Jain
Jain
I got back into my car, perplexed yet relieved that I had managed to at least settle the score with one person: my mother. I was exhausted mentally and decided to head back to Evan. The thought made me grin stupidly as I started my engine.
I had just turned out of Mum’s road when my music shut off in the car, and my ringtone filled the silence. I glanced at the display as I indicated right, my heart skipping a beat when I saw that it was Julian calling me. I pulled over, not wanting to risk driving and having such a conversation.
“Julian, hi. Thanks for calling me,” I breathed before he sighed.
“I got your email. I’d rather do this face to face than over the phone,” Julian barked, his tone icy cold. I had no option but to accept whatever he threw at me, and I agreed to meet him for a coffee the following day.
“Julian, I’m—”
“A cheater. A liar. I’m just glad I found out before I married you,” Julian sneered, and I closed my eyes with mortification.
“I was going to tell you, but—”
“I don’t want to hear it. I’ll see you tomorrow if you can remove yourself from him.”
Julian hung up, and I realised I was crying. Beyond caring what I looked like, I sat in the car and let it all out. My phone rang again, and my heart lurched until I saw that it was Sarah. I answered, mid sob, and she sighed.
“Do you want to come over?”
I agreed to come as soon as I could and ended the call. The best thing about Sarah was that we had been friends long enough that sometimes I didn’t need to say anything at all—she just knew.
Twenty minutes later, I found myself outside her tiny flat, a soft glow illuminating her anxious shadow, which disappeared as soon as my engine turned off. When my eyes met hers, the tears started again, and she wrapped her arms around me, locking my car for me as we walked into her flat.
Soft music played from the lounge, and as I fell to the sofa, she handed me a full glass of red wine that seemed to be waiting on the table. She held my hand, her eyes on me as I sipped the wine gratefully.
“It’s like, two PM,” I whispered as Sarah snorted.
“Who gives a shit? It’s five o’clock somewhere, right?”
“I’ve left Julian,” I confessed, and her face broke into a bright smile.
“Tell me it’s for a certain hot English teacher.” She winked as I stared at her with disbelief.
I’d never told her or anyone else. Evan was my secret.
“How...how...” I stammered.
Sarah’s eyes crinkled in the corners before she shrugged. “It was the way you looked at each other. I don’t know how you got away with it for so long, you dirty dog.”
I was speechless as I let out a gasp. “You knew? ”
Sarah smiled, sipping her wine as she gazed out of the window wistfully.
“I paid a lot of attention to you back then,” she whispered, her cheeks reddening.
I blinked, unsure if I was following what she was saying.
“You were my best friend. I was the same with you,” I said as she laughed lightly, her beautiful eyes saddening.
“No, darling. It wasn’t quite the same.”
Wow. My best friend had feelings for me.
How did I not know? The truth was I was too wrapped up in my own world to notice. I felt sick.
Sarah forced a smile.
“But that’s not what’s relevant right now. Are you happy yet?”
I stared at Sarah, the cogs in my brain moving slowly despite the copious fog of confusion that surrounded them.
Sarah never being overly interested in anyone.
Sarah always defended me, telling me what was right or wrong with my actions or words...
“Are you a lesbian?” I asked, still furious with myself for not ever noticing my own best friend going through so much herself. I felt well and truly shit.
She rolled her eyes before grabbing my hand.
“Yes, that I am. Woo!” Sarah cheered sarcastically, and I closed my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I said, tears threatening to fall again. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you? I haven’t told anyone. I guess I’ve only just come out to you.” She grinned as my heart swelled with love for her .
“Shit, it must’ve been hard at school—”
“That’s gone. It’s in the past. We’ll sit and talk about my sexual preference at great length anytime you like, but for now, let’s just sort you out,” Sarah said with authority, sitting back in her chair to gaze at me.
I was stunned. It was never obvious, but then when was it?
It’s not like people wear signs around their neck declaring their sexual preferences.
“So, you’ve left Julian, and he’s a mess. Tell me you’re with Mr Silver.”
I lifted my eyes to hers, slowly nodding as we began to smile, the way best friends did when life went right for one of them.
“Ok, dry your damn tears. That man has been in love with you for years. You can’t change the fact you moved on, then uh...moved back...ha!” She chuckled at her joke, and I cringed slightly.
“Julian is furious.”
Sarah nodded before frowning. “So, how did you tell Julian?”
I took a deep breath before telling her everything from the beginning. She didn’t interrupt once, just nodded throughout as she listened intently. Finally, when I had finished, she whistled, then paused, tilting her head to the side.
“Wait, how did he know you were there?”
I looked up at her, shrugging.
“I don’t know. He just turned up early that morning,” I sighed, my heart aching at the memory.
“Shit! I wonder how he knew?” She bit her nails as she frowned, as I waved dismissively.
“Anyway. I need to speak to Julian. We have to get in touch with the guests and the venue...” My voice trailed off as my chest tightened.
“Drink,” Sarah commanded before nodding at my wine glass. “There’s plenty more where that came from.”
“Thanks, I’m sorry for just coming here in a mess. I’ve no idea what’s going to happen. I mean, all my stuff is there...” I groaned as I took a deep glug of wine. The liquid slipped down my throat easily, and Sarah sighed.
“One thing at a time, babes. You’ve dealt with your mother and spoken to Julian all in the same day. So let’s order pizza and drink wine—it’s always the cure.”
She was right, and it did help to talk it out with her finally. I’d bottled it up for so long that saying it all aloud seemed to make it almost... real . We spent the rest of the night talking through our lives and made our way through copious amounts of wine. Then, when my phone rang with a very concerned Evan on the other end, I decided I should probably head home.
Only when I slid into bed with him after he carried me there from his car did I realise something.
I’d just called Evan’s house my home. I fell asleep with a drunken smile on my face, aware of him softly kissing my head, his slender fingers caressing the skin on my arm reassuringly.
“I love you.” I heard him say, and I knew then that maybe, just maybe, I was home.