Chapter 24
Will had never felt so frustrated in his life.And so damn lost.As a person who liked to have everything in his life under control, he’d never felt so thrown off balance.
He didn’t know what to do.
So he did something he would never do in normal circumstances: ask for advice.
“Are you kidding me?” Scott said, his incredulity obvious even through the phone.
“Forget it,” Will said, already second-guessing himself. What had he been thinking? Scott was the last person who could advise him in this situation.
“No, no, you can’t drop a bomb like that and then tell me to forget it!”
“I shouldn’t have told you,” Will said, running a hand over his face. His gaze drifted to the clock on the wall. It was nearly eleven already. Time was running out.
The thing was, he did believe Gadiel. He knew him. He knew how stubborn he could be. He wasn’t bluffing.He really wanted Will to leave.
Or stay and fuck him.
“Yeah,” Scott said, a little snidely. “It’s a bit messed up that you expect me to give you advice on whether you should fuck the guy you stole from me.”
Will bit off,“He was never yours.”
The silence on the other end of the line was deafening.
“Well, well, well,” Scott said at last. “Last month you told me thatGadiel wasn’t a thing that could be stolen. Am I the only one noticing how much your answer has changed? Caveman much?”
The back of Will’s neck felt hot. “I’m not—you misunderstand.”
“No, for once, I think I’m the one understanding it perfectly, and you’re the one failing to understand something.” Scott started to sound amused, the fucker. “For once, I’m the smart one here. I told you a week ago to put distance between you, that the guy had it bad, and you didn’t listen.”
Will pushed the balcony door open and stepped onto it. The night air cooled his face a little as he dropped himself into the plastic chair. The view wasn’t much, but he hadn’t chosen this apartment for the view.
“Oh, shut up,” he said tiredly. “I know perfectly well that it’s my fault I’m in this mess.”
“All right, let me ask you a question. If you aren’t into him, why don’t you just leave? He’s basically begging you to leave. And don’t feed me the bullshit that you’re staying because you’re concerned for his safety. No matter how good you are, you aren’t irreplaceable. If you left, his brother would find a replacement within half an hour.”
Will chewed on the inside of his cheek, staring unseeingly at the dark sky.
Scott was right. He wasn’t irreplaceable. Thinking that he was the only one who could protect Gadiel would be the height of arrogance and delusion.
But the mere idea of leaving Gadiel and having someone else in charge of his safety made him feel... on edge. He didn’t like the thought.He hated the thought. He hated the thought of not knowing how Gadiel was doing.
“I don’t like loose ends,” Will said, which was true enough. But it felt like a lie in this case.
Scott scoffed. “Oh, come on. It’s hardly the first time you stopped bodyguarding someone mid-gig. It’s just a job. Unless it isn’t .”
Grimacing, Will ran a hand over his scruffy jaw. “All right, I’ve grown to care about him. It isn’t a crime.”
Scott hummed. “It isn’t,” he conceded. “But at some point you need to cut your losses. You know he has feelings for you.And believe me, it fucking sucks to have a thing for a straight man.Sticking around will just make him more attached to you. You should have left a month ago, a week ago, but leaving now would still be kinder than dragging it out until his wedding.”
Will stared in front of him unseeingly.
Everything Scott had said was true. Gadiel had told him himself that he was fucking him up.
Leaving now would be kinder.
But.
He didn’t want to leave.
Christ, what was wrong with him? Last month, he’d been somewhat reluctant to leave too, but now everything in him protested at the idea. He was too used to being Gadiel’s bodyguard. To being around him 24/7. To cooking for him, to feeding him, to making him safe and happy. Too used to Gadiel’s bright, pretty eyes gazing at him trustingly. To the hugs and cheek kisses Gadiel gave him all the time. To the need in Gadiel’s eyes. He’d never felt so damn needed in his life.
“I can’t,” Will said roughly. “Leaving feels wrong.”
Silence fell over the line. “Let me get this straight,” Scott said. “Gadiel basically told you that if you stay, he’s going to take it as an invitation to crawl into your bed and ride your dick. And yet, you feel like leaving would be wrong ?”
Will sighed, closing his eyes. “It’s not that simple.”
“It’s actually that simple, cousin mine. Like, if a woman gave me that ultimatum, I’d be hightailing it out of there ASAP. Women are awesome, but I’m not going to fuck them. Pussies are icky, no offense. The same logic should apply to you. Should.”
Will didn’t say anything.
“Wait,” Scott said, suspicion creeping into his voice. “Have you had sex with him already?”
Will winced. “Depends on your definition of sex.”
“Un-fucking-believable.” Scott laughed. “My boring, straight cousin isn’t so boring and straight after all.”
“It isn’t funny, Scott.”
“I disagree,” Scott said, still chuckling.“Aren’t you the one who told me that it was gross and I was robbing the cradle? You’re older than me!”
“Only ten months older,” Will said. “But I’m not being a hypocrite. I’m perfectly aware that it was wrong. That’s why I didn’t repeat the mistake.” Until this evening. “Unlike you, I don’t delude myself thinking that it’s some epic romance. It was just sex. Ill-advised sex, sure, but just sex. Both of us understood it.”
“Right,” Scott said. “It doesn’t look like he understood it.” He chuckled. “Damn, I still can’t believe it... But I get it—the guy is so hot it’s impossible to look at him without imagining his mouth around my dick—”
“Scott.”
“—but I didn’t think you would relate. Did he suck you off?”
Will didn’t say anything.
“I’ll take your silence as yes. Holy shit. Was he good?”
“Drop it, Scott.”
“I bet he looks amazing on his knees—”
“I said drop it,” Will snapped. His tone had likely betrayed his irritation, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want Scott to imagine what Gadiel looked like on his knees with a cock—Scott’s cock—in his mouth. The mere thought made him grind his teeth.
“Oh, wow,” Scott said after a moment’s silence. “You really are possessive of him. Was the sex that good?”
“That’s none of your business,” he said tersely. He’d never been one to kiss and tell, but sharing intimate details about Gadiel with someone else seemed particularly distasteful.
“You’re kind of making it my business, man,” Scott said with a scoff. “And you should have told me that you’ve had sex with him already before asking for my advice. I need to have all the relevant information to be able to give you good advice.”
“It wasn’t really sex,” Will said. “Sort of. It’s complicated.”
“It’s complicated,” Scott repeated incredulously. “So I take it getting it up for a guy isn’t the issue here?”
“Not the issue,” Will said shortly. He didn’t have a problem getting it up for Gadiel. That was something of an issue.
“Then what is your problem? If you fucked him already, what difference does it make? Just fuck him and get it out of his system. He’s nineteen. He’ll be crushing on someone else in no time once he gets over his fixation.”
Will grimaced. How could he even explain to Scott that if he fucked Gadiel now, it would be a bigger mistake than what had happened last month—or what had happened this evening? Gadiel was right that the anonymous sex didn’t really count. It didn’t matter that Gadiel had apparently recognized him; Will hadn’t known that at the time, and he had been mad with inappropriate jealousy, and fucked him like he would fuck a stranger. But they weren’t strangers. They had grown so much closer over the past month. If they fucked now, it wouldn’t be just sex. It wouldn’t be just a fuck. Not for Will. Even imagining Gadiel’s toned body under him, with his sensual lips panting Will’s name and those pretty eyes fixed on him adoringly made him half-hard. A besotted, trusting look shouldn’t make him aroused, but here he was. It was fucking messed up.The truth was, Gadiel was right : over the past month of being Gadiel’s bodyguard, some wires had crossed and now part of him thought of Gadiel’s body as his to protect, to take, to fuck. Just his.
“Is it the age difference?” Scott said when Will didn’t reply.
“Among other things,” Will said stiffly. The age difference was problematic enough. Their stages in life were misaligned, and Will had reservations about that for a whole load of reasons. There was also the issue of Gadiel being under his protection. His client. An affair with one’s client was highly inadvisable, and often detrimental to one’s career.
There was also the issue of Gadiel’s... feelings. Will didn’t share Scott’s optimism that Gadiel would get over it after fucking it out of his system. Despite his age, Gadiel was nowhere near as fickle as Scott was. He was starved for love and acceptance. Fucking an infatuated kid like that was a bad idea. A terrible idea. He knew it rationally.
But Will didn’t want to leave him. The mere thought made him twitchy and uneasy—and that in itself made him uneasy. This was a job.A temporary gig.He would leave Gadiel eventually. Beforethe attack on Zain’s estate, hewas going to quit the job. Why the hell was he delaying the inevitable? They didn’t—couldn’t—have any kind of future together, for multiple reasons.
“I think you’re overthinking it,” Scott said. “He wants to get fucked. So fuck him. He’s pretty young, sure, but he’s an adult. It’s not like you met him when he was a kid. It’s not grooming or anything gross like that. I see nothing wrong with two consenting adults having fun together. Just make it clear to him that you don’t have any feelings for him and that it’s just sex.”
Will wondered what it said about him that Scott’s words sounded foreign to his ears. Fucking Gadiel would never be something as simple as having fun .
And that was the crux of the issue. Sticking around wasn’t advisable, and not only for Gadiel’s sake. His own behavior lately had been frustrating him. He’d never acted like this in his life, so out of control and driven by his impulses and instincts. It wasn’t him.
“It’s not that simple,” he said roughly, rubbing his face with his palm.
“Holy shit,” Scott said faintly. “You actually want to fuck him.”
“I already said I did.”
“No, there’s a big difference between ‘I might as well’ and burning to fucksomeone. You know what I mean, don’t play dumb.” Scott laughed. “Admit it, come on! You want to fuck the guy into the mattress! Screw him on your dick! Put your Willy into him!”
Will pulled a face. “I’m embarrassed by being related to you.”
“Back at ya. Pull that stick out of your ass, man. Since you stole him from me, at least don’t let it go to waste. The guy needs to be fucked 24/7, I can tell these things, trust me. He has ‘slutty bottom’ written all over his pretty face.”
Will hung up.
Scott’s advice had been about as helpful as he’d expected—which was not helpful at all.
His phone went off. Sighing, Will picked it up.
“You hung up on me! I wasn’t done giving you advice.”
Will pinched the bridge of his nose. “Thanks, I think I’m good.”
There was silence on the line before Scott spoke again. This time he sounded unusually serious. “You know what I really think?”
“I have a feeling you’ll tell me anyway,” Will said dryly.
“I think you’re scared.”
Will scoffed. “And what am I scared of?”
“You’re always so... reserved. Guarded. You’ve been like this since you started living with us. And like, I get it, you lost your family in a really shitty way, too young, and I thought you were like that with us because we weren’t really your family, you know? You didn’t want us to replace them, and that’s, like, fine. I get it. ButI noticed years ago that it wasn’t just us. You tend to cut people off if they get too close to you.”
“You got it all wrong,” Will said, wondering how they could have completely different interpretations of their past. That wasn’t how it had been from his perspective. He hadn’t been the one to put distance between him and Scott’s family. Or was he?
“Did I?You haven’t had a single relationship that lasted more than a few weeks, Will. You make fun of me for my fleeting infatuations, but you’re worse than I am! At least I actually try to fall in love and make it work. You start ghosting your girlfriends if shit gets a little real.”
Will frowned. “I don’t.”
“Maybe not intentionally—you aren’t actually an asshole—but you totally do it, man. Every single time. It’s kind of hilarious that you’re one of the most dependable people I know—as long as feelings aren’t involved. The closer people get to you, the more distant you get. Laura bitched at me for months about your ‘emotional unavailability.’ Months, Will.” Scott snorted. “You must be amazing in the sack to get them so hung up on you. It’s certainly not your personality.”
“Even if you were right—which you aren’t—what does that have to do with Gadiel? We aren’t in a relationship. He’s a guy.”
“A guy you want to fuck. You, the straightest man I’ve ever met. That has to mean something. And I think that scares you. To be honest, the fact that you’re still sticking around is amazing to me. I would have thought you’d have already pulled your ghosting act.”
“The only thing I’m scared of is hurting the kid’s feelings,” Will said testily. “That’s all.”
“Right,” Scott said, his voice full of skepticism. “If that’s all, pack your things and move out. That’s the surest way not to hurt the ‘kid’s’ feelings. That’s the rational thing to do. The logical thing. Right?”
Will hung up.
This time Scott didn’t call again, probably content to have the last word and feeling smug about it, the dick.
Running a hand over his face tiredly, Will got to his feet and returned to his bedroom. He strained his hearing but there were no sounds coming from Gadiel’s room.
Will looked at his suitcase in the corner of the room. It wasn’t too late to leave.
He checked the time on his phone. 11:32.
He had twenty-eight minutes to make the decision.