Chapter 7
Jay
It wasn’t that Chase changed. It felt more like he stopped holding back. When I arrived at his place, he had my favorite prosecco in the fridge and strawberries in a bowl on the table.
“You said you didn’t care for flowers, so…”
Those dimples and that crooked grin.
Then he kissed the living daylights out of me, all the while rubbing the sore muscles on my neck and shoulders.
We always had sex right away, and today was no different.
I was in his arms, folded in half, his marvelous cock in me to the hilt, but we weren’t fucking.
We were still kissing.
He nuzzled my face, breathed in from my hair, and pressed a line of kisses down my cheek.
“Fucking finally,” he murmured.
“Finally what?” Why did I ask? I didn’t want to hear it.
“I get to feel you again.”
Yeah, I was lying to myself. I did want to hear it. I wanted those little nuzzling kisses, dreamy gazes, and whispered admissions. I craved them as much as I craved that cock.
He made me come one more time, inhaling my cries of pleasure, and then we lay on the bed face-to-face.
“I’ve made dinner,” he said. “I have pulled beef in the oven, veggies chopped, and blue corn tortillas on the stove. I only need to heat them up.”
“You’re spoiling me.”
He gently brushed a lock of hair from my temple. “How long can you stay?”
“Until nine in the morning? I promised Monty I’d go with him to the ice-skating rink tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
“So, dinner? I’m hungry,” I said.
“Just a minute. I have to…” He twirled the strand of my hair between his fingers and heaved a long sigh. His hazel eyes turned so impossibly adoring, and my heart started jumping around my ribcage.
“What is it?” I whispered.
Chase opened his mouth and closed it again. He rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling.
A beat of silence.
And then he turned his head to look at me and said,
“Jay, I’m in love with you.”
My pulse skyrocketed, and for a moment, I wondered if I’d ever be able to breathe again.
He just told me he loved me like it was something simple and easy.
Trying to keep my expression from crumbling, I slowly pushed out air through my nose.
Fucking shit.
I should have ended it a long time ago. Now Chase would get hurt.
I would hurt this vibrant, beautiful young man who made me dinners, massaged my back, and asked about my day because he cared and wanted to hear the answer.
He always listened.
“Chase…” I choked out.
He glared at me, fierce and determined. “Don’t you dare tell me that I’m too young for you.”
I was about to compose something along those lines. Before I could come up with anything else, he plowed on.
“You’ve gotten to know me, Jay. Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me? Do you think I don’t know what I want? That I’m so dumb and immature that I would pursue a relationship with you without thinking about the implications? Because I haven’t been thinking about anything else for weeks now.”
I blinked. I had nothing. I had done my best to build a fucking fortress around my heart, and this boy had smashed it with a few words.
I would get hurt too.
“Chase,” I tried, my voice wobbly. “I like you a lot.”
He shook his head, his glare darkening. “That’s such a cowardly thing to say.”
I let out a half-laugh. Yeah, he wasn’t one to take the easy way out. Chase faced stuff head-on, and it was one of the things I respected the most about him.
“You’re right, it’s cowardly. After all these years alone, all these failed relationships and disastrous dates, I finally met someone decent, someone who’s beautiful inside and out. And I’m terrified. So there.”
He rolled, and we were almost nose to nose. His eyes glowed with new determination, while my resolve was melting.
I’d never been able to resist this man. What made me think that I could resist now?
“I won’t make promises, Jay. You’ve heard enough of those, and they don’t mean shit, do they? But I want a chance to prove myself to you.”
“How?”
His jaw tightened. “I want to meet your brother. It’s a small thing, but it’s a start.”
My heart skipped a beat and restarted because I’d half expected him to say he wanted to meet Monty. I would have told him no, but of course, Chase knew that.
“My…brother?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I think he must be scary as shit, and he’ll hate me.”
I let out a bewildered chuckle. “You want to meet Hugh because you think he’ll hate you?”
Chase nodded. “Yes.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“I love you, Jay. I want to learn everything about you. The good things, the bad things, all of it. And I want you to get to know me. Really know me.”
“You’re crazy.”
He shrugged and pecked my nose. “Dinner. I need to feed you, and then we’ll talk some more.”
He lent me a hoodie, and I padded to the kitchen after him.
Meet Hugh.
It would be a disaster. Chances were that Chase would finally run for cover.
Or not.
Dinner was great, but I already knew Chase was amazing in the kitchen. He genuinely enjoyed making food, and it showed.
I tried not to think too much about the decision I’d have to make, but of course, it was all I could think about as I sprinkled chopped cilantro on my tacos.
“I think my older brother met yours,” Chase said, tearing me out of my thoughts.
“How? When?”
“Perry was out with some friends from work, and they went to a cocktail bar. He described the place to me and mentioned a bald, tattooed bartender who worked there. So I looked it up, and it really was Hugh’s place.
One of Perry’s friends wanted to hit on him, but he only got, like, half a sentence out before Hugh flashed him his wedding ring. ”
I laughed. “Yeah. Sounds like him. He’s very loyal and protective of Kirby.”
“And of you.”
I shrugged one shoulder. “It’s gotten kind of annoying over the years.”
Chase took a gulp of the beer he’d opened for himself. Bubbly wasn’t his thing—he’d only bought that for me. He swallowed and said, “I’m curious about him.”
“You know what they say about curiosity.”
“And cats?”
I nodded, and he just chuckled.
There was one thing niggling in my head, and since we were being open tonight…
“Chase, you always ask about me, my job, my brother, all the exes I hate to talk about. But you rarely ask about Monty.”
He looked at his plate. “Ah.”
“I don’t require you to be interested. But since you’ve made certain claims and expressed certain wishes earlier this evening, it made me wonder…” I trailed off. Was I pushing too much? But that was kind of the point.
“It’s intentional, yes.”
“Why?”
He looked up and held my gaze, and I knew he would be honest. Chase could hardly be anything but honest. He couldn’t lie for shit, and it was another thing I liked about him.
“Monty is the most important person in your life. He always comes first. And even if you give me a chance, if you ever love me back, I know that I’ll be in second place.
I don’t mind because it’s right. It’s how it should be.
” He rolled the beer bottle in his hands, frowning at it as if he just realized he was holding it, and put it on the table.
“I was afraid that you’d think I was faking interest to get closer to you if I asked about him too much.
So I’ve been kinda waiting for these little snippets you drop when you talk about your family.
I’ve, um, collected information from those. ”
It was his nervous habit—he’d start cleaning. As he kept talking, he covered the rest of the meat with a lid, straightened the used cutlery, and wiped a few drops of salsa from the table with a napkin.
“Monty loves skateboarding, and you and Hugh take turns driving him to the arena twice a week now that the park is closed for winter. He and Kirby build Legos together, and that was how they first bonded when he was nine. He’s brilliant at math but struggles in social sciences because he finds it hard to focus on reading anything that’s not a comic book.
I had the same problem, and it only got worse in high school, so I’ve been wanting to send you links.
There’s this guy who uploads videos online, like history and geography lectures for kids Monty’s age, and they’re great, so maybe he could try watching those instead.
But I’ve chickened out before sending them. ”
He gave me a shy glance and cleared his throat, folding and unfolding the napkin in his hands. I was too stunned to say anything.
“Um. I’ll do that later,” he said. “Anyway, I know he loves dogs, but you can’t have one because of your busy schedule, so he has visiting rights to your friend’s golden retriever named Noodle.
His favorite food is pancakes, and he taught himself to make them, surprising you one morning with breakfast in bed.
You were so proud of him. He’s bouncy and chatty when he feels safe, but a serious kid otherwise.
And…yeah. I want to know all about him, Jay.
He’s yours. Of course, I want to know him.
It’s become this impossible dream of mine to come with you when you take him skateboarding. Um. One day in the future. Maybe.”
Then he went silent.
Blinking hard, I rubbed my face with both hands. I breathed through my nose, trying to calm the fuck down.
A noise escaped me, something between a sob and a laugh.
“Jay?” Chase sounded worried.
I shook my head, my face still in my palms.
“Did I just fuck up?”
I shook my head again.
Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to speak around the lump in my throat.
“I’m so sorry.” Shit, I couldn’t make my voice work.
Chase paled, his mouth turned down. The sadness in his eyes was like a dagger into my chest and a kick to my kidneys. Even if he hadn’t already won me over, this look would have made it impossible for me to reject him.
“Please, Jay, don’t…”
I lifted a hand to stop him. “Wait. I need a second.”
Inhale, exhale. I wouldn’t bawl, not now. Inhale, exhale.
When I felt like I could finish a sentence without breaking down, I said, “I want to apologize because I kept underestimating you.”
Chase frowned but waited for me to continue.
“Even as I was falling for you, I kept putting you down in my head. I did it not because I thought little of you. Quite the opposite. You were wonderful from the start, and the more I got to know you, the more amazing you seemed. But I think I was trying to protect myself.”
“Falling for me?” he piped up.
Of course, he caught that. Hope glittered in his hazel eyes. And heavens, he was so beautiful.
I wanted to climb him like a tree, but there was a table full of dishes between us.
I stood and walked around it. Chase turned in his chair, and I straddled him. His hands went to my butt as if on autopilot, and a shy smile replaced the sadness on his face.
“Chase, I’m in love with you too. Been so for a while.”
He attacked my mouth, growling with raw hunger as if we hadn’t just stuffed our bellies with those delicious tacos he’d prepared for me.
He tasted a little of chili. Our tongues tangled, and I felt him growing hard under my ass. Chase was easy, and I loved that.
His hands roamed my body greedily, and I let my mind drift into a hazy future where this vibrant, bold boy was by my side. Not a boy. A man. A man who asked for what he wanted, worked to make it happen, and put me first, even though he could only end up in second place.
We kissed for a long time, and the blurred glimpses of our future might have become a little clearer in my imagination.
Urgency gave way to tenderness, then to passion and want.
I slid to my knees between his spread thighs, pulled his glorious cock out, and made love to it for ages with my lips and tongue. I teased him, taking him deep into my throat, then lapped at his leaking slit with the tip of my tongue. I adored the taste of his precum.
He came into my mouth, shaking and swearing.
I kissed his softening shaft and rubbed my cheek against it. My briefs were soaked with my slick, but I was in no hurry for him to reciprocate. We had all night.
“You know, even if you weren’t such a sweet talker, I would still have wanted you for your dick,” I said.
He laughed hard as he lifted me from the floor back into his lap.
“I’m so in love with you, Jay.”
His beautiful face was shining with joy as he said it.