Julia Song Is Undateable

Chapter 1

Bribe Bags

Julia

Julia Song hated being the center of attention.

So standing here at the head of the conference table, expectant eyes of Very Important People all on her, was pretty much

torture.

But Julia was the CEO of Starlight Cosmetics, this company was her baby, these VIPs the executives she hired to help grow

the business. And the news she had to share with them was monumental.

She scanned her memory for the advice from her executive coach for this kind of situation. The only thing she could remember

was, contrary to everything she’d ever been told before in her life, never try to picture your audience naked. It would make the nerves even worse.

And, of course, now that’s all Julia could think of.

She closed her eyes for a moment to clear her mind of all the unfortunate images fighting to run through her head.

What was that one thing her coach told her?

Squeeze your butt cheeks to hold the plank. Wait, no, that was her abs coach.

If the recipe calls for garlic, double it. Wrong again. That was her cooking coach.

Oh, screw it. What was the use of having all these people to help Julia better herself when she couldn’t call upon the advice

when needed?

She cleared her throat and decided to wing it.

“I know you’re all busy, so I’ll make this quick. Look, it’s not how I wanted to do this . . .”

Her dream, rather, was to one day point at each of them and tell them an exorbitant dollar amount for a bonus. Enough money

for them to buy new homes in the hills or on the beach, whichever they preferred.

“Wait—are you firing us?” someone cried out from the other end of the table.

Julia’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “What? No, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Always start with something personal and positive to get people excited about what you’re going to say. Oh yeah, that’s the brilliant advice her coach had mentioned.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so ominous.” Julia quickly backtracked. “It’s just that, well, at the risk

of getting too squishy in a work meeting, I really wanted to thank you all for taking a chance on me way back when all of

this was just an idea in my head.”

Julia swallowed the emotion building in her throat as she looked around at the team she’d put together to lead this company.

They were the ones who took her idea to merge the best in the Korean skincare market with the high demands of the US consumer

and built what was now one of the fastest-growing organic, clean K-beauty brands in America.

“I just want to tell you how much I appreciate your hard work and loyalty. I don’t know that any of us anticipated this kind of success.

But honestly, none of it would have happened without each and every one of you and your contribution.

And now, I have some really great news. As you know, Starlight’s Lotus Bamboo Essence was selected for Allure’s Best of Beauty awards.

Which was a dream come true for us. But it doesn’t end there. ”

Julia inserted the dramatic pause her public speaking coach had encouraged her to use. The looks of anticipation around the

room fueled her excitement.

“I’m thrilled to share that the same Lotus Bamboo Essence has also been selected as one of this year’s Oprah’s Favorite Things!”

There was a silent pause of shock, followed by an eruption of applause and cheers, high fives, and hugs shared around the

table.

“We’ll need to reforecast sales projections. We’re gonna blow up with the exposure . . .”

“We’re gonna have to update a comms plan . . .”

“We have to think of how we add this to the packaging design . . .”

“We need to make sure the supply chain can handle the increased distribution . . .”

“Oprah still has major influence on Gen X consumer spending. It’s a big win for a product . . .”

Yup, that was her team . . . no-nonsense, capable, loyal, honest . . . and the hardest-working, most talented people in the

industry. And they were all business, just like her.

Her chest swelled as she watched them leave to get back to work, patting each other on the back as they walked out, taking

the noise with them.

Julia started this company at only twenty-six years old.

She’d disappointed her parents by changing her major from pre-med to business administration.

She lived off ramen and PB&J sandwiches for a good year just to scrape by as she worked tirelessly to research the industry, to find the holes, the opportunities.

She fought pushback from the Korean beauty companies who hadn’t exactly welcomed her with open arms. And she stomached the start-up community’s boys’ club as she tried to secure funding for the company.

And four short years later, they were on the verge of something huge. Hard work and dedication had brought them to this level

of success. So yeah, she was proud of them, proud of herself. And at only thirty, she was finally in a position financially

to take care of her family without worry.

When the last person left her office, Julia turned to look out the windows, the hustle and bustle of Santa Monica ten floors

below. She took a deep breath.

“That’s right, motherfuckers,” she screamed, while pumping her fist. She shook her hips back and forth, adding in some aggressive

hair throws and, why the heck not, followed it with a body roll. “Oh yeah, uh-huh . . .”

“Oh dear, that’s something I’m not likely going to forget seeing.”

Record scratch.

Julia halted her celebratory dance and quickly patted down her hair, trying to tuck her I-knew-I’d-regret-these bangs behind

her ear as her assistant, Annette, entered the office.

“Unlike what your schedule says on paper, you’ve only actually attended that hot yoga class once. Should you really be trying to move your body like that?” Annette asked. “I wouldn’t want

you to hurt yourself.”

“You’re fired.”

Annette passed her the cup of black coffee in the Morning Person mug that she knew was a lie, along with a multivitamin and a probiotic. Breakfast of champions.

“Just remember that I know where the bodies are hidden. Oh, and I have those pictures of you from that one holiday party . . .”

“Okay, fine, you can stay,” Julia conceded.

“Is it a good time to ask for a raise?”

Julia tried to shoot Annette a glare but couldn’t keep back the smile.

It was a secret to no one that Annette was invaluable to the Starlight team, and most days she was the one bossing Julia around.

Julia shook her head and took a seat at her desk.

“Can you forward the O magazine email to the team so they know all the details?”

“You betcha,” Annette said. “Have you told your folks yet?”

“No, not yet. I don’t think they’d even understand what a big deal this is.”

“Make sure to tell them.” Annette wasn’t only her assistant, she was also her work-mother as well. “Oh, and here is the updated

short list of investors we might want to approach for global expansion. One bad meeting doesn’t have to halt progress.”

One bad meeting was an understatement. The last time Julia had met with an investment firm for an informational meeting, they

kept asking about her significant other, driving home that they were a family-run business built on traditional values. They

looked at her as young and inexperienced not because of her age—she knew plenty of male CEOs who were thirty—but because she

wasn’t married with children. In their eyes, Julia wasn’t reliable because she wasn’t settled . . . settled down, that is.

Her accomplishments, alone, weren’t enough.

I’ll show them, she thought to herself as she gritted her teeth.

Julia grabbed the list from Annette with a little bit more force than necessary and nodded. “Thanks.”

“Hey.” Annette softened her voice like she so rarely ever did. The one word in that tone made Julia surprisingly emotional.

“It’s a good day, boss lady. You should be proud.” She patted Julia on the shoulder before walking back to her desk just outside

Julia’s office.

“It really is a good day,” said a bright and familiar voice from the doorway.

Julia pulled back as she saw her best friend, Sonia Oh, there with a bottle of champagne in one hand and a . . . saber? . . . in the other.

“They let you through building security with that?” Julia lifted her chin toward the very dangerous-looking knife.

“It was in my bag,” Sonia said, as if it was the most normal thing to be carrying around in one’s tote. Julia’s eyebrows shot

up as she slowly leaned back away from the saber’s sharp point. “Don’t give me that look. Sabering champagne bottles is a

lost art. Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.”

Sonia lined the blade up to the top of the champagne bottle, and with a dramatic flick, the cork went flying.

Impressive.

Julia grabbed the plastic cup of champagne and tapped it to Sonia’s.

“To being selected as one of Oprah’s Favorite Things. The accolades keep coming!”

Julia still couldn’t believe it. If all went as expected, her small but growing company would solidify its status as a real

success in the States.

But Julia’s big dream was to go global, especially to be taken seriously in the South Korean market. Without that, Julia felt

a bit like a fraud. She would have to look deeper into the daunting hurdle of Korean distribution and marketing sooner than

later. She just wasn’t sure they could tackle something so huge on their own. Funding—investors—would be a safer route for

a move that big.

She looked back at the list on her desk. Someone on it could be the right fit for Starlight. And they’d do it for the company’s

merits and not based on Julia’s marital status.

“Did I hear the celebratory sound of plastic cups clonking in here? Classy. I want in on this action.”

“Why do I feel like plans were made without me?” Julia asked as her other best friend, Rachel Park, sauntered into the office.

As practical as Julia was in her signature monochrome tailored black slacks, silk blouse and her singular focus on business,