Chapter 16
As they entered his apartment, Gadiel had never felt so many contradictory emotions at the same time.
Part of him wanted to hide in his room and mope. Not only had he managed to ruin what could have been a great relationship with the perfect man of his dreams by getting a wildly inappropriate thing for the straight cousin of his would-be boyfriend, but said cousin now knew about it. Apparently, he’d been that obvious.It was mortifying. He’d never be able to look Will in the eye. He never wanted to see him again.
Except he loathed the thought of being away from him.
It was so irrational. Why did he feel so clingy? He hadn’t even been kidnapped or hurt. It was irrational to feel like grabbing his bodyguard’s hand and begging him to stay with him, especially considering how humiliated he felt. Shouldn’t he want some space? But his mortification wasn’t stronger than the panic building up inside him. He was barely resisting the urge to grab Will’s hand again. And he didn’t understand himself. Why was he panicking? Why did he feel so on edge? The danger was over. He was safe. Everything was all right.
“Are you upset?” Will said, breaking the silence that fell over the living room.
Gadiel shrugged, unable to look him in the eyes. Upset? Not really. There was disappointment, of course—he’d foolishly pinned so many hopes on Scott—but he didn’t feel anywhere near as disappointed as he probably should have.
Besides the strange, irrational panic building inside him, mostly he was just annoyed. And embarrassed. And angry. Did he mention embarrassed?
“He was wrong,” Gadiel said. “I don’t have a thing for you.”
Will blinked. “I meant the kidnapping attempt. Are you seriously more upset about what Scott said?”
Gadiel shrugged. “It’s hardly the first time someone has attempted to kidnap me. And Scott was wrong.”
“Okay,” Will said, his tone placating.
Gadiel glared at him, his face becoming hot when their gazes met. “Don’t patronize me. He was wrong. And I’m still angry with you, by the way. Very angry.”
Will’s lips twitched.
Gadiel narrowed his eyes. “Do you find it amusing?”
“It?” Will said with a straight face.
“You know what I mean. Don’t play dumb!”
“I’m not playing dumb,” Will said. “You could mean a number of things. For example, the end of your relationship with Scott—though it was never much of a relationship.”
That panic spiked again, as if Will had touched the subject close to the root of the problem, but it still remained elusive.
“Or did you mean your little crush on me?” Will said, looking away for a moment before meeting his eyes. “No, I don’t find it amusing. Actually, thanks to that, I foresee a lot of bitching and whining in my future. Scott isn’t easy to be around when his ego is wounded. He really was infatuated with you, though I think he was more infatuated with your pretty face than your personality.”
Gadiel looked away, trying not to show how much Will’s words hurt.
But Will must have still noticed something. He frowned. “He doesn’t know your personality. All he cared about was your pretty face.”
That made Gadiel feel a little better, but he still wanted more. He wanted to know what Will thought about him. He wanted Will to say that Scott had been an idiot not to fall in love with him because Gadiel was gorgeous, smart, wonderful, and good. But of course Will wouldn’t say that. Will didn’t see him that way. Gadiel’s crush was just an inconvenience for him.
“I don’t have a crush on you,” Gadiel bit out, trying to save what little of his pride remained. “Scott got it wrong.”
Will gave him a look Gadiel couldn’t quite read before looking away. “There’s no need to sound so defensive,” he said, his lips twitching. “You’re still a teen. It’s natural for teenagers to get silly crushes.”
Ugh, Will’s attitude was only pissing him off more. It felt so condescending, as if Gadiel wasn’t capable of anything deeper than a silly crush. It made Gadiel’s hands itch with the urge to scratch that amused little smirk off Will’s face—and then lick him and kiss him and bite him all over.
Fuck, he needed to get a grip.
“I’m not being defensive,” Gadiel ground out, lifting his chin. “I have nothing to be ashamed of. I do not have a crush on you. I’m a healthy nineteen-year-old who hasn’t had sex in months. The truth is, anyone with a pulse would do.”
“Right.”
God, that tone just rubbed him the wrong way.
It made Gadiel spitting mad. He wanted to shatter that confident, condescending look on Will’s face. He wanted to wipe it.
He knew how to wipe it. Will considered him an amusing little kid with a silly crush? He’d show him.
Gadiel heard himself say, “I’m entirely serious. Yes, I’m attracted to you. But I was attracted to Scott too. I’ve been attracted to hundreds of other men. It means shit. I don’t have a crush on you.” He smiled. “You don’t believe me? I’ll prove it to you.”
His brows furrowing, Will stepped closer. “What?”
“You’re my bodyguard,” Gadiel said. “It’s your job to keep me safe.”
Will nodded, his expression slightly bemused. He was no longer smirking. Good.
“Hooking up with strange men puts me in danger,” Gadiel said.
Will nodded again, but his expression was more wary now.
“So it’s your job to find me men I can safely hook up with,” Gadiel finished.
Will stared at him. And stared at him some more.
“You’re adorable, kid.”
Gadiel glowered at him. “I’m serious.”
“Sure you are,” Will said with an entirely condescending chuckle, practically rolling his eyes.
And Gadiel saw red .
“I want cock,” he ground out. “Any cock. Not yours. Any goddamn cock would do. You don’t believe me? I swear to every god out there, I’ll stop the first man I see and suck him off to prove it to you.” He was dead serious. He was mad enough to do it, just to prove a point to Will. To prove that he wasn’t a stupid kid with a stupid crush who shouldn’t be taken seriously.
All traces of amusement left Will’s face. He studied Gadiel for a moment before his expression became tight. “For fuck’s sake. If you think this is how you’ll prove to me that you’re not a reckless kid, think again.All it would prove is that you’re a suicidal, attention-seeking child.You’re acting like a spoiled toddler throwing a tantrum when he doesn’t get the expensive, shiny new toy he wants.”
Gadiel laughed bitterly. Spoiled? Who would even spoil him? His absent mother who had barely looked at him even when she had been around? His distant father who remembered about his existence only when he needed to use him as a pawn in a political game?
He wished he were spoiled. In fact, it had always been something Gadiel had secretly craved: to be doted on, to be the center of his loved ones’ attention and care. Stupid. Childish . Just another childish, unattainable dream.
“Are you the expensive toy?” Gadiel heard himself say, his voice toneless. “You flatter yourself. You’re not irreplaceable. Luckily for me.”
Will’s eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Gadiel smiled emptily. “You aren’t even my real bodyguard. You don’t feel any loyalty to me. With Scott giving up on me, you’re leaving soon too.” As soon as hevoiced the thought, that strange panic surged again—and everything finally clicked into place.
So that was what it had been about. That was why he’d felt so panicky and clingy since Scott had broken things off.Will was nothing to him. Not even his real bodyguard.Will was going to leave now.
A knot formed in his stomach, tight and nauseating.
It was stupid. He’d known Will for what, less than two weeks? Surely he hadn’t gotten so attached to him in two weeks? That would be pathetic. Besides, he was used to people leaving. It was fine. Or it would be fine.It would be. He would be. He was always fine.
Why was Will not saying anything? The silence was grating on his frayed nerves. Will’s eyes seemed to see right into his mind, unearthing every shameful emotion and vulnerability.
At last, Will sighed. “Kid...”
“It’s fine,” Gadiel said, forcing another smile. “I’m just a silly, spoiled rich guy. I’m sure you’ll forget about my existence the moment you go home. I’ll do the same.”
“Gadiel—”
“I said it’s fine,” he snapped, his voice mortifyingly weak. “Go away! You’re gonna leave, so leave now!”
For a long moment, all he could see were Will’s shiny black shoes and slacks.
And then, Will said, “I’m not leaving.”
Blinking, Gadiel lifted his eyes to him. His heart leapt to his throat. “What?”
“I’m not leaving,” Will repeated. “Not yet, at least.”
Not yet.
Gadiel’s heart dropped.
An acidic, nauseating feeling twisted his stomach. “No,” he said. “I want you to leave now, not in a week or a month.” The more this dragged on, the worse this... thing would be. It was still manageable. Probably. “Get out.”
“No.”
Gadiel glared at him, feeling a sudden rush of hatred upon meeting Will’s firm, steady gaze. God, he hated him. That arrogant dick probably thought he was doing the right thing, but all he was doing was fucking him up more.
“I already told you,” Gadiel ground out in his nastiest, harshest tone. He needed Will to leave. He needed him to leave now. “I don’t want you here. I don’t fucking need you. Go away.”
“You’re lying,” Will said. “You don’t want me to go.”
“Who is full of himself now? I already told you—any cock would do. You aren’t special.”
Will gave him a flat, unimpressed look, as though saying I know how bad you have it for me.
Flushing with a mix of fury and humiliation, Gadiel turned and strode toward the door.
“Gadiel!”
He ignored him, striding out of the apartment and into the penthouse level lobby. He’d show Will how serious he was!
The first man he saw was an unattractive, middle-aged man in a suit.
Gadiel strode toward him, but he was grabbed from behind before he could reach him.
“Enough,” Will barked.
“Let go,” Gadiel gritted out. “I have places to be, cocks to suck—”
Will threw him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and marched back to his apartment.
Dropping him on the carpet in the living room, Will glared down at him, his jaw working.“Are you out of your fucking mind?”
“What?” Gadiel said, meeting Will’s angry gaze with his own. God, it was so good to see Will finally lose his composure. “It’s not my fault you didn’t take me seriously. I was very serious. I would have done it—sucked that ugly man’s cock right there, with you watching me.”
Shaking his head, Will glowered him. He was breathing hard, anger and disbelief rolling off him in tangible waves. He looked a step away from throwing Gadiel over his knee and spanking him.
The thought made Gadiel’s insides go all molten, his cock hardening.
God, there was something wrong with him. It wasn’t even about being spanked—it had never been his thing—it was the thought of Will putting his hands on him and being all angry and focused on him. It wasn’t that he wanted to make Will angry. He just wanted some real emotion. He wanted to make Will snap . He didn’t know what would happen if Will snapped, but he wanted to find out. He wanted—needed—Will’s attention on him, intense and single-minded. Gadiel was beginning to realize that he was hopelessly addicted to it, to having Will’s attention. The mere thought of Will leaving soon only made him more desperate for it.
“Fine,” Will ground out, his eyes burning a hole in him, his gaze like a physical touch. It made Gadiel’s skin prickle, his nipples tightening and his crotch aching. God, he’d never wanted a man so badly. Had never burned to be held down and fucked, hard and deep, until he could feel him against his fucking heart, bruising it forever.
“Fine?” Gadiel repeated belatedly, unsure what Will meant.
Will stared at him for a long moment, his face difficult to read.
Then he reached down to his belt and unbuckled it.
Gadiel’s eyes widened, his heart beating faster. “What are you doing?” he whispered.
“What does it look like?” Will said, pulling the zipper down. “You won’t scare me off that easily, Gadiel. You want cock that badly? You can have mine.”
Wetting his dry lips with his tongue, Gadiel shook his head. “You—you can’t mean that.”
“What’s the matter?” Will said. “Didn’t expect me to call your bluff?”
The patronizing, amused tone pissed Gadiel off.“You’re the one bluffing,” he said. “You don’t actually expect that I’ll do it, Mr. Straight.”
Will looked down at him steadily, studying him. “I think initially you didn’t mean it, but I know you’ll really throw yourself at the first man you see just to prove it to me, out of spite.” He sounded almost fond. Itwas singularly infuriating, how well he could read Gadiel.
“I hate you,” Gadiel said with feeling.
“Sure you do.”
Gadiel gripped Will’s lean, strong hips. “But I will suck your cock,” he said, glaring up at him. “I will. Don’t think I won’t. And you’re going to enjoy it.”
“I feel very threatened,” Will said dryly. “But I’ll try not to faint.”
Gadiel scowled at him, hating how composed Will looked again. He hated it, absolutely loathed it. He wanted to see some real emotion. He was going to make Will lose it, or die trying.
Leaning forward, Gadiel pressed his face against Will’s crotch.
Oh god.
He breathed in, literally shaking. No. He needed to keep a cool head if he wanted Will to lose his composure. He couldn’t just slobber all over Will’s cock as though he was gagging for it, no matter how badly he wanted to. He couldn’t let Will know that he was hard as a rock just from that—from having his face pressed against Will’s soft cock through the fabric of his boxer-briefs. It was so damn pathetic, but god, he wanted him. He wanted this man. He wanted his cock. He was drooling at the mere idea of getting to suck it, of being allowed to suck it. Somehow, it was both mortifying and incredibly arousing, the fact that Will was allowing him to suck his cock despite not being attracted to men. He felt like thanking him for the privilege, and it was so humiliating. It wasn’t even a pity fuck; it was worse. And yet, here he was, gagging for it, like the worst kind of cockslut.
Get a grip , he snapped at himself. This wasn’t sex. This was about making Will lose his composure at last.
Closing his eyes, Gadiel inhaled deeply, nuzzling Will’s cock through his dark boxer-briefs before finding the head and sucking on it through the fabric. He moaned, and Will’s cock twitched, starting to harden against his lips. Oh god, he was making Will hard. He, Gadiel.
Gadiel opened his eyes and looked up. Locking his gaze with Will’s, he dragged Will’sboxer-briefs down and gave his hardening cock a long, lewd lick. Will’s jaw was locked, his nostrils flaring as he watched Gadiel lick his cock like a giant, delicious lollipop. And fuck, it was unfair that Will had one of the nicest cocks Gadiel had ever seen: long and thick, covered in mouthwatering veins. Gadiel wanted it inside him. He wanted to choke on it. He wanted to sit on it. He wanted Will to wreck him with it.
“You’re hard for me,” he said with wonder, twirling his tongue over the fat cockhead. Will was hard . Hard as steel. Because of him, Gadiel.
“I’m not dead,” Will said, his body rigid with tension. He looked sexy as hell, still in his dark suit, his hard cock jutting out of his pants obscenely. “I haven’t gotten laid in months.”
Gadiel glared up at him, wanting him so badly and hating him for not wanting him back. But of course Will didn’t really want him. His body was simply responding to physical stimulation.Will was straight. He was merely allowing Gadiel to suck his cock, throwing a bone to a starved dog he pitied. Self-sacrificing asshole.
A fresh wave of humiliation and rage made him redouble his efforts. He took the cock into his mouth and started sucking for real, employing every trick he knew. He would make Will love this, he would make him lose control.
But before long, Gadielwas the one losing control, moaning around the hard length in his mouth, unable to get enough.There were very few things heloved more than sucking on a nice, fat cock, and it had been so long that he was embarrassingly close to coming just from this: from choking on his straight bodyguard’s cock and trying to get more of it into his mouth.
No. No, this couldn’t be happening. Hewas supposed to make Will lose it.
But Will wasn’t losing his composure yet. His face was tense, his jaw locked, and his eyes were fixed on the opposite wall. Was he imagining that it was a woman sucking his cock?
Gadiel pulled off Will’s cock and ground out, “Look at me!” Look at me, look at me, look at me.
Gray-blue eyes finally shifted to Gadiel’s face, and something like a grimace crossed Will’s face. “I’d rather not,” he said roughly, looking away again. “Just finish it.”
Gadiel saw red.“What’s the matter?” he said nastily, his eyes stinging. “You don’t want to look at the faggot sucking your cock?” He wrapped his fingers around Will’s hard cock, stroking it roughly. “Look at this, look how hard you got for this faggot—”
“It’s not that,” Will bit out, looking pained as he closed his eyes. His hips started thrusting into Gadiel’s grip involuntarily. He was close. He was very close, his cock practically throbbing in Gadiel’s hand.
Gadiel gripped the base vindictively, stopping his orgasm. “Liar,” he said, licking the precome on the head.
Will hissed, his hips jerking forward. “Let me come, damn you.”
Breathing hard, Gadiel looked at his tense face, and then looked at the angry, hard cock in his hand. He wanted . He wanted it inside him. He wanted to feel Will inside him, not just in his mouth. But it was never happening. So he’d take the next best thing.
Leaning in, he took the weeping cock back into his mouth and brought Will close to an orgasm again—and pulled off at the last moment, gripping the base again.
“Gadiel!” Will’s voice was more of a growl now, frustration rolling off him in waves.
Gadiel. His name sounded so right. He wanted to make Will scream it.
Staring at him hungrily, Gadiel said, “Look at me.”
Will did as he was told, his expression dark.His cock was jutting out of his pants obscenely, nearly purple, the foreskin pulled all the way back to reveal the swollen, dripping crown.
“Don’t look away from me,” Gadiel said. He relaxed his jaw and opened his mouth wider, teasing Will’s cockhead with his tongue. Holding Will’s gaze, he said, “Now fuck me. Use my mouth.”
Will groaned. Grabbing Gadiel’s hair, he started fucking into him roughly, his feverish gaze fixed on Gadiel’s face. He slammed into his throat once, twice, and came with a low groan that sounded more like a growl.
Gadiel swallowed everything greedily. It was very salty, but it was Will’s come going inside him, and there was no bigger turn-on. Yanking his zipper down, he pulled his aching erection out and stroked it roughly, moaning around Will’s half-hard cock. He lifted his gaze and found Will still staring at him, as though entranced against his will.
It was enough to push him over the edge.
Gadiel came with a muffled moan, burying his face against Will’s hard thigh.
He closed his eyes, shivering with the aftershocks of pleasure. Will smelled so good, felt so good against him, even fully clothed—solid, firm, strong.
But all too soon, Will was pulling away. There was the sound of a zipper.
Gadiel’s stomach clenched. It was over.
He’d made Will lose control, but at what cost?