24. Ford
CHAPTER 24
ford
I wound up at Sandbridge, at the house my family had stayed in every year for Dupree Family Beach Week since I was a baby. I’d bought it two summers ago, when the owners let us know they were putting it up for sale. But I wasn’t out in the water. I was curled up on the bed or on the couch, spinning uncontrollably through the stages of grief like a car on black ice.
Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression. Repeat. Never in the same order twice. Just one jumbled, confusing mess. The only stage I hadn’t touched was acceptance. It stayed in its own tidy little circle on the corner of the page, just out of reach.
I wanted the insta-family. Wanted it so badly that I couldn’t think straight. But I couldn’t let go of the hurt I felt toward Peyton. The betrayal. For two long days and nights, I grieved, only leaving the house to get food.
Finally on Saturday morning, I took to the sand.
It was nine a.m. and it was going to be hot for May. A couple of college aged guys ran past tossing a football. One eyed me and I knew he was trying to figure out if I was Ford Dupree of Whiskey and Women. If my facial features and hair weren’t a dead giveaway, my tattoos surely were. I reached down and picked up my hoodie from the towel beside my beach chair. Then I slapped my ball cap back on my head and pushed my sunglasses up higher on my nose.
My phone let out a loud doberman bark from the cupholder of my chair. That was Jeff’s ringtone. I dug my toes in the sand and picked it up.
Guard Dog
Where are you, Ford? It’s my job to make sure you’re safe. Please let me do my job.
I’m fine. You are doing your job right now. You’re making sure Cash and Peyton are safe.
Guard Dog
When will you be back? Ronny Don keeps calling. He says you’re not answering his texts. You have that meeting coming up. The meeting you requested.
I know. I’ll be there. Tell him to stop worrying. You should do the same.
I flicked out of our text thread and tortured myself by heading to Peyton’s.
There were well over a hundred messages I hadn’t responded to. My mom would pop me in the back of the head for being so rude. But I just…couldn’t. Peyton’s last texts had come through late last night.
Peyton
I’ll tell Holden to start the annulment process if that’s what you want. You can decide custody. Fifty-fifty? Or you can have seventy-five to make up for lost time? Or you can have him whenever you’re home and I’ll take him when you’re on tour or in Nashville? Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it.
I love you, Ford. I feel like a hypocrite saying that but I do. I wish you would talk to me. It feels like someone died. It hurts to breathe. Please come home from wherever you are.
The desperation in her words ground salt in my wounds. Peyton loved me. I finally knew it and it was the last thing I wanted to think about. Because how can you love someone and lie to them for years? I couldn’t reconcile the two.
On the other hand, Peyton was one of the most selfless people I’d ever known. She’d done what she’d done for Cash. Or at least she believed that. She’d take all the bullets for that boy. Our boy. I just hated that she thought he’d needed protection from me.
And I hated myself because she might be right.
Peyton also believed in owning her mistakes. It would gut her to not be with Cash seventy-five percent of the time, or only when I was out of town. She was trying to make restitution. It should’ve softened me. But I was dead center in the biggest pity party of my life and I wasn’t ready to leave.
This was my favorite time of year to come to the beach. Not too hot yet and not too crowded. There would be a mass influx of people after Memorial Day. Too bad it was the weekend though. It was already getting too busy for my liking.
I was thinking about heading back inside when a teenage boy shot past me, a boogie board tucked under his arm, heading for the water.
“Hey, Ford.”
That was Cash.
I sat up in my chair.
Then Griffin ran past with Liam.
“What up!”
“Suh, fam!”
Ashton’s boy, Theo, sped by. “Hey, Funcle Ford!”
“Hey!” My face split into a grin. Had Theo driven them here? No. No way would Ash and Tally let a seventeen-year-old drive himself and his cousins four hours to the beach unsupervised. I whipped around, and sure enough, all three of my brothers and Anna’s husband, Blue, were walking across the hot sand, the rest of their boys in tow.
James came jogging past with Blaze, Anna’s boy. “Funcle Ford!” they called.
Next was Bowen. “Thanks for getting in a fight with Aunt Peyton so we could have a guys only day at the beach,” he hooted as he ran past. “So sick .”
“You’re welcome.” I was up on my feet.
Holden walked up, staring at the waves, a massive grin on his face. “Just think, boys. If Ford hadn’t rage-quit reality faster than Liam losing Mario Kart and slithered off to Pouty McSulksville, ” he said in a baby voice, gesturing at the beach house behind us, “we’d all be home mowing the lawn and checking off the honey-do list.”
“Rage-quit reality?” I puffed irritably. “ Fourteen years , Briefcase Barry. I think I earned the right to sulk for a few days.”
Silas eyed me carefully. He’d actually thought they might find me drunk or high.
I widened my eyes so he could see they weren’t red. Then I aggressively drew a five-foot-long line in the sand with my toes and started walking it. When I got to the end, instead of turning on one foot like this was a law enforcement sobriety test, I jumped in the air and did a perfect heel click.
He jogged over, laughing, and gave me a playful shove.
I chuckled. “Y’all must’ve gotten up at the butt crack of dawn to get here this early.”
At my mention of his lack of sleep, Ashton yawned. “Yes. Yes, we did. Thanks to you.”
“No one told you to come down here,” I growled.
“Thanks for the opportunity,” Blue said, always the cheerful one. “This is just what I needed.”
“Where’s Bronco?” I asked him.
“At home with Anna. No way was I bringing him here. Between the water, and his desire to put everything in his mouth, I’d spend my entire day trying to keep him alive.”
Ashton was on his knees, wrestling a life jacket onto his three-year-old, Tristan.
“How did you guys know where I was?” I asked. “I turned off my location.”
Silas had a mischievous look in his eye. “We know all.”
“Also, someone posted a picture of you last night at Pier Pressure, a forkful of lobster halfway to your mouth," Holden said.
“Of course they did.” Why I thought I could keep my whereabouts secret for five seconds, I didn’t know.
I gazed at all the Dupree XY chromosomes in the water—Cash with his cousins—and smiled my first real smile in two days.
“C’mon.” Silas tipped his head toward the waves. “Whatdya say you spend your first full day with your boy?”
“Does he know?” I asked.
“No.” He gave me a sad smile. “Peyton wants you to tell him together.”
Ashton was back on his feet. He wiped the sand from his hands. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t make this a good first memory.”
So that’s what we did. All day long. Body surfing, and boogie boarding, and impromptu football games. Of course, Blue smoked us at every turn. At five, everyone made their way into the house to clean up and head to Pier Pressure for dinner.
Once dessert was consumed, the cousins made their way back to the beach, while my brothers, Blue, and I leaned back in our chairs and chatted.
I would’ve called it a perfect day if Cash hadn’t been withdrawn now and then. At that moment, he was standing off by himself, staring at the waves as the other boys threw a frisbee.
I could tell a difference after one day. My heart had made the shift already. I’d always loved this boy. Would’ve given my last breath for him. But now, I felt an invisible connection. No matter what happened, I’d always be his dad.
“He’s worried.” Ashton’s hands rubbed the metal armrests on his chair. “He thinks you and Peyton are splitting up.”
“He actually cares if we split up?” I asked.
Ash nodded. “He likes you, Ford. He talks about you all the time.”
“ All the time,” Holden agreed. “Whenever he’s at our house, the idol worship is almost unbearable. ‘Did you hear Ford’s new single? So sick!’” His voice was high-pitched. “‘Did you know Ford doesn’t use a farrier? He shoes his horses himself.’” I had a farrier on backup. But it had become one of my hobbies in my off time.
“‘I wish my mom would let me get a faux hawk like Ford,’” Blue added with a grin.
“‘Did you see that Ford now has more platinum albums than Kenny Chesney?’” That one was Silas. He cocked his brow the same way he did when he was getting after a student for running too fast in the halls. “You gotta think about him now. He’s been through a lot already. He needs some security.”
“Needs to know you’re not skipping out on him like Braxton,” Ashton said.
“And that you’re going to love his mom even when things are hard,” Holden inserted. “And not run off to the beach.”
I humphed. “You try finding out?—”
“Fix it,” Silas said simply. “Now. For him.”
I stared at him, ready to growl.
“Oh, come on!” Ashton threw his hands up. “You know you’re not going to be mad at Peyton forever. You couldn’t stay away from that woman if you tried. Stop blaming her for all of this and take some responsibility.”
“You think I’m blaming her?” My voice was ripped with pain. They all stared at me. I jabbed myself in the chest. “I’m blaming me . You think I don’t know it’s my fault? You think I don’t know how crazy I was back then?” I flopped back in my chair. “Trust me,” I hissed. “I know.” I waved my hand at Cash, who was still staring at the waves. “I could’ve had this fourteen years ago.”
Okay, maybe I’d reached acceptance after all.
Blue chewed his lip and I could tell he was holding something back.
“What?” I asked him. “Just say it.”
“When Anna and I broke up, I missed her every second of every day for four years. I never thought I’d be with her again. It was pure torture and it was no one’s fault but my own. I did a lot of stupid things over those four years.” He leaned closer and lowered his voice. “Was with a lot of girls. I beat myself up for a long time.” He gave me a sad smile. “When Anna came back into my life, I knew my choices had hurt her. But she never took it out on me. When I asked her why…” His hands rubbed together. “She said she’d missed me every day during those four years too and now we were finally together. So why would she spend one more second living in the past.”
“Remember the days you prayed for the things you have now,” Silas said quietly. “I know you’ve heard that saying. It’s true. You think I like that Clem was married to Billy for eight years?” His lips pursed into a tight line. “Start where you are. You finally get the life you’ve always wanted with Peyton. Enjoy it.”
“Go to therapy if you need to,” Ashton said.
“I already do.”
“Go some more,” Holden said. “But you gotta forgive yourself. Because that boy out there needs his dad to be at peace.”
“You gotta fix things with Peyton first,” Silas said. “Before you can be a good dad though. Kids feel the tension when things are off.”
I blew out my breath. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll fix things as soon as I get home tomorrow.”
The four of them shared a look.
“What?” I asked.
“Uh.” Ashton leaned back and steepled his fingers. “I hate to tell you this, but your wife is packing her things and moving out of your house as we speak.”
A jolt of panic tore through me. “What?”
He nodded. “The ladies have been trying to stop her all day but she’s half-hysterical and just keeps cleaning, and packing, and carrying boxes to her truck.”
I scoffed, forcing myself to chill. “Where is she moving to? She doesn’t have anywhere to go.”
“Clem told her she could live in the studio above the barn,” Silas said.
“Are you serious?” I said through clenched teeth.“You gave her a place to go so she could leave me ?”
“Bro, she’s determined.” He scowled, looking annoyed at me . “We’re not going to let her be homeless. She’s Clem’s best friend.”
“We offered her the apartment over our garage, too,” Holden admitted. When I tried to incinerate him with my death stare, he only shrugged. “She’s the mother of our nephew.”
“So that makes her family,” Blue rounded it out.
I shoved back from the table, glaring them all down as I stood. “How about no. How about, she’s not moving to that room where Horndog Billy cheated on Lemon the same day we put Sophie in the ground .” I kicked Silas’s chair. “I can’t believe you let me stay down here all day playing while Peyton’s back home sobbing and moving her things. What is wrong with all of you?” Ashton had the gall to snort. I walked over and kicked his chair. Then I rounded my finger on the entire group. “Y’all are cleaning up the beach house. I have to go home and stop her. Now.”
Ashton shoved two fingers in his mouth and let out an ear-splitting whistle at the same time that the others had the nerve to cheer.
“Go get her, Tiger!” Holden yelled.
Blue clapped. “Yes! That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.”
“Finally, some fire!” Silas slapped his armrests.
I rolled my eyes and waved for them all to shut up.
“You needed a day with Cash to soften your icy heart,” Holden said seriously.
Silas nodded. “You weren’t ready until now.”
I stalked off the restaurant’s deck and onto the sand. Then I jogged to Cash, my heart beating like rapid fire.
“Hey.” I stopped next to him.
“Hey.” He faked a smile. Silas was right. He was worried.
“Did you have a good day?”
His shoulders relaxed but he didn’t force another smile. “Yeah. One of the best.”
“Good. I’m glad we could do this. So.” I propped my hands on my hips. “I’m going to head home right now and talk to your mom. Are you okay staying here and coming back with everyone else? Or do you want to come back with me?” I really wanted some alone time with Peyton but my brothers were right. I had to think about Cash now. What he needed.
“Yeah. I’m cool.” But he frowned, not looking cool at all.
“Cash, you don’t need to worry. Your mom and I are going to be fine. I am stupidly, eternally in love with her and I’m going to fix this.” He perked up a bit. “We’re just settling in, getting used to living under the same roof. This marriage, our new family…it’s permanent. I’m not leaving.”
He turned to face me. “So you won’t be heading to the beach house every time you have a disagreement? Because my mom and dad—” I winced at him calling Braxton his dad. “Disagreed every day. That’s a lot of trips to the beach.”
“Your mom and I won’t be having disagreements every day. And I’ll handle things better from now on.”
There was the smile I’d hoped for. “You promise?” he asked.
I held out my fist. “Blood oath, right here.”
He bumped me and grinned. “Good.”
I pulled him into a hug and kissed him on the top of the head, not caring if it was too much. I had years of hugs to make up for. He may as well get used to it now.
Then I headed for home.