Chapter 12 Elle
ELLE
The observatory is closed when I arrive early one morning after the first week of classes.
I slump against its door with my philosophy book clutched tight to my chest, huffing in defeat.
Quincy said she’d ask a professor to let me in, but clearly she forgot.
The astronomy program is small and for some reason no one really uses the place except for classes during the day, so I’ve taken to studying inside when it’s empty.
It’s much more peaceful than any of the libraries or my own dorm.
Swiping my phone from my coat pocket, I send Lexington a quick text. He gave me his number at the end of our last lecture for potential group study dates, saying I could text or call if I needed anything.
Since he’s a founding family member, I figure maybe he’ll be able to help.
I could go someplace else, but studying under the stars has always been a source of comfort for me. When I was little, I’d crawl onto the roof outside Asher’s bedroom window and sit for hours, telling him I was heading off on a date or something when the truth was I just wanted to be alone.
Spend as much time wearing a mask as I do, and you learn to seek out those rare moments where you can be yourself.
The stars don’t judge. They’ll shine no matter who sits beneath them.
As I turn away from the observatory’s door, I run into a wall, pinching my eyes shut with a grunt. The book tumbles out of my grasp, falling to the ground with a thud, and the wall reaches out with both hands to steady me.
Wait. The wall has hands?
Rearing back, I open my eyes and meet mossy green ones, somehow harsh beneath the moonlight still illuminating campus.
Sutton’s hair is messy, tousled as if he’s been raking his hands through it for hours. My fingers twitch, quietly aching to do the same, but I simply pull out of his hold instead.
“Should you really be touching students like that in the dark?” I quip, more viciously than necessary. “What if I’d had a weapon and used it on you because I thought you were an assailant?”
“Then I suppose we’d be having this conversation in the school’s infirmary.” His face is impassive as he bends down, scooping up my textbook. “You’re welcome, by the way.”
Irritation spikes in my blood, but I accept the book when he hands it over. “Am I supposed to thank you for getting in my way?”
“As pleasant as ever, Ms. Anderson.”
“Like you’ve earned the right to a friendlier attitude.”
His eyebrows arch. “Have I done something to upset you?”
Asshole. “Besides going out of your way in class to embarrass me?”
He stares at me for a beat, then shuffles back a step. “You’re imagining things.”
“That’s gaslight-y.”
“I’m not sure that’s a word.”
“Well, I’m making it one.” Crossing my arms over the book, I pin him with a look. “You can’t seriously pretend like you’re not trying to put up a wall between us as some defense mechanism. Relationships don’t work that way, you know. You can pretend, but you can’t unfuck—”
His eyes widen, and he snatches my wrist, dragging me into the alcove outside the observatory’s entrance. I stay silent, watching as he slides a key card from his pants pocket into the lock and shoves the door open.
Seconds later, he’s flipping on a switch inside and yanking me in behind him, his grip on my wrist punishing for a moment. As soon as the door shuts us in, he releases me, so quickly it almost feels like a burn is left behind.
I glance down at my skin, imagining what the icy print of him would look like spread out there. My sleeve falls back into place, interrupting the vision.
The inside of the observatory is clean and bright, with rows of theater seats situated behind the observation deck and a massive telescope at the center of the first level, disappearing through a slot in the glass-domed roof.
Sutton places his hands on his hips and glares at the sky. “You can’t keep saying shit like that in public. If word got out about… I’d lose my job, Elle. It wouldn’t look good to anyone.”
“Why?”
“There are certain power dynamics in play, not to mention the school policy in general forbids intercollegiate relationships of any kind, except blood. I’d be fired, you’d likely be expelled… It would be a whole mess.”
“Power dynamics?” I squint at him, inching closer with the textbook still clutched to my chest. “They’d automatically think you coerced me or something?”
“That’s how it would look, yes.”
“But the semester hadn’t even started when we—”
“It wouldn’t matter to the administration.”
I’m not sure if it’s the early hour or his presence alone, but my brain is struggling to wrap around the logic. “But… I propositioned you.”
His throat bobs on a swallow.
“Didn’t I?”
Sighing, Sutton leans against a metal table, extending his arms behind him. “Yes.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
He watches, silent, as I walk over and set Descartes onto the table next to his hand, stretched out on the cool surface. I slide back, stepping directly in front of him, and tuck my hair behind my ears.
“The problem,” he answers softly, eyes straining as I slink even closer, until I’m between his legs and our clothes are almost touching, “is I’m your superior. I could have—should have—said no.”
“You didn’t know it at the time.”
“That’s not the point.”
“So you do regret it then?”
“No,” he replies, voice gruff. He meets my gaze, and his irises shimmer like raw jade under the stars. “It isn’t…regret. I’m acknowledging what I should have done and explaining why I can’t repeat my previous actions.”
“Didn’t you say you would do it again though? You’re sending a lot of mixed signals here, Professor.” As if it has a mind of its own, my arm lifts, and I brush some stray lint off his sleeve, intrigued by the way he tenses beneath even the slightest touch.
But he doesn’t pull away.
“Elle…”
My head tilts. “Is distance really what you want?”
“I want you to behave.”
“That’s not true,” I whisper. “Where’s that honesty, Boy Scout? You were so good that night in your car, don’t you remember?”
A few tendons in his neck bulge against his skin. “Mind and soul of the man is entirely different from the body.”
Descartes.
I spread my fingers over Sutton’s abdomen, feeling him flex as a familiar sensation pinches in my stomach.
That’s the issue.
No matter how I explain the situation to myself, sense doesn’t fully compute with carnality. Logically, I know I’m being an asshole here, pushing for something I don’t deserve that would have shitty consequences for us both, not to mention the repercussions it would have for Quincy and Asher.
But the body remembers things the mind suppresses, and sometimes we seek assurance to cover the phantom memories. To create new ones.
Sometimes, we want just because we can.
“I can keep a secret,” I tell him.
He gives me a small smile and shakes his head. “You shouldn’t have to be one, temptress.”
A knock echoes through the observatory, and Sutton springs away, diving into the shadows behind the telescope. I grab my book and whirl toward the entrance just as Lexington strides in, hands deep in his jacket pockets.
“Fuck, it’s cold,” he says, shivering visibly. He grins when he spots me, blue eyes brightening. “You rang, m’lady?”
I shift away from the telescope. “And you came.”
“Of course. I told you I’d help you out with anything you needed.” He walks over, slinging an arm around my shoulders. “Though it appears you didn’t actually need my help getting in here.”
“Ah, yeah.” I let out a nervous laugh, trying to turn us away from the front of the deck.
The toes of Sutton’s loafers are visible beneath the giant machine, and though Lexington seems chill enough, I can’t be sure he wouldn’t report us for violating school policy.
“I think I was turning the knob the wrong way.”
“Not used to opening doors, I guess?” he jokes, giving me a shake before glancing around.
I tense up as he slows on the telescope, but then he keeps going until he’s looking at the sky.
“How come you’re here so early? Or, like, at all?
The school’s astronomy program is super small, and you’re not in it, right? ”
“Not in the program, but I am fulfilling a science credit with an introductory planetary exploration course.”
“So you came to do homework for it?”
“No, just to study.” I point at my book.
“Ah, philosophy. I dropped that course freshman year. Too much posturing for my liking.”
“Not used to using your brain much, huh?”
Lexington snorts, poking my cheek.
My face heats as he stares down at me, and I quickly avert my gaze, checking to see if Sutton’s moved at all.
His feet are no longer visible, but I can feel his eyes on me.
Lexington’s hand falls away, and he blows out a breath. “Well, are you wanting to stay, or can we go get coffee? Gaea’s Beans is open early.”
“Gaea’s Beans?”
“Vegan coffeehouse in town. My mom’s friend is the owner, and he makes a fantastic cappuccino.”
I hesitate, wondering what this sounds like to Sutton, and then immediately brush that off. It doesn’t matter. He said nothing else can happen between us, so why should I care what he thinks?
“All right. But we can’t be late for class.”
“Leave your worries to me, m’lady. I have impeccable time management skills.”
As we weave our way out of the room, I toss a quick look over my shoulder. Just to see.
Sutton stands behind the telescope, mostly bathed in shadows, but the displeasure etched into his face sends a shiver down my spine nonetheless.
By the time we get to Acting for Beginners a few hours later, the sun is peeking through gray clouds, and I’ve downed a large iced coffee, waking myself up. Hair sticks to my forehead, and everyone turns to gawk when Lexington and I slip in the back exit together.
My stomach churns as I drop into a seat next to Meg, who whistles under her breath. “You don’t waste any time, do you?”
I frown, sliding a notebook from my backpack. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing bad, just an observation.” She offers me a fuzzy purple pen to write with and reaches for a mint tin in the bag hanging off her wheelchair.
“Lex is cute, but beware. There’s a vicious streak hidden behind those blue eyes of his.
I’m also pretty certain he and Percy are hooking up on the DL, but I have no proof to back up this claim. ”
My gaze flickers to Lexington as he leans in to whisper something in Percy’s ear. “How well do you know him?”
She shrugs. “We went on a few dates in high school before I realized I was more into femmes. Nothing too intimate. He’s a good dude but cagey and secretive. Founding family trait if you ask me.”
“Huh.” I smooth my fingers out on my desk. “Well, that’s okay. I’m not interested in dating him anyway.”
“Have your eyes set on someone else?”
“Ladies, do you have something to share with the class?” Sutton’s voice booms from the bottom of the auditorium, echoing against the rafters.
He’s staring straight at us, an apricot poised between two fingers. His hair is less messy than it was this morning, and he’s changed out of the jacket and dark jeans he had on when I saw him at the observatory, having swapped for another earth-toned sweater and brown slacks instead.
My pulse thumps heavily in my throat. “Um, no.”
“No, Professor,” Meg agrees.
His jaw works from side to side until finally he walks to the edge of the stage, taking a seat on the lip.
He swings his legs, studying us. “I suppose this is the usual time in the semester when I have to remind students that if you’re going to be late, I’d rather you take a seat in the back and be as silent as possible.
Tardiness doesn’t look good, but it’s especially egregious when it becomes a distraction for the entire class.
I expect you’ll be on time from now on.”
The rest of the students murmur their agreement, and I sink lower in my seat as flames lick up and down my skin. God, how embarrassing—
“Ms. Anderson,” he says, and when I lift my gaze, he’s glaring at me. “Is that understood?”
No chance in pretending the message was for anyone else. “Yes.”
“Yes, what?”
The fire burns even brighter, knotting together with this strange feeling in my stomach, like it’s turning in on itself.
He’s doing it again. Calling me out in front of everyone in a way that makes it feel like he’s putting distance between us. Humiliating me so no one could possibly think there’s something deeper going on, a desire he can’t bring himself to indulge.
I grit my teeth, wishing I could smack the smug expression off his face, but instead I sit up a little straighter and let my knees fall open.
I’m wearing stockings, but they’re only thigh-highs.
And because I was too busy to do laundry last night, nothing else above.
Shifting in my seat, I flip the hair off my shoulder and give him a salacious grin. “Yes, Professor, sir.”
His eyes dip for the briefest second—almost too quickly to notice, really, except that I’m waiting for it. Dying for his reaction while hoping no one else is paying attention.
When his throat bobs, satisfaction weaves through my rib cage like moss on the forest floor.
He turns his head immediately, and I cross my legs as heat pumps between them.
“All right,” he continues, the slightest notch of unease in his voice, “today, we’ll be discussing the importance of making strong choices.
Acting is more than the simple ability to memorize words.
A script doesn’t paint the entire picture, right?
It’s up to you to read between the lines and bring that character to life, which means what? ”
He points at Percy, who scratches behind his ear with a broken pencil. “You’re gonna make us write another essay?”
Sutton smirks. “Indeed, I am. But does anyone know why I have you write so many essays?”
“Because you don’t have anything better to do on the weekends than grade papers?” Meg suggests.
“That sounded like you volunteering to assist on next week’s assignment, Ms. Valdez,” Sutton tells her.
“And no, actually, my dance card is quite full. The essays are my attempts at understanding where you’re at comprehensively and how to move forward in a way that you get the most out of any parts you’re given this semester.
Remember, it isn’t all about acting here. ”
He meets my gaze for a moment before turning to drag himself onstage and head for the chalkboard. The rest of the class, I’m practically shunned, even when I raise my hand to participate.
Oh well. If he’s making it his mission to embarrass me in front of my peers, the least I can do is have fun with it.