Chapter Fifty-Four #2
Later on, I’m stepping out of the shower when Lemuel staggers into our bedroom, swaying a little as he kicks off his shoes.
I’m immediately grinning. “Want, are you drunk?”
“Absolutely not,” he rumbles, crashing into the dresser while attempting to get out of his shirt. “I may have had one or two…”
Chuckling, I tease, “No way!”
He grins at me; one of his wide, beautiful Lemuel smiles, reserved exclusively for me. “I love you, Felix. I cannot wait to be your husband.”
“Same, baby,” I murmur, wiggling in anticipation while he comes to me, grasping my face.
I’m ready for him to lay a soft, fully devoted kiss on my lips. But when it doesn’t happen, I meet his eyes to find him frowning. Which makes me frown.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
“Felix… we’re about to be married,” he sighs.
“Are we?” I smirk.
He purses down his amusement. “Be serious, sick boy. We’re going to be committed to one another forever. And I was thinking about what Rook said the other day… about honesty.”
I gulp, a sudden yucky feeling slinking up my esophagus.
“He was right,” Lem goes on. “We need to be completely honest with each other. The last thing I ever want is to go into our marriage holding anything back. So, in that spirit, baby… I need to come clean about something.”
“Lemuel, you’re scaring me…” I mumble.
Seriously. I’m not even breathing.
“It’s nothing about us,” he assures firmly, which allows me to exhale. Until he adds, “I lied to you. About Cameron.”
I can feel how round my eyes are. “What about… Cameron?”
The mound in his throat dips beneath his beautiful, scarred flesh, and he drops his gaze between us. “I told you he was fine. That he was… okay. But he’s not. At least, he wasn’t when Sven found him.”
My heart plummets. “F-found him?”
“He’s alive,” Lem replies quickly, and I breathe, closing my eyes. “But he’s not doing well. Apparently, he’s a sex worker, and suffering from some pretty nasty substance abuse.”
I swallow a lump in my throat.
“And that was last year…” Lem rumbles. “So who knows by now…”
My eyes snap open. “What are you saying? That you think he could be dead??”
“I don’t know, baby,” He pulls me in closer, holding me to his firm body. “What I do know is that I’m so very sorry I lied to you. I just… didn’t want you to worry.”
Yanking out of his hold, I snap, “Oh, so you figured the best time for me to worry was the night before our wedding? When I’m already stressing about one best friend…?”
“Felix, you haven’t known Cameron for a long time,” he uses his doctor voice, and I am in no mood to be psychoanalyzed right now. “Things change. People move on in different directions in life. We can’t control it.”
“Yea, I know that.” I rub my eyes. “What we can control is when we lie to the people we love. And essentially that lie you thought you needed to feed me to protect me was actually pretty fucking selfish.”
His gaze narrows. “How do you figure?”
“You didn’t lie to protect me! You lied because you didn’t want me worrying about Cameron.” I hiss up at his face, “Because you’re jealous.”
I witness his jaw tic. “That is…” His voice trails when I give him a pointed look that clearly says, are you really about to lie again?? He swallows once more. “Fine. So I was a little jealous. I just don’t understand why you need to continue fawning over your childhood crush.”
“Um, hello!” I gasp an incredulous laugh of very little amusement. “I’m a psychopathic murderer! It’s sort of my thing. And don’t even try to act like you don’t understand something about the intricacies of my behaviors, Dr. Love. Because that is obvious bullshit.”
He steps into me, crowding me with his size, and how stiff he is with tension. It throbs below my waist.
“Felix, I’m trying to apologize,” he growls.
“I’m sorry that I lied. At the time, I still felt like I needed to protect you from things, but it was stupid.
I was stupid for thinking you ever needed protecting.
You’re a fucking force of nature, baby.” His eyes soften a bit as he cups my face.
“I love you… and I know you’ll hack apart anything life throws at you. ”
Blinking up at him, I know he’s sincere. I feel his apology in my chest, and I know one stupid white lie isn’t the biggest deal ever.
What worries me is the trust. I don’t want him thinking he has to share my heart with my exes, because he doesn’t.
It hasn’t been about them since the moment I first stepped into his office.
Cuffed and shackled, a monster in chains who was instantly and detrimentally enamored by his beautiful new doctor.
It hurts that Cam might be suffering, but not because I’m still in love with him.
I don’t know that I ever truly was. He was my first crush, and the model on which all of my boyfriends were based.
But we were only ever friends. My concern for his well-being is like my concern for Dash.
Platonic worry for someone you don’t want to see suffering, knowing they’ve already suffered too much.
“I love you too, Lem,” I sigh. “I just really want to feel like you trust me when I tell you that you, and you alone, have my whole heart. It’s been fully yours since the moment we met, baby. You know that… right?”
He nods. But then he hesitates.
And I’m angry all over again.
“You really don’t believe me??” I gasp. “We’re getting married tomorrow, Lemuel…”
“Of course I believe you—”
“Doesn’t seem like it,” I scoff, turning away.
“Felix, baby, wait.” He stomps after me.
But I’m already in the bathroom. “Not now!” I slam the door in his face.
“Felix! Please don’t be upset.” He pounds on the door.
I sit down on the edge of the tub, listening to him yell at me through the door. All the while, remembering our first bath together.
Fingers running along the porcelain, I can still see the water, soaked red. I see the razor, slicing into our flesh, feel the sting and the trickle of blood. The way he held me, and kissed me, fucked me and licked my blood while Depeche Mode played in the background.
We became one that day, body, heart, and soul. Our bloody baptism, reborn in the forever spinning chaos and love that make us up.
I want that for our marriage. Wiping everything before each other clean and starting over anew in devotion.
I just hope my doctor love can learn to turn off his big, beautiful brain and follow his heart.
I fell asleep on the bathroom floor.
I know… The night before my wedding.
I’m gonna be all hunched over in my sexy tux Ren picked out.
I’m actually not aching too bad. Not on the outside, anyway. But inside, I’m all knotted up and tense.
Opening the door slowly, I peek out into the bedroom. But it’s empty, and I frown. My malaise only lasts for a split second, though, before someone bursts into the room. Much to my disappointment, it’s not Lem.
“Rise and shine, my little butcher bride!” Ren hollers. “It’s your wedding day!”
“It’s too early for you to be so loud,” Byron grumbles, rubbing his temples.
“It’s not my fault you drank too much last night.” Ren strides into my bedroom like he owns the place.
“I’m not complaining,” Trevel chuckles. “Drunk Byron is a total slag.”
He smirks, and Byron bites his lip. It’s making me jealous on my own damn wedding day.
Rushing up to Trevel, I grasp his arm. “Have you see Lem?”
“Mhm,” he hums, grinning wickedly. “He’s already up and getting ready.”
I frown. “Oh…”
“Why what happened??” Ren gasps. “No frown lines today.”
“Nothing, it’s just… we had a fight last night,” I mumble. “And we didn’t really get to—”
“Joy!” Ren barks into a walkie talkie he pulled seemingly out of nowhere. “We might have a code Runaway Groom situation. Can you please get eyes on Lemuel?”
I roll my eyes. “He’s not running away…”
“Bitch, I’m busy,” Joy croaks over the walkie. “I told you to stop calling me on this thing.”
“Rawr,” he replies into it. “Someone had a venti iced bitch latte with oat milk and cunty cold foam this morning.”
Trevel bursts out laughing, and I can’t help cracking a smile.
“Fuck off, 48,” Velle growls, which I’m assuming means they’re getting busy.
“Ugh, those horny sluts,” Ren sighs.
“Like I said, I just saw him fifteen minutes ago,” Trevel adds.
“Fifteen minutes is more than enough time to run away from commitment, trust me.” Ren’s brow cocks.
“Are you trying to make the situation worse?” Byron huffs. “Because it’s working.”
“Really, everything is fine.” I force a smile because now they are kind of making me nervous. “Has anyone heard from Dash…?”
They all freeze, eyes wide like they’re trying not to upset me more.
“Oh God.” I cover my face with my hands. “This day is a disaster!”
“No,” Ren coos, slinging his arm around me. “No, it’s not. It’s fine. Dascha will be here, but if he’s not, I’ll fill in as your maid of honor.”
He grins, and I have to grin back. At least I have them.
Now I just want to find Lem so we can fix this.
“Come on, princess.” Ren pulls me back to the bathroom. “Let’s get you ready.”
Forcing myself to switch off the worry, I focus on getting cleaned up and prettified, as Ren calls it. And when I’m in my custom-fitted tux that must have set The Ivory back a pretty penny, I feel a lot better. I feel excited and antsy and ready to get married, despite the fight with Lem.
I have to believe that he’s fine, and that he forgot all about it. Although let’s be real, that doesn’t seem like him at all.
When we step down the stairs, I’m gawking in awe.
The wide open space of the foyer has been turned into a dance floor, and it looks incredible.
The black and white checkered tiles lined with decor along the edges; flowers and vine-covered arches that match the garden’s aesthetic.
As if they actually brought the outdoor garden indoors, and it’s stunning. Flowers from the greenhouse everywhere.
When I see the yellow dahlias, I have to choke back tears. It reminds me so much of kissing Lem surrounded by flower petals… And in this moment, all I want is to see him.
I just want him to wrap me up in his big arms and hold me tight, as he does. As if he really is trying to smoosh me into him and make us one.
We are, and I just want him to know that. He made me whole when he fell in love with me, and I need him to know I’m not mad about the Cameron thing. I don’t care.
I just want to marry him.
The first floor of the mansion is bustling.
Everyone is helping with the wedding, moving things around, setting up tables for food and drinks in the atrium.
We run into Luthor down there, who’s playing DJ.
He’s all excited about his setup, but I’m distracted from that when Joy, Rook, and Velle stride downstairs in their matching suits. They look amazing.
Joy is officiating, and I’m freaking out over how badass dapper-chic she looks.
“You find the groom yet?” Velle smirks.
I narrow my gaze. “No… why is that funny?”
His shoulder lifts in a shrug that clearly means he knows something, and I’m not in the mood for secrets right now.
“Thirty-minute warning!” Ren shouts.
“Thirty-minutes??” I gasp.
Great. Now I’m hyperventilating.
Dash isn’t here. He’s actually going to miss my wedding.
And Lemuel is missing, and even though I’m sure he would never skip out on our wedding, I really wanted to see him first and make up.
I don’t want to get married in the middle of a fight.
“We need to get out to the garden,” Ren hums sympathetically.
As predicted, the garden is gorgeous. The perfect mix of beauty and decay, the archway set up with a black carpet for us to stand on, and twinkly lights strew overhead like in the atrium.
“Do you love it?” Ren bounces.
“Yea…” I gulp.
“Don’t worry,” he comforts. “This is your wedding day, Felix. It’s going to be perfect, even if it’s not.”
My smile becomes a little less forced. Even so, I’m shivering with anxiety.
This is the moment I’ve been waiting for, not just for the last two weeks, but since the night Lemuel proposed. Maybe even before that.
A story like mine was never meant to have a happily ever after. But against all odds, I found it. I made it to the end of Felix Darcey, and the beginning of Felix Love.
Taking a breath, I hold it in and close my eyes, humming Enjoy The Silence…
Until the boom of my groom calling out my name springs them open.