23. Ford
CHAPTER 23
ford
I slammed the front door, cutting off her words, and sprinted to my Jeep. In five minutes flat, I was at Lemon and Silas’s house. My sister-in-law, who I’d known since birth, was already standing in the yard, her phone in her hand. The look on her face told me Peyton had called.
Silas must’ve heard me pull in because he was coming out the front door.
I was barely out of my Jeep when Lemon rushed over to me. “Ford, I’m so sorry.”
“How could you?” I heaved, barely able to talk. “You’re my family.”
Silas jogged up, his eyes ping-ponging between us. “What’s going on?”
Lemon just stood there, lips pursed, a pleading look in her eye.
“I’ll tell you what’s going on,” I said to my brother. “Cash is my kid and no one told me. That’s what’s going on.”
Silas’s eyebrows flicked up, shocked. “What?”
“Yeah,” I said. “And your wife has known the entire time. Helped Peyton cook up some scheme back when she was pregnant. Kept the whole thing a secret. Decided Braxton would be a better father to my son than I would be.” I exhaled a bitter laugh. “Braxton. Who’s a freaking cheater and a liar.”
“Clem?” Silas asked in disbelief. Because who would ever think Lemon would be party to this.
She folded her arms across her chest, not looking guilty at all. “I had nothing to do with Peyton deciding to marry Braxton. I tried to talk her out of it. But she thought it was the best way to keep Ford from questioning who the father was. Yes, I knew Cash was Ford’s. And yes, I agreed that he shouldn’t be told.”
“Oh, babe.” Silas groaned. “You knew all this time and you didn’t tell me?”
“You?” I said. “She didn’t tell me !”
Lemon let out a little huff. “I wanted you to know,” she said to me. “When you got clean. I wanted everyone to know. But it wasn’t my secret to tell.” I opened my mouth to get out another hurtful jab and she snapped in my face. “Stop being selfish. Stop thinking about yourself right now. For the love.” She turned to Silas. “You saw him at the restaurant after he won the show. He was high. On cocaine . It scared the crap out of Peyton.” She swung her glare on me. “Out of all of us, frankly. I don’t think you have any idea how terrifying it was to watch you get high over and over again.”
“I haven’t been high in over five years,” I hissed.
“I know,” she said with more calm. “And I’ve been trying to talk Peyton into telling you all that time. But the woman came slightly unhinged whenever I brought it up. And honestly, can you blame her? She’s so in love with you that she can’t see straight. She knew you were going to be incredibly hurt. She was terrified of losing you.”
I looked to Silas like can you believe this bull crap . But he just stood there, long legs locked, silently rubbing a hand over his mouth.
“Yes, I can blame her,” I finally said, indignant. “She should’ve told me. You should’ve told me.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Silas asked her with way too much chill.
“Because…” She let the word float in the air for a moment. “You would’ve told him. And your parents. Your entire family.” She waved her hands around. “You’re like the honesty patrol.”
He chuckled. “I should be so ashamed.” His head tilted. “Would that have been so bad? Telling everyone the truth.”
“Look. This is more complicated than you think. It’s not just about what’s right on principle.” Her hands cut through the air in a perpendicular, vertical chopping motion. “Here are the facts,” she said pointedly at me. “You were an addict . And you humiliated Peyton in front of millions of people with ‘Dirt Road Memories’ when you won The Nashville Launch . You did that. So Peyton made a choice to protect her baby?—”
“My baby!” I growled.
Lemon tried to kill me with her glower. “From someone who was a complete powder keg . And I agreed with her. At the time,” she said the last sentence quickly when I tried to cut her off. “With my encouragement, Peyton has bent over backward to include Cash in as many Dupree family gatherings as she could get away with while she was married to Braxton. And every gathering since she filed for divorce. He fits here.” She waved her hand at the valley below. For the first time, I realized that Cash was coming across the field in their side-by-side with their boys, James, Griffin, and Bowen. They must’ve been visiting Lemon’s mom, Miss Lisa, on the other side of the farm. “That’s not a coincidence,” Lemon said. “Peyton wanted him comfortable around his cousins so that when she finally felt like she could tell you, it wouldn’t throw him completely off kilter.”
I thought through Lemon’s words and I couldn’t deny the truth of what she was telling me. Cash was at every Dupree family event. Even when Peyton couldn’t make it, somehow she made sure he was there.
The next realization slammed into me like an avalanche, burying me beneath its crushing weight.
Cash hadn’t missed anything. Not one thing.
I had.
I scrubbed a hand through my hair. “I missed out on so much.”
“You did.” Lemon’s voice was softer. “Ford, there are consequences to our actions. No matter who you are. And back then, you weren’t thinking about any of that. You can’t blame this all on Peyton. I was afraid for you to be around my kids back then.”
The regret of my addict years was never heavier than at that moment.
The side-by-side popped over the top of the hill fifty yards away. All four of the boys were laughing. Lemon was right. Cash fit in with the Duprees.
He is a Dupree . He’s your son.
James slowed the Polaris and put it into park, and it took all my willpower to stand there like everything in the world was fine. Forget that. I couldn’t. My hands went to the back of my head as I focused on breathing, my eyes trained on…
My boy.
Who was walking toward me with his cousins.
Cash’s eyes sparkled, not even a hint of the sadness he’d carried in the hall last night. He was happy here.
Dang, he was a good-looking kid. Smart too. Kind and funny.
Peyton had done that.
Without me.
A sob tried to break loose in my chest but I clamped it down. I didn’t want to freak Cash out with my tears.
James got to us first. “Grandma says thank you for the tomatoes,” he said quietly to Lemon. Everything James said was quiet. “Sophie wanted to stay a little longer. Grandma says she’ll bring her home after they’re done watching Wheel of Fortune.”
“You checked the cows?” Silas asked.
James nodded. “We put mineral in the feeder. We counted and all the cows were there. But we couldn’t find the bull. Oh, and twenty-one finally had her calf. Looked like she was nursing fine.”
“Heifer or bull?” Silas asked.
“Heifer. She has some white patches on her face and flanks.”
“What’s up, Funcle Ford!” Bowen fist-bumped me. Followed by Griffin. Cash came in for a fist bump but I couldn’t do it. I grabbed him by the triceps, yanked him against me, and pulled him into a bear hug.
Everyone went quiet, watching as I buried my face in his hair. His arms came around me and he squeezed. The words you’re hugging your boy for the first time played in my mind. It wasn’t the first time I’d hugged him. Just the first time I’d hugged him since I’d found out.
It was amazing and painful at the same time. He was too skinny. I needed to fatten him up. But he was awesome…and he was mine.
Oh man, he was mine .
All the gaping everyone else was doing was getting awkward though, so I made myself let go.
I clapped him on the shoulder. “Did you have a good day?”
His blue eyes—my eyes—twinkled. “Yeah. A really good day.” Then he smiled and it stole my air because it was like looking in a mirror.
Braxton was right. I was an idiot.
Silas blew out his breath and my eyes skittered to his. He shook his head and I knew he saw it too. Maybe he was feeling as stupid as me.
“He had a sick tackle at practice,” Griff said. "Blue gave him the Juggernaut today.”
I chuckled. Pride filled my aching chest. The Juggernaut wasn’t a tangible award you held in your hand. Just bragging rights until the next practice for whatever defensive player made the best stop that day.
“Nice.” I cocked a brow at James, Griffin, and Cash. “That’s Coach Bishop, to you.”
Griff, who was about to pass James in height, had a chunk of red hair poking up in the back. “Yeah, yeah.” He laughed. “We know.”
Lemon and Silas’s boys ambled toward the house.
Cash hung back. “Am I riding home with you?”
Take him somewhere and tell him you’re his dad. Not jerkface, Braxton.
Peyton will be upset if you do it without her.
Who cares? She’s made plenty of decisions without you.
I was angry enough and hurt enough that I wanted to do it to spite her. Also, I wanted Cash to know. But then I thought about how I would’ve felt if some man had shown up out of the blue and told me the man I’d thought was my dad my whole life wasn’t. I would’ve hated everyone and everything.
What right did I have to drop that bomb on Cash? A bomb that would rock his entire world the way it had just rocked mine.
This is why Peyton never said anything. She didn’t want to hurt him.
She didn’t want to hurt you, the generous, forgiving part of me whispered.
Whatever. She wasn’t thinking about you at all.
I jammed my hands into my pockets. “No. I think you’re eating here tonight.”
“Sick.” He grinned. “See ya!” He took off for the house—and his jog was my jog. I’d seen plenty of videos of myself running off stage and down to the dressing rooms to recognize it.
As soon as he was inside, the little air left in my lungs hissed out.
Silas scrubbed a hand over his face. “Oh wow. He’s like your freaking mini me.” He made a mind blown gesture. "How did I never see it?”
“People see what they want to see,” Lemon said softly.
“Man.” Silas’s eyes danced. “This is great. Insta-family. You wanted to be a dad. You’re excited, right?”
I only nodded because it was taking all my strength to keep the tears inside my eyelids and breathe at the same time.
When I didn’t give Silas the reaction he expected, he frowned. “Clem said that Peyton loves you. She’s been terrified to tell you. So now there’s nothing between you. You can head home and have that honeymoon night you’ve been dreaming of.”
I blinked and turned to get in my Jeep.
“Ford?” Lemon said, her throat thick sounding.
“You are heading home, right?” Silas asked.
Like a pair of fists inside my chest, anger pounded, frantic to get free. I turned to face my brother. “Would you?” It was a simple question but the words burned like someone had yanked them straight out of my vocal cords. “If you were me, and you found out from Billy—not Lemon— Billy —that James was yours and she’d never told you? And she chose Billy to be his dad instead of you—would you head home and get lovey dovey with her?” My voice trembled, revealing how close I was to breaking. “That would be your reaction?”
All the joy left Silas’s face and Lemon finally wore the expression of guilt she should have when I pulled up.
“Yeah. That’s what I thought.”
I drove down their driveway and pulled onto the main highway like I knew where I was going. I didn’t. All I knew was that I wasn’t going home.
Home was where my wife was.
And I needed to be anywhere but there.