Jilted

Chapter 13 #2

He winced, dropping his gaze again. “I just don’t get why it’s such a big deal.

I really don’t. And like, every cis guy I’ve ever been with thinks I’m insincere or just trying to make them feel better when I say they have plenty.

But I’ve blown plenty of guys. I’ve bottomed for plenty of guys.

None of them have ever been—well, to be blunt, I’ve always been the bigger one.

Every time.” He looked at me through his lashes and shook his head.

“But no one’s ever left me unsatisfied because of their size. ”

I swallowed. “Really?”

“Really. Like it’s literally never been an issue.”

I had no idea what to say to that.

“My size, though,” he went on, “has definitely been why me or my partners walk away unsatisfied.” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“I always get them off, and penetration isn’t a requirement, but sometimes…

I mean, sometimes you want what you want.

And there have been more times than I’d like to admit where me or my partner couldn’t have what we wanted specifically because of my size. ”

“Wow,” I whispered. “That’s… That sounds…”

“Embarrassing? Frustrating?” He laughed bitterly. “Just a bit, yeah. And that doesn’t end in the bedroom.”

“Really?”

Jesse nodded. “I have to think about what I’m wearing. Going swimming can be a little…” He grimaced and shrugged. “School when I was a teenager—that was a nightmare, because God help me if I got a hard-on at an inopportune moment.”

“Whoa,” I whispered. I remembered the Thunderdomes that were middle school and high school.

Like a lot of guys, I’d had some moments that could’ve been catastrophically embarrassing, but I’d always been able to hide it well enough.

Knowing what Jesse was packing… “Holy shit. That must’ve been awful. ”

“It wasn’t fun.” He rolled his shoulders as if the conversation was making him tense.

Then he looked right in my eyes. “I’m not blowing smoke up your ass here, okay?

I don’t know who convinced you that you’re small, or that what you have isn’t enough, but you’re not, and it is.

I’ve—” He laughed softly, blushing as he dropped his gaze.

“Okay, I’m probably going to make myself sound like an absolute whore here, but I’ve been in the presence of a lot of dicks, okay?

And you are quite firmly and perfectly average.

” He met my eyes again. “I’ve been with dicks bigger than yours and smaller than yours.

There wasn’t anything wrong with any of them, and there isn’t a damn thing wrong with yours. ”

I chewed my lip, wanting to believe what he was saying, but it was clashing hard with years of hearing quite the opposite.

Jesse exhaled. “I’m serious.” He paused. “All right. The night we all hooked up—you remember when I was blowing you?”

My breath lodged in my throat. “I… Um…” I coughed to get the air moving. “Yeah. I remember.” How could I forget?

Jesse’s smile made me think far too many impure thoughts about the things I knew those lips could do. “Did anything about that night make you think I didn’t want your dick?”

Jesus. Fuck. The memory of him absolutely going to town on me, moaning around my cock as he stroked his own—no, nothing about that moment had made me think anything was lacking.

Mostly because I hadn’t been able to think about anything except how turned on I was by both him and my fiancée.

Or how hot it had been when he’d slid his mouth off my cock and whispered, “Please fuck me.” Or how he’d whimpered with pleasure when I’d pushed into his tight hole; I’d thought in the moment he was just turned on by being inside her while I was inside him, but maybe I had felt that good.

Somehow, I managed to croak, “Uh… no. No, it didn’t… It didn’t seem like you didn’t want it.”

“Exactly.” Why did he sound winded?

Our eyes locked, and my pulse soared. The memory of riding him, chasing both our orgasms while he’d driven Selena wild, made it hard to breathe just then.

More than once after that night, I’d imagined fooling around with him again.

Now that I was in his presence, that scorching hot encounter fresh in my mind, I struggled to think about anything else.

“Harder, Eric,” he’d pleaded over his shoulder. “Oh, God, yeah, that’s… God, that’s good…”

I’d given it to him harder, and his cry of release still gave me goose bumps.

It was going to get me hard in the present, too, especially if I started thinking about the things we hadn’t done that night. I’d been far from unsatisfied, but what I wouldn’t have given to take every inch of that substantial cock.

Holy fuck, I want you to—

I quickly pushed those thoughts out of my mind. Searching for a diversion, I rewound the conversation we’d been having, and I cleared my throat. “So, she knew it bothered you? That you were self-conscious?”

Jesse winced, looking out at the lake again.

Was I imagining the subtle way he fidgeted to mask adjusting himself “Yeah, she knew. And when I told her, she was really sympathetic and sweet about it, you know?” He gave a quiet, caustic laugh.

“Obviously that went out the window the instant I stepped out of line.”

“Seriously,” I muttered. “I think we’ve both seen a lot of her true colors lately.” Shaking my head, I added, “Amazing how easy it is to miss how ugly someone really is.”

“I know, right? But she worked hard to mask it, so I don’t think that’s on us.”

“Cheers to that.”

We both laughed. Then we smoked a little more, because why the fuck not?

I snuffed out my joint, then slid it back into the plastic tube for safekeeping.

The conversation shifted to lighter topics, thank God, because I didn’t think I could handle any more discussion of our ex or our size difference.

Or thinking any more about the sex we’d had and the sex I wished we’d had.

By the time we finally decided to head in, I’d calmed the hell down, darkness had long since fallen, and small floodlights along the boardwalk guided us back to the cabin.

As I shut the sliding glass door behind us, I said, “I think I’m going to grab a shower and wind down. Still on for renting horses tomorrow?”

This man’s smile was genuinely going to end me. “Hell yeah. What time to do we need to leave?”

I shrugged, pretending not to notice he’d given me goose bumps yet again. “Maybe ten?”

“Perfect. Plenty of time to be lazy.”

“Yeah, enjoy sleeping in.” I grinned. “We still have to go moose-watching again.”

He groaned and made a face. “Ugh. I think you’re just lying about the big moose bulls to trick me into getting up at three in the morning.”

“Could be.” I shrugged innocently. “You won’t know unless you get up and go stalk them with me.”

He rubbed his eye with his middle finger.

“Yeah, yeah. You get to sleep in tomorrow. Don’t bitch.”

“I’ll bitch if I want to.”

“Uh-huh. I know.”

We exchanged playful glares, then headed for the stairs. At the top, we paused, and—

Oh. Fuck.

Was I higher than I thought?

Or was he really standing that close?

And was he really looking at me like he was debating a kiss?

Or was I just projecting because, holy shit, I wanted to kiss him?

I didn’t know if it was because he’d reminded me how much we’d both loved him sucking me off, or if I’d just smoked enough that my inhibitions had up and left, or—

Jesse abruptly broke eye contact and gestured toward his room. “I’m, uh… Going to go wrap up some emails before bed.”

“Right. Yeah. And I need that shower.”

We locked eyes again.

The words, “You’re welcome to join me” were dangerously close to the tip of my stupid tongue.

Jesus Christ, I want you.

Before I said or did something I couldn’t take back, I headed for my own room. Jesse did the same.

With the door closed behind me, I exhaled. I’d been imagining all that. Jesse had been hot for me the night we’d all hooked up, but that didn’t mean he wanted me now. Or, if he did want me, that it was a good idea for us to act on it.

I wiped a hand over my face. Maybe I should lay off the weed while he and I were in the same place; it didn’t make me completely stupid, but it did burn down my inhibitions just enough to make me consider doing something reckless. And hot. And—

I shook myself and did what I’d said I was going to when I came in here—grabbed a shower. I made it a cold one—okay, lukewarm—in hopes that would cool me off. It didn’t help much, though it did clear my head a little.

Thinking back to that night we’d spent with the woman who was now our ex, I saw him in a different light. I’d been envious of him. Intimidated, even. There’d been a flicker of shyness in him when we’d started getting undressed; I hadn’t understood it then, but now…

Now it made more sense.

It genuinely hadn’t ever occurred to me that packing as much as he did would be a source of stress or embarrassment.

It reminded me of a woman I’d dated a few years ago who hadn’t believed me when I’d said her small breasts were sexy as hell.

She’d been beautiful, but she was absolutely convinced her breasts were too small, and she was unattractive as a result.

More to the point, she’d been livid when one of her friends had mentioned she was contemplating a breast reduction.

“Back and neck pain, my ass,” she’d said when we were alone.

“That’s just something girls with big boobs make up so they can complain.

” She’d rolled her eyes. “They want sympathy for having something the rest of us would die for. That would be like a guy complaining that life is so terrible with a big dick. Give me a break.”

At the time, I’d agreed because I didn’t have a clue about anything.

Then I’d met Selena, and I’d been with her before, during, and after her breast reduction.

I’d seen the difference in her quality of life.

How much less self-conscious she’d been, and also how obvious it was in hindsight that she’d been in a ton of pain.

So I’d realized my previous ex had been wrong after all.

It just hadn’t dawned on me that her analogy about well-endowed men might have also missed the mark. The two weren’t quite the same—I didn’t imagine Jesse experienced the constant pain that Selena and my ex’s friend had lived with—but the point was made: maybe bigger wasn’t always better.

And yeah, when he’d gone down on me, he’d licked and sucked my cock like it was the biggest turn-on of his life.

That hadn’t been a pity blowjob. Not even a performance to make Selena hot.

He’d blown me like his life depended on it, and I’d thought about his talented mouth for months after.

And of course, the hot, desperate way he’d begged me to top him, and how hard he’d come while I was in him.

No, Jesse, nothing about that made me think you didn’t want me or my dick.

I closed my eyes and wiped a hand over my face, sighing as the dick in question began to stir.

Oh, yeah, he’d wanted it that night.

And now we were staying in this cabin, sleeping right across the hall from each other, after that long conversation about…

Is it too much to hope he wants me or my dick again?

Okay, probably. And even if by some miracle he was into me, it would probably be a bad idea to act on it. We were stuck together for the next almost three weeks, plus the long drive home. And at least for the moment, I lived with him.

We were also both still getting over Selena.

Hooking up with each other would be a super-bad idea. We shouldn’t, we couldn’t, and we wouldn’t.

I just hoped Jesse had more self-control than I did.

Because bad idea or not…

I fucking wanted him.