6. Chapter 6
My leg bounces like a jackhammer as I sit in this irritatingly small waiting room. I swear to God if one person coughs on me, I’m outta here.
I hear a thunk and turn my head in horror to see the old man next to me bending down to pick his teeth up off the floor.
Nope, nada, that’s it.
The urge to flee overwhelms me, forcing me to stand and make my way to the exit.
“Jasper Valintine.”
Well, fuck!
With an attempt at nonchalance, I turn around and raise my hand as I walk toward the nurse who called my name.
“Hi, Jasper. Please, come with me.”
She leads us through the same set of doors that opened and closed a hundred times while I sat in the middle of GermFest. And no, it wasn’t the summer festival I prefer.
Making our way down the corridor of hallways, she slows down, finally turning into a room at the very end.
I’m never going to remember how to get the fuck out of here. It’s all part of their plan. Confuse the fuck out of you so you can never leave. “Why don’t you take a seat?”
I sit my ass down on an old plastic chair that looks like it’s from the 90s and feels just as comfortable as this room. If it means avoiding a doctor’s office, I would choose Jaxon’s uncomfortable chair over this one any day of the week.
People need to start getting better chairs. It’s becoming a thing.
“I’m just going to ask you a few questions and get a blood pressure reading. Do you smoke?” she asks.
“Yes.”
“How many a day?”
And they wonder why I dislike doctors? Who wants to start off a conversation getting interrogated?
“I don’t know. Maybe a half a pack.” On a good day, but I don’t say that.
“Do you drink?”
“Yes.”
“How much?”
“Four or five a week.”
“Do you do any recreational drugs?”
“I smoke weed every once in a while. Don’t give me the side eye there…” I squint at her name tag. “Mary. It’s legal in a lot of places now. ”
“Hey, I’m not here to judge.”
Hmm, that’s what they all say.
She grabs the blood pressure cuff thingy off the hook, and I hear the deafening sound of the Velcro being pulled apart. The sound has the same effect as nails on a chalkboard.
She wraps it around my arm. This is where the fun part comes in. We sit in uncomfortable silence as I pretend the cuff is not pinching the ever-loving shit out of my skin.
“Try to keep still,” she says as my leg bounces erratically. Obviously, Mary has never met me, but I try my hardest to do as I’m told.
Mary would be a natural at poker. She gives no indication of good or bad as she unfastens the cuff. There’s a tiny possibility that Mary is actually a card shark pretending to be a nurse. Or a government spy. Ooooh, I bet if she was a government spy she would have classified information, like maybe whether a certain big, furry sasquatch is real.
“Hey, Mary? How much do you know about Sasquatch?” I ask, narrowing my eyes to see if I can get her to crack. She, of course, does no such thing. She just rolls her eyes as she finishes entering information into the computer and I try to rein in all the different scenarios going through my mind.
“Okay, Doctor Withermore should be in shortly,” Mary says, getting up and making her way out of the office and closing the door behind her, leaving me sitting in the silence of a soundproof room.
I don’t like the quiet. The quiet makes the thoughts swimming around in my head too loud, especially when I don’t have an outlet at the moment to expel the negativity .
My thumb begins to tap out a beat against my thigh as I take in the room. It’s the same as every other exam room. It’s small, with posters of the human body and a rack full of medical pamphlets hanging on the wall.
And why the fuck is it always so bright in here?
Have I mentioned yet how much I hate going to the doctor?
No?
Well, I would rather stab my foot with a piercing gun.
Finally, there’s a swift knock and the exam room door opens, the man of the hour walking in.
“Hey, Jasper.”
“Dr. Withermore,” I say, which earns me a raised eyebrow.
I sigh. “Marcus.”
“Better,” he says. “Hop up onto the table, please.”
The paper crinkles beneath me as I hop up and adjust my position without ripping the paper with very limited success.
Marcus takes a seat on a stool, much like the kind we have at the shop.
“Why didn’t you come see me sooner?”
“Hey, I attempted to set up an appointment, but you had no openings.”
He rolls his eyes. “You know, I only see a handful of clients these days. Plus, we’ve gone over this. You just have to tell them who you are. Or… I don’t know, maybe just pick up the phone and call me or… come home. You can’t keep doing this, Jasper,” he says in a gentle tone. “Jacob and I aren’t going anywhere and in case you still haven’t noticed, we don’t plan on it.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll call you next time.” No matter the number of times I have tried to push them away, they won’t let me .
Seemingly happy with my response, he switches on his professional Dr. Withermore voice. “Can you tell me what happened when you fainted a few weeks ago? Were you feeling funny leading up to it? Anything at all?”
I sigh. That was not my finest day.
“I was just exhausted. That’s all it was.”
“Why don’t you let me decide that?” he replies.
I roll my eyes. “Fine, I went out and had a few drinks the night before, but I’ve been feeling rundown lately because I haven’t been sleeping the greatest. The day I fell, I was cleaning up my station after a client. One minute I felt fine, and the next, it felt like my heart was beating a million miles a minute. I must have turned around too fast because I got dizzy and lost my balance, hitting my head when I fell.”
“Has it ever happened before?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Has it happened since? Your heart feeling like it’s beating really fast?”
I blow out a long breath. “Yes.”
He gets up and walks to me, eyeing me like I’m a puzzle.
Marcus takes the stethoscope from around his neck. “How long did it last?”
“Around fifteen seconds? I don’t know. I wasn’t really timing it.”
He lifts my shirt and places the cold metal end to my chest.
I hiss, shooting him daggers and he chuckles. “Sorry.”
Funny guy.
Taking deep breaths, I follow his instructions and breathe in and out as he listens to my heartbeat .
My body feels like it’s vibrating with all the stress and anxiety I’ve been avoiding over the last few weeks. And every minute he’s silent, it ramps up a notch.
When he finally takes a step back, I see a small flicker of concern flash across his face.
“Jasper, when Mary took your blood pressure, it was high. Higher than I would like it to be. I’m going to put you on some medication to help lower it, but I need you to pay attention to your health. For starters, you need to quit smoking. It will not be easy. I won’t lie and say it is. You also need to eat better and lower the amount of sodium and processed food in your diet. I don’t want this to be your wake-up call, but it is. It’s time you started taking better care of yourself.”
I hang my head, all things I’ve heard before.
“Tell me about you not sleeping?” Marcus asks.
I eye him. Marcus is aware of my habits. “Not the greatest, but when I get into a zone, it’s hard to stop. You know how I get.”
“Jasper, throwing yourself into your paintings is not a bad thing. You’re very talented, and it helps you mentally, but when it causes issues with your sleeping habits, you need to learn to pay attention to your body. Obviously, I’m not telling you to stop, just asking you to be more aware.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“One more thing. I want to schedule an echo on your heart. Just to rule out a couple of things.”
My eyes go wide. “What do you mean? What’s an echo? Rule out what?”
“Jasper, take a couple of deep breaths… good. The rapid heartbeat could be anxiety. Anxiety can cause a lot of issues with the heart, but I also hear a slight murmur, and I just want to check it out for precaution. An echo is no n-invasive. Just like taking a picture. We’ll get your blood pressure under control, and I want to make sure nothing else is going on.”
My brain becomes assaulted with every horrible outcome. A murmur? What the fuck is a murmur? I hear Marcus continue to talk, but I’m not paying attention to a word he says. God, I want to get out of here. I need to get out of here. Did I finally push myself too far?
“Someone will call you to schedule the appointment.”
I look up at Marcus and blink my eyes, trying to bring him back into focus.
“Here is your prescription for the blood pressure meds. Please get them filled as soon as possible. You also need to pick up a home blood pressure machine. I want you to monitor yourself twice a day so I can make sure the medication is working and not dropping you too low. Here is the range I would like to see your blood pressure between,” he says, handing me a small white piece of paper. “Please keep a log until your next appointment.”
“Yeah, okay, I can do that.” I’m freaking out.
“Perfect.”
I hop off the table.
“Hey, Jasper?” Marcus says.
I turn back to glance at him. “Yeah?”
“We really missed you at the fundraiser. It’s the first one you’ve ever missed.”
“I know, and I’m sorry.” My gut aches when I think about the fact I missed it, but the focus needed to be on someone else that night. “I didn’t want to take away from Alex’s night.”
“Are you ever gonna let them in? Your friends? They seem like they really care about you.” Marcus shakes his head. “The look on Jaxon’s face when he needed to leave told me everything I needed to know about the type of people you work with.”
He narrows his eyes. “And if I would have known it was you, I would have left with him.”
“I was fine, and that night was about Matthew. You needed to be there. I’m just sorry I wasn’t.”
“I know how much he meant to you,” he says, giving me a sad smile. If my heart wasn’t already broken, that look he gives me will always shatter it into a million pieces. We all miss Matthew.
I nod my head, blinking away tears and gaining my composure as I walk out of the room.
By the time I make it into Dragonfly Café for this week’s family dinner, I’m completely drained. After I called Jaxon and told him I wouldn’t be in for the rest of the day, I drove to the pharmacy and picked up my prescription, as well as one of those at-home blood pressure monitors Marcus told me to get.
I’ve known Marcus since I was sixteen years old and a rebellious teenager seething with anger at the world. If it wasn’t for him and his husbands, Matthew and Jacob, I would probably be sitting in a cell somewhere.
Some nights, I lie awake and think about what would have happened if someone hadn’t stepped in and saved me.
It’s not like I deserved to be saved to begin with. There were far better people in this big world who deserved to be saved .
Instead of rescuing a young troublemaker who did nothing remarkable with the opportunities he was given, it should have been someone like Alex.
Marcus spends most of his time investing nowadays. Though he can walk away from practicing medicine whenever he chooses, he still has a lingering attachment that prevents him from doing so entirely. And I think it’s Matthew.
I never meant to keep them a secret, but I didn’t talk much about my past when I first started, and then I didn’t want anything to take away from Alex’s night and now it’s just… awkward.
The moment I step into the café, heads turn and the room falls silent, interrupted only by the gentle jingle of the bell over the door.
“Well, that wasn’t subtle. You all should work on that more.”
The layout of the café is one of my favorites. When you walk in, the front is open, with the bookstore to the right and the café to the left. The front of each location mirrors the other, with couches and chairs, and a cute, cozy little fireplace tucked in the corner.
The shared wall between the two spaces that they didn’t knock down has bench seating, with tables and chairs. On the other side of the café are large family-style farm tables. It’s one of my favorite places to eat.
I’m also pretty sure it’s where the old ladies in this town get their gossip.
“What? We weren’t talking about you,” Alex stammers from his spot on the couch next to Jaxon. The group groans.
I roll my eyes and make my way over to pour myself a cup of coffee. Which I should not be drinking.
Whatever, I’m starting tomorrow… after my morning cup .
The doors to the kitchen swing open, and Finn, with long blond hair that has no right to look that good, and Beckett, our dark-haired, mysterious chef, come out carrying some kind of fruit and cheese platter before setting it down on the coffee table.
Dom, our resident tall, muscular, scary dude, plucks a piece of cheese off the platter and pretends like he’s not feeding it to Chester, Alex and Jaxon’s dog. Of course, none of us say anything because Chester is a good boy and deserves all the treats.
I look around, wondering how I’ve become included with these people. If we ever attempted to rob a bank, the police would arrest us before we even started. Subtlety is not this group’s middle name.
Ohhh, we should come up with a group name.
I scan the room, and it dawns on me we’re still without one person. “Where’s Olly?” I ask. I mean, the guy is never on time for anything, but he’s never this late.
“I don’t know,” says Spencer, who’s now wrapped up in a hug with his boyfriend, Finn. His brows crease. “I talked to him earlier. He sounded frazzled, but never said he wasn’t coming.”
Olly is always one enormous ball of frazzle.
I sit down on one of the big comfy chairs. See, this is how chairs are supposed to be; big and comfy. Jaxon and Alex are sitting on the couch to my right, and Dom to my left, while Mira and Jules have both squeezed themselves into the chair opposite me.
Conversations are flowing around me, and I take in the scene. I’m surrounded by people who I love more than anything, but who I’ve never truly let in.
It’s possible that Marcus is right. It’s time. Maybe it’s my turn to open up and allow myself to be brought into the fold.
“So, Jasper…” Jaxon says, and I have to chuckle because I know it’s been killing him.
“Yes, Daddy?”
“Hey… that’s my line.” Alex protests.
Jaxon leans over and whispers something into his ear, making Alex blush before focusing back on me.
“As I was trying to ask: how did it go today?”
I blow out a breath. I don’t want to get into everything right here, but I at least can tell them something.
“It went fine. The doc says I have high blood pressure and put me on some meds.” I fail to mention the additional test he wants to do.
“So, does that mean you’ll start taking better care of yourself?” Dom questions. “Could we consider slowing down a bit?”
I roll my eyes. “The doc said I just needed to…” The bell over the door jingles and my words trail off as I turn my head to see Olly walking through the front door. There’s a collective gasp and my eyes go wide.
It’s Spencer who breaks the silence. “Hey, Olly…umm, where’d you get the baby?”