Chapter Thirteen
I walked out of the women's center and stood in the entryway for a few minutes.
I'd gotten to hear our baby's heartbeat.
The doctor said it was strong, and our little one was healthy and doing just fine.
I was thirteen weeks pregnant and everything with the baby was progressing as it should.
All of my test results had come back normal, and I got to schedule an ultrasound to see him or her.
In four weeks, they'd be able to determine the sex of my little miracle.
Unfortunately, that would only bring us to the end of September, and Alex wouldn't be home.
He wouldn't know his baby existed. The doctor said that while I should schedule the ultrasound, I didn't have to find out the sex.
I hadn't decided what I wanted to do about that yet.
Obviously, we had never discussed the possibility of a baby, so I had no idea if he would want to know what we were having.
I still had a few weeks to make that decision.
I was so lost in thought I didn't see Jack approach as he stepped off the elevator.
"Jocelyn."
Oh, no! What is he doing here?
I'd purposely picked a facility in a neighboring town, so I could reduce the odds of bumping into anyone I knew or who might know Max. But the main reason I picked this practice was so Jack couldn't find out. It wasn't affiliated with his hospital.
"Jocelyn," he said again and smiled, and his beautiful green eyes reminded me of Alex. It amazed me how much they resembled one another.
I zipped up my hoodie, making sure my tiny bump was concealed, even though it was still too small for anyone other than me to notice.
"Hey, Dr. Jordan. How are you?"
"Jocelyn," he said. "Why is it that my wife is Sarah and I'm Dr. Jordan?"
"Sorry." I looked down at my feet.
"Are you okay?" He glanced at the door I had just walked out of.
"I'm fine," I said. "Just a check-up."
"Here?"
No doubt he wondered why I was in a women's clinic in another town.
"I . . . ." I didn't know how to respond. "A friend referred me."
"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to pry, but I can give you a referral, if you'd rather see a doctor closer to home."
"Um, thanks, but it's just an annual thing, so I'm good." What were the chances? I hurried to change the subject. "I didn't realize you worked here."
"I'm consulting for a friend in the offices down the hall."
"Oh, well, I won't keep you."
"I heard my son wanted to come home last weekend." He smiled and shook his head.
"He did," I said "But we both decided it would be better if he didn't."
"I agree," he said. "He never would have wanted to leave after seeing you for only two days."
I nodded. My palms were sweaty, and my stomach was doing that gurgling thing. The thing it always did right before I threw up.
"Don't be a stranger. You don't have to wait until Alex comes home to visit us."
"Thanks." I smiled, but I wouldn't be heading to their house anytime soon. "Tell Sarah I said hello."
"I will."
"'Bye, Jack." I bolted toward the elevator. I pushed the button and stepped in as soon as the doors slid open. My heart pounded, and I felt nauseous. I was certain Jack would figure out what I was doing here, if he hadn't already.
I ran to my car and headed for home. I needed to tell my father before someone else did. Max would be devastated, but the longer I waited, the more hurt he would be.
It was going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it had to be done. I could make this work. He needed to know I was pregnant, and I intended to keep my baby. I just hoped he would support me.
I knew I was running the same risk with Alex finding out as well, but with him being so far away, I felt he had less of a chance of learning my secret.
Evan took a last-minute trip with some guys before school started, and Brenna and Julia never set foot in my part of town, so I didn't have to worry about them coming into the coffee shop.
I knew there was a possibility that one of Alex's friends would see me, but it wasn't likely.
I was confident I could keep this from him until he came home.
It was almost September, so I only had two more months to get through, and then I would tell him everything.
But, first . . . .
"Dad!" I found him in the living room watching some sort of game on TV.
"Hey, where you been?"
"I had a doctor's appointment." I figured starting with the truth might be my best course of action.
"Are you sick?"
"No, not really." I sat on the couch next to him.
"Jocey." He muted the game. "What's up?"
"Dad." I hesitated because I didn't know how I was going to do this. He was going to be so disappointed.
"I know you miss him," he said. "But it'll be November before you know it."
I nodded.
"Classes are starting next week, so that'll take your mind off Alex for a while."
My eyes filled with tears when I thought about Alex coming home to me and our baby. He was going to be so shocked, and there was a possibility he'd be really hurt and mad I didn't tell him right away.
"Jocelyn," Max said. "Please don't cry. Maybe I could come up with a way to send you to Connecticut for a couple of days before school starts?"
"No." I shook my head and wiped my tears. It was really sweet of Max to offer, but that wouldn't solve my problems.
"I've been thinking about it for a few weeks," he said. "You've been so sad. Maybe if you saw him?"
"I'm not going to school next week." I blurted out the words before I lost my nerve.
"What?" he asked. "Why?"
"I can't," I sobbed. "I made a big mistake."
"Did you forget to submit something? I'm sure we can get it taken care of."
"No," I cried. "I'm pregnant." Somehow I managed to blurt that out, too.
He stared at me, but didn't say anything. I continued to cry.
"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I didn't mean to . . . ."
He held up his hand, got to his feet, and paced the small room. I didn't say any more. I knew he had to let this sink in.
"I knew it!" he yelled. "You were throwing up, you're tired all the time, and the pineapple. I just didn't want to believe it."
He continued to pace, then stopped at the window and gazed out. He shook his head, obviously having a rough time dealing with my revelation. He didn't say anything for a few minutes, and I could tell by the look on his face he was upset.
Finally, he spoke, but his voice cracked with emotion.
"You’re so smart," he whispered. "How did you let this happen?"
Sometimes 'smart’ has nothing to do with it.
"Jocelyn?"
You were working the overnight shift, Alex showed up drunk and hot. He was incredibly
sexy and cute. He carried me up to my bedroom, I took off my little PJs, and, well, the rest is
history . . . .
"Jocelyn!" Max called out, pulling me from my thoughts. "How did you let this happen?"
"I don't know," I said. "We had an accident, I guess?" There was no way I was telling Max I had unprotected sex with Alex, and he didn't pull out fast enough.
He walked back over to the couch, but didn't sit down. He kept rubbing his chin and fidgeting with his hands. He was clearly distraught.
"How far along?" He stared at my stomach.
"I'm just past my first trimester," I said. "I'm due in February."
"February?" He shook his head in disbelief. "You've been to a doctor, then?"
I nodded.
"You're okay?"
I nodded again.
"What did Alex say?" When he said his name, I could see that vein popping out on the side of his head.
"He doesn't know," I admitted softly.
"What? Why the hell not?"
"I didn't realize I was pregnant until after he left, and I didn't want to tell him on the phone."
"You have to tell him."
"I will," I said. "When he comes back."
"In two months?"
"You said it'll be here before we know it." I reminded him.
"That was when he was just your boyfriend, but now it's different. He needs to be involved in your decisions."
"He will be," I said. "But this internship is so important for his future."
"What about your future, Jocelyn? You have your whole life ahead of you."
"It's just that Alex is so smart, and I don't want to mess this up for him."
"He's not that smart." He laughed, but the sound didn't hold much mirth. "He managed to get my eighteen-year-old daughter pregnant, didn't he?"
"He didn't do it by himself," I said.
"He was older and more experienced," he said. "He should have known better."
"It's done!" The tears started again. Damn, I'm so emotional. "We can't change it."
Max sat down next to me and pulled me into a hug. "Ah, Jocelyn." He sighed.
"Are you disappointed?" I asked on a sob.
"Yes. This is not what a father wants to hear from his little girl."
"I'm not little anymore."
"You'll always be my little girl," he said. "But, you're right, it's done now. What do you want to do about it?"
"What do you mean?"
"Have you given any thought to what you want to do? Do you want to raise this baby?"
"Yes," I cried. "Please tell me you'll let me do that."
"Jocelyn," he said, as he rubbed my back. "Shh, calm down. I'll support your decisions, and I'll help you any way I can."
"Okay." I hiccupped. "I know it's a lot to ask."
"You're my child," he said. "We'll get through this. We'll figure it out."
I relaxed against my father's side. I’d been so afraid to tell him, but now, for the first time since I found out about the baby, I felt a small sense of relief.
"Jocey," he said. "I get what you're thinking about not wanting to ruin Alex's opportunity, but I think you need to tell him before he finds out another way."
"Dad, please." I begged. "I want to tell him in person. I want him to be with me because he wants to be, not because he feels obligated."
"Whether you tell him now or when he gets home, won't that still be an issue?"
"I guess, but he'll leave Connecticut and come right home, I know he will," I said.
"And if things don't work out between us, I don't want him to resent me for that."
"I don't know." He sighed again, and I figured I better get used to that sound.
"His family lives here. You're good friends with his brother. How are you going to pull this off?"
"Evan's busy with school," I said. "I don't plan on seeing him anytime soon."
My phone beeped with a text . . . .
Hey, beautiful, haven't heard from u this week miss u.
I turned off the phone and closed my eyes.
"You can't ignore him. This is his baby, too."
"I know," I whispered. "Please let me do it this way. I'll tell him as soon as he comes home."
"Have you considered the possibility that he may not want to be in a relationship once he finds out about this baby?"
I nodded; that possibility was always front and center in my mind.
"And you'll be okay with that?"
"I won't force him," I said. "I want to raise this baby with him, but I know he might not want to do that. But he's a good person, and he comes from a close family. I don't believe he would abandon his baby."
"I trust your judgment, Jocelyn." He smiled, but he looked sad. "I'll support this decision, and, whether Alex wants this or not, I'll be here for you."
For the first time in my life, I saw Max's eyes fill with tears.
"It'll be okay," he said.
I knew how disappointed he was over this. What parent wouldn't be? But he didn't scream at me or make me feel worse than I already did. He accepted I made a mistake, and I was doing everything I could to make it right.
"Thanks, Dad." I cried and hugged him tighter. "I'm sorry."
"Accidents happen," he said. "We play with the hand we're dealt. We always have."
I was lucky to have Max. He could've freaked out or demanded I tell Alex, but he didn't. He may not have been the most attentive father, but he did the best he could. He was there for me when I needed him, and that was more than I could have hoped for.
"You hungry?"
"Always." I smiled.
"Come on." He laughed as he got up from the couch. "Let's go out and eat."
That night was one of the best nights I’d ever spent with my dad.
We talked and laughed about things that had happened during my childhood, before shifting to what the future held for us.
He said eventually I could go back to school, and he would help me as much as he could.
Maybe, if I took night classes, he could watch the baby.
He also said we'd have to make room in my bedroom for a crib, and the downstairs would be taken over by a playpen, high chair, bottles, and toys.
I hadn't thought about any of that. He said we'd have to get used to middle-of-the-night feedings and bouts of crying.
So many things to consider!
I couldn't help but notice everything Max was describing was taking place in a picture that didn't involve Alex. I thought that, unconsciously, he was trying to prepare me for the fact that I may be raising this baby solo. I hoped he was wrong.