CHAPTER 15
Jordan
I’m pretty sure I just left scorch marks on the tiled floor as I exited Eric's office and made a beeline for the men's bathrooms. Locking myself inside the first stall I come to, I flip down the lid and drop onto the seat. My elbows rest on my knees with my head in my hands as I try to breathe and calm the fuck down. Ever since the whole Blake thing, no matter what I do I can’t stop these damn fucking butterflies when I so much as think about Eric. I’ve been acting weird around him because I have no idea what to do with these new-found feelings. I feel like I’ve been tied up in knots over the whole thing. Like if I looked at him too long he’d see the hearts there and just fire me.
I wasn't ready for this. I'd fully intended to talk to Eric and smooth this shit out before people around the office started to notice the tension and awkwardness. But all notion of conversation went out the window when I saw how torn up he was about me. He was clearly concerned and scared that I was feeling uncomfortable. I mean, I was, but it was of my own making. I had no idea that he had feelings for me. He obviously had no idea I had feelings for him. We are two oblivious fools. I sensed every one of his emotions in vivid detail when he hugged me. His embrace squeezed a part of my heart into place.
The second his lips touched mine—as corny as it sounds, and I fucking hate corny—I saw fireworks behind my eyelids and every inch of my body lit up like a Christmas tree. I have no idea if I am in love with Eric. I don’t even really know what love feels like. But that kiss meant so much more than any of the other hurried, perfunctory ones we have shared before. Which meant I needed to make a swift exit before I dropped to my knees and begged him to fuck my face.
So, here I am hyperventilating in the men’s bathroom. That's a normal response to a kiss like the one we just had, right? Is that how couples feel when they kiss each other that way? Shit… are we a couple now? I have a weird feeling we have been a couple for a while and just never cottoned onto it.
I take a deep breath. In for four, hold for four, then out for four. Okay. I can do this. I can get through the day. Keep myself busy with cases and then go home and cook dinner for my boyfriend. Hey, look at that: I said ‘boyfriend’ and I didn’t want to throw up. Progress. Hell, maybe we aren't even boyfriends. Maybe we are just work buddies who kiss now. What I do know is that I'm not going to get any answers sitting here, that’s for sure. I need to just bide my time, then have a freak out later in the privacy of my own apartment.
Easier said than done, of course. I proceed to fuck up all day long because my mind is already going over what the fuck I’m going to say to Eric later. I’ve misfiled two documents and called the wrong client three fucking times before I’ve given up and taken a break. I usually head to the coffee place down the street if I’m not sharing lunch with Eric, but today I don't even have the brain power for that. Throwing myself into a seat in the break room, I look longingly over at the coffee machine in the hope it will become sentient and make me coffee without my needing to get up. When, after a few moments my glaring hasn’t in fact turned the machine into a living object, I reluctantly haul myself across the room and hit the button.
“Damn, who pissed in your Cheerios this morning?”
I almost jump out of my skin as Maddie walks into the break room. I was so lost in thought that I didn't even hear her heels click-clacking on the tiles. She’s looking at me with a smirk, her arms folded across her chest pushing her ample cleavage up a notch. She looks fabulous as always, in a fitted ladies’ power suit with a powder blue chiffon shirt under her jacket.
“Come on, out with it!” she demands. “What has Eric done and how badly do I need to fuck up his lunch order this week?”
Her words make me laugh, prompting me to lean up off the counter to pull her into a hug. “Wait—who said my mood has anything to do with Eric?” I move away from her again, holding onto her upper arms. She's taller than me in her Louboutin heels, so I have to look up slightly to catch the knowing twinkle in her eyes.
“You two are dating, right? Usually when one or both partners in a relationship are all spacey or grumpy like this, it means the one of them has fucked up. Is it you? Do you need an alibi? I’m a great actress.”
She is too. I've seen her in action on many occasions when she has had plaintiffs arrive at the office demanding to speak to the defense on their case. The fact she is willing to not only ruin Eric's lunch for the rest of the week but is also happy to provide an alibi with no questions asked just makes me pull her back in for another hug.
“I love you, woman,” I mutter against her neck.
It takes her a while, but she finally relents and hugs me back. Although it is kind of strained. She is not the hugging type. With a few pats to my back, she pulls away and swirls her hand to tell me to hurry up and get on with it. I kinda wanna play dumb until she starts tapping her foot just to be annoying. How dare she be so fucking observant. I myself only realised a few days ago that Eric and I have technically been dating, and in secret, no less. So how the fuck does she already know? It’s almost like she can read my mind as she smiles at me and pats me somewhat patronizingly on the shoulder.
“My sweet summer child, everybody knows you two are head over heels in love. Well, everybody but you two.”
She has this tone like she's telling a child Santa Claus isn't real. I’m left stunned with my jaw hanging loose as I watch her doctor our coffees, then physically turn my body and guide me back to the table.
“Okay, first off, pedal it all the way back. Love? Nobody is talking about the L-word. You take that back immediately, you vile woman. How dare you use such language!” My voice is getting higher and higher, which only makes her laugh harder.
“You are the worst liar I have ever met. You might want to tell your voice and your face that you don’t love that man, because they are telling me and everyone around you a different story, my friend.”
“Pfft,” I huff, then add another for emphasis. “PFFT!” Obviously, if I huff louder it will get my point across.
Reaching over the table to place her hand on mine, her smile softens a little. “I’m sorry, Jordy. I don’t mean to make you upset. The way he looks at you? Fuck, I wish a man would look at me like that. There is no way he isn’t in love with you.”
There is that damn word again. I can feel my heart starting to palpate in my chest. Unfortunately, it’s not because she is saying something that could never happen—I think she might be right. Holy fuck. I don’t know how to love somebody or even be loved by somebody. Eric deserves more than me just fumbling my way through my first real relationship. Jesus, talk about pressure.
It takes monumental effort to lift my head up to look her in the eye. “Well, if he is, he’s going to be sorely disappointed. I can be exceptionally needy. I spend at least an hour getting ready in the mornings and I can be vicious when I’m hangry, so it sucks to be Eric.”
I shrug and stand up, only to turn around and see Eric leaning against the doorframe having heard everything I just said. He says nothing, but there’s a playful smirk on his face as he crosses his arms and takes me in. My gaze darts from his eyes to his lips and those dimples I love, all the way down to his crisp white shirt. It’s fastidiously tucked into tailored dark gray suit pants, and he’s topped off his polished lawyer look with a pale gray tie. I get stuck for a moment on his tattooed forearms; and flashes of him pinning me to the door and kissing the everloving fuck out of me this morning distract me long enough for him to take a step closer.
“You also snore, but that's neither here nor there,” he says. “How about we take the afternoon off and get this thing all cleared up so we have half a chance of concentrating on work tomorrow?” He acknowledges Maddie with a tilt of his head, then turns on his heel and walks out.
Yet again, I'm speechless. What the fuck is happening to me? I am never stunned this easily, yet today it feels like my tongue is too big for my mouth and I can’t get a fucking word out when I need to.
I feel a playful push against my ass, then a slap. “Go!” Maddie laughs, already getting up to clear our coffee mugs away.
I watch her for a second before glancing back at the doorway. Eric is still standing there, one eyebrow raised in question.
What, Dimples? Think I'm gonna turn down a chance to take the afternoon off? As if!
Walking out of the break room, I step up into his space. “I do not snore.”
I can hear his laugh behind me as I head toward the bank of elevators.