Chapter 17
As soon as Amber fell asleep I took Gia’s hand and led her from the room. “Sit, we need to talk.” I sat her on the couch before taking a seat next to her.
She’d been trying to avoid me at the office the days after I’d spent the night fondling her on the couch, but I hadn’t let her get away with that shit.
I made her have lunch with me in my office everyday no longer caring what the gossips had to say. The sooner everyone knew she was mine the better anyway.
I hadn’t broached the subject of her husband, waiting for her to bring it up but she never did. Now I was no longer willing to leave it up to her.
I knew from her response to me that she was more than a little bit interested, that she did have feelings for me, but I wanted her to say it.
“Look at me.” She turned her face to look at me and I saw her throat work as she swallowed hard. “What are you afraid of?”
I ran my finger down her cheek to the corner of her mouth and slipped just the tip in before pulling it back out again.
“I’m not afraid.”
“Yes, you are. I can see it in your eyes, don’t lie to me.” She looked down and way and played with her fingers intertwined on her lap.
“You’ve had sex before so that can’t be it, so tell me.”
I half expected her to tell me that she was still in love with him, that she’d made some sort of misguided promise not to share herself with anyone else.
I’m not sure what I plan to do if those words do come out of her mouth, but I know for damn sure I wasn’t giving her up. Not even if I have to force her to see the error of her ways.
“I don’t know what you want from me.”
“What do you think I want?”
“Sex.” It’s cute how she still blushes at the word.
“Is that all you think I want from you? I think you’re lying. If sex was all you thought I wanted you would’ve shot me down long ago.”
“I’m sure you’ve had plenty of offers since you became a widow.” A thought that gives me nightmares and breaks me out in a sweat each time she’s out of my sight.
That’s why I have to do this now. Why I can’t waste any more time. We’ll be leaving the country soon and I want my ring on her finger or my child in her belly before we get on that plane.
“If not sex then what?”
“I want you, all of you. I want to build a life with you and your daughter. Stay where you are.”
I blocked her from leaving with a hand on her chest. “What if I don’t want what you want?” I gritted my teeth and restrained myself from telling her that was tough shit.
“Any reason why you wouldn’t want what I want? Are you not attracted to me, you feel nothing for me at all?”
She didn’t answer which was good, at least she wasn’t willing to outright lie to my face. “I just don’t think this is a good idea. What will everyone think? People are already whispering since you’ve made me have lunch with you every day this week.”
“Really? That’s the excuse you’re going to use? People and gossip? You’re gonna have to do better than that.”
“It doesn’t matter what I say, you’re not going to listen anyway.”
“This is true but I’d still like to hear your reasoning.”
“I don’t know, I just…I just haven’t thought about it. I’ve been too busy taking care of Amber and trying to finish my degree. Then there was the competition I entered that led me here.”
“So you’re saying you just never had time to think about a relationship. Okay then, if that’s your only holdup we’ve already got a pretty decent head-start on this one, so there should be no problems.”
“That’s not what I mean exactly.”
“Fine, since you can’t seem to find your words let me help you. Are you still in love with him?”
“He has a name.” She went on the defensive.
“Had a name, he’s no longer here.” She flew up off the couch and turned to me furiously.
“This is why we can’t talk about this. You act like you want me to pretend he was never here and I won’t do that. If I did then I’d have to forger my daughter…”
“That’s not what I mean and you know it. But every time it comes to…him you seem to lose all rationality.” I got up and took her hand, dragging her down the hallway behind me.
“You see this? What is this about? You say it’s for Amber but is it really? He’s the first thing anyone sees when they walk through the door. The living room is covered with memories of him but where are you and Amber?”
She turned her face and I turned it back roughly. “You’re lying to yourself. For whatever reason you’ve decided to bury yourself with him. You’re too young for that shit. You deserve more, Amber deserves more.”
“Don’t tell me what my daughter deserves, there’s nothing she needs that I won’t move heaven and earth to find.”
“What about a father?”
“She has a father, just because Richard died doesn’t mean that he’s no longer her dad. I keep these things around so that she won’t forget.” I was getting no fucking where with her.
“Her or you?”
She turned to head back down the hallway and I grabbed her arm and pulled her back around. “That’s it. I’ve had enough of your hiding. You want to pretend that you died along with him, suit yourself. But I’m not willing to let you fuck me over for a memory.”
“I’m not asking you to do anything I just want to be left alone to live my life…”
“No. I know you’re not averse to me. I know when I touch you, you go up in flames.”
“I’ve had my mouth and my fingers inside you, on you. I know you want me as much as I want you. But since you don’t want my love, why don’t I just give you what it is you seem to want from me.”
I pushed her back against the wall and ran my hand up between her legs. “You think all I want from you is sex, and since you respond so beautifully to me I take it that you want that too. So why deny ourselves?”
“I didn’t say that.” She turned her face when I tried to kiss her. Pissing me the fuck off. I turned her head around as I cupped the heat of her pussy in my hand.
“Then what are you saying?” I held her eyes with mine letting her see just how angry I was with her. “You want to keep me going round and round in circles but I won’t.”
“I don’t want that. I just don’t understand what your problem is with my marriage and my husband. You want me to pretend that he never existed, what kind of thinking is that?”
Finally the shit was out in the open. Now I could tell her what I really feel and be done with it.
I’m not about to pretend something I don’t feel. Neither am I willing to wait another second before claiming her.