42. Nico
42
NICO
HEALING AND SEX GO HAND IN HAND
“ D rive me to your house, please,” Marie says once she’s seated on the passenger side of my car. But she says it like a question, and she says ‘your house’, not ‘our house’. All the resentment I’ve been bottling up bubbles to the surface and I grind my teeth not to lash out and let the disappointment and hurt I feel wash over her. She doesn’t need that shit and I’m good at ignoring my emotions.
I nod once and we drive in silence. The tension is palpable, but I don’t try to diffuse it this time.
“Nico…” Marie starts but I park in front of my house and leave the vehicle to open her door for her. Leading her home with a hand on her lower back because I can’t stand not to touch her, I’m reminded how I left the house in her absence when I push the door to reveal the living room. Exactly as she left it. The crochet needles are abandoned on the couch with black yarn, all the cabinets doors and drawers in the kitchen are still open. I’ve taken to sleeping on the floor of my workshop because I can’t stand to come home to silence, or on the floor of Ember’s bedroom at Andrea and Giulia’s. I don’t feel worthy of a bed for not helping Marie more.
She gulps audibly, her face stricken like she’s ashamed.
“I haven’t been inside in a while,” I tell her. I don’t say that it’s not her fault because my emotions are a mess and if she didn’t simply leave but talked to me, maybe I wouldn’t feel so out of control.
“Since the day I admitted myself at Nightingale?” she asks softly and I nod. “Oh, Nico. I’m so sorry. Please have a seat.”
I follow her command, a Pavlovian reflex. Once again, I look up at her as she remains standing, my favourite viewpoint. My heart does a somersault but I tamper it down, clasping my fists together until my knuckles turn white. She rummages in her black leather handbag while I simply observe her. She’s as breathtaking as ever in a long blue dress that accentuates her curves, paired with the black boots she loves.
We fit so well. How can she not see that?
“This is for you,” she says as she hands me a few sheets of paper. A first glance shows that she signed each page. My curiosity is picked. I should have read the title first. Even being seated doesn’t prevent my eyes from going wide with shock. I look up at her, a soft and shy smile graces her pretty face.
“What does this mean?”
She chuckles but it sounds wrong, like she’s nervous. “Well, I want you to be Ember’s father in truth.”
“I am,” I counter vehemently.
“Of course, you are, baby.” My stomach drops to my feet at the familiar nickname but hope has no place between us. This must be a sick joke. “You are her father, and if you sign this, you’ll be recognised as such in a court of law. No one will be able to take her from you, or tell you that you aren’t her dad. DeRossi made sure everything’s iron-clad.”
My eyes drop back down to the document resting on my knees. I read it once. Then again. Then a third time. Marie has signed this.
“Please say something,” Marie murmurs.
“But you left.”
“Baby, I never left you .” She drops to her knees in front of me, touching my thighs gently as if she’s scared I’ll reject her. With a hand under my chin, she raises my face to meet her gaze once more. “I’m so sorry I hurt you when I admitted myself into rehab. I needed to be strong for Ember. And for you. I had such a bad panic attack when you were in the Cotswolds. I knew I needed help.”
“Am I not enough?” I ask and it’s full of pain. I thought I was giving her what she needed. A sense of control and someone to talk to when she was feeling on the verge of drinking again. Everyone around me has been hurt because of my choices. First my father, then my mother. Giulia almost died because I couldn’t protect her. I almost died, too, though I’d rather it’d be me than her or Marie or anyone else I care about. But I can’t keep making decisions for the people I love on my own. I can’t be trusted.
“You are enough,” Marie says and gets up on her knees, crawling in between my legs and framing my face with her hand, urgency lacing her voice. “I needed a doctor’s help, a therapist, many in fact. All so that I could come back to you and Ember. Please, let me prove it to you. I’ll do anything to show you how much I love you and that everything I did was to be a better person to be at your side.”
Her forehead drops to mine. I breathe her in but she smells all wrong, chemical soap instead of the fresh lemon one I have in my bathroom that I’ve loved lathering on her skin. I need her here again, in my space. “I need you to make me bleed,” I tell her.
“Nico, I know how much I’ve already hurt you.”
I shake my head. “Replace it with the pain I love. With the one I need. Please, Miss Marie.” I hear what she says about needing help I couldn’t provide but there’s only one way for me to process pain and to absolve myself of my shortcomings. I need her to replace all this mental chatter that I can’t discern right and wrong from, with the cathartic lashes of the whip. She hesitates again so I beg some more. “I need it.”
She swallows hard, but nods.
“Get up, and strip,” she orders as she stands.
The energy between us shifts with those two words. I eagerly obey and undress when she commands it. Marie gasps when she sees the fresh scars. She glides her hand on my left forearm, turning it in all angles, then moving up to my shoulder with tears in her deep green eyes. I hate them. I never want to see her cry ever again. “What is this?” she asks with alarm.
“The shoulder is courtesy of one of Petrov’s men, and he’s dead. The arm… I used my blood to paint,” I tell her truthfully.
“What the fuck!” Her thunderous green eyes turn dark and she holds my chin almost painfully. “Only I am allowed to make you bleed, is that clear?”
“Yes, Miss Marie.” Arousal shoots up my spine and my cock bobs against my stomach at seeing her so irate. I’m hoping her anger will make the blows on my body harsher. The exhaustion after a session is what I crave as I imagine her whipping me until blood wells on my back.
“Such an obedient little pet,” she praises as she prowls around me, her fingers trailing goosebumps where she touches my shoulders and chest. “Kneel. And don’t move.”
I kneel on the rug, the soft cotton familiar on my skin, helping me drop already into a submissive state. I close my eyes and take a deep inhale to quench the anticipation coursing through me. This is better than the blade I’ve taken to my arms in hopes of leeching the pain away. The sound of her footsteps ebbs away before it comes back. Marie lifts my chin with the blunt leathery head of a flogger. “Is this what you want?”
“Yes, Miss Marie.”
Understanding and kindness blends on her beautiful face. She needs this as much as I do, the reminder of her control. She nods and disappears behind me. “What’s your safe word?”
“Fire.”
“Good. Mine is ‘purple’. Now bow your head down, baby. And start counting.”
The first lash across my shoulders has me hissing through my teeth and arching as frissons skate across my skin. “One.”
At the second one, I let out a groan. “Louder,” Marie orders. “And don’t forget to count.”
She keeps a rhythm, creating a criss-cross of marks on my back. The longer we go, the more fuzzy my head grows. At twenty, I’m floating between pain and pleasure, sweat making my skin damp. I know Marie would need way more to actually break the skin but the perspective of giving her all I have sends a jolt of happiness through my system.
I can’t resist squeezing my cock, the edges of my vision blurring. “You can touch yourself but do not come, Nico. That cum belongs to me,” Marie’s sweet voice sifts through the haze, a mental caress I obey without thought. “You did so good, baby,” she says as she caresses my cheek. “Give me a colour.”
“Green.”
She hums, satisfied with herself, and I watch as she pulls her dress over her head, leaving her on full display for me. “Were you naked under that dress the whole evening?” I grunt and she giggles.
“I was. Maybe I was hoping I could lure you into the bathroom and have you lick my pussy in between the main course and dessert.”
Fuck. I’d have done it. I'd do it right now but I remain still, perfectly poised for her next command.
Marie disappears from view for a second but my ears strain so much to hear what she’s up to that I don’t miss the glide of the knife taken out of its butcher block. I start to pant, my eyes rolling back even though she hasn’t used the knife yet. When she uses the sharp edge to lift my chin, I hiss and she smirks. A small flick of her wrist has a drop of blood sliding down the column of my throat in the most erotic and tantalising slow glide.
“Don’t move,” Marie whispers and I hold my breath.
The heavy butcher knife glints in her hands. Walking Death has never looked so enticing, so fucking delicious I want to take a bite of it, of her. With a shallow hold, Marie brings the knife down to my collarbone, barely pressing but she doesn’t need to. Her pupils blow wide as blood wells from the cut, her lips parting before she licks the blood away. Her shallow breaths have her breasts move with every intake. She’s a masterpiece.
Marie slides the knife to the other side and down to the bullet scar, creating red lines like a map of her love for me. I clench my fists, cock hard and throbbing, but all I am is at her mercy. Blood don’t pour out this time and I’m grateful to avoid the feeling of liquid on my skin, but it does taint the blade.
I watch, riveted, my own lips parted in disbelief as she brings the knife up and licks the blade. We moan in unison. I almost come on the spot.
She doesn’t speak but moves to the kitchen and drops the knife in the sink, then taps her thigh and walks towards our bedroom. I crawl after her, my eyes on her peachy ass. When she glances behind her shoulders, she smoulders at me and I swear her pupils blow even wider.
“Lay down on the bed for me, baby.”
I do as I’m told, the chafing of the sheets uncomfortable at my back, rivulets of blood on my chest. I love it. It’s another way to stay within the scene, to stay out of my head as I focus on not coming from the permanent sensation of stinging discomfort.
Marie crawls on top of me, her hair on both sides of her face, falling like dark curtains of silk and grazing the sensitive skin of my legs and lower belly. Her tongue dips down to lick my stomach and chest where she cuts me and I whimper. Then, she straddles me.
“Please, fuck me, Miss Marie. I’ve missed you so much. I need your tight cunt to squeeze my cock until you’re full of me.”
For the first time since we started tonight, her lips crash on mine and her taste overwhelms my senses. She’s everywhere. I reach up to tangle my fists into her hair, holding her to me like she’d disappear if I don’t. She whimpers softly into my mouth, letting go of our scene for a second while we feed off each other’s need. Melting into me and settling the weight of her body on mine, Marie lets herself be mine. That’s how it feels. There’s no pretend or persona, no scene or established dynamic as we consume each other. In a rush, our mouths still locked, our bodies pressed together, Marie lifts herself and guides my erection into her wet heat. She sinks down and we moan in unison.
Like a man possessed, I flip us over and get on top of her, in between her opened thighs. The flesh under my hands is soft and I grip it hard, afraid to let go.
“Let me breed you, luna mia . Please, please, please. Take my cum until you grow my child. I’ll do anything,” I say in between ravenous kisses.
“I’m not on the pill anymore,” Marie breathes and my cock pulses in response.
“Oh fuck . Are you telling me you’re gonna have my baby?”
“It was fucking up with the meds they’re giving me.” She looks at me sheepishly and bites her lip. “Are you gonna fuck me like you mean it, baby?”
“Fuck yes.”
I swing her legs over my shoulders, and press gentle kisses on her calves, before my thrusts get deeper. “You.” Thrust . “Are.” Thrust . “Mine.” Thrust .
“Yes. Yes, I’m yours,” Marie chants as I fuck her into the mattress. “Fuck me harder, baby. You know I can take it,” she says as a reminder of who’s in charge.
I’m possessed, letting instincts rule me as I pound into her harder in long, deep strokes. Marie throws her head back, arching into me until she comes all over my cock, squeezing her inner walls around me. It’s heaven, and hell, because I don’t want this to end. But I wouldn’t be able to stop the orgasm coming at me like a fret train, even after years of discipline. She takes me with her, and I moan into her neck as I collapse on top of her and let go, jets of cum filling her like I promised.
“That’s it,” Marie murmurs into my ear as she glides her nails at my scalp and my swollen back. “Give it to me.”
When I come down from my high, I stay pressed against her chest, inside her until I feel myself soften. I kiss her perfect body from the column of her neck down to her tits, soft stomach and mound until I’m in between her thick thighs. The mix of our release sticks to her legs and I use two fingers to bring it back into her pussy, drawing a sudden gasp from her pretty mouth. I get my lips closer, addicted to the taste of us.
“No.” She stops me with her sharp tongue. “If you want this pussy, beg for it.”
A slow smile spread over my face. I’m delighted to have my vicious little Marie back. I hover over her, kissing every inch of her skin. “Please.” Kiss. “Miss Marie.” Kiss . “I’ve been—” Lick. “Such.” Kiss. “A good boy.” I suck on her neck the way she likes and she lets out a long moan. “Please, luna mia . Let me drown in your pussy while you taste like me.”
Licking her lips slowly, I dive in to give her all of me, our mouths moulding into the other like she was made for me. I tangle my hands in her hair, unable to resist gliding the soft strands through my fingers.
After what seems like seconds and hours all the same, like time itself warped to move around us, she sits up and I wait on my haunches. “Lay down, and let me ride your face, then.”
I position myself, my heart kicking against my chest like it wants to leave my body as she hovers over me. Fuck, this might be my new favourite view. Marie takes hold of the head board and her pussy descends on my mouth but it’s not enough. “Don’t hover, luna mia . Smother me with it.”
With force, I take hold of her thighs and bring her full body weight onto my face, my tongue connecting with her clit and making her sigh. It only takes a few passes of my tongue before she rides me in earnest. I can’t even move, holding myself for her to take her pleasure. My name and prayers fill the space around us, my hands roaming her legs and ass until I grow bold and pinch her nipples. Marie arches her back on top of me, forcing more of her body onto my face. I leave my tongue flat and stiff so it flicks up and down from entrance to clit. Over and over, she rolls her hips, until she comes on top of me, drenching my face with a mix of our cum.
My eyes never leave her face, contorted in ecstasy. She’s so beautiful when she lets go, when she trusts me.
She lifts off my body and collapses next to me, immediately seeking the comfort of my arms. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and kiss her again. This one is softer, a satiated kind of kiss that only happens when exhaustion settles into the bones. When she pulls away, she gives a little contented sigh and closes her eyes, nestling into the crook of my neck.
I check the clock on her nightstand. 9.30 pm. We have to leave soon if we want to make it on time for her curfew. I don’t want to give her bad habits when she’s at Nightingale for that very reason in the first place. I also don’t want to risk any setback or maybe punishment. I don’t think it would be the style of the Institution but Marie’s therapist trusted me to keep her on a rhythm. If she wants to come back to me and Ember as soon as possible, we have to shower and get going.
Fuck, Ember’s now about to officially become my daughter. The papers are waiting for me in the living room and once I sign and file them, she’ll be mine. I want her mother as mine, too, in the eyes of the law and full with my kids for years to come.
A soft snore disturbs my happy thoughts and I chuckle.
“ Luna mia ,” I call with no answer. “ Luna mia , we have to go back to the Centre.”
With expletives I didn’t know her capable of, she sits up and stands on wobbly legs, heading towards the bathroom. I follow and pray I won’t want to fall to my knees to eat her out again. I fail.