Chapter Nineteen
Jacob
After the elegant dinner with my family, I hurried back to my cabin to change and prepare for tonight. It's the last chance I have to talk to Anya, to share my feelings with her and open up about my military service. I hope it won't push her away. Getting to know her on this cruise has been incredible, and the thought of not seeing her again is daunting. She lives in NJ, and I'm in PA—it's not too far of a drive, and I believe we could make it work.
Checking myself in the mirror one last time, I take a deep breath before stepping out the door. Sam, Ben, and JC are waiting for me as I exit the elevator, and we walk together to the nightclub.
"Hey, man! You excited for tonight?" Ben asks, giving me a friendly slap on the shoulder.
"Yeah, it's kind of bittersweet, you know," I reply, feeling a mixture of excitement and sadness.
Ben nods in agreement. "Yeah, going back home will be great because I miss my friends, but at the same time, I'm gonna miss you guys too."
I jokingly place my hand over my heart. "Aw, I love you too, man!" I tease, pretending to wipe away a tear.
Ben chuckles and playfully shoves me. "Oh, shut up," he says with a grin. "You know what I meant."
We share a laugh, and I feel grateful for the bond we've formed during this cruise. "Yeah, dude, we get it," I reply, nudging him back. "I've had a blast spending time with you guys too."
We all wait by the entrance of the club for the girls to arrive, the sound of laughter echoing down the corridor. My heart nearly stops when I see Anya walking toward us. She looks stunning in her red dress, the color complementing her tanned skin and accentuating every curve. She's absolutely gorgeous, and I can’t wait to talk to her.
As she draws near, her smile seems to brighten the entire hallway, and for a moment, everything else fades away except her. "Hey, you look handsome," she says, her eyes twinkling with sincerity. I feel a warmth spread through me at her compliment. "Thank you," I respond, unable to hide the admiration in my voice, "But you... you look drop dead gorgeous." Her smile widens at my words, and I can't help but feel a surge of pride knowing I've made her happy.
She links her arm with mine, her touch sending a shiver down my spine. "Shall we go in?" she asks, her gaze holding mine. My heart races at the closeness between us, and I nod eagerly, unable to contain my excitement. "Absolutely," I reply, leading her into the club with a sense of anticipation bubbling inside me.
“You really do look stunning tonight,” I whisper into her ear as we settle into a cozy booth. A blush rises to her cheeks as she responds with a grateful smile, “Thank you.” Her happiness is contagious, and I can't help but revel in the sight of her radiant expression. With her beside me, I feel like the luckiest man alive.
I wrap my arm around her, drawing her closer as we engage in conversation with our friends. Time seems to slip away as we laugh and dance, but amidst the lively atmosphere, I find a moment to steal her away for a private conversation.
"Hey, can we talk in private?" I murmur, leaning in close to her.
Anya's concern is evident in her expression as she nods, "Is everything okay?"
I reassure her with a gentle smile, "Oh yes, everything is good. I just wanted some alone time with you." Her tension eases at my words, and she smiles in relief, "Oh... okay, good. You had me worried there for a minute."
We stroll hand in hand through the ship's corridors, soaking in the sights and sounds of our surroundings until we stumble upon a secluded bench. I gesture for Anya to take a seat, following suit beside her.
"So, you excited about going home?" she asks, breaking the silence.
"Yeah, I guess. I'm looking forward to being in my own room again, that's for sure. Sharing a room with my mom and stepdad has been weird," I admit with a chuckle.
Anya laughs in agreement, "Oh, I bet!"
I take Anya’s hand, and she smiles at me, her eyes sparkling with warmth. "Anya, I really enjoyed spending time with you on this cruise. Meeting you was definitely the highlight of my vacation," I confess, sincerity lacing my words.
She playfully hits me on the arm, her cheeks flushing with color. "Oh my god, stop!" she protests, but I can tell my words have touched her.
"I'm not that special, there has to be something else that’s better," she adds with a hint of insecurity, her gaze dropping momentarily.
"No, you were, you are , the best thing about this vacation," I say softly, lifting her chin with my hand so she is looking at me.
"Really? I find that hard to believe," she responds, a flicker of doubt still lingering in her eyes.
"Truly," I reassure her, smiling warmly. "And I don’t want to leave this cruise without you being my girlfriend."
Anya
Say something! I internally scream to myself, feeling utterly tongue-tied. “Uhh...” Oh my God, you’re just staring at him! For the love of God woman! Use words, WORDS! My inner voice shouts, berating me for my inability to speak.
I clear my throat, trying to regain my composure. “You… you want me to be your… your girlfriend?” I manage to stammer out, still finding it hard to form coherent sentences under the weight of his gaze.
He smiles warmly, his eyes twinkling with affection as he squeezes my hand. “Yes, Anya, will you please do me the honor of being my girlfriend?” he asks, his tone sincere and earnest.
Who is this guy? And why does he make me feel so conflicted? My inner voice can't seem to make sense of the situation, unsure if I should trust my heart or my head.
Despite the rush of emotions and doubts swirling inside me, one thing is certain: I want to say yes. But can I really trust someone I've only known for a few days? My inner self reminds me that it's only been five days.
I try to push away the thoughts and focus on Jacob, who stands before me with fear in his eyes. He's been so kind and caring towards me, but I can't ignore the fact that I'm still working on myself.
Do I really want a boyfriend right now? But then again, he didn't pressure me into anything physical like other guys have in the past. My inner voice interrupts again, reminding me of how important that is. "Not helping," I scold myself. Great, now I'm having an argument with myself. Am I going crazy?
"Anya," Jacob's voice brings me back to reality. "Huh?" I look at him, trying to hide the internal battle raging within me. "Will you be my girlfriend?" he asks again.
It's decision time, and I have to answer him. "Yes, Jacob, I'll be your girlfriend," I finally say, hoping that it's the right choice despite my conflicting thoughts and emotions.
Why did I say yes? I question myself as his arms wrap around me . The embrace feels warm and comforting, and as Jacob's lips meet mine, I try to reciprocate the happiness he's radiating. But underneath it all, there's a nagging feeling of uncertainty gnawing at me .
I can't deny that Jacob's happiness is infectious, and I want to share in it too. But deep down, there's a part of me that's nervous about what this new relationship might bring. Why couldn't I just say no and spare us both the potential heartache? But then again, maybe saying yes was the right thing to do. Perhaps this could be a positive change in my life, a chance for growth and happiness.
As Jacob holds me close, I push aside my doubts and try to focus on the present moment. Maybe, just maybe, this leap of faith will lead to something beautiful.
Jacob envelopes me in his embrace and we sit together, holding each other close. "I was afraid you might turn me down," he admits with a hint of worry in his tone. I smile softly and confess, "I was hesitant at first, but I couldn't bear to see the disappointment in your eyes if I said no." My words are sincere and filled with honesty. "I just couldn't resist that smile of yours."
Jacob lets out a warm laugh, his arms tightening around me. "I'm so glad you didn't say no. You've made me the happiest guy on this ship."
I lean back slightly to meet his gaze, feeling a surge of affection for him. "I'm happy too, Jacob. Let's make the most of our remaining time on this cruise."
With a nod and a tender smile, he leans in to kiss me once more, sealing our newfound commitment. As we stay there in each other's embrace, I can't help but feel a sense of hope and excitement for what lies ahead, even though it may be uncertain.
"Given your honesty with me, there's something I need to share," he says, his expression etched with concern and fear. Feeling the weight of his emotions, I inquire with my own sense of apprehension, "What's on your mind?"
“When I go back home, I’ll be spending the remainder of my summer working then I’ll be going into the Army. I start boot camp in September” he cautiously says. His words bring me back to Paul, Oh no! He did not say military ! For a short moment I’m brought back to Paul walking in my place of work with a bouquet of flowers in his hand, wearing a military uniform. Then my mind fast forwards to Paul wearing the uniform, as he stands over me kicking me because I didn’t have his dinner ready.
My breath quickens, and Jacob notices immediately. "Hey, are you okay?" he asks, concern evident in his voice. I struggle to calm my breathing, battling to push away the memories of my traumatic past. Jacob is not Paul, Jacob is not Paul , I repeat to myself like a mantra.
Suddenly, Jacob's arm is around me, and I startle, jumping up. "Anya! What's wrong?" he asks, his worry palpable. I can't handle it; I need to escape. Without a word, I bolt to Lana, leaving Jacob behind.
Lana's eyes widen at the sight of me. "What happened?" she asks, searching for Jacob, who isn't there. "I need to go to the cabin," I choke out, tears threatening to spill over as I flee.
Jacob
What have I done? Why did I have to bring up the military? I shake off my thoughts and hurry after Anya, but Lana catches up to me before I even reach the nightclub, her expression stern.
"What did you do?" she asks, her tone sharp.
"I don’t know, one minute we were fine, I asked her to be my girlfriend –"
"You asked her to be your girlfriend!?" she interrupts incredulously.
"Yes, and then I started telling her how I was going into the Army in the fall and –"
"You what?!" she exclaims, her voice dropping to a harsh whisper. "You told her you were in the military?" Her eyes bore into mine, a mix of shock and something I can't quite place.
"Yes, what's wrong –"
"You stupid, stupid man!" Lana exclaims, delivering two sharp slaps to my chest.
"Lana, stop interrupting, please just tell me what’s going on!" I plead, feeling a wave of worry wash over me.
She rubs her face in frustration before responding. "It's not my story to tell, but all I can say is Anya has a past that involves the military," she explains, pacing back and forth and tapping her face with her index finger in agitation.
I reach out to hold Lana still. "Stop pacing, you're making me nervous," I say, my own nerves fraying at the edges.
She glares at me before her expression softens. "Look, technically it's not your fault. You don't know her past. But you did trigger it, so despite my better judgment – and I hope she doesn't end my relationship with her for what I'm about to say – you need to go talk to her," Lana advises solemnly.
"Where is she?" I ask urgently.
"She said she's going back to the cabin, but if I know Anya, after hearing 'military' she's gonna want a cigarette, and since she can't smoke on the balcony–"
I don't need her to finish the sentence; I know to look for her in the Ivory Lounge, the only room on the ship where passengers are allowed to smoke. I immediately start heading that way. Lana shouts after me, "Don't you dare hurt her and make me regret this." I wave in acknowledgment and pick up my pace.
I reach the Ivory Lounge and scan the room, my eyes quickly landing on her in the back corner near a window. Tears are streaming down her face.
I rush over to her, but then I slow my pace. I don't want to startle her. As I approach, she doesn't look at me and continues to stare out the window. Even though it's dark outside, I know she saw my reflection in the window. I slowly take the seat next to her.
She sniffles, and my heart breaks at the sound of her crying, knowing that I'm the reason for her tears. "What do you want, Jacob?" she says with a cracked voice, wiping a tear from her face. She still doesn't look at me.
"Anya, please tell me what I did wrong. I can't fix it if you don't tell me," I plead, feeling the weight of her pain.
She scoffs, "There's nothing to fix, Jacob. I've changed my mind. I can't be your girlfriend," she snaps, then takes a hit from her cigarette.
I feel like I just heard my heart shatter into a million pieces. Can that actually happen? No, that's not a thing, but it sure feels like it. We can't end this cruise like this. "Anya, talk to me, please," I plead, desperation seeping into my voice. She snaps her head toward me, and I see her face, red and puffy from crying. "We have nothing to talk about!" she sharply says as she puts out her cigarette and starts to walk away.
I grab her hand, "Anya, wait, please," but she jerks her hand away just as fast. "DON'T!" she hisses, her eyes flashing with anger. I start to walk after her, but she holds her hand out, her voice sharp and commanding, "AND DON'T FUCKING FOLLOW ME EITHER!"
She turns to walk out but is stopped by Lana, panting and out of breath.
As I watch Lana and Anya converse, a tumult of emotions churns within me. Guilt gnaws at my insides, knowing that my words have caused Anya such distress. I feel a deep ache in my chest, a sense of regret washing over me like a crashing wave. Why did I have to bring up the military? I curse myself for my thoughtlessness, for not considering how it might affect her.
Yet, amidst the guilt, there's also frustration and confusion. I don't understand why Anya reacted so strongly. Was it because of her past experiences? Or was there something else at play that I couldn't grasp? I feel a pang of helplessness, unsure of how to ease her pain or mend the rift between us.
But beneath it all, there's a glimmer of hope, a desperate longing to make things right. I can't bear the thought of ending the cruise on such a sour note, of leaving things unresolved between us. I want to fix this, to find a way to bridge the gap and salvage what remains of our connection.
As I observe Lana and Anya's interaction, my heart pounds in my chest with a mixture of apprehension and hope. Lana's composed demeanor and Anya's animated gestures create a stark contrast, leaving me on edge as I try to decipher their conversation. Each flicker of Lana's gaze toward me sends a surge of anxiety coursing through me, wondering what they're discussing and what Anya's reaction will be.
Is Lana trying to convince her to stay, or is she taking Anya's side? The uncertainty gnaws at me, amplifying my fear of the unknown. I watch intently as Anya shrugs and nods her head, a wave of relief washing over me at the sight of her tentative agreement.
As Lana and Anya approach, I steel myself for the conversation ahead, hoping desperately for a chance to make things right. The weight of my actions hangs heavy on my shoulders, but I'm determined to do whatever it takes to win back Anya's trust and salvage our connection.
As they stand before me, the weight of the unspoken hangs heavy in the air, casting a shadow over the awkward silence that envelops us. Lana's subtle nudge prompts Anya to break the silence with a frustrated sigh, her inner turmoil palpable in the tension of her body language.
"Anya, you need to tell him!" Lana's voice cuts through the stillness, gentle yet insistent, urging Anya to confront the truth that lingers between us. Anya raises her hands in a gesture of surrender, a mix of reluctance and resolve evident in her expression.
"Okay, okay, fine! You're right, okay!" Anya's words hang in the air, a tentative step towards unveiling the secrets that have kept us apart.
"Jacob, you should sit down," Anya says, her voice carrying a solemn weight. I quickly find the nearest chair and settle into it, my heart pounding with anticipation for what she's about to reveal. Anya exhales deeply, her gaze shifting briefly to Lana, who offers a supportive nod, silently urging her to proceed. Lana then gestures towards the door, indicating her intention to give us privacy for our conversation.
Anya's solemn demeanor sends a shiver down my spine as I brace myself for the truth she's about to disclose.