Chapter 14 #2
"I hated your family. Hatred consumed me for years.
I blamed them for everything, including my dad turning to alcohol.
Every problem we faced, I laid them at their door.
I wanted to pay them back for making our lives so unhappy.
But that was not entirely true, and it took me a while to face that.
When I did, I discovered that none of it mattered.
That I love you." Her lips trembled and she had to press them together.
Tears blurred her vision, and her fingers curled in the hairs on his chest.
He felt his entire life shifting and focusing on her. Just on her. "Baby." His hands were trembling as he used them to frame her face. "I promise you right now that I will try and make up for every bad thing that ever happened to you."
Her hands encircled his wrists, expression sincere and dazed with love. "It doesn't matter, not anymore. I want a family with you, Jordan. I am hoping that I am even now pregnant. I want to feel your seed growing inside me."
His eyes darkened, his heart turning over inside his chest.
"Why don't we start working on that right now?" he suggested thickly.
"I thought we already had." Smiling tremulously, she climbed on top of him, sending emotions clamoring for release. "And I see that you're more than ready."
"Always." Lifting her hips, he drove into her, fingers digging into her skin. Rearing up, he latched onto her nipple and sent her tumbling headlong into magic.
*****
He cooked them dinner after their very invigorating walk. He would have preferred to keep her in bed, but he supposed they needed the clean air, and it gave them the chance to talk some more. He had to admit that keeping her in bed resulted in only one thing and he did not want to tire her out.
"What?" He caught her smiling as he turned from testing the sauce for the pasta.
"You look adorable in that apron." Propping her chin on one hand, she sniffed the air. "And it smells delicious. When did you learn to cook?"
He had refused to have her help out, insisting on doing everything.
"I spent several summers at a boarding school and that was a requirement. I found that I actually love cooking." He also realized that he loved taking care of her, doing things for her. This right here was happiness clear and simple. Just being here with her and cooking her a meal.
"Grab the wine I brought with me. It's in the cooler." Turning off the flame, he remembered the gift he brought for her. "Give me a minute."
He disappeared from the kitchen, coming back shortly with a gaily wrapped box in violent purple. "Open it."
Turning away, he busied himself by opening the wine and filling the two glasses. He felt himself tensing as he listened to the rustle of paper as she opened it.
The silence had his nerves stretching tautly. When he could bear it no longer, he turned around slowly. The dazed look of pleasure on her face had his heart expanding.
He had considered buying her jewelry but decided that could be done on any given day. He wanted something that was near and dear to her heart and had done his research.
"This is a first edition." She took the book from the box carefully, as if handling something fragile.
"John Keats, happens to be my favorite." Lifting her head, she stared at him, heart overflowing with love. "How did you--"
"I saw several copies you brought with you when I was at your aunt's place."
Setting aside the spoon, he came towards the stool and sat across from her. "I take it, I made the right choice."
She had difficulty swallowing the lump in her throat.
"You did. You know me."
"I'm beginning to."
She placed her hand in his and squeezed, saying more than words ever could. Tears blurred her eyes, and she wondered how on earth she ever got to be so fortunate.
"Oh Jordan."
Letting go of her hand, he came around and swept her into his arms. With the package and book clasped against her chest, he carried her back to bed where she spent the next hour showing him how grateful she was.
*****
They ate in bed. After making love until they were exhausted, he went to get a tray and brought it in. Putting away the tray, he pulled her against him, lips nuzzling the top of her head.
"I am full," she admitted with a groan. "And that was the most delicious pasta I have ever tasted."
He chuckled, running his hand possessively up and down her bare arm.
"Why do I get a feeling you're trying to stroke my ego?"
"Would I do that?" Turning her head, she looked at him and felt her heart shuddering. He was so handsome, and he was all hers.
"Would you?" He touched his lips to the tip of her nose. He combed his fingers through the tangle of her hair.
She shook her head. "Absolutely not."
He grinned at her, the smile fading as he continued to stare at her.
"What is it?"
"I listened to you talking about your family and what happened with your dad.
" He stroked her arm absently. "I think we should get everything out in the open.
My life was crap, and I told myself that I did not need hugs or words of assurance and love from my parents.
That I was content to go on with my life, just the way it was.
" His expression became brooding. "You said your brother left because of the abuse by your dad.
I left my sisters to deal with my parents' icy cold demeanor.
I was the firstborn and was not there for them.
" He shrugged one shoulder. "Now, looking back on all of it, I realize that I should have tried to shield them.
Talk to them, become a unit, but I was just thinking of myself.
" He met her gaze. "And I'm ashamed and feel guilty as hell.
I wasn't there for them, and I regret it. "
"It's not too late." Lifting a hand, she touched his chin. It took her a second to make the decision. "I had lunch with your mother."
"What?" He stared at her with a frown. "What did she want? Did she say anything to--"
She placed a finger over his lips and shook her head. "We talked. She apologized in her own way."
"She did?"
Julesa laughed at the skeptical look on his face. "She did. I did not make it easy for her. But she told me something else." Removing her finger from his lips, she trailed it over his jaw. "Darling, she's ill."
"Ill? What do you mean?"
"She wanted to tell you herself. She has cancer."
He simply stared at her for a few minutes without saying anything.
"She told you? Why?"
"She wanted to make amends and knew that I would be suspicious if she just had a change of heart."
"She has been calling me."
"And?" She prodded gently.
"I've been ignoring the calls." He closed his hand around her wrist. "She's ill."
"How do you feel?"
He shrugged and realized that he was feeling conflicted. "I wanted so much for a sign that she loved me--loved any of us and it never came. She was always so cold. So distant and unapproachable, that I simply gave up." He closed his eyes briefly. "Now I don't know how to feel."
"Will you go and see her?"
He nodded. "I received a text message saying she's calling a family meeting as soon as I can swing it."
"Want me there with you?"
He gave her a look of surprise. "We're a unit, that's a given."
*****
"You wanted to see me?"
Staring at him through her mirror, she felt the regret at the remote look on his face.
They should have been friends, instead of strangers living in the same space.
He had opened himself to her several times only to be rebuffed and she could wish things were different now. So many wasted years, she mused sadly.
She had tried calling her son several times, but he was not picking up. Her sources told her that he was back in town and had not bothered to drop by.
"Jacquline." The deep voice had a hint of impatience. "I have somewhere to be."
"To your mistress?" She shook her head at the ominous scowl on his forehead. "I did not call you here to argue." Turning around, she rose and went to sit on the rose-colored chaise beneath the window. Wrapping the silk robe around her, she patted the space next to her.
He hesitated slightly, before perching on the edge, staying as far away from her as possible. "What is it?"
She pleated the lapels of her robe and avoided his eyes. "I have called a meeting. As soon as Jordan--Well, he's back, but I am hoping he will pay us a visit."
"What is this about?" He had finally resigned himself to the fact that the woman he spent his life being in love with was a cold shell and there was nothing he could do about it. He was not certain he was still interested.
"I have been to the doctors. Three in fact."
The heart he thought had hardened against her, shifted. "What's wrong?"
Her lips trembled once before she controlled them by pressing them together. The tears burned the back of her eyes and for the first time in her life, she felt vulnerable and all alone. "I have cancer."
He stared at her in shock. "That's--" His eyes wandered over her delicate face; the fine bones more pronounced. He had noticed the changes and had not paid them any mind. The way she picked at her food and how tired she looked. "Christ Jesus. When did you find out?"
"A week or so ago." She held up a hand as his eyes flashed. "I need you right now. I know I have no right to ask that of you." Her lips trembled and this time she did nothing to hide the vulnerability. "I just need you."