Chapter 5 #4
She felt his hand grazing downward underneath her cloak, past her breasts, and then across her stomach and to her hip, where he hitched her upper leg over his thigh as he pressed against her.
Though they were both fully clothed, it was clear in his movements that despite the cold he was in some places very hot…
and hard. He ground himself slowly against the softness of her inner thigh and edged to where her legs met, even as he continued to kiss her, sucking on her lower lip and then finishing with a gentle nibble.
“If you find me presumptuous, you can say so.” His voice held a note of amusement, but more of desire.
“I find you delicious,” she admitted. “No one has ever kissed me like you do.”
“Not even your attentive former maid?”
“Are you jealous of Eirlys?”
“Not jealous, exactly. But I will admit that the image of you two together in your bed is one that I would happily contemplate. I wish I’d known about it last night, when I was forced to attend to myself on my narrow couch.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I want you to know how difficult it was to leave you alone in your bed last night. Just because it was the right thing to do doesn’t mean that I wasn’t dreaming of doing something else entirely.
The thought of you beneath me in an anonymous bed at an anonymous inn…
I was so hard, I’m surprised I didn’t wake the whole inn when I finished. ”
“Am I supposed to feel guilty for your state?” she asked, raising one brow.
“Not guilty. But I do want you to know that when I think of you, it’s almost always in an entirely inappropriate way.
There are so many things I want to do with you in bed.
And now the list is growing longer. I’ll need to hear all the things that your Eirlys taught you, and all the things you asked of her, so that I can make sure that I know what pleases you best. If she used her tongue, you must tell me where and how.
If she used her fingers, I want to know. ”
Her heartbeat tripled at his words, at being so wanted. “Douglas.”
“I will probably be very tedious in my desire to exceed whatever pleasure you felt with her. I must remind you that I was the first person to kiss you with the aim of stirring your baser desires. And I want to be the last. I want to drive into dust all the memories of all the years that we were not together. I want to leave you with only the sweetest and richest memories of me.”
Joy heard all his words and waited to be shocked or offended or resentful of his proposition.
But all she felt was a deep yearning to know exactly how it would feel to move together in the most intimate way two people could.
She said, “We can’t continue this, ah, discussion here. It’s cold, and it will get colder.”
“I don’t know that we can continue it inside either,” he muttered. “I’m extremely frustrated by the sleeping arrangements at the Boar’s Head. Your maid…?”
“Was so apologetic that she wasn’t in the room last night, and she promised not to abandon me tonight,” Joy told him.
“Damn.”
“Indeed. I wish there was a way we could be together tonight,” she admitted. “But if this meeting was fated, Fate is terrible at booking rooms.”
He laughed, nodding in agreement. Then he held her close, his attention shifting from arousing to something more protective. He kissed her softly, his lips warm and firm in contrast to the sharp air of the afternoon. “What if I found a way?”
“Tonight?” Joy asked, hope blooming in her chest.
“Yes.”
“Then I would invite you to share my bed.”
“Just to hear you say that is almost enough for me.” He kissed her again, more intently. Then he gave a very low chuckle. “Though it’s not actually enough. I’m greedy, and I want everything.”
“I’ll give you everything. One night, everything.”
“It’s sweet to hear you say those words.
But I won’t make any assumptions about what you will actually do tonight until—if—I can make it a reality.
Then you may issue your invitation. I’ve dealt with the imaginary for too long.
I want you to know what you’re asking for when you ask for me in truth. ”
A sudden breeze sprang up, carrying sharpened snowflakes with it. It stung her bare cheek and she shivered.
Douglas pulled her cloak more tightly around her, and looked at the sky with a level of annoyance that he’d never shown before.
“Fuck, why could we not have been stranded at an inn in the middle of summer? I’m sure there are many places in these woods a couple could find some privacy.”
“But not an excuse to stay, considering the lack of snowstorms in summer.”
“A thunderstorm would be perfectly acceptable. All right, it’s time to return.
I won’t be accused of allowing the woman I want most in the world to freeze to death because I was too randy to stop myself in the middle of a blizzard.
” He groaned as he stepped back, and it was obvious that his arousal was at its maximum.
“Will you be able to walk?” she asked with sympathy, but also genuine amusement.
He shot her a look of annoyance almost equal to what he had shown the weather. “I’m a grown man, and I have overcome situations more dire than this. But by God, if I have the chance, I will pay you back for that remark. It would be justice to leave you wanting and on the edge.”
The bolt of desire that shot through her at those words made her gasp, and his eyes widened.
“Christ, that turns you on.” He smiled slowly. “You’re a woman with deeper needs than you pretend.”
“I’ve never pretended anything.”
“Oh, yes, you have. You pretend that you don’t need fulfillment from a man in bed.
You pretend that you don’t mind the loss of your darling companion to her new man in Wales.
You pretend that you could continue on your lonely widow’s path.
But underneath that frosty exterior, you’re seething with unmet needs.
And believe me, Joy, I’m going to be the one who meets them.
I will meet them again and again until you won’t have any thoughts of any man or woman in the world besides me. ”
Joy was almost breathless after that little speech, but she mustered her usual coolness and said, “Honestly, Douglas. You could’ve just told me that it would be a somewhat uncomfortable walk back.”
[section]
They returned to the inn and went their separate ways—neither of them wished to jinx their newly reforged bond.
After finishing tea, Joy went up to her room and attempted to read her book.
Unsurprisingly, she was completely distracted by the potential for…
other activities later in the evening, and she kept reading the same paragraph over and over again, while precious candlelight burned low.
There was a knock at the door. She got up and walked to it, taking a deep breath and steeling herself to remain calm and not betray any nervousness about the fact that she was about to embark on her first affair.
As a widow, there was nothing egregious about beginning a relationship, and of course, Douglas knew that she didn’t have previous affairs to refer to.
But she wished to appear worldly and urbane, like a woman who was not at all surprised to see an ardent lover at her door at this hour in the evening.
She assembled her expression into what she hoped would be the picture of sensual expectation, and then opened the door.
“Won’t you come…?” Joy broke off when she saw that her visitor was not Douglas, but rather one of the innkeeper’s daughters. “Oh,” Joy said, not able to hide her surprise. “What is it?”
“I just wanted to let you know as soon as possible, ma’am,” Amelia said with a beaming smile. “The road north is clear! And while it’s very late, the moon is still nearly full and quite bright. But you will probably wish to stay until morning.”
Joy nodded dumbly, and then added some inane question about breakfast, as though that was what she was really worried about. Yes, of course, she would be traveling onward in the morning so that she could fulfill her obligation to spend the Christmas season with her distant cousin.
Then Wren appeared behind Amelia. “Isn’t it good news, ma’am?
And with the roads opening up, Cullen thought it safe now to haul the carriage to the village blacksmith.
He thinks it will be safe with the moon, but he wanted to know if I could come along to help him, should he need it.
It would entail staying in the village till morning, but then we’d get the wheel repaired first thing… ”
Joy closed her eyes. Really? The perfect solution to the problem of not enough beds, just in time for the solution to not be needed, because Douglas would surely be gone within the hour.
“Go ahead, Wren. I’m sure Cullen will appreciate your presence. Take some coin to pay for the repair and the lodging.”
“Oh, yes, ma’am. We’ll be back no later than midmorning.”
“Don’t rush,” she replied dully. After all, Joy would have a bed to herself, and nothing to do but feel alone.
Joy closed the door after both young women left and felt her heart drop into her stomach.
News that the road was open again, or at least half of it was open again, was a rude awakening after these few short days of memories and dreams. She so badly wanted to understand what a life with Douglas might have looked like, even if it was only for one night.
But he, unlike her, had a much more pressing desire to get back on the road.
He wanted to return home, and with the road north now being accessible, he had little reason to wait until dawn.