Chapter 7
JESS
So are you guys officially together now?
Hazel’s question blinks onto my computer screen, where I stare at it for at least a full minute before attempting a response.
Partly because of that whole not wanting to jinx it thing. And partly because I’m not one hundred percent sure of the answer.
Do I think Kane and I are together? Yes.
We’ve had four official dates, which are four more dates than I’ve had with anyone else in at least… Eeep. Ten years.
Ten years. Has it really been that long?
But I know it has, because I distinctly remember my twenty-fifth birthday; hiding under the covers of my bed while swearing to myself that I’d never trust another man again.
And I haven’t. Not until Kane .
Telling him everything the other night was terrifying. The whole time, I was bracing myself for rejection. Or for the inevitable look of disappointment in his eyes when he realized the Jess he thought he knew was someone else completely.
But neither of those things happened, much to my relief.
To my surprise, really.
I wouldn’t have blamed Kane if he’d decided to move on. If he decided he didn’t want to be with someone with so much baggage. If he wanted to look for a woman that didn’t receive icy glares around town and end up with her tires slashed because of what she did nearly twenty years ago.
Kane thinks the damage to my tires might not be related.
Later last night, after we had dinner and watched his sci-fi movie and we ended up cuddling on the couch—which was awesome and exactly what I needed after such a craptastic day—he gently suggested the culprit could be someone with more sinister intentions.
“I know you think it’s just someone trying to scare you,” he said. “And you might be right. But as a cop, I have to consider all the options. Especially when it comes to your safety.”
Honestly, I do think it’s just someone trying to scare me. But Kane was so earnest about it, and it felt so nice to be worried about for a change, I just agreed with all his suggestions.
So I’m not walking to my car alone anymore.
When I mentioned that I don’t always have someone around to accompany me, Kane got this intense look on his face and said, “Then I’ll come walk you to your car, Jess.
And if I can’t get away from work, I have a lot of friends who’d be happy to help. Just don’t walk alone, okay?”
I also have a nifty new security system installed on my car, so if anyone tries to tamper with it, I’ll know right away.
And to make my house even safer, Kane set it up so if my alarm goes off, it’ll notify the police right away.
Plus, Kane’s running background checks on everyone I work with, just to be safe.
“I know it seems like overkill,” he told me a touch sheepishly. “But you can never be too careful.”
Would Kane go through all that effort if he didn’t care?
Would he have already asked me to dinner at Oliver and Shea’s this weekend if he wasn’t catching feelings , as the contestants on The Bachelor like to say?
And would he have mentioned taking me on a winter hike in Rockefeller Park next week if he wasn’t interested in spending more time with me?
I don’t think so.
So it’s with a deep breath and a silent prayer that I finally send my answer to Hazel’s question.
I think we are. We haven’t talked about it yet, but he asked me out again this weekend to have dinner with his partner and his wife. And he brought up doing a winter hike next week. So that sounds like we’re dating. Doesn’t it?
Aside from a brief conversation during reality-TV-night the other day, I haven’t really talked about Kane to anyone other than Hazel.
Ari and Thea gave me some knowing looks and dropped some loaded hints about how great Kane is, but they didn’t come right out and ask me about him.
And Nora’s been out of town on a job for Blade and Arrow, so I haven’t had a chance to tell her anything yet.
Telling Hazel almost feels safer, in a way.
While she knows about my accident and the lies I told back in high school—I came clean during a late-night gaming session last year—she’s never judged me for it.
She just said that everyone makes mistakes, especially when they’re teenagers, and I’ve more than paid the price for mine.
When she first said it, I didn’t believe her. I thought she was just being kind. But after hearing Kane say almost the same thing, I’m starting to come around to the idea that maybe I have been judged more harshly than I should have been.
Hazel’s reply blinks onto my screen.
That sounds like you’re dating to me. I’m so happy for you, Jess. You deserve to find a great guy.
An involuntary smile pulls at my cheeks as I type my response.
He really is great. So thoughtful and sweet and brave and… he’s an incredible kisser. I know looks shouldn’t matter, but he’s so handsome, too. Sometimes I can’t believe he’s actually interested in me when he could find someone prettier. Less complicated.
The instant the words appear on the screen, I inwardly cringe. I sound so pathetic. And nothing like the confident woman I wish I could be.
Hazel’s reply is almost immediate.
Don’t even say that. He’s lucky to find you. You’re smart and funny and kind. And you’re the most kickass rogue I’ve ever met, which is a high compliment. Also, who wants simple? Simple is boring.
As I stare at her words at the bottom of my monitor, she continues.
I know you’ve had a rough time, especially since you moved back to help your mom. But you’ve stayed strong through all of it. Think of this as your reward. You finally found an amazing guy who sees your worth. Be happy, J. You deserve it.
My nose unexpectedly prickles as I read her words.
Could she be right?
After watching so many other people find their person, is it finally my turn?
I hesitate, thinking for a second before answering.
Thanks. It’s hard to think about it that way, but you might be right. I want you to be right. And I really, really want this thing with Kane to work out.
A few seconds go by before she replies.
I am right! You’ll see. Next thing I know, you’ll be inviting me to your wedding.
I snort at the screen. A wedding? Let’s get through a month, first.
Before I can respond, Hazel sends a string of heart eye emojis, followed by another message.
Okay, I have to get to bed. I’m helping prep for Wing Fest tomorrow. We have to make enough wings to serve at least three hundred people. That’s a lot of wings!
Chuckling, I grin as I send my reply.
Wings are always good! But okay, get to bed. I should do the same. Have a good night!
As soon as I get the message that Hazel’s character, Jinx, has logged off, I do the same. Pushing up from my computer chair, I stretch my arms in the air and rotate my neck, trying to loosen my muscles after spending the last two hours hunched over my keyboard.
Back when I was in my twenties, I could sit for hours at the computer without getting stiff. But as I rub at a sore spot on my neck, I eye my chair with a critical eye, wondering if I should upgrade to an ergonomic one with lumbar support.
Wow. I’ve really reached the pinnacle of excitement in life. Instead of dreaming about jewelry and trips, I’m fantasizing about an office chair with lumbar support.
Although… what if I sprung for one with a massage feature, too?
While I walk around the house shutting off lights and checking the doors, I mentally work through my finances, trying to figure out if I can afford the splurge.
Though my pay at the lab is decent, most of it goes towards bills—the mortgage, student loans, my car payment, plus all the debts I’m still paying off from when my mom got so sick.
Logically, it would be smarter to save the money. Buy one of those lumbar cushions off Amazon, instead. But even as I tell myself that, Hazel’s words repeat in my head.
I deserve it.
Maybe I really do.
Maybe, after all the crap I’ve dealt with over the last seventeen years, I deserve something good in my life.
I’m not just thinking about a fancy chair, either.
After a final check of the downstairs, I’m headed up to the bedroom when my phone buzzes with an incoming text. As soon as I get to the top of the stairs, I glance at the screen, my heart lifting to see a message from Kane.
Hey, just wanted to check in. Everything ok over there? You in bed yet?
I make my way into the bedroom and plop down on the bed. My reflection in the phone screen shows me grinning like a loon. Which feels like my default whenever I hear from Kane .
Everything’s good. Just got off the computer and am heading to bed. Well. I’m in bed now, but not ready to sleep yet.
Three dots blink for a few seconds before his response appears.
In bed, hmm? I could say something else about that, but I won’t. Not yet.
He doesn’t have to say anything when my imagination seems to be doing a pretty good job of it.
My breath catches at the thought of Kane in bed with me, his muscly chest on full display and his jutting length only hidden by the thin fabric of his boxers, a damp spot seeping through as evidence of his arousal…
Or is he a briefs kind of guy?
Or… would he go commando?
Desire coils in my belly.
I haven’t wanted to be with a man since that disastrous experience ten years ago. Not until now.
Before I can second guess myself, I send off an impulsive reply.
I’m thinking about it, too.
Seconds drag into minutes as I wait for his response. My stomach twists into a nervous knot.
Crap. Did I read him wrong? Are my flirting skills so out of practice that I screwed it up completely?
Then a message blinks onto my screen.
Sorry, just got back to the station and had to talk to the guys working next shift. But now I’m thinking about you in bed, wearing some cute PJs, thinking of me as you fall asleep…
Oh.
There’s that surge of desire again.
And my thoughts jump to the toy stashed in my nightstand; my only companion for more years than I’d like to admit.