Chapter 23
Gadiel was still confused and shaken by the time he returned home.
He had been so delighted when Will had turned up. But then he left so suddenly—right after coming—making him crash hard after the high of his orgasm. It had taken him some time to gather his thoughts and fix his clothes, and by the time he left the booth, Will had been long gone.
Gadiel unlocked the door and slipped inside the apartment, still painfully aware of the pleasant soreness and sticky mess between his cheeks. From Will’s cock. Will had fucked him. It still felt surreal. Had it not been for the soreness, Gadiel wouldn’t believe it had really happened.
What now?
He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but it wasn’t a stony-faced Will in the living room.
“Where have you been?” Will said stiffly, without quite looking at him.
Gadiel blinked. Was he seriously going to pretend it hadn’t happened when they both knew the truth perfectly well?
“You know where I’ve been,” he said slowly. “You fucked me there.”
Will went rigid before finally looking at him.
“You knew it was me,” he said, a strange expression on his face.
Gadiel stared at him. “Of course I knew! Did you think I didn’t? You really think I’d let some stranger fuck me bare?” He wouldn’t have let a stranger fuck him through a gloryhole, period. He’d chosen a gloryhole because he had been too much of a chicken. If he didn’t see the other man’s face, he could at least pretend it was Will. Well, the joke was on him.
“But how could you know?” Will said.
Gadiel laughed. “Did you forget I sucked your cock? I’d recognize it anywhere.” It was the truth, but it wasn’t the full truth. He knew the way Will’s skin tasted, the scent of his skin, the way his own body reacted to his presence. Of course he’d known immediately that it was him. What he didn’t understand was why.
“I don’t understand,” Gadiel said. “Were you actually hoping I wouldn’t recognize you? Why would you refuse to touch me and push me away every day but fuck me anonymously?” But Gadiel realized the answer as soon as he voiced the question. “Oh. If it’s anonymous, it means nothing.”
Will didn’t say anything. But neither did he deny it.
Gadiel’s eyes started burning.
“Why did you even follow me?” he whispered harshly. “Why couldn’t you let me be? If you don’t want me, why can’t you let me find someone who actually does?”
Was that a hint of discomfort in Will’s eyes?
“It’s my job to protect you. You don’t know this city. You don’t know how to handle yourself. You’re too young and sheltered.”
Gadiel rolled his eyes. “Stop infantilizing me. I’m an adult. And you aren’t my father to guard my non-existent virtue—”
“I’m your bodyguard. It’s my job to keep you safe.”
Gadiel stared at him. “I don’t think being a bodyguard means what you think it means,” he said, throwing Will’s own words back at him. “It’s not your job to guard me from other men’s cocks.”
Will’s face was blank, his shoulders tight with tension.
Frowning, Gadiel let his gaze travel down, to Will’s clenched fist.
His stomach did a little swoop, his heart starting to pound. Will definitely wasn’t anywhere near as calm as he pretended to be. Which meant...
“Why are you so angry?” Gadiel said, taking a step closer. “Why does it bother you so much? Me with other men? It bothers you, I can tell.”
“It doesn’t,” Will said evenly.
Gadiel studied him carefully. Over the past weeks, he’d come to know Will so well he could tell the difference between true calm and feigned calm.
“Liar,” he said softly. He saw Will’s entire body become tense. So he was right. “Admit it: you hate the thought of me having sex with someone—with someone else. That’s why you fucked me tonight—because you couldn’t let someone else have me. You think you ought to be the only one who gets to stick your cock in me. You’re my body guard. My body is yours, right?”
Will’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “You’re delusional.”
Was he? Maybe he was.
Suddenly, Gadiel felt so very tired. Tired of being the one pushing and begging for scraps of Will’s affection while Will kept saying no.
“All right,” he said, his voice toneless. “I’m delusional. Go, then. You’re fired.”
Will stiffened. “You can’t fire me for calling you delusional.”
Gadiel let out a harsh laugh. “I’m firing you for being a cocktease. All these weeks, you’ve been touching me constantly, being all affectionate and shit, knowing perfectly well what it did to me, and you had no intention of following through. Was it amusing to you? Making the stupid gay kid horny and besotted with you?”
Will’s expression became pinched. “Gadiel—”
“You know what? I don’t want to hear that. I know what you’ll say: I’m young and horny and whatever I feel isn’t real. And you might be right. But it feels pretty damn real right now. And your attitude just makes it worse, because you act like you care but keep denying that you want me. It’s fine if you don’t want me, but—” Gadiel had to clear his throat when his voice cracked. “But you should act like it. You can’t keep calling me love and keep touching me, and allowing me to touch you, and then fuck me anonymously—and then do a one-eighty and say that I’m delusional and you don’t want me! It’s cruel.”
Will’s face was very still. His throat moved. “I never wanted to hurt you,” he said, his voice rough. “Or play with your feelings. I’ve always tried to be honest with you.”
“I know,” Gadiel said. And that was part of the problem. He wouldn’t have it so badly if Will hadn’t been so caring. “I don’t seriously think you’ve been leading me on on purpose. The issue is, you’re far too indulgent with me when you shouldn’t be, you do things you shouldn’t do if you don’t return my…” He swallowed, cutting himself off. “And then you remember that you’re straight, that you’re an adult and I’m a kid”—he spat the word out—“and get all condescending and dismissive, as if I can’t have real feelings just because I’m young. I can. It—it hurts, Will.” His voice cracked, and to his mortification, his vision started blurring.
Will stepped forward and wiped his cheeks gently. “Please don’t—don’t cry, baby.” He looked pained. “I hate seeing you upset because of me. Tell me what to do to make it better, and I’ll do it.”
Gadiel’s heart swelled with raw emotion. He’d never wanted to tuck his head under a man’s chin and melt into him until he dissolved into the other man’s skin, merged forever.
“You’re doing it again,” he whispered. “Being all over my personal space. Touching me. Talking to me in that voice. Calling me endearments. Don’t you see how it hurts me?” How am I supposed not to fall for you?
Will dropped his hands as though burned and swore under his breath. He sighed, raking his hand through his hair again. “Love—” He cut himself off. “Fuck.”
In a way, it was funny. Almost.
But the ache in Gadiel’s chest was making it hard to find humor in this situation. It was like a gaping chasm, growing with every moment. It didn’t feel unfamiliar. In a way, this was an old hurt: longing for someone who didn’t return his feelings. He’d gone through this with his parents.
No more.
“I really think you should leave,” Gadiel whispered through his dry, aching throat.
Will shook his head. “We’ve been over this already. I’m not going anywhere as long as you need me.”
Gadiel laughed. As long as he needed Will? “Don’t. Don’t give promises you will never be able to keep.”
When Will stared at him, Gadielflushed, embarrassed by what his words had revealed. “Please just go,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around himself. “We both know you’ll leave eventually anyway. You should have left when I told you to leave back in Dubai. I told you that you’d fuck me up if you stayed, and you did. You fucked me up.”
Will’s jaw worked, tightness around his eyes. “I can’t leave while your life is in danger.”
“My life isn’t in danger.”
“Your brother disagrees.”
“My brother is a controlling, overprotective ass,” Gadiel said. “If my life were truly in danger, you wouldn’t be the only one guarding me. Zain sent me away so those mobsters don’t have leverage. He doesn’t actually think that my life is in danger. As long as I keep lying low, I’ll be fine on my own.”
“No,” Will stated. His tone brooked no argument.
Gadiel hated that a part of him wanted to agree with Will and drop it. “I’m serious, Will. I want you to leave.”
“I said no.”
Gadiel narrowed his eyes, starting to get angry again. “Newsflash: you don’t get to decline when you’re being fired!”
Will shrugged. “You aren’t the one who hired me. You can’t fire me.”
Spluttering with anger, Gadiel gritted out, “Get. Out.”
“No.”
Gadiel took in a deep breath and said in a very calm voice, “I’m giving you a few hours to pack your things and leave. If you’re still here by midnight, I’ll take that as an invitation to come to your bedroom and ride your dick.”
A dark flush appeared on Will’s cheekbones. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m not joking, Will,” Gadiel said firmly, staring him down.
Scoffing, Will shook his head. “I’m not buying your bluff.”
Gadiel smiled grimly. “I’m not bluffing. If you don’t take me seriously, you’ll find out just how serious I am. Get. Out.”
And with that, he stepped into his room and slammed the door shut.