Chapter 13
Jeb knew it was only a matter of time before his coworkers and the FBI had what they needed from Skylar to allow them to escape from the island safely. And then what? Of course, they would protect her, but it was more than that… he wanted to protect her. He’d walked away once, but that was when they were both young—teenagers bordering on adulthood with no idea what they wanted or needed.
And she still hadn’t answered why she contacted him. Of all the people in the world, why had she reached back through time and contacted him? He wanted it to be because she never forgot, as he hadn’t forgotten. He winced. He may have walked away, but he never forgot. But I sure as hell didn’t let her know that, did I? For several minutes, as she drank her tea, he fell into self-flagellation, hating that they had lost contact for so many years.
“Thank you.”
Her soft voice startled him, and he looked down to see the now-empty mug in her hands. With the windows covered in boards and nailed shut, the room was marked with shadows. It made it difficult to tell that the sun was even shining outside. He thought about the months that she had lived this way and had to tamp down his rage that she felt as though she had no choice. Focusing on anything but his anger, he looked back at her mug. “Do you want more?”
She shook her head, her dark hair dancing softly with the movement, and offered a little smile. It wasn’t the first time she’d ever smiled at him, but just like with each one, he felt it was a gift. One she didn’t give to just anyone or for just any time. Smiles from Skylar weren’t dispensed carelessly. They were bestowed with thought. And when they were directed toward him, he felt the honor resonate to his very marrow.
Their gazes held, and time stood still, tethering them at that moment. Past and present intermingled. Need and want melded together. Probabilities and possibilities became one. There was no turning back as their fates were irrevocably entwined. The same question that went beyond his professional persona still haunted his thoughts and broke free in a whisper. “Why me?”
She swallowed deeply before her lips quirked upward on one side. “Kind of like, ‘Of all the gin joints in all the world’?”
He chuckled at her Casablanca reference. “Yeah, kind of like that.” He allowed the moment of mirth, then pressed, “You must have had other people you could have contacted. So I ask again, Skylar—why me?”
The slight smile fled her lips, and she looked down at her lap, offering a small shrug. “I knew people, Jeb. It wasn’t as though I lived the last thirteen years in hibernation. But it came down to who I could trust. Certainly, anyone working for any of Montague Industries or subsidiaries put them out of the realm of my trust.” She closed her eyes and sighed before seeking his gaze again. “Truthfully, probably over ninety percent of the people who work for one of Alastair Montague”s companies are honest people doing an honest job and have no idea what he’s involved in. But how could I be sure who to trust?”
He nodded slowly but continued to press. “How did you know I could help?”
“I… I knew what you did. After the Navy.” She looked down at her hands, her fingers playing with the edge of one of the pillows nearby.
She seemed to need the distraction, and Jeb wouldn’t stop her as long as she kept talking.
“I knew you had little social media presence.” She scoffed and shook her head. “For that matter, I didn’t either. But I also knew that you weren’t exactly going to have work pictures up when you were a SEAL. But even though we weren’t in contact anymore, I didn’t forget about you.”
His chest squeezed at her words. He’d never forgotten her, either, but now wished he’d tried harder to stay in contact.
“I set up a program that would alert me if news about you ever came out.” Pain slashed across her face as she lifted her gaze. “To be honest, Jeb, I was afraid of you being killed in action, and I would never know. I could handle knowing you were living your life, even if I wasn’t in it. But I couldn’t bear the idea that you might die, and I would have no way of knowing that.”
If he thought his chest squeezed at her earlier words, his entire heart threatened to beat against his ribs at the expression on her face. He reached out his hand, wrapping around her fingers, needing to touch her. To have even the slightest physical connection to someone who meant everything to him when he was growing up.
“When I finally got a notice, I was terrified to read it. I was so scared that it was going to be a news article telling me of your death.” She swallowed, a little laugh slipping out. “You can imagine my surprise when it was a notice of employment change. My program had included IRS records, so when you went from receiving a Navy paycheck to one from Lighthouse Security Investigations West Coast, I checked them out.”
“I don’t know what to say, Skylar. Blown away, but also incredibly grateful that you did that.”
She shrugged. “I had no plans of contacting you. But after I ended up here, I knew everything I’d been told was a lie by the third month. They wanted me to keep working for them, but they wanted to keep me trapped and hidden. I knew who you worked for but was afraid to contact you directly. That might seem strange, considering I’ve spent a great deal of time discerning how to cover my tracks from my own supervisors. But I couldn’t take the chance that someone would discover I was trying to contact you. Hacking into LSIWC computer systems, I hoped to create just enough of a nuisance and leave enough breadcrumbs that I simply tried to gain your attention in the only way I could.”
At that, his eyes widened, and he reared back. “You were trying to protect me?”
“Is that so surprising? You used to always protect me.”
He knew that wasn’t true but wasn’t ready for that conversation yet. Instead, he continued to dig. “That tells me what you did, Skylar. But it doesn’t tell me why?”
“Does it matter why?” she whispered.
“For me or my coworkers to help you? Not at all. But to me? Yeah… I’d like to know,” he pushed.
A soft sigh slipped from her lips. She scooted back on the bed until she rested against the pillows. He wasn’t sure if she was trying to get comfortable or put some space between them. But he wasn’t willing to give her space at the moment. He shifted over onto the mattress, trying not to crowd her but wanting to be close enough to touch her.
She seemed to ponder his proximity but didn’t scoot away further or say anything about it. He remained quiet, seeing the pensive expression on her face, remembering how a similar expression always meant she was pulling her thoughts together.
She sucked in a deep breath, then let it out slowly. “When you left… I missed you. I thought you might reach out… or come back to visit. Our parting was… less than civil. But after your naval boot camp, it was as though you had moved on. You didn’t come home once during my senior year. The Bakers went to your graduation and showed me pictures they’d taken. I thought you looked harder. Full of purpose. Determined. It was as though I no longer existed as the friend you needed.”
“That’s not true,” he protested. But even as the words left his lips, he knew why she thought that. He spent time during boot camp deciding he wanted to work hard enough to be accepted into BUDS eventually. Still protesting, he continued. “I remember how full of future plans you were. College. Getting out on your own. You were ready to leave the nest, and all the Bakers talked about were your plans to fly.”
Silence enveloped them, more suffocating than the darkness. Finally, she whispered, “You were my best friend, Jeb. Flying never meant alone. Finding my future never meant that it didn’t have room for you.”
“I came back.” He realized his words made no sense, and she cocked her head to the side and waited. Swallowing deeply, he explained, “I had to give everything I could to the Navy to prove that I was worthy of being accepted into the SEAL training. I scored high on the computer programming and technical tests and did that training first while working on a degree in computer programming. Once I had that under my belt, I applied and was accepted into the BUDS course. And as a SEAL, I had to give one hundred percent to my job. If I didn’t, people could die.”
She nodded slowly, indicating she understood, but there was more he needed her to take in.
“I came back to visit the Bakers once after you’d already graduated and were in college. Mrs. Baker gave me your address, and I drove to the university, deciding that I wanted to see you. Make things right between us. I ended up outside your dorm and stood for a long time, terrified of going in. And then I heard your laughter. I turned around, and you walked toward the dorm but weren’t alone. There was a whole group with you. Guys and girls. I stepped to the side and into the shadows, wanting to see you yet suddenly terrified to speak to you.“
Skylar’s gaze intensified as she stared at him with lowered brows. She shook her head slowly, her expression one of uncertainty. “I don’t remember. At least, not that specific moment. But I wish you’d talked to me. Let me know that you had come. Because whatever you thought you saw, I assure you it wasn’t the real me.”
Now, it was his turn to shake his head. “No, it was you?—”
“That’s not what I meant. I’m sure it was me, but not what you thought it was. I went to college my freshman year, determined to change myself. I was there on scholarship, but had little spending money. I looked at what the other girls wore and went to the secondhand store to try to dress in a similar fashion. I guess I was lucky that it was usually just jeans and T-shirts. I accepted group invitations to go out for coffee, get drinks, or participate in study groups. I laughed at other people”s jokes, even if I didn’t understand them. Sometimes I even laughed at other people”s comments when they were making fun of someone.” Skylar shivered. “Those were the times that made me feel terrible. I even had a few dates but never felt comfortable with anyone. I never felt like I could let the true me be seen. The foster kid who… well, you know.”
“Christ, Skylar. You are worth ten of any of those people. You should never feel like you have to change yourself,” he implored in a fervent whisper.
She stared at him, her eyes reflecting a tumult of emotions. Her fingers twitched underneath his hand. She lifted a brow but remained silent.
The condemnation in her expression pierced him, but he didn’t recoil from the pain. He deserved all the shards of anger she had to toss his way. But she withheld her wrath. That had always been Skylar’s way. Everything that made her who she was also made her take what she shouldn’t have to. What life handed her made her feel unworthy when everything about her should be celebrated. Skylar felt she deserved the dregs when, in reality, she deserved the best.
He was acutely aware that he needed redemption, but this wasn’t the moment for atonement. He linked fingers with her and prodded, “The night I saw you… you were pretending to be happy when you really weren’t?”
“While I don’t remember that exact situation, I can unequivocally say yes.”
“I’m so sorry, Skylar. If I had only known. If I hadn’t been such a chickenshit…”
She shrugged. “Who’s to say anything would’ve changed, Jeb? I might not have been honest with you. I might have lied and told you everything was wonderful. We can’t go back and change the past.”
Even though she was right, he wished it weren’t so.
“Probably not long after you saw me, I finally decided that I had to be happy with myself. I traded an unsatisfactory social life for extra classes. I didn’t join study groups because I found that I learned best by myself. I still occasionally went out for coffee or drinks, but only if I felt like it and not just because I thought it was the socially acceptable thing to do. I finished my degree in computer programming and double majored in cybersecurity.”
“Cybersecurity?”
Rueful laughter bubbled from deep inside her. “Who would have guessed that my employer would use my knowledge for his own gain?” She shook her head and sighed. “I was so dumb. So incredibly naive.”
“I don’t think it’s dumb to trust people. I don’t think it’s naive to believe your employer. You should be able to trust them. But you were definitely taken advantage of. And on top of that, you’ve been abused in this situation. And I promise you, Skylar, we’re going to get the fuck out of here, and you will never have to hear of Alastair Montague again!”