Chapter Fourteen #2
“Better?” he asked.
“Yep.”
“I'm going to get you a wet washcloth and a glass of water. Stay put.”
She nodded.
He grabbed a washcloth from the shelf over the toilet, and she listened to his hurried footsteps as he went down the hall toward the kitchen.
A moment later, Sally's concerned voice floated into the bathroom as she spoke from the kitchen area.
Jenna couldn't hear what she was saying but then everything got quiet.
She heard the kitchen door open and close.
Then the kitchen water tap creaked as it was turned on.
She closed her eyes and steadied her breathing.
Sam was dead. How was Daisy going to take this when she realized Sam was never coming home?
Poor sweet Daisy.
She almost allowed herself to cry but heard Axel’s footsteps coming down the hall.
A moment later he returned with a luxuriously cool washcloth that he handed to her.
“I'd wipe your mouth, but I'm pretty sure you would slap me.”
Jenna couldn't help but laugh as she wiped her lips with the cool, wet cloth. When she was finished he handed her a cold glass of water.
The liquid tasted heavenly. She sipped slowly, hoping her nausea wouldn't kick in again. She was glad nothing happened.
Maybe it hadn't been morning sickness? Maybe the news of Sam's death had hit her too hard.
Gosh, she couldn’t tell where her body ended and her emotions began anymore. Everything felt tangled and raw.
She’d never been a fainter. Had never freaked out under pressure, but ever since she’d gotten pregnant, she reacted big time to every little thing.
“Ms. Bradley has left. She said to call for an appointment when you feel up to it. No rush. In the meantime she said she’ll get the ball rolling on Sam’s estate. She asked for you to keep taking care of his place and his animals because it is yours now. I'm so sorry about your friend.”
The words “it is yours now” felt unreal, like she was inheriting a ghost instead of a home.
I don’t want Sam’s place. I want him here. Alive and well.
A sob of despair escaped her. The sound tore out of her before she could stop it. Grief was breaking through the cracks she was trying to hold together.
Axel’s hand settled onto her right shoulder, and he squeezed her gently there. His touch steadied her, a quiet promise that she wasn’t facing this alone.
“I can't believe he's gone,” she whispered and she fought back a well of hot tears.
“We will put off starting the roof today, so you can lay down and rest. This is obviously a shock. We can start the roof tomorrow or whenever you want. Peace and quiet would be the best bet after this kind of news.”
Jenna shook her head and Axel removed his hand as he helped her up to her feet.
“Please, keep going. I'm fine. I'll leave the dishes for now and I'll go outside to work with the horses. I've already lost yesterday.”
She clung to the idea of routine like a lifeline. Anything to keep from drowning in the grief swelling inside her.
Axel frowned at her.
“Are you sure? You look kind of pale.”
“I'm fine. Fresh air and sunshine will help. I need to keep distracted today. I'm gonna have a hard time processing this. It's just so unexpected. So close to Tim.”
“It is getting pretty hot out there. Maybe you should reconsider going out?”
She waved him away.
“The horses like their routine. I'll just do what I normally do. Please start on the roof.”
“Okay, boss. But only on one condition. That you let us do the dishes during one of our breaks from the roof.”
She nodded jerkily.
“You're on.”
Not doing the dishes sounded heavenly, but she found herself wishing she could do the dishes forever if only Sam was here alive. Emotions bubbled up into her throat, and she drank some more of the water.
When Axel didn't move to leave, she figured it was time to give him a hint.
“I'm just going to freshen up. Thank you for helping me.”
Axel grinned.
“You never have to thank me, Jenna. I'm here for you, always.”
His words hit her like a warm shock. Jenna nodded and tried to smile back. But it felt wobbly.
Axel inhaled deeply, then spoke.
“Okay, if you're not where I can see you outside in ten minutes, I'm coming looking. And make sure you keep within sight of us.”
He did not wait for an answer and left.
Wow, demanding wasn’t he? Well, she didn’t have the energy to chase after him and set him straight.
That lawyer had just dropped a bombshell on her and she sure felt like her thoughts were scattered all over the place. This news was a big blow. Why had Sam not told her about his heart surgery?
She felt betrayed.
Jenna shook her head as another round of emotions threatened to make her cry. No, she would wait until she was with her horses and cry then. She always felt soothed being around them. They would help her.
Hurriedly, she washed her face and then brushed her teeth.
Moments later, she stepped out the back door into the bright sunshine and gasped as the hot, humid air wrapped around her like a heavy blanket, pressing against her skin, matching the weight in her chest.
“We’re okay. We’ve got this,” she whispered to her unborn baby. This tiny life was her anchor now, the one thing she couldn’t lose.
She waved to the guys who were hovering around the supplies in the parking lot. They were watching her and both waved back.
A few minutes later, as Jenna entered the pasture with a halter and lead rope she’d retrieved from the barn, the gentle black mare called Midnight, a recent acquisition to be a therapy horse, trotted over to greet her.
The mare’s soft nudges cracked something open inside her.
It was a small, fragile comfort in a day full of loss.
The awful feeling about Sam disappeared for a moment and Jenna knew what Midnight wanted. The mare wanted to ride on the trails in the shade of the nearby forest.
And Jenna would oblige her.
She didn't care at the moment that there was a nasty intruder around, maybe watching them. She just needed some privacy, so she go cry her heart out over Sam. She needed space. Somewhere the grief could spill out without witnesses, without judgment, without Axel’s steady eyes on her.
With Tim and Sam gone, she was very glad Axel and Nick were here.
Cyn was a lifesaver bringing these two men here at the right time.
Unlike Tim. He was no lifesaver. He’d just brought her grief. A momentary anger raged through her at her late husband. He said he would do the roof right when they’d signed the mortgage.
He didn't. He’d always found an excuse.
Then her anger disintegrated. She should have hired someone to do it.
It was her fault for not doing so. She had allowed herself to become too dependent on Tim’s excuses.
She wouldn't let herself become dependent on a man like that again.
She was the boss. She needed to remember that.
Axel and Nick were here to help her and she would make cowboys out of them. Just as long as she kept her cool around them.
Once she got the halter with lead rope on the horse, Jenna led her back to the barn to get her outfitted for a trail ride. She’d go out the back way so the guys wouldn’t see her.
* * * * *
“Where the hell is Jenna?”
The sharpness in Axel’s voice sliced through the morning air, jolting Nick’s nerves like an electric current.
Startled, Nick let the bundle of shingles he’d been carrying drop from his hands, the heavy stack landing dangerously close to Axel’s feet. Thankfully, Axel didn’t seem to notice the near miss. His eyes were narrowed as he scanned the open field where the horses peacefully grazed.
Nick followed Axel’s gaze, mentally counting the horses.
Nine. There should have been ten. His stomach tightened as he counted again, hoping he’d miscounted.
He hadn’t.
“I saw her not more than ten minutes ago heading toward the barn with a horse. She’s probably inside,” he replied, forcing his voice to stay steady, even as unease prickled along the back of his neck.
“Hell, no! Shit! I told her to keep within sight of us.”
The raw fear in Axel’s tone made Nick’s pulse jump. Axel only swore like that when he was scared.
“Apparently she didn’t hear you. I’ll go see if I can’t find her. If she’s not in the barn, I’ll saddle up and go look for her. You just keep working. I’m sure she’s fine.”
“I’m coming with you.” Axel insisted.
Nick held his ground, using the same calm tone he’d used in prison when Axel was on the verge of doing something reckless.
“Um, no. If she’s gone I don’t have the time to teach you how to ride, Axel. Just keep working. We can’t afford too many delays. I’m sure she’s fine.”
From his experiences in prison, Nick understood that keeping his friend occupied was important during times of crisis, like now. It might help calm some of the anxiety he saw flashing in Axel’s eyes.
Axel grunted his agreement.
“Go, then!” he shouted and headed back toward the parking lot. The permission came out rough, but it was enough. Axel trusted him to find her.
Nick broke into a run, every step fueled by a single, pounding thought. He needed to find her and make sure she was safe.