Chapter 37
Sam moved back to Charleston a week ago. He put his furniture into a storage unit and has been living at his dad’s house.
We’re supposed to have our first proper date today. Except it isn’t a date because Liv told Sam I refuse to sleep in the primary bedroom.
So, Sam’s bringing my favorite Chinese takeout and is helping me clear out Ethan’s things. I’ve been dreading this since Sam told me we were changing plans on Wednesday.
I immediately called Liv to complain. “Kat, you can’t just avoid that room for the rest of your life. I know it’s hard, but having Sam help you will make it easier.”
Fucking. Whatever.
But I know she’s right.
Sam knocks and then lets himself in. He’s looking sexy as hell in loose running shorts that show off his muscular legs, and a hunter green AC/DC t-shirt that shows off his muscular arms and tattoos. I want to trace my fingers along the trees painted down his arm.
I drag my eyes down the length of his arm and see he’s carrying a few bags of food as he makes his way in. “Think you ordered enough food?” I laugh as Sam pulls out container after container, placing them on the kitchen counter.
“Well, I figured we should eat before we get started, and then I thought it might take a while, so I got extra in case we get hungry again.”
“So thoughtful.” My voice is dripping in sarcasm. I don’t want to do this.
He steps away from the food and makes his way to me, determination in his steps. “I know this is going to be hard, but I’m here. Every step of the way, I’m here.” He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into a warm and comforting hug.
I blow out a breath, “I know. Thanks for being here.” I wrap my arms around him and snuggle into his chest. “Can we just stay like this for a bit?”
“We can stay like this for as long as you want.” He kisses the top of my head the way he always does. I hear his stomach grumble with hunger and begrudgingly step out of his warm arms.
“Better feed you before you turn into a bear,” I tease.
“I think you’d like me as a bear.” He winks before stepping back to the food.
He pulls plates out of the cupboard, and even though this is the first time he’s been here since I’ve lived here, I realize this isn’t his first time here.
He knows exactly where the plates, cups, and silverware are. My chest tightens at the thought.
“What’s wrong?” His voice is laced with concern as he looks over at me.
I sigh, trying to collect my thoughts. “I just realized that you must have been here a lot since you know where everything is. It took me a couple of weeks to figure out where everything was.”
I don’t tell Sam that his knowing where everything is just reminds me of all the time we’ve lost. Was I being selfish for not talking to him for so long? Probably.
But more than that, it reminds me of the time I’ve lost with Ethan. I should’ve been here more. I should’ve moved back to Charleston after I graduated from school. I should have been a better sister.
“Hey.” Sam’s voice is gentle, too gentle, and it causes my heart to crack again.
I don’t notice I’m crying until he wipes a tear from my cheek.
“Don’t do that. Don’t beat yourself up for not being here as much.
You and Ethan made things work on the terms that made sense for both of you.
He never resented you for not being in Charleston, and he wouldn’t want you to be upset about it now.
” Sam is only half right about all the turmoil I’m experiencing right now.
Sniffling, I say, “Thanks. Why are you so good to me?”
“Because you’re worth it.” Sam softly kisses my lips. “Now let’s eat. I even brought plum wine for you.” He winks at me and puts a little of everything on two plates.
Beaming at the mention of plum wine, I exclaim, “You, Samuel Harris, are a godsend.”
Once we finish eating, I try to delay the inevitable by drinking more plum wine. Sam catches onto my tactics and takes the bottle from me. “You can have this back once we’re finished.”
I just sulk at him.
“I’ll make you a deal.” I perk up a little, but I’m still pouting. “I’ll let you have half a glass once we tackle the closet and dresser, and then another half once we figure out what to do with the mattress.”
“I can think of a few things to do with the mattress.” I waggle my eyebrows at him. I’m a lightweight, so it doesn’t take much to make me tipsy, and apparently, one and a half glasses of plum wine is all that I need to hit on Sam.
“I would love nothing more than to do some of those things with you. But, we need to get this over with.” He stands up, decision made. He holds out his hand to me. I take it and let him pull me to my feet.
It doesn’t take us long to go through the closet and dresser. We have trash bags ready for items that need to be thrown out and those in good enough condition to be donated.
I keep a stack of Ethan’s T-shirts, thinking it might be cool to make a quilt or something out of them for my parents. As promised, once we’re finished with Ethan’s clothes, Sam has some plum wine ready for me. But I don’t take it.
It’s been several months since Ethan died, and it’s not that I’m over it; you don’t get over death. It’s just that things feel easier, lighter, with Sam around.
I move over to the bed and pull off the bedding. Sam inspects the pillows and, finding them suitable enough, puts them into the donate pile.
“What do you think about the mattress? It looks like it’s in good condition.”
“I can’t sleep on his mattress,” I say matter-of-factly.
“It’s the same size as the one in the guest room. Why don’t we swap it?”
“Sammy?”
“Yes?”
“Could we swap out all the furniture? I’ve gotten used to the stuff in the guest room, and I think it would make sleeping in here a little easier.”
“That’s a great idea. How about we start with moving the guest room furniture into the living room, and then we can move this stuff out and set it up as we go?”
“Ok.” I was worried he might think my request was silly.
We spend the next couple of hours rearranging furniture. By the time we finish setting both rooms back up, I’m grateful that Sam brought extra food.
We sit down on the couch with our food, and Sam turns on the TV. I don’t even realize I’ve been staring at him until his eyes catch mine, playfulness showing in their chocolate brown depths. “What is it, Kat?” His tone is light.
“Thanks. For everything. It wasn’t as bad as I expected, but I couldn’t have done all of this without you. So, thanks.”
“I’m happy to help. It didn’t take as long as I thought it would. You’re pretty strong for how scrawny you look.” He playfully ruffles my hair, and I glower at him. He laughs and then goes back to finding a movie for us to watch. “Indiana Jones or Avengers?”
“You choose.” He enamors me, and I can’t imagine I’ll be watching much of whatever he puts on.
Once we’re finished eating our second dinner, I snuggle up to him on the couch, lying my head on his lap. Sam relaxes into the couch as he props his feet onto the coffee table and runs his hand through my hair. I hear a slight rustling and feel the weight of the blanket he puts over my body.
I’m startled awake and realize Sam is carrying me. “Shhh, it’s ok. I’m just taking you to bed.” I wrap my arm around his neck and lean into him more. Once in my room, he gently lays me down and pulls the covers over me.
I look up at him as he leans down and places a soft kiss on my forehead.
“Goodnight, Kat. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
I reach for his hand, stopping him from leaving. “Stay with me?”
Sam nods, removes his shirt and shorts, and climbs in next to me. We lie next to each other, and the silence feels suffocating.
Why does this feel awkward?
I move closer to him, pick up his arm, and lay my head on his chest, wrapping my arm around his middle. He relaxes into me and wraps his arm around my body, pulling me closer to him.
He kisses the top of my head. “Goodnight, Kat.”
I kiss his chest. “Goodnight, Sammy.”