CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Riley — 19 years old (A month later)
Maybe I was wrong about Colton Bennett.
Maybe my overthinking caused me to judge him too fast.
Maybe…just maybe, I should have given him a chance.
His previous words had indeed been cruel to me. They will undoubtedly be difficult to forget, especially his taunts. He knocked me down when I was already at my most vulnerable. My downfall had been his entertainment , after all.
But Colton was also there when I needed someone the most, when my heart had been full of fear and misery. He didn’t mock me or belittle me. I know somehow his kindness is because of Maddox and Lila. He doesn’t want to do something that will ruin the dynamic among the four of us. So he’s been… cordial to me.
But there's a difference between being civil to each other, and him holding me all night through a storm. He calmed me during a panic attack, when he didn’t have to.
If he had been as much of the heartless asshole I thought him to be, he would have walked away instead of staying the night in my bed.
Boys like Colton? They don’t hold girls all night and soothe them with kind words.
No, they fuck them and leave them. That’s what they do.
I don’t like him…
But I don’t think I hate him either.
I think…maybe we can get along if we get to know each other. A friendship of some kind. A truce. Friendships always develop with the most unlikely people, in the most unlikely circumstances.
Look at Maddox and Lila, for example. They are complete opposites, yet they have found a thread between them that connects their souls.
I want to tell Colton that but I don’t know how. How do I tell him that I want us to get along? I want to form a truce between us— something our fathers would be wildly against. But they don’t need to know about our friendship.
God, I think I might have actually lost my mind.
I’m thinking of becoming friends with Colton Bennett.
Maybe the heartbreak Grayson has left me with somehow has made me a little crazy in the head. At the thought of him , my broken heart squeezes.
It’s been almost two months.
I still deeply miss him.
His touch. His scent. His lips. His warmth. His love.
But then I remember, it was all fake. All of it, every moment I spent with him was a lie.
Our love was not…real.
Instead of despair, I am filled with so much anger. Resentment even.
I can’t bring myself to hate Grayson.
But I resent what he has done to us. He turned my love into something ugly. He took what I thought was perfect in my eyes and turned it into wretched memories. Memories I no longer wanted to live in— because they only bring me sorrow.
I grieve our happy memories now.
Maddox’s voice brings me out of my distressing thoughts. I don’t think Colton and him have noticed I’m awake. The four of us were having a movie night at the boys’ place.
Halfway through the horror movie, both Lila and I fell asleep. I pulled an all-nighter yesterday to finish my twenty-page essay.
My eyes still feel heavy from the lack of sleep and there’s a dull pain in the back of my head. I know I’ll end up with a nasty migraine if I don’t catch up on my sleep soon.
I peek open an eye and see that Lila is sound asleep with her head on Maddox’s lap. It looks like the movie has long ended. Colton is sitting beside Maddox, while I’m curled up in the armchair with a dark gray blanket thrown over me.
A blanket that wasn’t there when I fell asleep.
I slowly pull it up, bringing the blanket to my nose. It smells of spicy cologne, musk and mint candies. My brain instantly recognizes the familiar scent. It’s the same one that was left on my pillow, the night of the storm.
Colton’s scent still lingers on his blanket — warm, rich and earthy.
He must have given me his blanket after I had fallen asleep.
“Your feelings have changed toward Riley.”
My breath catches in my throat at the sound of my name and Maddox’s words. They’re talking about me ? I quickly close my eyes again, feigning sleep. Shit, this is stupid. Why am I even doing that? I mentally grimace.
It’s purely curiosity , I tell myself.
“What?” Colton asks, shock evident in his tone. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Maddox scoffs. “You used to constantly antagonize her, but I see the way you look at her now.”
The way he looks at me? What does that mean?
“Oh c’mon,” Colton mutters grumpily. “You’ve got to be kidding me right now. Don’t start with me. Just because you’re pussy whipped for Lila doesn’t mean I have to feel the same way about Riley.”
Oh.
Why does he sound so…annoyed?
Maddox is quiet for a second, before he speaks again. “Either you’re in denial or you haven’t realized it yet, but there’s affection in the way you handle her now.”
I hear Colton’s laughter. It’s cold and humorless. “Affection? For Riley? Fuck no.” I peek an eye open again, my gaze sliding over to his big frame sitting on the couch. He has his arms crossed over his wide, muscled chest. He’s scowling hard at Maddox. “I’ve been looking for a new way to get under my father’s skin. He’ll probably end up with a stroke if I ever end up entangled with Thomas’s daughter. Riley is merely a pawn to piss off my father.”
An invisible fist squeezes my lungs and I quietly choke on my breath.
His kindness…was a game? I’m merely a way for him to get back at his father?
My heart drops to the pit of my stomach, and I suddenly feel nauseous. I had been thinking of friendship…while Colton was using me as a pawn. God, I really am a fool. How many times will I mistake lies for kindness?
Jasper’s disgusting betrayal.
Grayson’s heartbreaking deceit.
Colton’s convincing insincerity.
I’ve been made into a mockery by all the men in my life.
My hurt morphs into irrational fury. How dare he? How dare he use me?
I’m no one’s fucking pawn.
Frustration simmers in my veins. My eyes shoot open, no longer feeling the need to feign sleep. I’ve heard enough. I sit up straight and the blanket falls from my shoulders to my lap. Both Maddox and Colton's attention snap to me.
They must have seen the look on my face — the rage burning right under the surface, because Maddox grimaces in response. Colton’s eyes widen briefly, before a cold mask slams over his expression. They know I heard their conversation.
Maddox cradles Lila in his arms and rises to his feet. “I’ll take Lila back first.”
And then he’s gone.
Leaving Colton and me alone.
I come to my feet. He stays seated, cold and detached. Expressionless. I can’t read him at all. But I don’t have to try anymore. I’ve already heard the truth.
I slowly advance toward him. “So, I am a pawn in your elaborate scheme to piss off your father?” I ask sharply. “When were you going to tell me that? After you would have somehow coaxed me into your bed? After you fucked me and then what? You have the last laugh.”
I come to halt in front of him. Our knees touch. His body is tense, not a single muscle twitches. My fists clench at my sides.
His dark gaze meets mine with clear indifference. And that irks me more.
I hate that even for a minute I considered Colton to be a…friend. No, he’s truly the devil’s spawn. “Just when I was starting to care for you,” I hiss furiously. “Just when I started thinking that maybe, just maybe , you’re nothing like Jasper. Just when I was starting to think you were different. ”
“Jesus, Riley.” Colton cuts me off, rolling his eyes. “Are you that desperate to keep believing in any guy who shows you a bit of kindness?”
I flinch as if he slapped me. If anything, his words actually hit like a slap. They hurt more than they should have. A burning pressure fills my chest. How can he be so vindictive?
Who was the man who held me all night during the storm? Because that man is not the same one sitting in front of me right now.
This Colton makes me hostile.
My lips curl back with a bitter snarl. “You turned out to be exactly who I thought you were,” I spit out, my words scathing. “A rich, spoiled boy who thinks everything and everyone is purely entertainment to him.”
I briefly see a crack in his cold, detached expression. But I don’t care anymore.
My whole body shakes with the force of my fury.“Jasper ruined my life because I was a bet to him. I’m not going to let you do the same. I won’t be your pawn, Bennett. Find someone else to play your stupid games with, because we are done here.”
I don’t spare Colton another glance; I can’t bear to. Spinning around, I stalk away from him and his hideous deception.
No more.
I don’t think my soul can take another beating.
I am Riley Johnson.
Hopeless. Weak. Failure. Worthless.
Smart. Brave. Strong. Worthy.
And they will now hear me roar.