CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Riley — 19 years old
“Are you sure you want to do this right now?” Lila asks for the umpteenth time. She’s rarely ever anxious, but today her mood is slightly off. She’s jittery, and it’s unlike her. I know she’s concerned and feeling protective over me.
I place a hand on her knee, giving her my best practiced smile. Even though I’m feeling anything but confident on the inside. I’m scared shitless. My stomach twists and rolls, nausea building in my throat. The bitter acidic taste of bile fills my mouth and I force myself to swallow it all down.“I have to.”
“You don’t have to. You’re shaking, Riley.” She grabs my hand, squeezing. “Come home with me tonight, stay, and when you’re calmer, you can tell your father the news.”
“No, I have to.” I shake my head. “I already left the admission letter on the table. He came home an hour ago. He must have found it by now.”
After a few seconds of tense silence, Lila straightens her back and reaches for the door. “Fine. I’ll go with you,” she mutters firmly, utter determination in her voice.
“No!”
Lila frowns, her lips twisting with displeasure. She has that surly expression on her face that I’m familiar with.
Ah, my sweet, courageous friend.
But this is my battle.
Lila has been my pillar for the longest time, but I have to do this on my own.
But more importantly, I don’t want her to get on my father’s bad side. He doesn’t seem too fond of her, anyway. I’ve kept Lila away from my family as much as I could over the last year and a half. This is my only way of protecting her.
“But Riley—"
It’s my turn to squeeze her hand, trying to soothe her worry by feigning bravery. “I can do this on my own,” I tell her, with a slight tremor in my voice, but I cover it with another fake… confident smile.
Except Lila is not falling for it.
She knows me, and she sees the vulnerability I try so hard to hide.
I am brave , I whisper in my head. I can do this. I’m taking control of my life.
“It’s okay, I got this.”
She finally relents, and lets out a sigh. “Okay, Maddox and I will be right here.” I meet Maddox’s eyes through the rearview mirror and he nods in silent acknowledgement.
Lila and I went to the movies earlier today. It was supposed to be a girls’ day out, but Maddox, the stalker, can’t seem to stay away from my best friend for too long. We found him in the aisle behind us in the theater. He tried to pass it off as a mere coincidence. Yeah, as if that’s believable. Maddox is so whipped for her, it’s almost comical.
“We’ll wait for you. Then we’ll go to my place after you’re done talking or I can drop you off at Grayson’s,” Lila continues.
“Yup. Thank you,” I whisper in gratitude.
I take a deep breath and step out of Maddox’s newest car, a black Bugatti. Probably one of his most expensive ones. He’s got a whole garage of them.
Lila shifts to the front seat, sitting beside Maddox. It’s crazy how she used to be so scared of getting in any car, since her accident. The trauma left her scarred and created an immense terror inside her. The mere thought of getting in a car used to push her over the edge and into a mindless panic attack.
But somehow Maddox was able to get rid of her crippling fear. And that’s why I know he’s the perfect man for her.
Lila trusts him…
Maybe more than she trusts me . And that’s okay. I can’t even be mad about it.
Because Maddox was able to put the pieces of her shattered heart together when I had been incapable of doing so.
She rolls down the window and gives me a thumbs-up, but her lips are thinned in a straight line, her eyes shining with both concern and protectiveness.
I give her a mini wave, before making my way inside the house. The moment I step through the door, my eyes lock on my father, who is sitting on the white armchair in the large foyer. He has removed his suit jacket, and his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, his tie loose around his neck. He sits laid-back, with his left ankle crossed over his opposite knee.
Fear slides through my cold veins at his expressionless face.
He is eerily calm.
“What is the meaning of this, Riley?” he questions slowly, the deceiving softness in his voice making me sweat as my heart hammers painfully in my chest.
I swallow past the thick lump in my throat and take a tentative step forward. “I rejected Yale’s offer. I’ve decided that I’m not going to Yale.”
My Harvard’s admission letter flutters in my father’s hand. I can almost hear his molars grinding under the pressure of his clenched jaw. His fist closes around the paper, crumbling it before throwing it at my feet.
His expression changes in an instant. Going from calm to stormy, full of rage. His eyes darken cruelly and his lips thin into a furious, disapproving line.
My blood roars between my ears, and I feel the way my lungs cave within the confinement of my rib cage. Breathe, Riley…
My father slowly gets to his feet, straightening to his full height, and in two long strides, he’s in my face. “I will make a call to Yale’s Administration and speak with the President,” he tells me. The tone of his voice brooks no argument. “I will tell him this was a mistake, and you will apologize for your recklessness and promise him that you will work hard.”
I try to stand strong, to show no visible signs of fear, but with him in my face like this, I can’t breathe…
I take a trembling step back, and then another. Putting some space between us, between his fury and me. I know what his rage is capable of, the violence that accompanies it. Licking my lips, I try to speak…but I simply can’t . My throat closes, a choked sound spilling from my lips instead.
My father slowly advances toward me. “You are very lucky I know the President of Yale. He is a very close friend of your grandfather. But this is the last time I fix your mistakes. I will take this as a brief lapse of judgment from you, but it will not happen again. Understood, Riley.”
“No.” The word spills from my lips before I can overthink it.
“Excuse me? What did you just say?” he asks, his voice eerily quiet.
“I said…no. I will not be going to Yale.” My back straightens and I try to hide the trembling in my body. “I’m going to Harvard. I’ve already accepted their offer. This is where I want to pursue my post-secondary education.”
I don’t see it coming, although I should have. My father lurches forward, backhanding me across the face. The force of his slap sends me back two steps and my cheek throbs with pain.
“I should have known that Lila girl would influence you,” he spits out.
“This has nothing to do with her!” I squeak defensively, holding a hand over my bruised cheek. My father doesn’t particularly like my best friend, simply because her family name is not useful to him. Lila doesn’t belong to an upper-class family. To my father, she is a nobody. Just a silly, bold girl, who’s attending Berkshire Academy of Weston.
An ambitious girl who doesn’t belong with us, and who will not last long in our world. The world of the rich and corrupted. But he’s wrong.
Because Lila Garcia has the strongest ally — Maddox Coulter.
My father jerks toward me, his hand reaching out to grip my arm. He gives me a hard shake, my neck snapping backward with the sudden force. “ Don’t piss me off, Riley,” he warns, his voice low and full of silent threats.
“Y-you’re hurting me.”
His fingers tighten around my bicep, and I flinch when his nails dig in. “I’ve given you a lavish lifestyle, I’ve given you everything you need, Riley…Now is not the time to act like a stupid, spoiled brat. You will be going to Yale and that’s final.”
The issue here is not the choice of schools. Both Yale and Harvard are great. I think my father would have wanted me to go to Harvard if it wasn’t for the fact that he knows I prefer it more than Yale. He knows this is my choice, and he doesn’t want me to have it.
My father’s problem is that…he wants complete control of my life. If I don’t have the freedom to make my own choices, then I can’t break free from the ironclad hold he has on me. This house is his dominion. He is judge and jury. I am to do exactly as he says and not question his authority.
He wants me to go to Yale because he’s on the board of trustees for the university. My father attended Yale himself, and before him, my grandfather served as a senior trustee on the board. My great-grandfather too. He wants to continue the Johnson’s family legacy.
And I simply want to break free from it.
“No, she won’t.”
Lila’s voice shocks me to my core and my head snaps toward the entrance. She’s standing there, her phone in her hand. Recording.
Oh God. No!
What is she doing ?
Lila takes a step forward, her lips twisting with disdain as her eyes sweep over my father’s tall frame and his harsh grip on my arm. “She won’t be going to Yale, because she’s attending Harvard.”
My father releases me, roughly. I stumble back, my pulse beating in my throat. Cold spider-like fingers race up and down my spine and my flesh crawls with apprehension.
When she is close enough, Lila tosses her phone toward my father and he easily grabs it in mid-air. “Look through the photo gallery,” she says coldly.
His expression changes from furious to shock and then…the color slowly drains from his face before my father quickly hides it. A cold mask, the perfect exterior of self-assurance slams over his expression. His dark, calculated gaze lands on Lila as he hands me the phone.
I recognize that look on his face. He’s judging her, trying to search for a vulnerability to weaken Lila’s resolve. Looking down at the phone, I find photos of me on the screen. Sleeping or too preoccupied with something else to notice Lila secretly snapping these pictures. And in all of them, my bruises are visible and a stark contrast against my pale skin.
Bruises my father has left on me during his violent rage.
Bruises I have kept hidden under my clothes or tried to hide with makeup.
“I’ve been documenting your abusive behavior toward your daughter for the last year and a half,” Lila elaborates, nudging her chin up as she speaks to my father. Her voice is strong, without even a hitch in it. She doesn’t fear him and she doesn’t lower her eyes either. “I knew it would come in handy one day.”
A gasp spills from my lips.
She’s utterly insane. Lila has no idea the calamity she’s bringing upon herself by going against my father in such a reckless way. She can’t be thinking straight right now.
But Lila Garcia is dauntless.
She advances forward with a slow step. “Imagine the chaos this will bring if those photos go public? You’re planning to run for Governor of State, aren’t you? But who would want an abusive asshole as their governor? Tsk, tsk. Mr. Johnson, you have a dilemma on your hands.”
My jaw comes unhinged. Oh, God!“Lila! Enough, please ,” I hiss, trying to motion for her to stay quiet, but she doesn’t glance at me. Her focus is solely on my father.
Panic wells up inside me, my heart shooting to my throat.
The shaking begins, my nails digging into the palm of my hands. I am stuck between wanting to run away, and standing beside Lila so that she doesn’t have to face my father alone. For me.
But I am a weak, weak girl.
I am brave.
No, that was a pretty lie.
I am brave.
Stupid and feeble Riley.
Always needs someone else to fight her battles.
Stupid… stupid…stupid.
Why can’t I move?
I can’t speak…
I can’t…
My chest tightens and the floor sways underneath me.
“I know what girls like you want,” my father states calmly. Through blurry vision, I see him taking out his check book. “How much, Miss Garcia?”
My stomach twists painfully, sweat beading across my forehead and down my back. Lila tosses her head back, letting out a dry laugh. “I don’t need your filthy money. All I’m saying is that you will let Riley go to Harvard as she wants and these photos won’t make it for public consumption. I’m not here for a discussion. I’m here to tell you how it’s going to go. That’s all, Mr. Johnson.”
“Lila!” My voice bellows, surprising all of us, myself included. Her brows furrow in confusion, and I shake my head at her. A tiny, desperate shake. Please, please…don’t do this.
Maybe she finally sees the panic on my face because her lips thin into a straight line. Her jaw tightens defiantly, her fists clenching at her sides as she fights with herself. To stay silent, to not fight back. I swallow dryly, unable to wet my parched throat. “Leave, please. This is between me and my father.”
A pang of regret courses through me when her features twist with hurt. “ Leave ,” I practically beg this time.
Lila snatches the phone from my hand and stalks away. Her feet stomp against the floor, as she silently rages. As soon as her figure disappears past the door, my father tsks darkly. “Your friend is quite bold. Braver than you, I have to admit. She’s got some backbone, but she’s a clueless, little thing. If she messes with the wrong people, her boldness can get her killed.”
My blood runs cold, my heart stammering in my chest. My lungs squeeze with agony, until I am choking on my spit, trying desperately to breathe .
I flinch when my father lurches toward me, his hand snaking out to grip my jaw. His fingers dig into my cheeks and a painful whine spills from me. “I can make her disappear, Riley. And I will , if you don’t have her delete all those photos. So tell your little friend to watch her mouth next time. Tell her to be very careful before crossing me again.”
He brings his face closer, his spittle landing on my cheeks. “You know what I’m capable of.”
“Yes,” I whimper quietly.
“I don’t have to get my own hands dirty, Riley. She may be bold, but she’s powerless. I can and will make Lila disappear. She has no one to protect her. And guess what? Her old, poor grandparents will mourn for their precious granddaughter, and you’re going to cry with them, while knowing exactly what happened to your little friend. You will live with the knowledge that you caused her demise.”
I suck in a harsh inhale as my stomach contracts into a tight ball. A wave of acid wells up in my throat, and I fight the urge to gag as mindless panic runs through my veins.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?”
I nod mutely, choking back on my sob.
“Good girl,” my father praises, finally releasing his tight grip on my jaw. “You can have Harvard, but I will be choosing what you do. You don’t get a choice anymore, Riley. You will be studying sociology, and then you’re going to law school. That’s not up for discussion.”
My breathing is thin and ragged, my chest rattling with every shaky breath I take. I wring my hands together, trying to keep my features deceptively composed, but I know I’m shaking too much to fool my father.
Law School?
That doesn’t make any sense. Why would he want me to pursue a career in law? Didn’t he want me to study politics instead?
“I’ll make sure you work directly under Benjamin Hale. And it won’t be too difficult with you being Grayson’s girlfriend. Once you get into his inner circle, it might just be my ticket to winning the Presidential Election one day.”
Oh…
It finally clicks to me.
Everything he does, every choice he makes for me is to further his career in politics. I am only ever useful to him if I help him accomplish his selfish, greedy ambitions.
His phone rings, briefly diverting his attention. He checks the Caller ID and then declines the call. “Get out,” he spits, “and make sure that Lila deletes every single photo she has taken. Don’t disappoint me, Riley. And most importantly, don’t fuck with me. You won’t like the consequences. I promise you…you will regret the day you ever defy me like this again. Get out of my sight now.”
I turn on my heels and run.
Lila is waiting for me outside the gates, leaning against Maddox’s black Bugatti. Her arms are crossed, a troubled expression on her face. I trip over my feet in my haste to get to her. “Delete those photos,” I demand, panic bleeding into my words until my voice is unrecognizable to my own ears. “You should have never taken them in the first place. What were you thinking ?”
She scowls. “I was trying to help. Your father is an abusive jerk!”
She still doesn’t understand the danger she’s put herself in by threatening Thomas Johnson with evidence that could possibly ruin my father and his whole career. Does Lila not realize that the wealthy, high-society consists of filthy, corrupted people? “You had no right!” I cry, my heart rattling in dark terror. “You took those photos without my permission!”
From the corner of my eyes, I see Maddox taking a step toward us, his mouth opening to defend Lila, but I shake my head. “Don’t,” I warn Maddox. “This is between me and her.”
I swallow dryly, licking my lips before speaking again. “You shouldn’t have taken those photos. You don’t even realize what you’ve done, Lila.”
“I’m not scared of him,” she hisses angrily.
“ Please , just…delete them. He’s letting me go to Harvard. Your threats worked, but delete those photos now .”
Lila is silent for a minute, her eyes searching mine. My chin wobbles and I hold in my tears. “Please, Lila.”
Finally, I see the moment she relents. Lila takes the phone out of her pocket, her thumb pausing over the screen. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. Delete all of them. And promise me you won’t do this again. You can’t confront my father like this ever again, do you understand? Promise me, Lila.”
She nods mutely, still scowling as she deletes the folder on her phone. “There, all gone.” She pockets her phone, her brows furrowing in concern. “Now, calm down. I deleted them, we’re going to Harvard. Everything is going to be okay.”
Lila reaches for my hand, entwining our fingers together and giving me a gentle squeeze. “Riley, breathe .”
“Okay,” I choke out. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale.
Lila brings out a piece of mint gum from her pocket, taking the wrapper off before handing it to me. I shove it in my mouth, chewing. Slowly, my tense muscles loosen and the fist squeezing my lungs releases its tight grip on me. My ragged breathing slows down until my thoughts are no longer muddled. The awful, frantic terror slowly eases into a dull pain in my chest.
When Lila sees that I’m noticeably calmer, she gives my hand another squeeze. “Let’s go.” She opens the door for me, and I get into the back seat.
“Can you drop me off at Grayson’s?” I ask, my voice shaking with emotion.
Maddox nods as Lila gets in the front seat. He pulls out of the driveaway and my quiet sniffles fill the silence among us. Through blurry vision, I see Maddox reaching out and his hand grips Lila’s thigh. Almost in a comforting manner. Protective.
My chest shudders with realization.
In a moment of mindless panic, I had forgotten about Maddox Coulter and his undeniable adoration for my best friend. While my father can make Lila disappear if he wants to, Maddox will burn the whole world down to find her.
He will protect her…when I can’t, because I am powerless to do so.
Our eyes meet in the rearview mirror, the expression on her face concerned. I send her a tight smile, mouthing, I’m okay.
In truth, I’m not okay…
And I don’t know if I ever will be.
***
Grayson’s aunt opens the door, and she smiles at the sight of me. “Oh, Riley! How are you doing, sweetie?”
Mrs. Hale was skeptical of mine and Grayson’s relationship in the beginning. I wasn’t her first choice for her nephew. I think she would have been happier if Grayson was dating Oaklynn. She had been pushing for it to happen, until the moment Grayson told her that he was dating me.
I’m glad that she eventually warmed up to me.
We even went out for brunch once. Mrs. Hale was the one to suggest it. “I want to know the girl who stole Grayson’s heart,” she had told me that day. “You make him smile, and it’s a rare, beautiful sight.”
I smile, stepping inside. “Hi, Mrs. Hale. I’m good, how are you?”
She closes the door and quirks up an eyebrow. “I’m alright. Grayson is upstairs. Does he know you’re coming?”
I shake my head. “No, I didn’t tell him.”
“Well, go on then.” She’s grinning. I like her smile, there’s something comfortable about it. And her eyes — the warm look in them, is not fake.
“Thank you!” I rush upstairs to Grayson’s room. He still lives at home with his aunt and uncle, only ever going to his penthouse when we want privacy or to spend the night together.
I pause at his closed door, knocking softly.
“Come in,” he answers right away.
I open the door and peek my head inside. He’s lying on his back in his bed, shirtless, with a thick book in his hands. There’s just something sexy about men who read. Men with glasses, specifically.
I walk inside and the door closes behind me with a quiet click. “What book is that?” I ask, biting my lip. His head snaps up, and he drops the book at the sound of my voice.
His eyes widen in surprise, and then his grin steals my breath. “Riley!” Grayson jumps off his bed and closes the distance between us in three long strides. His gray sweatpants hang low around his hips, and my throat is suddenly parched. His arm curls around my waist, tugging my body into his.
His lips claim mine in a heated kiss. Oh, wow. God, the butterflies he gives me.
“You missed me already?” I murmur, giggling into his mouth. The moment I’m in Grayson’s arms, I forget all about today’s mess. My father’s threats and the anxiousness that has been eating me up on the inside.
“Fuck,” he groans, his hands going to my ass, “you said you would be out all day with Lila.” Grayson lifts me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist. He carries me to his bed and we fall back onto the mattress, a tangle of limbs. “Yeah, I fucking miss you, Goldilocks.”
Grayson rolls over on his back so that I’m lying on him and practically using his body as a human mattress. My head is tucked against his chest, his heartbeat resonating in my ear. A blanket of calmness settles over me…and I am safe. In his arms.
My throat grows thick with sadness when I remember he won’t be going to Harvard. I don’t know how I’m going to handle a long-distance relationship. I’m barely holding myself together now…what am I going to do when Grayson is not there with me? What will I do when his warmth isn’t surrounding me anymore, keeping me safe and sane?
He has nurtured the emptiness in my heart with his sweet love and tender adoration. Grayson found me when I had been yearning for something more from my hollow life, yearning to be loved … and he filled my longing with his heated kisses and whispered caresses.
“Are you still sure you don’t want to go to prom?” Grayson asks, his fingers brushing over my arm.
“No,” I tell him. We’ve talked about this. There’s no reason for me to go to prom. I hate crowded and loud places. Going there would only trigger my anxiety. Maybe three years ago, Riley Johnson, the Cheer Captain, would have loved to attend prom.
But this Riley?
She wants nothing to do with it.
I lift my head. “Wait, do you want to go?”
Grayson shakes his head. “No, I really don’t care for it. But I want to make sure that’s what you want. If you decide to go, we will, and I’ll make it an unforgettable night for you. You deserve nothing less, Goldilocks. But if you don’t want to go, then that’s fine too.”
I bury my face into the crook of his shoulder, inhaling his scent. “I don’t want to go.”
His palm cups my ass. “Then we won’t go.”
I smile against his skin. Fate can be cruel, but however cruel it is…
It gave me Grayson and I pray it doesn’t take him away from me. “Promise not to break my heart, Grayson,” I whisper.
His throat bobs with a swallow and then I feel his lips brushing against my temple. The softest kiss and my heart stutters. “I will be breaking my own heart if I break yours, Riley. You have me in the palm of your hand.”
My eyes close, and I sink into his warmth. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Goldilocks.”