Chapter Ten #2
“That’s not pity. It’s truth,” he said emphatically.
“Pity implies that I feel superior, and I definitely don’t.
We don’t have any say in who our parents are.
It’s the luck of the draw. What I feel is sad that you weren’t loved the way every child deserves to be loved.
That you didn’t get the gentleness you should have gotten from them before you were set free in a world that can be too damn rough. ”
Unexpected emotions bubbled up inside her.
“I don’t know what the situation was with your parents, but it was bad enough for you to take off at seventeen, which tells me a lot.” He stabbed a piece of meatball with his fork. “You got the short end of the stick, and that fucking sucks.”
Something about his vehemence and understanding made it easier for her to talk about it. “It does suck. I used to think it was my fault that they were like that, but I’ve learned that their addictions, their fights, and my father’s abuse had nothing to do with me.”
His fork stopped halfway to his mouth, his eyes narrowing.
She realized how much she’d revealed and quickly added, “Sorry. I don’t mean to dump this on you. I don’t usually talk about it.”
“You’re not dumping,” he said evenly. “Did your father ever hurt you?”
She didn’t answer right away, pushing spaghetti around on her plate, but she wasn’t going to go backward and hide in shame over the shit her parents did.
“Only once physically,” she finally said.
“And I’m not rationalizing for him, but it wasn’t like he hit me or anything.
He and my mother fought a lot, and they’d get physical with each other, but they just yelled at me.
That’s why I stayed out of the house as much as I could.
Well, that and the fact that they were usually drunk or high.
The one time I tried to get between them, they both pushed me out of the way.
Until then, I think I’d hoped that my mother would clean up her act, but that’s when I knew I was really on my own. ”
“How old were you?” He ate the meatball he’d speared.
“Seventeen. It was about two weeks before graduation, before we ran away. I know it looks like I went from an abusive family to being with an abusive guy, but it wasn’t always like this with Brian.”
“I don’t think you did that.” He tapped her leg with the side of his. “And just so you know, I’m the last guy you need to worry about judging you.”
The honesty in his eyes was underscored by his reassuring tone, allowing relief to whisper in. “Okay.”
“Tell me about Brian. You said you grew up together?”
“Yeah. I’ve known him forever. He lived around the corner from me, and we rode the bus to school together every year.
Neither of us has any brothers or sisters, so we’d hang out together after school.
When other kids were playing at the park, we were knocking around down by the creek or in the junkyard around the corner.
We bonded over our horrible home lives and commiserated about how much we hated our parents and their fighting.
We snuck out at night to get away from their yelling, and we’d bang on each other’s bedroom windows.
I can’t tell you how many times I cried on his shoulder, cursing them.
Every week I’d swear I was going to run away, but every time I said it, Brian said I had to wait until I graduated from high school or they’d put me in a foster home and arrest my parents. ”
“A foster home might not have been too bad,” Zander said.
“My brother Justin, who goes by the road name Maverick, was fostered by my parents before they adopted him. He came to us when he was eleven, and he’ll tell you it was the best thing that ever happened to him.
Well, before he fell in love with his wife, Chloe, and they had their daughter, Marybelle.
But there are plenty of people who haven’t had that kind of experience, so who knows what would’ve happened. ”
“I didn’t know what being in the system even meant back then,” she admitted.
“It was this undefinable thing that could happen to kids, and we thought it was bad.” She ate a forkful of spaghetti, remembering how the idea of a bad foster family had stopped her from leaving.
“Was it hard for you to have another kid in the house?”
“No, there are a lot of us. I have three brothers and one sister. Blaine is the oldest, then there’s Maverick.
The two of them had a rough start, but now they co-own Cape Stone, a stone masonry and distribution company.
Then there’s Zeke. He works with me at our family’s renovation company, and my sister, Madigan.
Mads is a jack-of-all-trades. She’s a puppeteer and a musical storyteller, and she makes greeting cards. ”
“Wow. Are you all close?”
“Yeah, very. We’re close to my cousins, too.
Tank, who looks like his name and owns a tattoo shop, and Baz—he’s a vet—and Gunner.
Gunner and his wife, Sid, own an animal rescue.
But I grew up with the Dark Knights’ families.
I was used to being around lots of kids.
I thought it was cool when Mav came to stay with us, but I was just a little kid.
I know it was tougher for Blaine. As the oldest, he was used to being the big dog, and Maverick is only a year younger, and he wasn’t used to answering to anyone.
It took Maverick a solid year to let his guard down, and that was probably the only time in my life when I wasn’t the biggest troublemaker in the family. ”
She laughed softly. “You were a troublemaker, huh?”
“Some would say I still am, but that’s enough about me. I’d like to hear the rest of your story, if you don’t mind. You said you and Brian have been best buds since you were kids. When did you start partying?”
“I don’t remember exactly how or when, but by the time we were fourteen, drinking and getting high were part of our daily routine.
While other kids were out at community fairs with their families and amusement parks with friends, we were planning our escape for after graduation.
We thought that was enough, you know? Like that piece of paper and leaving our parents behind would change our lives. ”
“It did change your lives,” Zander said.
“Eventually,” she admitted. “But leaving didn’t really solve anything.
It just brought different fears. We were scared all the time.
Scared our parents would drag us back home, scared of the world around us, living in awful situations with other runaways and druggies.
We kept partying to escape those fears, and we did it for way too long.
Brian got into snorting heroin a few times a week toward the end, when he could afford it, but I never did. ”
He took a drink, and as he set the glass down, he said, “Why didn’t you?”
“I was too afraid. For some reason, in my stupid mind, alcohol and weed weren’t as bad.”
“Your mind is far from stupid. Even when you were under the influence, you kept yourself from getting in deeper.”
She smiled, appreciating that more than he could know.
“I guess you’re right. That Fourth of July when you drove me home, I had stumbled by some kids my age, and one of them said something to the others about never wanting to turn into a waste case like that girl, and she was referring to me.
” She swirled spaghetti around her fork.
“That was the first time I really saw myself through someone else’s eyes, and I didn’t like what I saw.
I felt so lost and alone, but I didn’t know how to become someone else. Then you gave me the answer I needed.”
She ate the spaghetti. “You made it seem easy, like it was within my reach. Within my control. The trouble with being an addict is that the substance has the control. It’s like the carrot ahead of the horse.
But I held on to your words like a lifeline.
They became my carrot, and I focused on cleaning up my act and partying less.
But Brian had a harder time, and eventually he overdosed.
” Her voice cracked. It hurt to admit that aloud.
“Thankfully, I found him in time, and the first responders were able to revive him. That was his turning point.”
“That must have been terrifying.”
“It was,” she said softly, remembering the fear that had consumed her. “I don’t know what I would have done if I’d lost him. I would have been completely alone.”
Zander covered her hand with his and squeezed it reassuringly. “I’ve got news for you, darlin’. You’ve entered the Wicked zone, and once you’re in it, you’re pretty much stuck with another best friend for life.”
“You are not stuck with me for life,” she said with a laugh, and then ate another bite of pasta.
“I never said I was stuck. I said you’re stuck, because that’s how Wickeds roll. I, on the other hand, am in need of another best friend. Gunner was my wingman, but now he’s married, and Zeke and I are like this.” He crossed his index and second finger. “But he’s a mother hen, not a great wingman.”
“You expect me to find you women?”
“Hell no. They flock to me on their own. You just need to tell them how great I am.”
She crossed her arms, amused by his arrogance. “And what if I don’t think you’re great?”
“You will. You won’t find a cooler friend than me. You’re not getting out of it, and I’m a great listener, so go ahead and finish your story. What happened after Brian overdosed?”
She couldn’t believe how easily he made her smile.
“There must have been someone watching over us that night, because the fire captain gave me pamphlets about NA and AA. I remember thanking him so many times for saving Brian and begging him not to turn Brian in to the police. He told me he was there to help, not to give Brian a reason to do it again.”
“Sounds like a good man. You’re lucky they were able to save him. I lost my cousin Ashley to an accidental overdose several years ago. That’s the kind of loss you never get over.”