Chapter 17
“Gadiel.”
He opened his eyes reluctantly.
Will was fully dressed, looking as composed and untouchable as ever, his face impossible to read.
Gadiel blushed when their eyes met, becoming hyper-aware of his own disheveled state, of his soft cock still on display, of his sore throat. From Will’s cock.
Shivering, Gadiel licked his lips. They felt swollen and oversensitive too.
Will’s eyes flicked down to them and his jaw tightened, something flickering in his eyes. Discomfort? Unease? Something else?
Their gazes met again, and Gadiel’s stomach did a little flip-flop. He fixed his clothes, feeling flustered and unsure.
He’d never been in a situation like that. His sexual encounters usually ended very abruptly, either with the other man kicking Gadiel out or with Gadiel slipping away while the other guy was in the shower. He’d never had sex with someone he knew, someone he was really into—someone he wanted to be around after sex.
“Are you angry with me?” Gadiel said, getting to his feet.
“Why would I be angry with you?” Will said, somewhat stiffly.
Gadiel frowned.In his experience, closeted men—and all of his hookups had been with closeted men—often became assholes after getting off, insisting that Gadiel had seduced them and they were actually “not like that.” He’d expected Will to treat him similarly. He might not have been closeted, but he was straight.“Because I sort of bullied you into it?”
Will’s lips twisted. “You didn’t exactly hold me at gunpoint. I’m not in the habit of blaming other people for my actions.”
Gadiel chewed on his lip, unable to get a read on him. Anger at least would have been familiar. “Well, that’s a relief,” he said lightly. “I’m usually the evil seducer of law-abiding straight men.”
Will’s expression hardened, his lips thinning. But his voice was soft when he said, “Then you picked the wrong men.”
Gadiel didn’t know what to say. He felt... He wanted...
“Probably,” he said, averting his gaze and crossing his arms over his chest. “But in my defense, this country isn’t exactly full of openly gay men. Everyone is closeted, and the pressure of the culture, religion and law... It’s... You can probably imagine it can get pretty toxic. No one wants to be gay here.” He shrugged, feeling terribly small. “I guess for many straight men it’s easier to stay in denial and blame someone else for making them gay.”
“That’s bullshit,” Will said, his voice clipped. “Those men aren’t straight; they’re just assholes. I’m not going to act like you forced me to put my cock in your mouth.”When Gadiel looked at him, Will gave him a wry smile. “It wasn’t exactly my finest moment, but I take full responsibility for my actions.”
Gadiel huffed, glaring at him exaggeratedly. “Not your finest moment? I blew your goddamn mind!”
“You sure blew something,” Will said with a somewhat pinched look.
Gadiel laughed. “Was that an actual joke?”
Will stared at him for a moment before saying,“Why didn’t you call for help?”
“What?” Gadiel said, confused by the sudden change of subject.
“When those thugs were trying to kidnap you. You didn’t make any noise. There were people around who could have helped.”
“Oh. That.” Gadiel brushed a hand through his hair. “It doesn’t matter now, does it?”
“Gadiel.”
The sternness of Will’s voice made his spent cock twitch. Sometimes he hated being nineteen. Or maybe it was just Will.
“You promised to tell me once we got home. Start talking.”
Gadiel sighed. “I can’t believe you still remember it after I blew you.”
“You aren’t that good, kid.”
“I can’t believe you still call me kid after fucking me. That’s just weird.”
Stepping closer, Will tipped his face up with his fingers, forcing him to meet his eyes. Gadiel shivered, unable to look away. God, those eyes. So intense. They looked more gray than blue now.
“Why didn’t you make any noise? There were plenty of people around. They could have helped you. They could have called the police.”
“I didn’t think anyone would hear me.”
Will’s eyes narrowed. “Try again.”
Warmth spread through Gadiel’s chest. He felt oddly pleased that Will hadn’t been fooled—that Will knew him well enough by now. It felt... good to be known. To be seen.
“I didn’t want to attract attention,” Gadiel admitted. “My father gets mad when I end up in the headlines. Even if it’s not my fault, he’ll still blame me. I really fucking hate his lectures.”
Will’s brows furrowed. “And it would have been better if you got kidnapped?”
“Not really. He would have been even more pissed off if he had to pay for me, but I wasn’t really afraid of that.”
“You weren’t?”
Gadiel shrugged, averting his gaze. “I knew you couldn’t be far away. I—I thought... I knew you would save me if I delayed them a little.” His face felt on fire. Somehow admitting this felt more embarrassing than admitting his crush. This... this faith felt more telling—and dangerous—than any crush. But it was the simple truth. He hadn’t doubted even for a moment that Will would find him in time and save him.
“That was unnecessarily risky,” Will said, his voice soft. “I could have been late.”
“But you weren’t,” Gadiel said, looking back at him. “Thank you.”
Will stared at him strangely.
Seconds ticked by.
Gadiel looked at Will’s mouth, and then back into his eyes. He licked his dry lips, his heart pounding.
Willcleared his throat and stepped away. “I’m your bodyguard. That’s my job.” Looking aside, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “All right, that’s enough excitement for the day. Go to bed if you still intend to go to your brother’s private island in the morning.”
“Right,” Gadiel said. “I—yes, I wanted to talk to him.” It took him a moment to remember what he had wanted to discuss with his brother: he’d wanted to ask Zain to talk to their father on his behalf and try to convince him to delay the wedding. He doubted it would work, but it was worth a try. The wedding was less than two months away now.
His stomach knotted up at the thought. With Scott out of the picture, the approaching wedding felt more real than ever. He had to try to delay it, and then maybe...
Maybe what? What was the point in delaying the inevitable? It wasn’t as though he had anything to look forward to now.
“Hey, what is it?” Will said, stepping closer again.
This time he didn’t need to tip Gadiel’s face up to make him look at him. Gadiel’s gaze was drawn to him, like a silly moth to the flame that was bound to burn him.
Looking into Will’s steady, attentive eyes, he felt something in him crumple. It hurt, but at the same time, the ache felt oddly good. More than anything, he wanted to step forwardand tuck his head under Will’s chin, close his eyes, and crawl into his chest, into his steady heart, and curl up there, safe, warm, and protected.
The strength of that longing scared him.But not enough to make him step away. Not enough to make him want to put some space between them. He still felt disgustingly clingy, even more so than earlier.
I’m not leaving yet.
“It’s nothing,” Gadiel managed, quashing the need. Terrified of it. “It’s really late. I’ll go to bed.”
“Good night,” Will said, frowning a little.
Gadiel turned around and all but ran away. But he couldn’t resist looking over his shoulder at Will’s tall, handsome frame.How could this man look like the safest thing in the world when he was actually the most dangerous thing for his heart—and life?
“Good night,” he murmured, realizing that he was just staring without saying anything.
“Night,” Will said, already turning away.
Gadiel nearly whined in disappointment. He wanted Will to keep looking at him. Keep looking at him and never look away.
Fuck.
He’d told Will the truth: this wasn’t a crush.
This was something worse.