CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Colton — 19 years old
I’m annoyed.
And I don’t know exactly why or who I’m annoyed with.
My veins simmer with malice.
And I’m furious.
Partially at Riley, for fucking with my head when she has no right to do so. Yet, for some reason, she has the power to do it. I’ve been stupid enough to allow her to fuck with my head.
Riley was only supposed to be my responsibility for a short time. A promise I made while Lila was not here. But then she came back, and I couldn’t stop.
At some point, I unconsciously started doing it. Taking care of her and her needs.
She doesn’t need me to, but yet, here I was…doing it anyway.
Making sure she eats, fixing her punctured tires, carrying her drunk ass to bed after a girls’ night out with Lila, making sure she’s always warm during this cold weather, giving her my blanket, watching over her like a goddamn hawk because trouble seems to follow her everywhere she goes, and I can’t take my eyes off her for a fucking second.
Carrying mint candies and gum with me. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until one day, I had a pocket full of them. I had noticed Lila giving them to Riley whenever the Little Wallflower feels anxious. So, I unconsciously started doing it too.
Jesus, I am really pathetic.
But none of that matters.
It doesn’t matter what I was doing for her, because Riley Johnson is my ticket to royally pissing off Henry Bennett. I want to get under my father’s skin, I want him angry and frustrated, I want him to know that I’m no longer that weak, stupid boy he used to beat up. I need him to know that he no longer controls my life…and Riley is the perfect pawn for that.
I didn’t lie to Maddox when I said I don’t feel any affection for her.
Simply because human emotions are too complicated and I can’t imagine myself growing emotionally attached to anyone. Emotions make you weak. Love makes you weak. The world is better off without another lovesick fool.
And anyway, my heart is too wretched to feel those kinds of emotions. So I never bothered to try and understand them. To make sense of them— of what feelings are or can be.
But still, I’m annoyed.
Maddox and Lila are at the library, studying. Riley has a day off. And I’m here, prowling restlessly back and forth in my apartment.
Wait, I know why I’m feeling peeved. It’s the fact that Riley got the last words yesterday, and for some reason that pisses me off. The thing is, sometimes I’m a jerk for the sole purpose of creating an argument because, yeah, it’s entertaining. I won’t lie.
And I’ve never lost an argument before.
Not that I lost the argument last night, but still…Riley had the last words and my assertive nature doesn’t seem to like that very much. It rubs me the wrong way and I know I won’t be able to settle unless I fix it, unless I get the last words.
I quickly stop prowling. It only takes me a second to make up my mind. With a frustrated grunt, I stalk out of my apartment and stand outside her door.
I knock, and I wait. I know she’s home. I saw her earlier, taking her garbage out to the waste chute. When there’s no response, I rap my fist against the door again.
And then a third time.
After the fourth knock and still no response, not even the sound of rustling movement behind the door, trepidation courses through me. I still have the spare key to her apartment, though I’m not so sure if it’s still appropriate to use it.
So, instead, I wait for a little longer.
After five minutes of stalking back and forth in front of her apartment, and random knocks in between with still no response, I finally use the key to unlock her door and walk inside. The place is eerily quiet, with no sign of life inside. I strain my ears, wanting to hear her footsteps to know where she’s at in her apartment.
But instead, all I hear is a faint beeping sound.
“Riley?” I call out, closing the door behind me. Where the fuck is she?
I take two steps forward, then come to a halt when I see a limp figure on the floor. In the living room, next to the white couch. My ears ring with alarm as I rush forward, my heart jumping to my throat at the sight of an unconscious Riley.
I fall to my knees beside her, cradling her head in my hands. “Riley?” There’s a frantic note in my voice. “Hey, wake up. Riley? Riley!” I gently tap her cheeks, but she’s completely out. Not a single muscle twitches.
Her body is completely limp, her face pale, and I watch the slow rise and fall of her chest. Her breathing is slightly uneven. “Riley!” I call out her name louder. Did she hit her head? I run my fingers through her scalp, searching for an injury. But that can’t be it because there’s no blood and no bump either.
A fist squeezes around my lungs in horror and fear.
When I start to feel disoriented and my body teeters sideways, it finally registers what the beeping sound is about: it’s the carbon monoxide detector.
And Riley…
My heart stammers in realization. “Oh fuck,” I swear loudly, picking her up and rushing out of her apartment. She’s passed out because of carbon monoxide poisoning. Goddamn it!
I kick my door open, and stalk inside, lying her on the couch. My fingers brush against the faint pulse in her throat. It’s too slow. “Stay with me, Riley. Stay with me. You’re going to be okay. You’re okay. Stay with me.”
The lump in my throat grows larger, restricting my airflow. I’m panting for breath, struggling to make my lungs keep functioning. My stomach recoils with sickness as I realize just how much danger Riley had been in. She was right next door, and if I hadn’t made it in time, she could have—
I shake my head, refusing to even think of how ugly the outcome could have been.
With trembling fingers, I call for help. “911, what’s your emergency?” An unknown voice comes through the phone.
“There’s a case of carbon monoxide poisoning,” I tell the 911 operator, blood rushing between my ears. My voice shakes with panic and my heart beats frantically against the walls of my rib cage. “My neighbor,” I choke out, “I found her unconscious in her apartment.”
“In the case of a carbon monoxide poisoning, please make sure to remove her from the apartment—”
“I’ve already done so,” I cut her off, my voice cracking. “I brought her to my place and I opened the windows.”
“Okay, I’m going to dispatch an ambulance to you. Tell me your address.”
I rattle off my address, while carefully brushing the messy strands of hair away from her pale face. She looks so calm, as if she’s peacefully asleep. Nausea builds in my throat, because I know that’s not the case.
“Do you perhaps know how long she’s been unconscious?”
“I don’t know.” I grasp her limp hand in mine, lacing our fingers together, needing to touch her, to hold her. Riley is still warm and I try to find comfort in that fact.
The lady asks me more questions…and I have answers to none of them.
“There’s a big pileup to the south of your apartment, blocking the freeway,” the lady continues, her tone becoming tense. “And the roads are under construction on the other side. The ambulance will have to take another route to you. It’s not the most favorable, but that’s the only accessible one for them to get to you right now.”
I squeeze Riley’s hand. “How long?”
“Approximately 13 minutes.”
13 minutes…
Riley doesn’t have 13 minutes. Her pulse is too faint and her breathing pattern has drastically slowed. She’s on my couch, looking like the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever laid eyes on…but she’s barely breathing, barely alive.
No, we don’t have 13 fucking minutes.
My brain starts thinking of another way to get Riley to the hospital. If I take my car and then leave it where the construction is happening…and run the rest of the way. I might just make it there faster than having to wait for help to get to us.
I quickly do the math in my head, calculating the distance, my speed and the time it would take me to reach the hospital. I can do it in 8 minutes.
I need to do it in 8 minutes…
Five minutes less than the time the ambulance will take.
I don’t waste another second thinking about it. Cutting the call, I pocket my phone and quickly grab my jacket off the hook. It’s cold outside, and I need to make sure Riley doesn’t freeze in my arms. After buttoning her up in my winter jacket, that’s way too big for her, I cradle my Little Wallflower in my arms.
And then I get the fuck out of here.
I don’t think, I just follow my protective instincts. It takes me a minute and thirty seconds to get to my car and buckle Riley up in the front seat. Her head falls limply against the door.
The drive is two minutes and eighteen seconds. I hold her hand, keeping our fingers intertwined. I don’t let go; I can’t let go. I need to feel her warm skin against mine. “It’s okay, you’re going to be alright. I got you,” I tell her, as if she can hear me. I hope she does hear me.
I can’t check her pulse while I’m driving. I don’t know if she is—
“Stay with me,” I beg, my voice thick with fear. “Don’t go, okay? Just…stay with me. I got you, Sunshine.”
Once I reach where the rest of the road is blocked for vehicles, I pull up against the curb. It takes me another thirty seconds to get Riley unbuckled and out of the car.
Cradling her tightly against my chest, I watch as Riley’s head lolls back, resting limply on my shoulder. I adjust her position, holding her securely in my arms, and then I take off.
I run as fast as I can, my feet propelling me forward.
I run and I don’t stop.
Sweat drips down my forehead. Twenty seconds.
Forty seconds. Thud.
A flash of pain slices through me, and it’s not physical. One minute.
One minute and ten seconds. Thud.
Adrenaline courses through my body. Two minutes and thirteen seconds.
Three minutes and five seconds. Thud.
Every particle of me shakes in utter desperation and blind panic. Three minutes and fifteen seconds. God, I’ve never been so terrified in my life.
I don’t stop running until I reach the hospital. It took me exactly seven minutes and fifty-five seconds to get Riley here.
Pushing through the doors of the ER, I call out frantically, “Help me! Please .”
Two nurses rush forward, bringing a gurney with them. I’m forced to release Riley into their care, watching helplessly as she’s taken away from me.
The moment she’s gone, my knees give out, and I sink to the ground in the middle of the crowded hospital.
Fuck, I’ve been deceiving myself all this time.
The tightness in my chest won’t ease, even when I know she’s safe. That she’s going to be okay now. Every breath I take is downright excruciating. I’m shaking on the inside, cold terror running through my veins.
I don’t know when it happened or how it happened.
Emotions clog my throat and I practically choke on them.
Somehow, Riley Johnson has clawed her way under my flesh, sinking into my bones, into the marrow of my very being. My soul recognized her, saw her likeness, way before my heart did, but I continued to believe in my lies, simply remaining in denial all along.
I didn’t realize how frozen my heart was until Riley’s softness and her fragile soul started to melt the ice.
I had told myself that I would never ever fall in love with Riley Johnson. She’s Thomas’s daughter, after all. But that’s the thing…I don’t know if I’m capable of love. It’s such a foreign emotion to me, how does it shape? What does it feel like? How the fuck am I supposed to know?
Human emotions are too complicated. Maybe I don’t love Riley, but I don’t hate her either. I actually never did. What I feel for the Little Wallflower is something in between, because she’s so much more than my nemesis or my responsibility.
The moment of my realization is cataclysmic.
Riley is more than just my pawn and maybe she always has been.
I don’t want to use her or to hurt her. In fact, I don’t like the thought of her hurting at all. She is important to me…and I’m finally seeing it now.
I didn’t deceive Riley.
I deceived myself.