CHAPTER EIGHT #2
“No, I’m not going to read the letter yet,” Kiara said, her attention on Angie before she looked at Annie. “And no, it’s not the first letter I’ve received.”
“Really?” Annie sounded surprised. “That’s amazing. I’m so glad he’s communicating with you. How’s he doing?”
Kiara chose her words carefully, wanting to protect Julian’s privacy like she had with Duncan. “As you might imagine, it hasn’t been a walk in the park, but he’s pushing through.”
“That’s good,” Annie said.
Angie gestured to the envelope she held. “So you’re not going to read your letter?”
“Not here.”
Annie and Angie exchanged a glance, then Angie said, “Why not?”
“Because you’ll both want to know what it says, and I’ve told Julian that I wouldn’t betray his confidence.”
Annie’s brows rose as her eyes widened. “Are you falling for my brother?”
Kiara stared at Annie. “No. That would be foolish.”
She’d come to that conclusion early on. Like when she’d seen Julian the day after they’d been intimate, and he’d clearly not remembered what had happened.
And on top of that, he hadn’t seemed remotely interested in her romantically when he was sober.
It was only after he’d had several drinks that he’d viewed her as something more.
Kiara had seen enough pictures of him with women online to know that he had a ‘type’, and she was not it. She didn’t think she was unattractive, but she definitely wasn’t blonde, and she had curves even when she wasn’t pregnant.
“Why would that be foolish?” Annie asked. “All things considered, he’s not a horrible man. I know he has some issues, but he’s working on them.”
“I just don’t think it would be a good idea.”
“You know, when Cole first started showing an interest in me, I was sure he was just bored or something because I wasn’t anything like the women he usually dated,” Annie said, relaxing back in her chair, her cup of coffee in her hands.
“I’m glad I got past that because he’s been nothing but wonderful to me.
So don’t assume, just because of who Julian might have dated before, that things can’t develop between you. ”
“Well, Julian hasn’t expressed any interest in me, so it’s a good thing I’m not falling for him.” Any more than she already had… “It would just complicate things.”
“You’re pregnant with his baby,” Annie pointed out, as if Kiara had forgotten. “So you must have interested him at some point.”
“All that proves is that I interested blackout drunk Julian. Not sober Julian. And I don’t think any of us want Julian to be drunk anymore.”
Annie sighed. “No, we don’t.”
“So just accept—like Julian and I have—that this marriage is for now, not forever.”
Angie’s expression saddened, which wasn’t what Kiara wanted. She was supposed to be excited and happy about her wedding.
“My focus is on the baby,” Kiara said. “And how excited I am to meet him or her.”
“It will be nice to have a baby around again,” Annie said. “I remember when Benji was born and how much I loved helping Elizabeth with him.”
“I’ve never taken care of a baby, so I’m going to need all the help I can get.”
“No worries there,” Annie assured her. “I have a feeling there will be at least three of us ready to help you whenever you need it.”
“I’ll hold you to that.” Kiara finished the last bit of her croissant, then said, “I’m going to head back up to my room for a bit to read my letter.”
“Are you going walking later?” Angie asked.
“Probably. It looks nice out.”
“I want to go with you,” she said. “So come get me before you go.”
“Okay. I will.”
Leaving the twins in the breakfast room, Kiara clutched her letter tightly as she climbed the stairs. Her stomach was once again a bit nauseous, but she didn’t know if it was because of the baby or nerves over the letter from Julian.
Once in the privacy of her room, she sat in her favorite chair and pulled the fluffy blanket she kept there over her lap.
Taking a deep breath and exhaling heavily, she slid a finger under the flap and carefully broke the seal.
Once again, the pages were filled with his bold scrawl in black ink. Hunching over the letter, she began to read.
Dear Kiara,
I hope that you and the baby are doing well and that the nausea has eased up. I’m sorry I can’t ask informed questions about your pregnancy as I know nothing and currently don’t have the ability to search for information on the internet.
You asked about my thoughts on finding out the gender of the baby. I think it would kind of be nice to know. It would give us a connection to him or her.
Kiara smiled at his words. She was going for the scan in two days, and she’d planned to ask for the gender to be put in a sealed envelope until she heard from him. But now that she had, she could go ahead and find out and let him know when she replied to his letter.
However, if you’d rather not know, I’m okay with that. I don’t have much of an opinion on things pertaining to the baby, to be honest. Do you have a preference for a girl or boy? I never really thought I’d have kids, so I have no idea which I’d rather have.
Kiara hadn’t really thought too much about it either.
Healthy was the first thing she hoped for the baby.
Part of her thought that maybe it would be better if the baby was a girl if she was going to be a single mom.
But given this was the first Burke grandchild, it was likely Duncan would want a boy.
She was glad that Julian wasn’t dropping subtle hints about the baby possibly not being his.
She didn’t doubt that there would still be DNA testing done once the baby arrived.
If that was what happened, she wouldn’t object or take offense because she knew the truth.
And she wanted them to be assured of the truth too.
Things here are going better physically. The wicked withdrawal from the constant alcohol use has lessened. I’m still struggling to fall asleep at night. My mind seems to think that bedtime is the perfect time to think about everything.
I’ve been talking to a guy here who’s a Christian, and it’s been rather interesting. I know that Annie and Angela are Christians. Are you? Do you go to church with Angela?
The questions gave Kiara pause. When Angie had first started going to church in Briar Hollow, Kiara had assumed it was just because Angie didn’t want to disappoint Miss Ida. But then she’d continued to go. Kiara had accompanied her on occasion, but at the time, it hadn’t resonated with her.
Angie had started to attend church with Jude once she’d gotten settled at the estate. She asked Kiara periodically if she wanted to join her, but Kiara had yet to accept.
This guy has a kind of messed up past with Christianity, and yet he’s passionate about it in a way I wouldn’t have thought someone with that history would be.
We’ve had some discussions about his faith, and they've been interesting. Our conversations have given me a lot to think about. Plus, they’ve been a good way to pass the time.
I didn’t think I’d actually like spending time with anyone while I was here, and that’s kind of been true, except for Elijah.
Kiara didn’t think the conversations Julian had had with her had given him anything to think about. In fact, she was fairly certain that he didn’t recall much of what they’d talked about.
Their discussions had centered mainly on surface stuff like movies and TV shows they liked to watch. Julian had talked about some of the many places he had traveled to, which was a subject Kiara hadn’t been able to contribute to.
Still, she’d enjoyed their evenings together and had wondered if he would say the same. Perhaps he preferred conversations that gave him something to mull over.
Regardless, it didn’t matter. She no longer thought she had a chance with Julian the way she had had during those evenings they’d spent together. While he appeared to be a good man, he wasn’t the man for her.
She just had to keep reminding herself of that so she wouldn’t make the mistake of falling more in love with the man than she already was.
With that thought in mind, she returned her attention to the letter.
Duncan sent me some printed emails from Sean, the head of the FemPulse research in Singapore, so I’ve had a chance to get caught up on that, which I really appreciate. Not having instant access to that information is something I really miss being here.
Well, I think I need to end this. My hand is starting to cramp. I haven’t ever written so much by hand before in my life, I don’t think.
Take care of yourself and the little one.
- Julian
Kiara folded the letter and slipped it back into the envelope as she considered its contents.
Julian's tone had seemed more relaxed in this one, and she hoped that meant that he was fully accepting the treatment at the center. For his sake and the sake of their child, Kiara wanted Julian’s time at the center to be successful.
She placed the letter on the end table beside her chair, deciding she'd write back after her appointment. That way she could tell him whether they were having a boy or a girl. The thought sent a flutter of excitement through her belly.
Her hand drifted to the slight swell of her stomach. "What are you, little one? A boy or a girl?" she whispered. "Your daddy wants to know."
The word "daddy" caught in her throat. Would Julian ever truly be a father to this baby beyond biology and financial support? The question lingered in her mind as she stood up, realizing immediately that she’d done it too quickly.
A wave of dizziness hit her, forcing her to grip the armrest until it passed. The morning sickness medication helped, but it didn't eliminate every symptom. She pressed her other hand to her forehead, waiting for the room to stop tilting.
When the dizziness subsided, she made her way to the bathroom since the frequent need to pee was also a new part of her life. Once she was done, she sent a message to Angie to see if she wanted to go for a walk.
As she waited for Angie to respond, her mind went back to the questions Julian had asked about her faith.
Angie had never pressured her to get involved in the church the way she had, but Kiara had seen how her sister's faith sustained her through difficult times.
It had given Angie a peace that Kiara sometimes envied.
Peace was something she could really use in her current situation, so maybe she should talk to Angie about her faith and the peace she seemed to have, regardless of what was going on.
Kiara found herself wanting to be the best person she could be for the sake of the baby, and if part of that was finding out more about God, she would gladly do it.