7. Scarlett
Instead of waiting for my father to decide to give me the loan, I went to the bank and applied for one myself. I qualified for just enough to get a small place near Pino’s. I decided to go back to the place that Axel and I had first visited, the one he’d described as a hole-in-the-wall.
I signed the lease agreement then got to work, spending hours in my apartment creating recipes that I would serve. My time was spent traveling back and forth between my apartment and the market, picking up more groceries to prepare meals in my kitchen. My days were packed from dawn to midnight, cooking or speaking with vendors who could supply all the products I needed to operate the restaurant. I didn’t even have a name for it yet, but I had created nearly the entire menu by the end of the week.
I wasn’t sure if I was excited for the restaurant or just desperate to stay busy. With a packed schedule, I barely had time to reflect on anything, so that meant I hardly thought of Axel, which was exactly what I wanted. Instead of wondering what he was doing or if he was watching the game, I was too busy cooking or washing the grease off my dirty pans. Instead of wondering if he was already sleeping around, I was asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.
I’d just finished another concoction when someone knocked on my door.
I turned off all the burners and felt my heart lunge, secretly hoping that it was Axel on the other side of that door, that he’d come to check on me, to tell me he was as miserable as I was.
But I knew it wasn’t him.
It’d been over a week since I’d left, and he hadn’t texted me. Hadn’t called. It wouldn’t make sense for him to show up on my doorstep unannounced. And even if he did…nothing had changed. It would only hurt us both.
“Sweetheart?”
My heart deflated at the sound of my father’s voice. The disappointment caught me off guard. I walked across the apartment and opened the door to see him standing on the other side, looking nice in his blazer and collared shirt. “Hey, Dad.” I let him inside and didn’t hug him like I normally would. Not only was I dirty in my apron, but I also didn’t have the heart for human affection right now. Axel was the last person to have touched me. “What brings you here?”
“Just wanted to check on you. Haven’t heard from you in a while.” He eyed the mess in the kitchen.
“Just been busy.”
“Something smells good.”
“I’m working on recipes for the restaurant.”
“Oh really?” He entered the kitchen and took a look inside the pans. “What’s this?”
“Short rib ravioli. A long process to prepare the meat and then roll it in the ravioli, but it’s worth it. I think it’ll be a customer favorite when the restaurant opens.”
“Can I try it?”
“Oh, sure.” I took out a couple plates from the cabinet and dished up the ravioli before I placed the dishes on the kitchen table. The pans were left on the stove to be cleaned later. I opened a bottle of wine too and poured two glasses.
I hadn’t sat down to eat since I’d left Axel’s. I snacked here and there whenever I cooked because I didn’t have much of an appetite. It was hard to believe I could lose weight in such a short amount of time, but I could tell my sweatpants fit differently.
My father took a bite, took his time chewing it, and then gave a nod. “Delicious.”
“You really think so?”
“I do.” He stabbed another ravioli and took a bite.
“You know there’s carbs in that, right?”
He smirked as he chewed. “Worth it.”
I looked down at my food and pushed the raviolis around. I had a small appetite, but it suddenly vanished into thin air like I’d never been hungry at all. The food was piping hot and imbued with my effort, but that still wasn’t enough enticement.
My father watched me, his stare interrupted when he took a bite of his food. Silverware clanked against the plates, the sound a replacement for our usual conversation. The blinds on the windows were closed, but it was obvious that it was pitch dark outside.
He interrupted the silence with a question. “How are you?”
My eyes remained down on my food, looking at the cream sauce I’d made from scratch. “Fine.” Now that I was seated at the table without a preoccupation, I was left to think about the man I’d lost. Was he home right now? Or was he out on the town, forgetting me?
He stopped eating his dinner even though he’d only eaten half of it. Maybe he didn’t really like it. Or maybe his obsession with his body-fat percentage was more important. I noticed that trait in the men from this world, the desperation to be as trim and strong as possible, like it made them more intimidating. Axel wasn’t intimidating…just sexy. “It’s been a week since I’ve seen you. I expected you to feel better.”
“Sorry to disappoint you,” I said with my head down.
“You’re the one who chose to leave, sweetheart.”
“Trust me, it’s not because I wanted to.” I finally lifted my chin and set down my fork, tired of poking at my food like I was panning for gold.
He watched me, his hands together on his lap, legs crossed.
I looked out the window, feeling the hot burn of tears behind my eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of my father, to let him see me cry over a man who’d dumped me for someone else, but I didn’t have a mother to embrace me with open arms, to let me cry on her shoulder as she rubbed my back. My father and I were close, but we didn’t talk about this sort of thing. I took a couple breaths to steady my emotions, but I felt the moisture creep toward the backs of my eyes like an incoming tide. “He’s the love of my life.” I felt my bottom lip tremble when I said those words, and it took several seconds to steady it before I continued. I looked so ugly when I cried, and I didn’t want my father to see that. I only wanted him to know the poised version of me, the strong version of me. “I’ll never love anyone the way I love him. But…I just can’t get past it.”
His eyes immediately dropped, probably because he didn’t want to watch the tears break loose and streak down my face.
“He makes me so happy, and everything feels so right…but then the memory creeps in. The way he walked past our table. The way he pulled out the chair for her. The way he poured her a glass of wine before he filled his own. The way she blatantly flirted with him right in front of me at that party…and then he fucked her.” I felt the tears break through, rivers down my cheeks that met the shores of my lips. “The way he replaced me…just like that.” I breathed for several seconds, forcing myself to calm down so the tears would dry before I continued to speak.
His eyes remained locked on the table.
“And I didn’t hear from him again. Like he forgot about me…” An apology from him wasn’t enough. A declaration of his fidelity wasn’t enough, even though I believed he would keep that promise. “I know this makes me sound like a stupid woman, but I believe he wouldn’t hurt me again. He told me he loves me, and I believe him. But it’s just not enough.” I reached for the linen and dabbed my face, wiping the old tears from my cheeks.
He was still as a statue, visibly uncomfortable, his jaw clenched slightly.
Ashamed of my weakness, I looked between the partially open blinds over the window and stared at the lights that peeked through. If I could erase the last five minutes of the conversation, I would. But it was done.
After a long pause, he broke the silence. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”
I slowly turned back to him. “We don’t really talk about this sort of thing.”
His eyes lifted to meet mine. “His past doesn’t bother you? I think that’s a bigger issue than the infidelity.”
“It’s not true.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“I…” I didn’t have evidence. I only had his word. “Because I know him. He would never…” I shook my head. “There was never a time in our relationship when I felt unsafe or manipulated. He’s—he’s the best.”
My father gave a slight nod. “I’m not one to give relationship advice since I’ve never really been in one, but it sounds like…” He hesitated, taking a slow breath and letting it go. “It sounds like he’s an upstanding man who just made a mistake. If you love this man and believe in his reformed integrity, you should make it work. Remember that you’re already married, you’ve already committed, so it’s worth the effort.”
His words surprised me enough to lull me into seconds of silence. “I thought you said he wasn’t good enough for me.”
“What I think doesn’t matter, sweetheart.”
“You’ve always told me I deserve a man who will give me the world. If he cheated on me, how could you encourage me to pursue the relationship? I only married him because I had to. If I’d had a choice in the matter, it never would have happened.”
He rested one arm on the table and stared at it for a while. The silence lasted so long, it seemed like he hadn’t heard everything I’d just said. Then he finally lifted his strong gaze and looked at me. “Axel and I haven’t always gotten along, but I can’t deny the depth of his feelings for you. The feelings you expressed to me…are very much reciprocated. While I don’t condone what happened in the past…” He paused, dropping his gaze back to his arm for a few seconds before he looked at me again. “I do believe that love deserves a second chance. Real love doesn’t come easy, and if you really have it, don’t let it go.”
His words left me speechless. He wasn’t a romantic guy who rooted for relationships. He saw the world in black and white, right and wrong, and based on my feelings, he would normally knock Axel’s teeth out. But he’d said something else entirely, something that dug deep under my skin and spread.
He cleared his throat, his declaration of a subject change. “I’ve decided to grant you the loan for the restaurant. I think it’ll be nice for you to have something that’s just yours.”
“Oh…I already got a loan from the bank.”
“Why?” His voice changed, hardening like our previous emotional conversation hadn’t just taken place.
I shrugged. “I guess I didn’t want to wait.”
“Sweetheart, I just needed to think about it?—”
“But I don’t want your money if you have to think about it.” I didn’t mean to snap, not when he was so good to me and did offer me the money, but my temper was running rampant these last ten days.
He stilled at the ire in my voice and withdrew his arm from the table. “My hesitation was not a reflection of my belief in your success.”
“Then what was the hesitation?” I put him on the spot and backed him into the corner with my eyes.
He stared me down in silence, holding my gaze like an enemy rather than family. “I guess it’s hard for me to accept that you’ve chosen to leave the family business. That’s my problem, not yours.”
“So you use your money to leverage me?”
“Where is this hostility coming from?” He raised his voice, only slightly, and he hadn’t done that since I was still living under his roof. “I didn’t offer you the money instantly, but I’m offering it to you now.”
“Well, I already got the loan from the bank, so this conversation doesn’t matter.”
“The interest on those loans is ridiculous. Take the money and pay off the loan.”
“I’m good.”
His eyes narrowed, and I knew his anger was just a couple steps behind. “It’s not a loan, Scarlett. I’m giving the money to you.”
“I’d rather stick with the loan.”
“Scarlett!” Now he raised his voice, his stare like the scope of a sniper. “Why are you behaving this way?”
Now it was my turn to snap. “You’re a billionaire. I’ve busted my ass for you the last five years, and you’ve paid me cents on the euro. Then I come to you to pursue something I’ve always been passionate about, and you hesitate?” Axel didn’t hesitate. He wanted me to open the biggest restaurant I possibly could rather than play it safe with that hole-in-the-wall. “I felt like I’d walked into a bank and applied for a loan and the underwriter had to review all my finances first.”
“I told you I just needed time to accept your decision?—”
“Well, I need some time to accept your money.” I left the chair and carried my dish to the counter. “You didn’t even like the food…”
“I did like it?—”
“Then why didn’t you eat it?” I rounded on him, my back to the counter.
“I’d just eaten before I came over here.”
“Axel could have just eaten an ox, and he still would have eaten all of it.” I turned back to the counter and grabbed a glass container to store the leftovers in the hope I would try it later…when I actually had an appetite.
My father came to my side. “Sweetheart, let’s just calm down?—”
“You don’t believe in me.”
“That’s not true.”
“I wanted to open a restaurant before, but all you cared about was the business.”
“Because that business was built with my bare hands.” He tried to keep his voice low, but it started to rise with his anger.
“I didn’t want to marry Axel, but you talked me into it. I wanted to open the restaurant, but you talked me out of it. You told me that I would be able to run the business after you’re gone, but we’ve been ambushed twice, and you don’t seem to understand why I want to step away. It seems like all you care about is yourself.”
He stilled, his eyes flicking back and forth between mine. For once, he didn’t have anything to say.
I couldn’t believe I’d just said that to him. “I think you should go.”
The anger in his eyes was quickly replaced by fear. “You know you’re the single most important thing in the world to me. I’m sorry that I ever made you question that. I’m sorry that the business was pulled out from underneath us and forced me to make these hard decisions. I’m sorry that I made you feel like you don’t matter. That I don’t believe in your cooking or in your success as a chef and a business owner. I’m sorry for all of it.”
I turned away, moved by his words but refusing to show it.
“Sweetheart—”
“I just need some space right now.” I wouldn’t look at him. I was so furious with him, and I wasn’t sure why. Like a switch had been flipped and light flooded the room, I saw the world in a different way. I couldn’t explain it. All I could do was feel it.
He remained next to me, lingering against the counter like he was trying to search for the right words to change my mind. But he seemed to realize that the more he pursued me, the more he would push me away. “Goodnight, sweetheart.” He left the kitchen and entered the living room. The sound of his loafers tracked his location through the apartment. Then I heard the front door open and shut.
That was when I knew he was gone.