Chapter 36
Eleven Years Old
“Ma!” I shout for her as I walk into the kitchen, where I know she’s making her morning coffee.
“Yes, pretty girl?”
“If I have to listen to Ethan screech out 'these wounds they will not heal' one more time while he's in the shower, so help me! He sounds like a dying cat.”
Ethan’s been on this Linkin Park kick since he bought one of their posters at a music store a few weeks ago. He came home with posters of Linkin Park, Twenty One Pilots, and Panic! At the Disco and showed them to Mom and me.
“What are you going to do with those posters?” I asked him.
“Hang them in my room. Obviously!” Ethan sounded exasperated when he responded.
Mom laughs a little. “He can’t help it. It's just puberty, and he’ll grow out of it. Maybe not the singing in the shower part, but he’ll start to sound better again.”
“Ma,” my tone is incredulous, “he does this every morning. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.” I plop into one of the chairs at the small table in the kitchen and place my head in my hands. “I swear even the spiders are covering their ears,” I grumble.
“I know you can handle it. Be gentle with him and try to remember he can’t help it right now.”
***
Present Day
I wake the next morning half lying on Sam—my head on his chest, my arm around his waist, and one leg swung over his.
Sam has one arm around my shoulders, holding me to him. His breaths are deep and even, and I know he’s still asleep.
Not wanting to wake him, I breathe him in, the faint pines-and-salty-sea-air scent that is all Sam is intoxicating. It’s a mixture of his cologne and his deodorant, leftover from the day before.
He smells like home.
I listen to the faint sound of Sam’s beating heart and allow it to soothe me. I don’t know if I’ll ever be tired of hearing his heart beat.
Slowly, I move my hand up his chest to meet the scar that runs from his collarbone down to his ribs. The scar that almost took him from me.
What would Ethan think if he knew Sam and I were not only talking to each other but also sleeping together? I know he told Sam to back off and not pursue a relationship with me.
Would he be mad at Sam? At me?
It might take him some time, but I want to believe that Ethan would accept this. Would accept Sam and me.
What are we?
Is he my boyfriend?
Or are we just having fun?
My fingers lightly trace the portion of Sam’s scar that runs just under his pec as my thoughts spiral into what all of this means.
I feel Sam stretch slightly as he tightens his arm around me. “Good morning, beautiful.”
I meet his eyes briefly before dropping my chin and snuggling into him more. I close my eyes, reveling in Sam nuzzling his face into my neck as he inhales deeply.
“You wouldn’t happen to be overthinking things over there, would you?” His voice is husky, and the sound makes my lady bits want to grovel at his feet, begging for attention.
“No.” Busted. “I was thinking a normal amount over here.”
“Right.” I hear the distrust in his voice.
I look into his eyes but quickly drop my chin again.
“Hey,” he says hesitantly. “You ok?” he gently lifts my chin so I’m looking at him.
I quickly respond to reassure him, “Better than ok, Sammy.” I tilt my head forward and kiss his bare chest.
“Wait,” I pull back enough to look into his eyes again, “are you ok?” Does he regret this weekend?
He chuckles softly before kissing my forehead. “I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.”
I don’t fight the smile that forms on my face at his words. This is a literal dream come true. If only I could tell younger Kat just to hold on, that she would end up with Sam. Younger Kat would never believe me.
“I was just thinking about Ethan.”
“Tell me more.”
“Just that he told you to stay away from me, and here we are. I don’t know what this is,” I gesture vaguely at us, “but I was wondering what Ethan would think.” I look at my hand and lightly retrace Sam’s scar again.
He doesn’t flinch or tense up like I would have expected.
“I was just wondering if Ethan would be mad at me.”
Sam’s quiet for long enough that I think he won’t respond.
He finally says, “He wouldn’t be mad at you, Kat.
Me, on the other hand?” Sam rubs his hand up and down my arm in soothing circles.
“He’d be furious with me. At least initially.
I think he’d come around once he realized how much I love you. At least, I hope he would.”
Did Sam just say he loves me? Isn’t it too soon for that? I’m not sure he realized he said it. I don’t dare look at him, so I keep my focus on my hand tracing his scar.
Not understanding the direction of my thoughts, Sam continues, “Ethan could never be mad at you. Especially not for this. As for what this is, I was hoping I could call you mine.”
I meet his gaze again, searching his expression. “Yours?” It comes out in a croak.
Sam’s body tenses under mine. “Yeah, I mean, unless you don’t want that?”
I lightly brush my lips along his. “Yes, I’m yours.” I look back down at my hand and continue lightly tracing his scar, running my fingers down to where it ends at his ribs.
Sam kisses the top of my head, and his body relaxes again. “Are you truly interested in exploring today before you leave?”
“What else do you have in mind, Sammy?”
“I was thinking,” he says slowly, “I would much rather stay here where I can keep you all to myself. Preferably without clothes,” his hand dips from my arm to my bare waist where my tank top has shifted up, “but I can be persuaded if you really want to leave this bed and go out.”
“Mmmm. I’d love to stay here for as long as we can.” I playfully nuzzle my face into his chest. My stomach makes its presence known at that moment, growling loudly. Sam chuckles at the sound. “But I suppose my body is going to need to be fed, sooner, rather than later, I’m afraid.”
“I can either make you breakfast or I can have it delivered.”
“I thought you didn’t want to leave this bed? Or was that just posturing?”
“Delivery it is.”
***
True to his word, Sam and I spend the majority of the day in his bed, only leaving for brief periods. We cuddle, talk, and watch The Princess Bride. We both laugh at the jokes and quote our favorite parts.
I avoid packing until the very last moment—I want to soak in as much of Sam as I can before I know we have to say goodbye. We won’t see each other for a month—not until he moves back to Charleston. The thought of us living in the same city again sends a surge of electricity through my body.
When it’s time for Sam to take me to the airport, the air feels thick as my mood turns somber. I don’t think it’s just me who feels this way.
Being with Sam this weekend makes me feel more connected to him. More trusting that his feelings for me are genuine.
Maybe we have a chance to move beyond the past. Maybe Sam really is choosing me this time.
Sam parks along the curb when we get to the airport. “Fuck, I don’t want you to leave,” he says as he kisses my forehead, my nose, my cheeks, and finally my lips. “I want to keep you here and never let you out of my sight.”
“My dad would frown upon you kidnapping me.”
“Ugh. Fine. Leave me if you must.” Sam nuzzles his face into my hair.
“I don’t want to leave either. I want to stay here and never leave your sight. A month is a long time. But I think it’ll be here faster than we realize. Besides, you’re going to be busy packing.”
Sam runs his hands along the length of my back, stopping just before the curve of my ass. “I’m not packing anything. I’m hiring movers for all of that. Packing sounds like the worst time, so I’m not doing it,” he laughs.
Sam grips my hips and pulls me towards him.
Once my body is flush against his, he lightly tugs on a few strands of hair before tucking them behind my ear.
He looks down at his watch and then back up to me.
“Time to go, Kitty Kat,” he sighs. “As much as I want you to stay, I know you can’t miss your flight. ”
I tighten my arms around his waist and bury my face into his chest, trying to hold back the tears I feel prick the corners of my eyes. His arms tighten around me again. I’m not sure how long we’ve been standing here, breathing each other in, when I release him and take a step back.
“Text me when you land and call me when you’re home?”
“Of course. Don’t go falling in love with someone else before you move back to Charleston.” The words are out before I realize what I’ve said. I try to laugh them off as if it were a joke. But truthfully, I’m worried he might do just that.
“Never, Kitty Kat,” Sam tries to reassure me. He takes my face in his palms and places a soft and chaste kiss on my lips. “Never,” he repeats.
I gather my suitcase and make my way through the airport doors. Looking back at Sam, I find him watching me. I give him a small smile and wave goodbye.
As I walk through the airport, I can’t stop the few tears that slide down my cheeks.