CHAPTER NINE #2
Julian nodded, throat tight. "That was easier than facing it. Than dealing with the guilt."
"Guilt's a heavy burden to carry alone," Elijah said.
Julian met Elijah's steady gaze across the table, recognizing something familiar in the other man's eyes—understanding born of personal experience. The weight of carrying secrets, of letting shame dictate choices.
"Twenty-four years," Julian said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I've been carrying this for twenty-four years."
Elijah leaned forward slightly, his expression encouraging but patient. Julian appreciated that he didn't push, didn't demand details. Just waited.
Julian's fingers found the edge of his napkin, twisting the fabric as memories he'd spent decades drowning threatened to surface. The dining room noise faded to a distant hum as he forced himself back to that day—the day that had changed everything.
“I told you already about my twin sisters being kidnapped when they were three," Julian began, his throat dry. "They were kidnapped by our nanny and one of the security guards. I heard them talking about it, and when Sandra realized that, she tried to just brush it aside. She promised me my favorite candy and a new toy if I didn’t say anything. I agreed to keep quiet about it. The day they abducted the twins, I found a small box under my pillow with several chocolate bars and a new Lego set that I’d been wanting. "
“And you never told anyone?”
He shook his head. “At that point, it was too late. But if I’d still told someone even after they were taken… it maybe could have made a difference. My family had all the money in the world, but I cared more about candy and a new toy.”
Julian’s voice cracked on the last sentence, and he felt overwhelmed by the urge to cry. To break down and let out all the sorrow and guilt he’d carried for most of his life.
It had been bad enough when they hadn’t known where Angela was. But her eventual return had revealed the rough life she’d had with Jim and Sandra.
And he was responsible for that.
Julian knew that even though he didn’t want to walk through what was to come, he did it with the hope that once he was through it, he’d find freedom from the guilt and peace.
“I guess it’s time to give Dr. Carlisle what he wants,” Julian murmured.
“I’ll pray for you,” Elijah said. “God cares about you, and He would want you to be free from the chains of your past.”
Julian wished that he understood more about what Elijah was saying. However, right then, his focus was on revealing his long-held secret to people who might come to hate him for what he’d done.
His father. His sister. His… wife.
Later that night, he wrote a letter to Kiara. But rather than reveal the turmoil he was currently experiencing, Julian tried to keep the tone of the letter lighthearted as he wrote about their little boy and gave another general overview of what was happening at the center.
He told her about the activities that were available to them there.
The hiking trails. The tennis courts. The swimming pool.
The weight room. The hot tub and sauna. All of it was more suitable for a spa.
He’d availed himself of some of it, like the hiking trails and the weight room, all in an effort to distract himself from his inner turmoil.
The next morning, he woke after a restless night and found the resolve to admit to what had happened when he was a child was still with him. The confession would start with his therapist.
Over the next couple of days, he had intensive sessions with Dr. Carlisle, which eventually ended with the decision that they would request that Duncan come to the center to meet with Julian and the therapist.
Julian was glad that there would be a third party there to help him share what he’d done.
A few days after his decision to tackle his past, Julian sat in Dr. Carlisle's office, his palms sweating as he waited for his father to arrive.
The familiar leather chair that had become his confessional seat over the past weeks now felt like an electric chair.
Every muscle in his body was coiled tight, ready to spring him from the room if his courage failed him.
The murmur of voices in the hallway made his stomach lurch. Dr. Carlisle glanced toward the door, then back at Julian with the calm, encouraging expression that had become familiar.
"Remember what we discussed," the therapist said quietly. "This isn't about punishment. It's about healing."
Julian nodded, though his throat felt like sandpaper. The knock came soft but firm, and Dr. Carlisle rose to answer it.
"Mr. Burke, thank you for coming," the therapist said, stepping aside to allow Duncan entry.
Duncan stepped into the room, and Julian's chest tightened as their eyes met. Duncan looked older somehow, lines of worry etched deeper around his eyes than Julian remembered. The expensive suit couldn't hide the tension in his shoulders or the way his jaw was set in that familiar hard line.
"Julian." Duncan's voice carried its usual authority, but there was something else there. Concern, or maybe even fear.
"Dad." The word came out rougher than Julian had intended. It was a term he rarely used. He gestured to the chair Dr. Carlisle had positioned across from his own. "Thanks for coming."
Duncan settled into the chair, his movements careful and controlled. Julian could smell his father's cologne, the same scent he'd worn for as long as Julian could remember. It brought back a flood of memories—being small enough to sit on Duncan's lap, before everything became complicated.
"Dr. Carlisle said you needed to discuss something important," Duncan said, his gaze moving between Julian and the therapist. "He was rather insistent that I come immediately."
Julian's hands clenched into fists on the arms of his chair. The words he'd rehearsed with Dr. Carlisle over the past two days seemed to evaporate from his mind. His father sat less than six feet away, waiting for an explanation that would shatter everything between them.
"There's something I need to tell you," Julian began, his voice barely audible. "Something I should have told you twenty-four years ago."
Duncan's posture shifted slightly, becoming more tense as his steely gaze sharpened.
"It's about the time when Angela and Annie were kidnapped," Julian continued, forcing himself to meet his father's gaze. "I knew it was going to happen."
The silence in the room became suffocating. His dad’s expression hardened.
“What do you mean?” Each word was enunciated in a cold, hard voice.
Julian knew that tone. It was one he’d heard Duncan use in the past. However, it had always been used in business settings.
For all their issues, Duncan had never turned that cold, hard voice on him. The fact that he did then wasn’t surprising. What was surprising was how much it hurt.
“What do you mean, Julian?”
Taking a deep breath, Julian pulled his shoulders back and looked his father in the eye. “The day before the girls disappeared, I heard Sandra and Jim talking about how they were going to take them.”
“You heard them?” Duncan demanded. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Julian wished he could say that they’d threatened him. That would have been better than the truth.
“Sandra promised me candy and a toy if I didn’t say anything,” Julian said, hating the tremor in his voice. “So I didn’t.”
“You had plenty of toys and candy.” Anger flared in Duncan’s eyes. “You sold your sisters out for candy and a toy.”
The words pierced Julian deep in his heart. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?”
Julian flinched as if he'd been struck. His father's words echoed in his mind—you sold your sisters out—and the truth of them made bile rise in his throat.
He'd known this was coming, had prepared for it during endless sleepless nights, but hearing the accusation spoken aloud by Duncan felt like a physical blow.
"Please," Dr. Carlisle interjected, his voice calm but firm. "Let Julian finish."
Duncan's jaw worked, muscles tensing beneath his skin. His gaze never wavered from Julian's face.
The cold fury there made Julian want to shrink into his chair and disappear. He'd seen his father angry before, but never like this. Never directed at him with such intensity.
Julian could see the effort it took his father to remain seated. He could practically feel the rage radiating across the small space between them.
"There's nothing more to say," Julian said, his voice hollow. "I was a stupid child, and I chose candy over my sisters' safety. I've lived with that choice every day since."
"I understand you're angry, Mr. Burke, but Julian was just a child when this happened. A child making a poor decision shouldn't carry the same weight as an adult making that same choice."
"Even a child should know the difference between right and wrong," Duncan said, his voice still carrying that terrible coldness. "Especially when it comes to his sisters' safety."
Julian felt tears burning behind his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. Not now. Not when he'd already shown himself to be weak and selfish.
"You're right," Julian said, his voice cracking. "I should have known better. I should have told you immediately."
"Do you have any idea what your sister went through because of your silence?" Duncan demanded, leaning forward in his chair. "Do you understand what you cost this family?"
Julian's throat tightened. Each accusation landed like a physical blow. The weight of his father's disappointment crushed him more thoroughly than any punch could have.
"I do," Julian managed to say. "I've imagined it every day since they disappeared."
"Imagined it?" Duncan's voice rose. "Angelica lived it! While you were enjoying your privileged life, your sister was being abused by those people. And for twenty-four years we thought—" His voice broke slightly. "We thought she was dead."
Julian couldn't meet his father's gaze anymore. The fury and pain there were too much to bear. He stared at his hands instead, noticing how they trembled despite his efforts to keep them still.
He said nothing because he realized, in that moment, there was nothing more to say. There were no words that would ease the weight of disappointment and anger his father had towards him.
Was this the end of his time in the family? Was this going to be the rejection he’d always feared?
“I need to go,” Duncan said, getting to his feet.
Julian didn’t move. He didn’t look up. He couldn’t bear to watch his father walk away from him, filled with anger and disappointment.
Dr. Carlisle followed Duncan out of the room, but he returned a minute later and took his seat behind his desk.
“I don’t think that could have gone much worse,” Julian murmured.
“It was a shock for your father,” Dr. Carlisle said. “With time, I’m sure he’ll calm down.”
Julian nodded, just because he didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
What he wanted more than anything was a drink. And then another one. And another one. Until he was drunk enough to numb the pain and wipe away the memory of this meeting so he could slip into the oblivion of sleep.
“How are you feeling?” Dr. Carlisle asked.
Julian mulled over his answer, mindful of their previous sessions. The man had an uncanny ability to sniff out untruths when it came to how a person said they were feeling.
“A little shocked,” he said. “I guess I was hoping for the best, which I should have realized was not the greatest approach.”
“I don’t think you were wrong to hope for the best,” Dr. Carlisle said.
Julian talked to him for a few minutes longer, then managed to end their session without revealing too much of how shattered he felt inside.
Hurrying back to his room, he was glad no one stopped him.
He wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone right then, his thoughts too weighed down by his imagining how angry Angela was going to be when she learned the truth.
And if Angela was angry and hurting because of him, as her sister’s protector, Kiara was sure to be furious with him.
The ache in his heart intensified, and all he wanted to do was walk out of the treatment center and find the nearest bar.
The only thing that kept him from doing that was his son.
If Kiara didn’t decide to keep him out of their son’s life because of all this, Julian knew he needed to have dealt with his past so he could be a good dad to him.
That had become extremely important to him.