Lucy waited until Abbey was gone before ascending the stairs to her room on the top floor. Pausing outside Lola’s bedroom, she peeked in to see the girls lying on their stomachs, legs kicked up behind them, laughing at something they watched on Lola”s tablet. They could easily be mistaken for sisters instead of cousins, their mannerisms nearly identical.
“Pie in thirty.”
The pre-teens grunted in acknowledgment without looking up from their video.
Lucy entered her bedroom and looked at the phone in her hand. A wave of guilt washed over her as she pressed in the passcode. By sneaking around with Aidan, she lied to everyone, claiming she had to work late hours. Now, Abbey would feel more guilty believing Lucy was skipping out on work to stay with her. The only thing Lucy was canceling was a booty call with Adian, but she couldn’t confess that to Abbey.
Tonight, Abbey needed her, even if she had pretended not to. As children, Thanksgiving was the one holiday they both looked forward to. Their mother was in high spirits all day; she even went shopping for dinner. She wasn’t a great cook, making only the green bean casserole; everything else was store-bought and tasted amazing. For that one day, their mother seemed sincerely interested in their lives, asking about school, friends, and after-school activities. After dinner, they watched Miracle on 34th Street, the old one with Maureen O’Hara and Natalie Wood, while eating pumpkin pie, loaded with whipped cream, straight out of the pie dish.
After the movie, Mom found a bottle of whiskey and drank until she passed out. Lucy stayed up half the night cleaning the dinner, washing the dishes, and packing away leftovers she and Abbey would eat for the next few weeks. For Lucy, spending an entire day with a sober mom made the long night worth it.
Lucy understood the significance of this day for Abbey. Rob should have understood, too. It was all Abbey had talked about for several weeks. Rob knew how important this meal was, and he once again chose work over his family.
Even if she pretended otherwise, Abbey needed Lucy here with her tonight. Maybe they could relive their happiest childhood moment, a movie and pumpkin pie. Or they could whine about men while polishing off the wine. Either way, Lucy wanted to spend the evening with her sister.
Staring at the cell phone, she opened Aidan’s text threads. For the past month, they had spent at least four nights a week together; it was intense, but it was all they had. She dreaded blowing him off but hoped he would understand.
“Hi, can’t get away tonight. My sister needs me.”
Ding.
K. Going out with me mates anyway.
Her heart sank. Aidan had already made other plans; she should have been relieved but felt hurt instead. His reply had come quickly; had he been in the process of sending her a text, but she beat him to the punch?
Tears stung at the back of her eyes. Why was his response triggering her this way? She was the one canceling their meet-up. As much as she didn’t want to let him down, it would be nice to hear he was at least disappointed. Instead, he had other plans, as if not seeing her was no big deal.
For weeks, Lucy had been lost in work, family, and a secret affair; she seemed to forget Aidan had a life separate from her. He had friends and family, people Lucy didn’t know.
A tinge of jealousy overcame her. Who was he going out with? Males, females, a mixture of both? Their relationship was strictly sexual; they had no rules and no commitment to one another. However, the thought of him with another woman made her stomach churn. She was being ridiculous. The point of their arrangement was to keep emotions out of it, and Lucy seemed to be struggling with that part.
Tossing the phone onto the bed, she flopped down on the edge. A few weeks ago, the idea of a casual relationship seemed thrilling: sneaking around, keeping secrets, and engaging in a world no one knew about. It didn’t feel as exciting right now. Instead of butterflies in her stomach, it felt like a giant hole had opened.
It wasn’t the first time a fantasy of her creation had let her down. Once, she believed her life with Jeremy would be a big adventure. He lived from moment to moment, taking risks and chances without considering the consequences. In the beginning, they traveled the country in a beat-up car without a care about where they ended up, never knowing where they would sleep that night. Both had little money and would work odd jobs to pay for a few nights in a seedy hotel before moving on to the next town.
Lucy learned very quickly that Jeremy was not the monogamous type. At first, he attempted to hide his infidelity, claiming to have taken a night job, but soon his excuses weakened. He would go to the store for groceries and return three hours later, smelling of perfume. Other times, he went out to the bar, returning home with a wrinkled shirt and traces of lipstick on his neck. And still, she waited and pinned and begged him to stay with her.
Foolishly, she convinced herself she was not like her mom; her situation was completely different. Jeremy loved her, and no matter how far he strayed, he always came home in the morning. Her father, on the other hand, used her mother for sex and would leave for months on end. Sure, Jeremy was a cheat, but he never abandoned her, at least not at first.
Aidan wasn’t like Jeremy. He had been upfront from the start; they were friends with benefits, and that was it. If Aidan saw other women, he was well within his rights to do so. It didn’t matter if the thought made her stomach ache. This was their arrangement, and she could walk away if she didn’t like it.
Maybe Abbey had been right all along. Perhaps Lucy did feel something deeper for Aidan. It didn’t matter now; she was in too deep, cared too much, and allowed her fear of what could happen to cloud her vision. It would be difficult to walk away at this point, and the truth was, she didn’t want to.
Besides, Aidan was one who suggested they keep things casual. He set up the arrangement, and Lucy unquestioningly agreed to it. They met in secret for sex. That was a pretty clear sign she was nothing more to him than a late-night booty call. If she tried to change things now, Aidan would be the one walking away.
“Pie!” Kaylee yelled.
Lucy sat up, brushing away the frustrated tears brimming in her eyes.
“I’ll be right down!”
In the bathroom, she splashed cold water on her face and looked at the reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were red-rimmed, but she could pass that off as a lack of sleep.
Laughter greeted her as she entered the kitchen, and she couldn’t help but smile. This was the reason for uprooting their lives and moving to Ireland: the laughter, joy, and a proper family, a family Lucy had forgotten she had for far too long.
Tonight, she would push Aidan to the back corners of her mind and bask in the laughter and love she needed to heal her for today.