Chapter Thirty-Eight
THIS IS IT. The beginning of the end echoed painfully in Shauna’s mind as she padded into the living room wearing one of Zander’s T-shirts she’d claimed as her own.
She was picking up Brian from rehab today.
She’d spent the last two weeks standing on a double-edged sword, but today it felt sharper than ever.
She was elated that he’d worked hard, had stuck it out, and was getting a second chance at a sober life.
It would be a fresh start for them, but it came at a price she hadn’t fully expected to hit so hard.
Kitty meowed at her feet, sharpening that sword a little more.
Shauna picked her up and looked around the beautiful home she’d been part of bringing to life, memories dancing in every corner.
From the pole in the dining room where practicing always led to Zander chasing her, tackling her on the couch in a fit of giggles and kisses, or hauling her over his shoulder and throwing her onto his bed, and the picture of them on the Maid of the Mist, hair drenched, smiling down from the mantel among photos of his family and the picture of her and Brian.
When she’d walked into the shell of a cottage a few months ago, she never would have imagined falling in love with it or with the wonderful man standing on the beach out back, looking like she’d seen him nearly every morning for the past three months.
He was shirtless, his jeans hanging low on his hips as he gazed out at the water, coffee mug in hand, the ink on his back now achingly familiar.
She pressed a kiss to Kitty’s head, a lump forming in her throat as she whispered, “I’m going to miss this.
” All of it. You, him, and our quiet mornings.
Our busy days with a million texts and our sexy nights.
And this peaceful, happy feeling of belonging, and wanting and being wanted, and not walking through life clutching the reins.
But falling in love with Zander wasn’t part of the agreement, and if ever there was a day for her to pull up her big-girl panties and do what she needed to, it was today.
The attorney said the money would be in her account today, and once she had it, she’d pay Zander back, they’d sign the divorce papers, and that would be the end of it.
Then she could focus on Brian. She and Brian had a long road ahead of them, and Brian didn’t need to see the fissures forming in her heart.
He needed, and deserved, her strength and support delivered with all of the pride and happiness she felt for what he’d accomplished and what she knew he’d achieve moving forward.
With that resolve in place, she gave Kitty another kiss and set her down as she headed out to the patio door. She was greeted with the warmth of the sun and the sounds of the waves kissing the shore. She’d miss that, too.
Zander turned, the sun catching the gold charm resting against his chest. His gaze drifted down the length of her, his lips curved up in that lazy, sexy smile she’d come to adore. “Morning, Angel.”
“Morning.”
He reached for her, like he did every morning, drawing her against his warm skin, and kissed her soft and sweet. “Did you sleep okay?”
“Mm-hm.” She hadn’t expected to, with so many changes coming up, but in Zander’s arms, she’d gone out like a light.
He sat down on the lounge chair and widened his legs for her to sit between them.
As she settled her back against his chest, she saw her coffee mug on the table beside them.
He put his mug beside it and wound his arms around her.
Brushing his scruff against her cheek—another thing she’d miss—he said, “I see you eyeing your coffee, but I don’t have many mornings left to do this, so give me a minute. ”
She crossed her arms over his, holding on to the longing in his voice, and at the same time, not allowing herself to get lost in it. “Careful, Wicked, or I’m going to think you’ll miss me.” He tensed up a little, and she wondered if he wasn’t going to miss her.
“I’ll miss your sexy ass in my bed.” He nipped at her shoulder, sending heat prickling through her.
“And my private pole dances.” He kissed the spot he’d bitten.
“And I’ll probably miss a few other things, like those adorable dimples and the way you call Kitty up onto the bed as soon as you think I’m asleep. ”
“You knew I did that?”
“Every damn night.”
She heard the smile in his voice.
“I’ll miss you, Flores. We’re good together, and I know you’ll miss me.”
More than you can imagine. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, releasing a tease to keep her own emotions at bay. “I’ll miss your incredibly generous barista skills.”
“That’s it?” He grabbed her ribs.
She startled out a laugh. “Okay, okay. I’ll miss your Loch Ness monster.”
“That’s a given,” he said arrogantly, and hugged her tight.
She took a deep breath, gathering her courage, “The truth is, I’ll miss you a lot.”
“Yeah, me, too.” He kissed her shoulder. “Are you nervous about picking up Brian?”
“Yes, but I’m also excited to see him. It feels like it’s been forever since we were in the same room, and we have a lot to talk about.”
“My offer still stands to go with you.”
He’d offered every time they’d talked about it, but as much as she wanted him to be there for her, she had to put Brian first. “I appreciate that, but I think it’ll be easier for him if it’s just the two of us.”
“Did you decide if you’re going to tell him about the marriage?”
She’d spent the last two weeks mulling that over, and it was one of the hardest decisions she’d had to make.
“I’m not going to. I hate keeping secrets from him, but I don’t want to do or say anything that might set him back.
I’ll tell him eventually, when I feel like he’s in a good enough place.
We have so much to do once he’s home. He needs a sponsor and a job, and I don’t know how well his car will hold up, so he may need to find a job on the bus line, and we need to heal our relationship. ”
Zander hugged her tight again, but he was quiet, leaving only the sounds of the waves to buffer the worries in her head.
“He doesn’t have to worry about transportation,” he finally said.
“We cleaned out Brian’s car to make sure there was no hidden drug paraphernalia, and Tobias used to be a mechanic, so I had him fix it, to be sure it’s safe.
I’ve also been taking it out once a week to keep it running. Cars shouldn’t sit idle.”
Shocked, and a little annoyed, she leaned to the side, looking up at him over her shoulder, and said, “Zander, you didn’t have to do that. Brian and I would have figured it out.”
“I have no doubt, but like you said, rehab is just the beginning. He’s got a long, hard road ahead of him, and so do you.
From what I know about addiction, every minute of the day can be a struggle.
I’m sure the urge to go back to old habits when things get hard is a torturous battle.
I just wanted to give him a leg up. A fighting chance. ”
How could she be irritated at that? “Thank you. I appreciate that. I really do, but I wish you’d said something about it before doing it. Part of recovery is making amends for your past mistakes. I’ll make sure Brian pays Tobias for the work he did.”
“If you think he needs to for his recovery, that’s fine, but it’s not necessary.”
“I know, but he needs it. Trust me, he’ll want to do it.” She settled against his chest again. “Are you sure you want to see him tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
“Why? I know you were raised to help people, but why put yourself in that position?”
“Because you were his before you were mine, and you turned your life inside out for him. That tells me he’s worth fighting for, and just because our contract is ending doesn’t mean you’re on your own.
It’s not just you and Brian anymore. You have a support system, and so does he.
We’ve all got your backs, and we always will. ”
Her eyes teared up. She was glad he couldn’t see her face as she tried to blink them dry.
“I bet you wish you’d bought those baggy sweatpants and a mask now, don’t you?” he asked, and kissed her shoulder.
A nervous laugh tumbled out, and she stretched her arms, arching away from his chest so he wouldn’t feel the tremble tiptoeing through her. “No, but I bet you do.”
“Fuck yeah, I do.” He handed her the warm mug of coffee and said, “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and those benefits?” He whistled. “You know I’m going to have withdrawals.”
This was a lot harder than she’d thought it would be. “I’m sure there are plenty of willing women who’d love a turn as the fake Mrs. Wicked. At least you’ll know they’re not just repaying a debt.”
“Don’t try to pretend that’s why you slept with me,” he said with a biting tone.
“If you say so,” she said sarcastically.
He shifted to the side, glowering at her. “You did not.”
“Whatever you need to believe,” she teased.
“You’re a wicked woman, Flores.”
Don’t I wish. Wicked with a capital W, that is.
THE SUN BEAT down on Zander’s shoulders, the sand giving way beneath his feet with every step as he ran down the beach.
He was dripping with sweat, the music blasting in his ears not doing a damn thing to drown out his agonizing thoughts.
He pushed himself harder, his lungs burning.
The cottage had been too quiet after Shauna had left to get Brian.
He’d thought a four-mile run would do the trick, but as his cottage came into view in the distance, he knew he was supremely fucked.
There was no outrunning the emptiness he felt closing in on him.
He slowed to a walk, squinting against the sun as he made his way down the beach, hoping Shauna had gotten to the rehab center safely and things were going smoothly for her and Brian.
He knew how well Brian was doing. When he’d reached out to the rehab center to get a message to him, he hadn’t even been sure Brian would call back.
But when Brian did, he’d sounded sharp and clear-headed, and it was obvious he’d do anything to talk to Shauna.
He’d been appropriately apologetic and grateful.
Zander hoped to hell Brian could fight his demons because if he laid a hand on Shauna again, now or a decade from now, he’d have Zander to deal with.
He picked up a rock and threw it into the ocean. Sweat dripped into his eyes. He dragged his forearm across his brow and headed up the incline toward the cottage, spotting Zeke and Maverick standing out back and Blaine coming from the side yard. He was in no mood to dick around.
“Hey, man,” Zeke said. “How you doin’?”
“Fucking fantastic,” he gritted out. “What are you all doing here?”
“Getting your ugly ass away from this place,” Maverick said.
“No thanks.”
“It’s not a request,” Blaine shot back. “We know today sucks, but it doesn’t have to suck alone.”
“I’m fine,” Zander gritted out.
“Yeah, we know you are,” Zeke said. “But we’re not fine knowing Shauna’s with Brian and you’re overthinking it six ways to sundown.”
Zander scoffed. “I—”
“Save it, Zan. The guys are waiting,” Blaine said.
“What guys?” Zander asked with irritation.
They didn’t answer, just lifted their chins toward the front of the house and headed in that direction, leaving him to follow.
When they came around the corner of the cottage, he stopped short.
Preacher, Conroy, and his cousins stood by their bikes.
Behind them, half the club lined the road, chrome glinting in the sun, leather vests proudly displaying Dark Knights’ patches.
Preacher stepped forward, his expression as solemn as a sermon. “Better get some clothes on, son.”
A ripple of laughter rose from around him.
Confused, Zander said, “I didn’t know we were riding today.”
Preacher looked at Conroy. “Hear that, Con? He didn’t know.”
“I heard it, but I don’t believe it.” Conroy shook his head. “He knows damn well no one battles demons alone in this family, which can only mean one thing.”
“Damn fool went and fell in love with his temporary wife,” Blaine said.
“Sounds like a permanent problem to me,” Zeke added.
Maverick clapped a hand on Zander’s shoulder and said, “Happens to the best of us.”
Zander gritted his teeth, but as the guys started ribbing him, their jeers and laughter carrying in the breeze, the knot in his chest loosened.
Damn it to hell. He hated how much he needed this.