CHAPTER TWENTY
I hurry through the dark to the inn, determined both to make it there in time and to avoid the attentions of anyone watching.
Thankfully, at this time of night, there are plenty of people out on the streets who are wrapped in their cloaks, hurrying to assignations or shady dealings.
I keep a careful watch for any guards, not wanting to explain where I'm going this time.
Given that I'm going to try to sneak into an illegal fight, I don't want anyone to remember that I was out of the palace.
I slip into the inn and make my way to the same room where I spoke with Thalia before. She's waiting for me, dressed as a wealthy merchant and looking impatient.
“What took you so long? Much longer, and I was going to leave."
“I didn't see your message until just a little while ago,” I say. “Why are you dressed like that?”
“I’m trying out my disguise ahead of the fight. Did you think these people would invite one of Alaric's rebels into their fights?” Thalia counters. “But a wealthy merchant with money to spend and lose is a different matter.”
I frown. “I already tried to get into the pit fights using a disguise as a noble.”
“And that was the mistake,” Thalia says.
“People know who the nobles are in this city.
If one comes along they don't know, they're more suspicious.
And they tend to assume that nobles want power and control.
Whoever's running this now doesn't want to share, so they select who they let in carefully. But a merchant is all about money, and they want money. My guess is that this is at least partly about pulling in more money to finance something else.”
“So you're going as a merchant,” I say. “Presumably, I'm not going as myself. Am I another merchant?”
Thalia shakes her head. “It's not as though they generally travel in pairs, and I was only able to secure an invitation for one person.”
“So how do I get in?” I ask.
Thalia has already laid out clothes on the bed: a dress that's almost sheer and clinging, gilded sandals, cheap jewelry that's obviously glass.
“They won't object to a merchant bringing her companion with her.”
“Companion?” I say.
“Courtesan, servant. You can use whatever term you like. I'm sure they will.”
“Staring at my body the whole time,” I say.
“Better your body than your face,” Thalia points out.
“With this disguise, they won't expect you to speak, won't ask you questions or demand to know anything.
Most of them won't even look at you beyond a brief glance.
They'll never know it's you, and that's the important thing when you have one of the most recognizable faces in the city.”
I take her point, but I can't help feeling the choice of disguise is also partly to humiliate me a little. Maybe Alaric’s lieutenant is getting some small measure of revenge for me hurting him by not being with him.
Or maybe she just likes to play games. I don't know her well enough to be sure either way.
“So, I get dressed and we go?” I say.
Thalia shakes her head. “The fight isn’t until tomorrow.
I’m wearing my disguise now because I've been wearing it most of the day, making sure I'm seen around the city. I need to make sure that if anybody asks, Jada Nessus is known to enough of the merchants as a visitor from the fringes of Aetheria.”
“So we're going to meet tomorrow,” I say. “When, and where?”
“Here, at sunset. And don't be late this time. You'll come here making sure you aren't seen. You’ll change your clothes, and people will assume that Jada has found herself a stunning companion for the evening.”
“Stunning?” I say, eyeing my disguise warily. I don't think anything about it is going to make me look stunning.
“Trust me, once we get enough makeup on you, and get you dressed, you’ll look like the most expensive courtesan in… well, at least coming out of the slums.”
She quirks a smile as she says it.
“You're enjoying this far too much,” I say.
Thalia shrugs. “Alaric said I was to work with you. He didn't say anything about being nice.”
“How is Alaric?” I ask.
Thalia shakes her head. “The less I tell you about it now, the better it is for both of you. He wants to keep his secrets and his distance. When he chooses to do things differently, you'll know.”
It's a frustrating answer, and I can't help feeling that all the men in my life have problems. Rowan…
well he's not in my life anymore that way, but his role as the first senator has changed something in him, exacerbated his need for stability and order, so that he's worried about doing anything dynamic for the good of the city.
Alaric has become paranoid and secretive, going from being a noble to some kind of rebel figure determined to tear down either the corruption of the city or the city itself depending on who I ask. As for Marcus…
More and more with Marcus, I'm convinced that there's something he's not telling me.
It's not just his determination to see Selene Ravenscroft killed.
It's his support for the more violent aspects of the games. It’s the way he positions himself to get the maximum attention within the city.
It's a hundred small things that don’t quite fit with the image of the clean-cut senator that he's always portrayed.
Well, no, not always. There was a point where he played the part of one of Domitian’s confidants so he could get closer to him and take him down.
It meant that we had at least some proof of Domitian’s intentions, but now it makes me wonder if Marcus ever shows the real version of himself to the world.
I also find myself wondering just how close to reality the version of himself he showed to Domitian was.
Is Marcus the kind, gentle man he is when he's with me, or is he another version?
I don't know, and there's no time to sort out the tangles of my romantic life.
“Are you sure you want to go through with this?” I ask Thalia. “I could play the part of the merchant and go alone.”
“I'm going,” Thalia says, in a firm tone. “And we'll have backup in case there's danger. Alaric will send a group of people to wait nearby. I'm sure if there's danger you can use an animal to send them a signal, and they'll come in if they hear anything going wrong.”
The presence of Alaric's people should be a reassurance, but mostly I associate them with chaos and disruption. I don't know if their presence is going to make me safer. But I get the feeling they will be there whether I want them or not.
I scoop up the disguise Thalia has provided, stowing it under my cloak and then heading back to the palace to sleep. Tomorrow, I will finally have a chance to infiltrate these death matches. I'm not going to squander it.
*
It's hard getting through the day because my thoughts are drawn to the night and what I'm going to do.
My disguise is carefully hidden in my rooms, inside an old vase, so no servant will discover it.
I forced myself to go to meetings on the fringes of the senate, discussing the details of potential trade with our neighbors.
Marcus is there, of course, because trade is dear to his heart.
“I'm confident that, despite the threats before from Arboria, we can persuade their queen to trade openly with us.”
“What do they have to offer us besides trees?” Senator Rebus asks.
“Don't underestimate the value of trees,” Marcus says. “Our shipyards need all the timber they can get. And they have many other goods to offer, rare herbs from the forests, the finest horses.”
“We need to be careful in dealing with them,” I say, remembering their emissary, Cassandra. “They respect strength and they think we’re weak. They were threatening to seize border villages if we didn't protect our own lands.”
“Which is why we've sent patrols out to those villages,” Marcus says.
The senate wasn't prepared to send them when Selene with abducting villagers, but the prospect of losing territory seems to have galvanized them. To me, that says something worrying about their priorities. Is territory really that much more important than people?
The meeting finally comes to a close, and I go to leave and head back to my chambers. Marcus catches my hand as I go, pulling me into a kiss, which is less common for him in public than in private.
“What was that for?” I ask him.
“Does there have to be a reason?” he counters.
“No, but with you, there usually is,” I say.
His expression tightens. “Maybe it's just because I care about you, Lyra. And… there's something I want to ask you.”
“What?”
“Not here,” he says. “This is something that's better if we're alone.”
We head back to my rooms, his hand still in mine. He stares at me as we walk as if I'm the loveliest thing he's ever seen. We get inside, and he looks nervous.
“What is it?” I demand. “What is it you're planning to ask me?”
He lifts my hand to his lips. “I wanted to ask if you would consider marrying me, Lyra.”
The shock of the question hit me like a punch, driving all thoughts from my head.
It's too much, too suddenly, seeming to come out of nowhere.
Marcus and I are together, and we care about one another, but he's given no sign of building up to this, no indication that this is where he's heading with me.
“What?” I say, my eyes wide.
“Marry me,” he says. “I love you, and I think you love me.”
Have we even uttered those words to one another? There's so much between us, but it feels as though that's a boundary we haven't crossed.
“And it makes sense,” Marcus says. “Two of the most powerful senators together? The former champion of the arena with the wealthiest merchant in the city? Already, people talk about us as if we're more important as a couple than we ever were apart. We could achieve so much here, Lyra.”
“Are you proposing a marriage or a political alliance?” I joke, because he seems to be proposing it in the same terms that he was suggesting a trade agreement earlier.
“In Aetheria, a marriage could easily be both,” Marcus says. He looks earnest. “This isn't just some cynical attempt to make the best match possible. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't care about you, Lyra, but I also see how good it could be for both of us.”
I stare at him, unsure of what to say. There's no doubt that I feel a lot for him, but I don't understand his sudden leap towards marriage, and his reasons for it seem more practical than romantic.
The whole moment seems out of place, uncalled for.
It feels like too much, and I can't help wondering about Marcus's motives.
It feels as if he's simply trying to set up something else, or maybe just as though he's trying to distract me.
“I… I’ll need some time to think,” I say, because I can't just say yes, and I don't want to dismiss his offer out of hand. “This is all so sudden.”
Marcus smiles. “It's not that sudden when we've been seeing one another for months.”
He has a point there, but it doesn't mean I'm about to give in and simply say yes.
“Just let me think,” I say. “You say to me that marriage is partly romantic and partly practical. Well, I know how I feel about you romantically, but I need to think through the rest of it if I'm going to take this offer seriously.”
I try to put it in words Marcus will understand. He seems to view his offer of marriage as much like any other business proposition, so I'm sure he can understand his potential partner taking her time to understand all aspects of what he's offering.
The truth is I want to understand why he's doing this, why he's so suddenly wanting to push things to the next level with me.
“Of course,” Marcus says. “I'll give you a few days. It's good that you're taking this seriously because I'm very serious about it, Lyra. I think that with you by my side, there's nothing we can't achieve.”
The question for me is what he wants to achieve. I'm not sure I understand any of Marcus's intentions anymore. Not in the senate, not in the city, and certainly not with me. I let him go with a parting kiss.
I’ll try to understand Marcus better later. For now, though, my duties in the senate are done for the day. It's time for me to prepare for the infiltration I'll be conducting this evening. That has to be my priority because we need to stop whoever is putting on death matches in secret.