Chapter 53
Louis
“Paul is an adult; he can take care of himself.” Ah, it’s not quite that simple, but that’s not my story to tell.
“Suggestion: you pack a bag, and we drive to my place. It’s more practical anyway, we’ll get to the university much faster.”
“Actually, that’s stupid. We haven’t slept apart since we’re back together. We both have our own places, but we don’t live together.” He’s right. I’ve thought about that too; moving in together is the only logical solution.
David is currently writing his master’s thesis and has discussed with his father that he will mainly work from home during his first year.
Once I have my university degree, we’ll see where I have to do the practical part for my teaching degree and then maybe we can move a little closer to home. That’s the plan.
“There are only two questions. My house or your apartment? And depending on which we choose, what will happen with Finn or Paul?”
“I can’t kick Paul out, he has no one but me, he has no money except what we earn at the club. That’s enough to get by, but not if he has to pay for a room as well.”
David looks at me questioningly. “He doesn’t pay rent?”
“Of course not. Not everyone is as privileged as we are, and very few people can really make it completely on their own. Your biggest fear has always been that your family would abandon you. Paul has no family that could abandon him; he never really existed for them.”
My boyfriend swallows and runs his fingers through his blond hair. “Okay, I get it. What if we move in here, to your apartment, and Paul takes my room in my house? Kind of like a room swap.”
Admittedly, that’s a really good idea, and I know Finn—he and Paul could work well as roommates. They’re both clean and rather quiet, neither one are party animals.
***
“Hey, um... do you have a minute? I need to talk to you about something.” Paul’s eyes widen, his gaze is panicked.
I haven’t seen him like this in a long time.
He sits at his desk and quickly pulls his knees up to his chest, making himself small, seeking protection.
I know these mechanisms all too well from myself.
They are involuntary, conditioned by a shitty life full of violence.
I’ve been out of that bullshit long enough to have learned that there are people who raise their hands to caress my cheek, not to hit me – Paul didn’t.
I slowly walk towards him but then sit down on his bed.
“Come here.” I gently pat my thighs and he follows immediately, curling up next to me, his head in my lap. With slow movements, I undo his hair tie and let his long strands flow through my fingers. I feel his shoulders relax. “David and I want to move in together.”
“Do I have to leave?” I hear the hopelessness in his voice, and it hurts painfully.
“Yes, but we have an idea. David lives with Finn. He has a small house in Waldstadt. We thought you could take David’s room.”
An incredulous snort lifts his chest. “How am I supposed to pay for that? And besides, Finn doesn’t like me.”
Huh? Where did that idea come from? Finn actually likes everyone who doesn’t get on his nerves too much, and Paul is so reserved when he’s not working and putting on his show that I can’t imagine him annoying Finn.
“The financial side of things has been sorted out; it’s the same as here.
That’s not an issue. But how do you know Finn? Have you even met him?”
“I met him once in the cafeteria with David, and David introduced us, but I told you about that.” Yes, that’s true, but as far as I remember, everything was fine then.
“Anyway, I saw him again a few weeks ago. He was sitting alone at a table, and I sat down next to him. He couldn’t even look at me, barely answered my questions. I was really nice, I promise.”
Hmm, that’s strange. “Do you want me to talk to him again?”
“No, I don’t want to be annoying. If you and David decide that’s what you want, that’s okay with me. I’m just glad you’re thinking of me at all. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, you know.” He means Finn.
“You’re not a burden, you’re the best friend anyone could wish for, and I would never make a decision like that without considering you.” I gently brush his hair out of his face, separate three strands, and start braiding.
***
“What did Paul say?” A little more exuberant than usual, David hugs me from behind and kisses me on the cheek.
We’ve arranged to meet for lunch in the cafeteria to discuss our next steps.
Tonight is practice, and experience has shown that we’re not really in the mood for serious conversations afterwards.
Since we got back together, we haven’t missed a single session, and now our team knows that we’re a couple.
Most of them had already guessed, and everyone is totally cool with it.
However, they unanimously decided that we’re not allowed to ever break up again.
After the incident at Turmberg, David skipped training and I played like shit.
We were knocked out in the preliminary round of three tournaments.
It was more than embarrassing, and the guys don’t want a repeat of that shit show.
“Nice to see you.” And even nicer to be greeted like that.
David is totally relaxed in public by now.
Knowing that our families have our backs, he doesn’t care about stupid comments and disgusted looks at all.
Sometimes I feel the urgent need to pinch myself because I can hardly believe this is really my life.
His lips tenderly find mine and I kiss him back with a little more emphasis. “Always so greedy. If you’ve enough energy tonight, you can have me however you want, but until then, you’ll have to make do with this.” He kisses me again, but this time he pushes his tongue between my lips.
“Ah, much better.” David is still gentle, and he still loves to give himself to me, but he’s become much more active.
Showing me what he wants, not just letting things happen, but also taking the initiative, a development I never thought possible, but do love very much.
Because I love him so much and because I can see every day how comfortable he feels.
In his body, with himself, and with his sexuality.
“So, how did it go with Paul? I hope better than with Finn.” Playfully, he covers his eyes with one hand and peeks through a small gap between his fingers. Oh my God, he’s cute.
“Paul agreed, but he did mention that he feels like Finn doesn’t like him. How can anyone not like Paul, huh?”
“Hmm, that kind of fits with Finn’s reaction. He opened his eyes wide and whispered, ‘I can’t do that.’ Did the two of them have some kind of argument?”
I shrug my shoulders helplessly.
“What do we do now?” My best friend has agreed, David needs to know if he’s willing to bypass Finn.
“Honestly, I asked him what’s wrong, if he gave me a plausible reason, I would’ve said we needed a new plan.
But like this? They don’t have to share a bed, or even a bathroom.
He can handle it. I really don’t feel like lugging our stuff back and forth all the time when we have such a simple solution.
We’re not putting anyone out on the street. Right?”
“So we’re going through with it?”
“Yes. When?”
“Are you leaving your furniture for Paul, or do you want to take some of it with you?”
David grins mischievously at me, a smile I still have to get used to.
Not shy or embarrassed, oh no, but with a big twinkle in his eye.
“All I need is you. Preferably naked on top of me, on a sofa, or in the shower, in our bed, it doesn’t matter.
” I’m rarely speechless. “But to get back to your question, Paul can have everything in my room. I’ll take his desk; that’s fine with me. ”
***
Two weeks ago, we decided to move in together, and today we’re carrying the last boxes of clothes into my apartment.
Paul had significantly less stuff than David, but we have the space.
Carefully, I remove the doorbell sign that previously bore Paul’s and my name.
Now it says Louis Delfosse and, directly below that, David Strasser.
Wow, a year ago I thought we’d never see each other again, and now here we are, standing in front of my door, his arm loosely around my shoulder, his lips on mine, and our names on the same doorbell and mailbox.
“Pinch me,” I whisper against his lips and he laughs.
“Ah, I don’t know if that’s my thing, but I could bite your tongue if you’re into pain. I can do that. Is that a hidden side of you, one I don’t know yet?”
“Who are you and what have you done to my shy and reserved boyfriend?”
David’s look is getting serious. “I am passive, in every sense of the word, but in my head I was never shy, I always knew what I wanted, what I wanted from you. But it’s hard to say something out loud when you’re constantly panicking that you’ll get caught.”
God, I love him, so I rise on my tiptoes and stretch my neck, asking for a kiss. David closes the distance, and just before our lips touch, I whisper, “Would you mind describing a little more precisely what you want upstairs?”