Chapter 11
ELEVEN
Alex
The thing is, spending time around Jess, it’s not good for me. Every word, every look, every laugh, frown — it stays with me long after she’s gone.
It’s been days since I saw her, but here I am. Sitting at my kitchen table, still thinking about her . There’s almost nothing I can do to get the mental onslaught to stop. It’s just a relentless pulsing in my brain. A laugh. A scrunch of her nose. That sad look she got halfway through lunch. Then repeat it all again.
I shouldn’t have stayed for lunch that day, after the Matt incident. But Brit wanted me to, Liam wanted me to, and, well…I’m trying to stick. I just wish they would’ve asked me to lunch on a day she wasn’t there.
At lunch, though, there was something she said…and I can’t fucking shake it. She said, “Who knows where I’ll be this time next year. ” It was more how she said it than what she said.
Why wouldn’t she be in DC? Her and Tommy have a nice row house. Capitol Hill. He makes a shit ton of money as a lawyer. She’ll be okay…right? Alimony, child support, half whatever that house is worth…
She’s not my problem. Yeah, no she isn't. But also sort of wish she was.
I also can’t shake the fact that she overheard me talking about her that night . And if she hadn’t heard me, would everything be different? It’s not that what I said wasn’t true on some level. It’s just that I didn’t mean any of it. I didn’t want people to know Jess was Amy’s cousin. I didn’t want people to have any preconceived notion of who she was to me, so that someday, when she was mine, people would just say, “That’s Jess, Alex’s wife .” Why is that the first word I think of?
I never wanted it to be, “That’s Jess, his late wife’s cousin that he sometimes texted with about his late wife and daughter and now he’s fucking her.” Because I sort of wanted her to be mine. Just mine. All of that is past tense, though, isn’t it?
I’ve spent years despising her, thinking she was something, that really, maybe , she wasn’t…
I don’t really let people in. But I let Jess in. Or maybe she pushed her way in, but either way, I wanted her there.
It might have been the first time I saw her in that sundress with yellow flowers. It might have been that Christmas when she didn’t reach out. It may have been the first time we talked on the phone, not just texted. It could have been when I saw her that night that I knew. And then kind of like my li fe goes, it went to shit. I saw her, I knew, and then I had that weird gut feeling, and it all went sideways.
I may have played it too cool, though. Obviously. I oversold her meaning nothing to me. Clearly.
The nagging feeling about Jess’ situation just won’t stop, though. Fuck.
I tell myself I’m just playing devil’s advocate, but really I’m just acting like a fool when I open my laptop and write a quick email.
Hey,
I know it’s been a while, we need to catch up next time I’m in the city.
This might seem sort of out of the blue, but I’m looking to get a prenup drawn up. Keep it on the DL, please? Haven’t told Damian or my sister. Just curious about your recommendations. Happy to put you on retainer if you can do it, or if you have a referral?
Thanks,
Alex Palomino
My front door swings open, and I slam my laptop shut when my sister traipses in looking like someone just pissed in her Wheaties.
“Brit? Is everything okay?”
She barely registers me and says, “I just need sleep.” That’s fair. I’ll check on her in a couple hours. I can’t keep up with the ups and downs between her and Liam. I have to disconnect from it a little bit ju st so I don’t preemptively kill him just because he bought her the wrong coffee creamer or something. Not that he would. Pretty sure that man is thoroughly and completely pussy whipped, which is disgusting because that’s my sister.
Blech .
Alex!
Congrats, man! Never thought I’d see the day. Do I know the lucky lady?
Happy to help. I can have my assistant reach out about billing. I’m sort of stuck in Taiwan waiting for a hearing, so this’ll give me something to kill some time.
It’s all about preference, but for me, I kept things fairly simple. Any property acquired prior to the marriage remains in my possession and then all alimony was waived. Which I’d probably recommend to you as well.
Let me know what I can do to help, and again, congrats!
Tommy DiAngelo
Yeah, that’s sort of what I thought. Things could be different, though. I don’t know every finite detail of their agreement based on this email. But he’s a fucking lawyer; only an idiot would think he hasn’t drawn up a tight contract that covers his ass completely , and more than likely leaves Jess hanging out to dry.
I’ll have to explain all this away later. Sort of pissed at myself for sending that email, but I’m already in this deep…
Hey,
It’s someone I knew a long time ago. Recently reconnected.
Can you have your assistant send over docs on proceeding?
I’m curious about your thoughts on pre-funding a divorce settlement. Would that be best in a trust?
Thanks for the advice.
Alex Palomino
It’s easy to find her. She’s slightly bent over the top deck railing, her ass sticking up and out slightly. Her tan legs looking a mile long in her short shorts. It’s another mental image I sure as fuck didn’t need to add to the bank.
There’s a whole party going on inside the house, but she’s out here alone watching the lake turn from blue to black as the sun sets behind us. It’s nice out. There’s flower petals all over the deck, and candles burning. It’s quiet, too, just a soft hum of music leaking from inside. Can’t take any credit for the setup, though. Liam proposed to Britain this afternoon. This is just the remnants of the spectacle .
I’m happy for my sister, but you know, this is the second engagement party I’ve been to for her in the last couple of months so…
“Hey,” I say, taking a spot next to her, leaning against the rail facing her instead of the lake.
“Hey,” she doesn’t turn or anything. Bad day? That’s what I want to ask, but it’d be stupid because I bet a lot of her days are bad right now.
“Something you said at lunch the other day…it’s been bothering me.”
“Whatever it was, I’m sorry.” She doesn’t look up, but oddly sounds sincere. And defeated. It’s so not like her.
“No, it uh-it wasn’t like that. Just, are you gonna be okay…” I don’t know how to say this without insulting her, “without Tommy?” She grimaces.
“Eventually, I’m sure. Why?” She takes a swig of her clear drink on the rocks, then sets it back down beside the baby monitor perched beside her.
“Just was worried, that’s all.” My mouth twists a bit. I’m relearning what it’s like to talk to her, but it’s different now. All of it. Both of us. Maybe too much has happened.
“Again, why?” Her tone. It’s so devoid of what makes Jess Jess . It’s weird.
I shrug, and so does she. She grabs a clip that was snapped on to the hem of her button down shirt and winds her hair up tight, and for some reason that gets me hard.
“So, how long are you staying for?” Back to basics. Small talk. Hate it.
“Tonight’s it.” Oh. Fuck .
“You’re leaving?” I don’t know why I sound so surprised.
“Yeah, I think so. ”
I nod. “Back home?” She looks up at me. Something like hurt flaring in her eyes.
“Back to Tommy’s house, for now, yes.” Tommy’s house. I see.
“You…could stay…”
She shakes her head, takes another sip of clear, and says, “It’d just be on borrowed time before I have to go, and I think the family could use some time ‘just the family,’ you know?” She nods towards the great room picture windows where Britain and Liam and her kids, his parents, Constantine, and his kids are all watching Damian play with their new dog. Yeah, I get it.
Pretty familiar feeling for me, outsider looking in, but this feels like new territory for Jess, maybe.
“Okay…if you ever need anything, you should call.” She looks at me in disbelief. I don’t want to give her a chance to come up with a dig or a comeback or say something snide, so I blurt out, “I’m sorry.” It’s rushed.
Her incredulous look turns to surprise. “For what?” she asks cautiously.
Don’t like this feeling. “For making you feel stupid…for being a dick.” I shrug to try and play it off like it’s cool. This isn’t a big deal, just a regular apology, and not like her accepting it will change the rest of my life.
“Okay.” That’s it. That’s all she gives. Fair .
I knock my knuckles against the wood, getting ready to say goodbye, sending a vibration down the railing that, in turn, sends the baby monitor falling off the second-story deck into some bushes below. Jess let’s out a little gasp while leaning over the railing to see if she can see where it landed.
“Fuck, sorry. I’ll get it.” I push off the ledge and jog down the dark stairs. O f course the sun has finally tucked itself behind the house and all I can see is the lit-up stair treads and not much else.
Stepping to the side, I look back up at the deck, gauging where the monitor might have landed, but Jess isn’t there anymore. She’s at my back, following me. Nearly colliding with me where I’ve stopped.
Her eyes go a bit wide, pupils blown. Could be lust, could be the low lighting. Hard to tell.
I step off the stairs and on to the inclined landscaping that slopes towards the lake. And Jess is still right behind me, a gentle hand on my arm like she might get lost if she lets go, but it's not that dark.
Judging where we were standing, I look up at the top deck. Then back down into the bushes and it should be somewhere in… here . I lean forward and pick up the monitor. As I turn to show it to Jess, her foot gives under the slippery pine needles. She shouldn’t have come down here in those sandals. But I reach out an arm, right around her midsection and haul her up against me before she even has a chance to fall.
Her hands find my chest, her eyes find mine, her breathing speeds up, and her heart rate does, too. It’s easy to tell because my body wants to fall in sync with hers. My breath matches hers, my heart mirrors hers. And we stick together like that. How we should have been all along.
“Jess…” I say softly, almost a whisper. I miss hearing her name. I’ve dreamed of hearing her name on my lips…like this.
“Alex…” she copies in the same tone. Her tongue darts out wetting her top lip… fuck me . I pocket the monitor, bringing my hand up to her forearm to hold her steady. Fine, it’s so she doesn’t leave . Even though I keep a firm arm around her midsect ion, I let my other hand start a gentle ascent towards her neck.
Fuck me if my hand doesn’t slightly tremble, and in response she gets goose bumps. She could stop me. I’m not holding her that tight.
“Alex…wh-what are we doing?” she asks, sending a zinging bolt of fire through me. She asked ‘what are we doing?,’ not ‘what am I doing?’ She’s in this with me.
“What I should have done the first time I saw you.” I drop my head slightly, and she reaches up. I can feel her grip deepen as she goes up on her toes, and then I slam my mouth down on hers, unable to hold back a second longer.
There’s nothing gentle about what I’m doing. It’s a claiming. It’s a kiss that says, “This is Jess, Alex’s Jess.” Do you understand? It’s an open-mouth feast, and I’ve come hungry. Starved, actually. Because this kiss is the shit that men go to war over, and she has not a fucking clue I would for her. I already am.
I slip a hand to the back of her skull, undoing the hair she just put up and let the clip fall. Hope she wasn’t sentimental about that . Her hair tumbles down and I pull away from her mouth because I want to see her, memorize her.
In the low light, I can just make out her swollen lips, red from rubbing against my short beard and fuck . Can’t wait to see her inner thighs look the same way.
Her eyes are wide and hungry, like maybe she’s been starving, too. Her hair falls, framing her heart-shaped face, and my hand glides up the back of her head. The feel of her silky hair between my fingers feels like a dream. Is it a fucking dream? How does this end? Just an abrupt awakening? Does it turn into a nightmare when she pushes me away? Does it turn into more?
“It’s up to you,” I whisper to her, knowing she knows what I mean, leaving the ball in her court. I want this. So unequivocally. But maybe she doesn’t.
She takes a step away, taking everything good in life with her. My one arm is still around her waist to keep her from slipping, but I let the hand that had been in her hair fall. Right . Cue nightmare.
She takes my now free hand between both of hers, running one hand over the top, while the other cradles my hand from below. There’s a tenderness there as she slips her small fingers over my bruised knuckles, then threads a hand in mine and leads me back up, but just to the lower-level deck.
It’s attached to the basement level that’s never used. The only light comes from slivers of yellow pushing through the cracks in the deck flooring above us.
There’s a couple outdoor sofas with covers still on and Jess pushes me to sit down. And, of course, I fucking do. I’ve fantasized, gotten myself off so many times just thinking about this. Her. Pushing me down, and having her way, because Jess isn’t the type to be dominated. Not that I won’t break her of that eventually, but right now, she’s the boss.
She settles on top of me, her thighs straddling mine, and when she reaches for my belt buckle, I pull her face towards mine again, kissing her with my all. I run my tongue along her full lips and she opens on a sigh. It’s so fucking subtle, it’s beautiful. If I could record that sound, I think I could eventually be conditioned to come every time it played .
“Do you want this, Alex?” She pulls away, asking in a whisper. She doesn’t know I do?
“More than anything, Jess.” I grab her hips and push her down on my lap so she can feel how much I want this. Need this. She holds my face in both her hands and then reciprocates the claiming kiss of earlier in her own way. Her tongue seeks, her teeth nip, she sucks me in and I imagine soon she’ll be sucking my cock like that and… now. Need her right fucking now.
“Jess…don’t have any condoms.” Please, please .
“On birth control. Clean.”
“Same,” I say, reaching out, undoing the top button of her jean shorts. When it doesn’t immediately give way, I rip the thick denim, eliciting a raspy gasp from Jess.
“I’ll buy you new ones,” I say, then kiss her as I force the zipper open. She stands quickly, removing sandals, jeans, and her innocent-looking white cotton undies, but then climbs back over to finish undoing my belt, then unbuttoning and releasing my strained jeans.
I lift my hips, letting them slide down, and she pushes my briefs with them as I do. My cock springs free, and there’s that little sigh again. At the sound, a bead of precum releases. I think for a second she might lean down and lick it away, but she changes direction and with a hand on my chest, she positions herself over me.
Yes, fuck.
She leans forward and starts placing kisses up my neck until eventually she’s pulling my ear into her mouth. Just as the tip of my head hits the apex between her thighs, she whispers, “You’re cock is so fucking beautiful.” And at the same time she pushes do wn on me, I lift my hips thrusting into her. And my cock is nothing compared to the sight in front of me.
Jess is picture-perfect perfection. Her olive skin against her white tank top and button down that’s started sliding off one shoulder, and the hair I’ve dreamt of bounces as she comes to a stop at the root of my dick. I’m staring at her because this…this is fucking new. It’s a new feeling fueling this need to keep her. Claim her. Mark her. Maim her. Anything that says, “ Alex Palomino was here ,” when she’s walking around tomorrow.
With a hand still firmly gripping her hip, I pull her towards me, dragging her clit against my lower abdominals. “Your skin is so fucking beautiful and all I want to do is ruin it.” I lean forward, catching her neck and sucking her in. When I do, I feel her clench. My girl likes this, fucking wants it.
“Where do you want me to leave my mark, Jess?” I move her hips back and forth against my pelvis. The slightest of pants hits her lips when I push her back and forth again.
She immediately starts discarding her button down, then her tank, revealing brown nipples through a semi-sheer bra. Need. Fucking need. I continue to drag her back and forth across my dick.
“My tits, Alex. Mark me.” I want so badly to tell her, “Baby, you’ve made my whole fucking life.”
Instead, I say, “These perfect fucking tits? I’d be honored.” Before I do, I pull her face down to mine, feasting on her sweet taste. When I release her, I keep one hand on a hip, which affords me a half handful of her ass while my other squeezes between us, palming her round globes through her bra. Then I pl ace my hot tongue against the sheer fabric and press against her pebbled nipple.
Her head falls back and her pussy clenches.
I make quick work of unfastening her bra and then my mouth is engulfing one of her breasts, sucking her in. I’m palming one breast while I mark her other. And I go back and forth, continuing to gently thrust into her as she rides me.
The more marks I leave and the harder I go, the rougher she rides. I don’t know if she’s being quiet because we’re out in the open, but there’s nothing for show here. She’s just enjoying the fuck out of my cock, and I’ve never been happier.
“So close,” she whispers with a sigh. My dick swells and with a hand fully gripping her ass cheek, I pull her closer, I make my abdomen a fucking washboard she can ride her clit against, and she does. I only lift and swivel my hips slightly, hitting a spot and she fucking loses it. I grab her face by the chin and tilt her head down to look at me, and she does.
I watch this beautiful face turn from bliss to shock and delight, to eventually, what I think looks a lot like love. Love .
I slam her tight little cunt back down around me and I pulse and spill. And when I pull her body tighter against me, she comes undone again. Her eyes rolling back, her hands clenching my pecs.
“You ride me so fucking well, Jess, Uh.” I thrust again, letting every ounce of what I have fill her. Take it, baby. It’s fucking yours. All of it.
Jess shivers and her nipples turn taut against the cool breeze off the lake, and I only need 30 seconds before I’ll be hard again.
I lean forward to place a kiss on my girl's mouth, but she pulls away from me slightly, leaning back, my semi-hard cock, my seed still filling her body.
Gut feeling starts screaming at me. Don’t like this. Do not like this.
In a quiet, gentle voice, she says, “I’m not interested in being somebody’s bump in the road, Alex. No matter how much I wish I could be that for you.” Pain . It hits deep, somewhere around the seventh or eighth rib.
I don’t know how to tell her she is the bump in the road because she’s the whole fucking road. She’s my path. Always has been. Everyone else was just a fucking pit stop. She’s the beginning and the end, and I’d ride her as long as my journey on earth lasts.
It didn’t matter the destination. It was her. Every road led back to her.
I don’t know how to tell her that, this just sealed it for me. How could she think that’s just something I give away to anyone? It’s never like this. Never face to face, mouth on mouth, leaving my marks.
“Maaaa,” followed by a cry, echoes from my pants and I retract my hands from her body. She slides off me, dressing quickly while I fish the monitor out of my pants and hold it out for her. She takes it, finds her way back to the lit stairs, and leaves me sitting there with nothing but enough material to fill my nightmares until my dying day.