CHAPTER NINETEEN #2
The home-style options were so different from his usual fare. Something about a place like this, with its high-back booths and laminated menus, made him feel both out of place and strangely comfortable.
"I think so," Kiara replied, patting her belly. "And Baby Boy approves."
"Then I'll trust your judgment." Julian closed his menu and set it on the table. "I'll have the same."
"So what did you think of the service?" Angela asked, leaning forward with an eager expression after the waitress had taken their orders.
Julian shifted in his seat, unsure how to answer Angela's question. The sermon had touched on things he was still processing—his guilt, his failures, the possibility of redemption.
"It was interesting," he said finally. "Different from what I expected. Less… judgmental, maybe."
"Pastor Mark is really good at making the gospel relatable," Angela said. "That's what I love about this church. It’s a place where broken people can find healing."
Broken people. The phrase resonated with Julian. He certainly qualified.
"What about you, Kiara?" Angela asked. "What did you think?"
Kiara took a sip of her water before answering. "I liked the music. And the message about hope… it was nice to hear that our past doesn't have to define our future."
Julian glanced at her, wondering if the sermon had touched her in the same way it had affected him. He'd been so caught up in his own thoughts during the service that he hadn't considered what might be going through her mind.
"I liked that part too," Julian said. "About not being defined by our past."
He noticed Kiara's expression soften as she glanced at him, and he wondered if she had a past that she didn’t want to be defined by. She rarely went into detail about the years she’d spent growing up with Angela on the homestead.
"That's what I love about Christianity," Angela said. "It's all about grace and second chances. Finding a new life in Christ."
Second chances. The concept was both appealing and terrifying. Did he deserve a second chance after what he'd done? After the years he'd wasted drinking himself into oblivion?
Their food arrived, steam rising from the generous portions of pot roast and mashed potatoes. Julian was surprised by how appetizing it looked, even though it wasn’t beautifully plated like at the high-end restaurants he frequented.
Before they began to eat, Jude said a brief prayer of thanks for the food.
Kiara closed her eyes as she took her first bite of pot roast, letting out a small hum of appreciation. "This is exactly what I needed."
Julian sampled his own meal, surprised by the rich flavor and the way the meat fell apart under his fork. It wasn't the refined cuisine he was accustomed to, but there was something deeply satisfying about it.
"Good choice," he told Kiara, who smiled at him before digging into the mashed potatoes with enthusiasm.
As they ate, the conversation shifted to more casual topics. Angela's decorating plans for her and Jude's home. Kiara's ideas for the garden at their house.
Julian found himself relaxing into the normalcy of it all. No business deals to negotiate, no social climbing to navigate. Just a simple meal with family.
"So, Julian," Jude said during a lull in the conversation, "are you planning to stay at the estate for a while, or are you going to head back to New York soon?"
Julian finished chewing a bite of pot roast before answering. "I'm planning to be here unless there are things that I need to take care of elsewhere. Like the upcoming fundraising gala and the board meetings."
He glanced at Kiara, who seemed focused on her mashed potatoes.
He couldn't read her expression, but he hoped his decision to stay wasn't unwelcome.
So far, living in the house together had gone smoothly.
Better than he'd expected, actually. They'd fallen into an easy rhythm, respecting each other's space while sharing meals occasionally.
"That makes sense," Jude said. "And how's the house working out for both of you?"
"I think it's been good so far," Julian said. "Kiara's been very gracious about sharing her space."
"Our space," Kiara corrected him softly. “For now, it’s our space.”
Julian caught the slight hesitation in Kiara's voice, the way her eyes flicked to him before returning to her food.
For now. The unspoken implication hung between them.
This arrangement had an expiration date.
The trial period they'd agreed to, yes, but beyond that, their entire marriage was temporary.
"Well, I'm glad it's working out," Angela said, breaking the momentary tension. "I was worried it might be awkward."
"It's been fine," Kiara assured her. "The house is big enough that we don't have to be in each other's space if we don't want to be."
Julian nodded, though a strange twinge of disappointment fluttered in his chest. Was that how she saw their arrangement? Two people sharing a house but avoiding each other?
It wasn't like that at all for him. Despite having separate spaces, Julian enjoyed the moments they spent together. Whether it was sharing breakfast in the kitchen or sitting in the living room in the evening, Kiara reading while he worked on his laptop.
"We're figuring it out," Julian said, keeping his tone casual. "Day by day."
Kiara glanced at him, a flicker of surprise crossing her features before she nodded. "Yes, we are."
The conversation shifted again, and Julian listened as Jude and Angela discussed some upcoming renovations they were planning for their home.
As they talked, Julian noticed the way Jude's hand rested on the table, palm up, and how Angela's fingers interlaced with his without either of them seeming to think about it.
The casual intimacy of the gesture struck him.
He and Kiara had nothing like that. Their relationship was built on necessity, not affection. They shared a house, would share a child, but there was no handholding, no casual touches, no wordless communication that came from genuine intimacy.
He wasn’t sure how to have that type of relationship. Or if he even wanted to.
Though Duncan and Elizabeth had, by all accounts, formed a good marriage, they weren’t super affectionate in public. Sometimes when it was just the family, he’d see more affection between them. But it was Annie and Cole and now Jude and Angela who had shown him how a relationship could really be.
He wasn’t sure how to share casual affection with someone the way his siblings did with their significant others. Julian had a feeling that even Benji, with his high school girlfriend, knew more about that than he did.
Did Kiara want that sort of relationship?
It didn’t make sense to pursue a more physical relationship when they’d both agreed that their marriage wasn’t a permanent arrangement. He hadn’t gotten the feeling that she wanted something different from what they had.
There were times when he wondered how they’d ended up sleeping together. He wished he could remember that night so that he understood better how they’d ended up where they now were.
It added a weirdness to the situation that Julian didn’t dwell on, but it was always present in the back of his mind.
That things had unfolded the way they had felt like another failure on his part.
He should have known better than to fool around with someone so close to the family.
Her ties to the family meant that if he did something to upset her, it would upset Angela.
And if Angela was upset with him, Duncan would be upset with him too.
It left him feeling like at any given time, he was balancing on a precipice, and that failure was just waiting for him to put a foot wrong. Unfortunately, he couldn’t see a future in which he wouldn’t put that foot wrong.
The sermon that morning was still in his mind, but Julian struggled to believe that all he had to do was trust in God to help him overcome his failures. It felt like he had to prove to himself and to God that he had the ability to face temptations and struggles on his own and not falter.