Chapter 2
Makgeolli and Tears
Julia
Standing at the front door of her childhood home, Julia’s feet itched to turn around, get back into her car, and head up the
freeway to her place in Los Angeles. She could just not show up for her grandmother’s eightieth birthday party, right?
She let out a deep breath and reprimanded herself to suck it up. She tightly gripped the gift bags she’d prepared for her
mom and aunties, hoping desperately that the contents were impressive enough to make them forget everything they were about
to say to Julia, and walked in.
All eyes turned to her and without even a brief reduction in volume, she was suddenly the center of attention.
“Julia, you’re here. Why are you late?”
“Julia-ya! It is good to see you. Did you gain weight?”
“Oh, oh, it’s good, Julia came. Your hair is too long to wear down. Tie it up.”
“Are those presents? You should get a bangs perm like all the girls in Korea.”
No matter how old she was or how many years she’d endured the same questions and comments, they didn’t sting any less. Julia knew she shouldn’t take them personally. It was just how their generation talked. In fact, they probably thought they were showing Julia that they loved her this way.
“Annyeonghaseyo,” Julia said with a deep bow, greeting the elders in the room.
Her halmoni sat in the armchair in the corner, the seat of honor. Her dad’s mother was not even five feet tall and barely
a hundred pounds. But she was fierce. Her grandmother helped raise Julia while her parents were spending long hours working
at their dry cleaners when she was a kid. She loved her with all her heart. And never wanted to disappoint her. There’s no
way she wasn’t going to show up today.
“Halmoni, happy birthday.” She didn’t need an extravagant gift bag for her grandmother. Instead, Julia brought her a cheap
bottle of makgeolli, the rice wine that was her grandmother’s favorite. Halmoni could drink Julia under the table. Julia leaned
down and gave her a gentle hug and kiss on the cheek. Her grandmother reached around and grabbed Julia and squeezed tightly.
Halmoni was in damn good shape for eighty.
“Julia,” her mom called while looking back toward the door, likely hoping that a man would magically appear, “did you come
alone?”
“Mom, Aunties, I brought you all a small gift,” Julia said quickly, cutting off her mom. Strategic countermeasures activated.
“Wow, that is so nice. You’re so chakkae, our Julia,” said Aunt Linda, looking over the bags to see which looked the fullest.
“Julia, you shouldn’t have. Don’t waste money,” said Aunt Sharon as she grabbed quickly for a bag.
“My Esther never brings me presents,” said Aunt Janet, pulling out the decorative tissue paper to get to the goodies.
“Umma, this one is for you,” she said, handing over the bag with the few extra gifts to her mother.
They tore at the contents.
“Is this Korean-made?” one of the aunties asked.
Julia closed her eyes. They had no idea that Starlight’s products were of the highest quality.
“Starlight is Korean American–made!” her mom answered. “Korean American is better than just Korean these days.” Her mom had
a duty to talk up her daughter to others. It was written in a Mom Book somewhere.
“No presents for me?” Julia smiled as she turned to her father. He looked even more tired than the last time she saw him.
For her entire life, he’d worked sixteen-hour days at the dry cleaners they owned, barely scraping by. Even now, it took a
fight for Julia to get him to accept any financial support she wanted and was able to give him.
“Sorry, Dad. I didn’t think Starlight’s new skincare line was something you’d be interested in.” Julia stood and wrapped her
arms around her dad.
“Well, it’s good enough for Oprah Winfrey,” he said, a proud look on his face.
“Hey, how did you know?”
“I have Annette on speed dial. She may have given me a clue when I called her earlier today for some gardening advice. She’s an expert at orchids.” Julia was not
going to ask about her parents’ odd relationship with her assistant. “Sounds like this could be good for your company. Good
work.”
“Thanks, Dad,” Julia said. It didn’t matter how old she was. She was always going to want affirmation from her parents. And
her dad’s pride was almost better than receiving the news itself.
“Now, let me in on that bottle of makgeolli with Halmoni and I’ll forgive you for not bringing me any Lotus Bamboo Essence,”
he said. His smile was warm and encouraging, and for a moment Julia felt like she could let her guard down.
“Dangshin, those sunglasses look wonderful on you. Very fancy,” he said to Julia’s mom, who was trying on the Pradas she’d
found in her gift bag.
She swiped away his hand. “You stop lying,” Julia’s mom said, a huge smile on her face.
Julia warmed at their simple interaction, like they had their own inside joke and everyone else was just watching. Julia wanted
what her parents had. Something that seemed so easy.
Julia’s relationship history was nonexistent. In the beginning, she’d been too focused on building her business to allow anyone
else a part of her. And at this stage, she found most men she met couldn’t handle her—the success, the dedication to her family.
The thought of even entering a relationship felt like it came with some expectation of her to give a part of that up.
Anything but easy.
“Okay, come on, everybody. Let’s eat. I’m hungry,” her dad said, pulling Julia out of her thoughts.
While everyone gathered around the kitchen island to fill up their plates, Julia grabbed a wineglass first. Priorities. Necessities
for a family gathering.
“Julia,” her Aunt Linda called out, “did you hear? Jisoo Kang is getting married.”
Julia froze.
Jisoo Kang was her frenemy at church growing up. They were the same age and, at one point, inseparable. But being constantly
compared to each other by all the adults throughout the years made it impossible not to drive an awkward wedge between the
two of them. Julia could crush her competition in the marketplace. But she always felt a little smaller and less-than next
to Jisoo in life. Jisoo was a doctor, had a nose job, and apparently now, was getting married. The perfect Korean daughter.
“Look, he’s very handsome,” Aunt Sharon said. A phone was passed to Julia. The man on the screen standing next to Jisoo was
tall and good-looking. “Her parents set her up. He’s an engineer and sings in the choir at their church.”
“Julia, if you want, I’m sure we could all help you find someone too,” Aunt Janet offered.
“Um, yeah, no thanks, I’m good,” she said. “I’m really too busy with work these days.”
“But you’re thirty and still single,” someone said.
And there it was. Just like at the investor meeting. Just like she knew would happen here. Julia’s age and relationship status
used as accusations against her to prove that she’d fallen short somehow. No celebration of her accomplishments before hitting
thirty. No acknowledgment of what she’d been able to build by this age.
Just that one box she hadn’t been able to tick that seemed to outvalue everything else.
Julia closed her eyes, trying to gain composure. She’d spent all that money on gift bags, and they hadn’t even bought her
way through dinner.
“Julia-ya, come talk to me,” her halmoni said. Her grandmother got up slowly and lifted her chin toward the bottle of makgeolli
Julia had brought. They were sneaking off to throw a couple back.
Julia grabbed two mini wooden bowls from the kitchen and the bottle of cloudy rice wine and followed her halmoni to the living
room. She sat down next to her grandmother and opened the bottle. Using her left hand to support her right arm as she poured,
the Korean formal way of sharing a drink with someone older, Julia filled their small bowls. She turned her face away slightly
from her grandmother as the two of them quickly drank their first shots of the sweet but strong alcohol.
When they finished, Julia started the process over again, pouring them their second round.
“Julia,” her grandmother said, wiping her mouth with her sleeve, “it’s my dying wish for you to find a nice man and get married.”
Julia began coughing uncontrollably, makgeolli going down all the wrong pipes. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
Her grandmother lifted a shoulder in shrug, unbothered, as if she hadn’t just dropped a bomb on Julia.
She reached out and grabbed her halmoni’s hands. They felt warm like they always had.
“You’re not—” she swallowed the fear of the word “—sick, are you?”
Halmoni squeezed her hands back. “They found something.”
They found something. Julia replayed the words in her head again to make sense of it and what it could mean. The cold of panic made her numb and
singularly focused on what she could do to make this okay. “What do you mean, they found something? Who? What did they find? Was it the doctor? What did he say?”
Her grandmother held out her bowl, nodding at the makgeolli bottle, expecting a refill.
Julia pushed the bowl down gently. “Halmoni, focus. Tell me exactly what they said. What is going on?”
Halmoni shrugged, but then let out a deep breath through her nose. “I don’t know all the details. I didn’t understand a lot
of the big American words the doctor was saying—”
“Wait, you went to the doctor by yourself? Mom or Dad didn’t go with you? And you didn’t have an interpreter? Halmoni!”
“Julia, I don’t need anyone to go with me. The doctor took some pictures. They said they found something. I have to go back
for more tests—”
“When? I’m going with you,” Julia asserted. She would take care of this. She would figure out what was happening and then
get the best care for her grandmother that money could buy.
“We’ll talk about that later. But listen to me, Julia, this is more important. When I heard this news, it made me think. I’ve
lived a long life. And there’s only one thing left that I want. And that is to see you find a partner, to be happy.”