Chapter Ten
I continued to stare at that little plastic stick with the two pink lines as the tears streamed down my cheeks. This can't be happening! How could I have been so stupid?
"Jocey." Max banged on the bathroom door. "Alex is on the phone."
"What?" I jumped up and threw the pregnancy test and the box into the bag from the drug store and shoved it to the bottom of the trashcan. My heart pounded and my hands shook.
"Are you okay? Are you sick?" he asked. "You've been in there a long time."
Great, he picks now to notice my bathroom habits?
"No. I'm fine." I washed my hands before opening the door.
Max handed me the phone. "Alex said you didn’t answer your cell." He looked me over, and I nearly panicked, thinking he knows.
"Thanks." I took the phone and headed to my bedroom. After closing the door behind me, I dropped down on the bed and took a deep breath.
"Alex."
"Hey, baby." I could almost see the smile forming on his face. "You didn’t answer my text last night or your phone today. Are you okay?"
"I’m fine." I lied. "How are you?"
"Good. Been a little busy today and I have a full day tomorrow, so I wanted to say hello and hear your voice."
I closed my eyes and tried to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill.
Apparently, pregnancy made you emotional; all I wanted to do was cry and scream.
"Jocelyn?"
"I’m here. I just miss you."
"Do you wanna Skype?"
"Not tonight, baby. I’m tired, and I’m not feeling that great." I couldn’t risk looking into his eyes. If I did, I would tell him everything, and I couldn’t do that to him.
He had this fantastic opportunity, and a baby would change everything for him. Not to mention what it was going to do to my life. How can I be a mom? Can I go to school? Can I
do this? Can we do this? He might not want me or the baby. We hadn’t been together that long, and I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment. Everything was happening so fast, and I couldn't think about what a baby would mean for both of us.
"What’s wrong?" I could hear the concern in his voice.
"Just tired," I said. "I’ll be fine."
"Okay. You get some rest, and I’ll call you in a day or so."
"Sounds good, and you have a good night."
"You too . . . . Jocelyn?"
"Yeah?" I closed my eyes in an attempt to make the room stop spinning. If the room stayed still then I wouldn’t throw up.
"I miss you," he whispered.
I had to hold back a sob. "I miss you too. 'Night."
"Good night, beautiful."
I hung up before he could say anything else.
He’d be home from his internship in four months, and I could tell him then. I had only taken a home pregnancy test. I needed to get to a doctor. This could all be a big mistake. Pregnancy tests were wrong sometimes, so there was no need to worry him just yet.
I’d figure it all out, and then I’d tell Alex everything.
* * * * *
Nine and a half weeks pregnant. A February baby, the doctor said. Valentine's Day, to be exact. Last February, I didn't even know Alex, and now I was going to have his baby.
After the shock wore off, I managed to walk out of the doctor's office with my various pamphlets on the different stages of pregnancy and how to stay healthy, my sample of prenatal vitamins, and a brochure about a local adoption agency.
I was sure when the nurse saw my age and my marital status, she tossed that brochure in to help me.
I headed to the local park and sat down on the nearest bench.
My nausea was in full gear today, and I wasn't sure breakfast would stay put for much longer.
I knew I was pregnant before the appointment, but actually having a doctor confirm my condition was exactly what I needed.
His diagnosis made it real. I had so much to figure out.
First thing I had to do was tell my father.
The doctor said I was going to start showing soon, due to my petite size and weight, so hiding it for a while wasn't an option.
Plus, I needed to tell him I'd be working my job at the coffee shop full time instead of attending college.
Luckily, I had chosen to go to the local community college instead of one of the other three out-of-state schools that had accepted me.
Max was willing to take out a loan for me to attend a university, but since I was undecided, and didn't really want to leave home, I couldn't see spending the money to go away.
He said I could change my mind any time, and he would help me go.
The decision to stay home may have paid off since I wouldn't be going anyway.
Max and I lived in a small house, and we saw each other every day. I needed to tell him before he put two and two together. I also knew I had to tell Alex, but this wasn't a conversation I wanted to have over the phone. I placed my head in my hands and tried to figure out the best way for everyone.
Just as I was about to head to work, I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out. Evan's name and number flashed on the screen. I had to answer, or he would call Alex, and then they'd both realize something was wrong with me.
"Hello?"
"Where are you?" he asked.
"I'm headed to work." I got up from the bench and started for my car.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yes, why?"
"Alex wanted me to check on you. You didn't return his call last night, and he was worried."
"I'm fine," I said. "Can you call him and tell him?"
"Why can't you?"
"Because I'm late for work, and I don't want him to worry. Tell him I'll call him tonight."
"Jocelyn, what's up? I haven't seen you in two weeks. I know you're bummed about Alex leaving for Yale, but he'll be back, and you guys will pick up where you left off. He's crazy about you, so don't go worrying that he's not coming back to you."
Tears stung my eyes. Evan was right, but I didn't want Alex to come home and find me six months pregnant. We were just getting to really know one another when he left. He was conflicted about leaving for the internship, but I encouraged him to do it.
He’d be gone four months, and we could explore our new relationship when he got back.
I promised him I wasn't going anywhere and really he was all I wanted, but now, it wasn't fair to hold him to promises he made when it was just the two of us. I wasn’t sure what I wanted at this point.
There were so many decisions to make and questions that had to be answered.
Neither one of us was prepared for this.
"Jocelyn? Are you okay?"
"Yes, but I'm late for work. I'll text you later."
"You better," he said. "I want to get together this week. And Mom's been asking for you."
"Okay," I said. "I'll come over. I promise."
I didn't see the harm in visiting one last time before I started to show.
By the time anyone could tell I was pregnant, Evan would be busy getting ready for college, and he wouldn't have time for me.
If I stopped by his house, he could report back to Alex I seemed fine, which would ease Alex's mind for a bit.
After that, I'd have to figure out how to stay hidden in a town as small as this.